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Darby Apr 2018
Your laugh used to fill all my midnights
With the sound of birds
after all avian life was sleeping

Your laugh danced through my dreams
And drifted through the wind
When you weren't around

But, like birds migrate,
You found new uses
For that bubbly, bright, beautiful laugh

My midnights became midnights
And the birds were just birds
Because your laugh had taken a new form

Instead of serenades
Your laugh came like bullets
And pierced my skin

We no longer sang together
Your laugh went on without me
Your laugh went on about me
Darby Apr 2018
her
Today I cried on the floor of my kitchen
i sat there with my head in my hands
i sat there for half an hour
crying
drooling
screaming
into my shirt sleeves
after a while, i went numb
i stared at the floor
listening to my family in the living room

its just another meltdown
she probably just forgot to take her meds
shes probably on her period
she needs to learn some respect

the real world will show her
she cant act like a baby
every time shes upset.
Darby Mar 2018
I keep my old pill bottles.
not because I plan to reuse them,
or fill them with extra beads,
stray sewing needles
random coins,
a travel pack of Q-tips,
or tiny paint tubes that I might use to somehow make my mental illnesses art.
I keep my old pill bottles because they are me.
I keep my old pill bottles because they are one month of me.
they are not me because they have my name,
address,
medicine,
doctor,
pill quantity,
pharmacy,
Rx number printed on them in ******* ink.
they are me because they held the chemicals my body could not dream of creating.
What they hold is not beautiful. it is not deep.
it is a second leg you have to re-stitch every day because your body didn't know how to grow one.
Those bottles hold the pills that make me, me.
I feel because of them,
I sleep because of them,
I live because of them.
Before them, I was not human.
I was a body with partial instructions.
Every Month I have to get another extension of myself from the local CVS.
Every month I put an empty bottle in the box on my nightstand because that bottle held what I was last month.

it's strange looking at a small white pill knowing that someday this month, that pill will be the reason you react to something important the way you did or the one you forget to take causing a break down in your English class.

It's strange how I can be manufactured so easily.
Darby Oct 2017
So what if they don't love you
So what if it's not true
Who cares how many people you go through
The only person you have to please is you

Who cares how long you stay
if you want, you could leave today
So what if your uber ***
Girl or Guy, you don't have to stay

Its okay to do things for science
Self-exploration isn't defiance
One little kiss isn't a lifelong alliance
maybe you're not *** because it was for science
Darby Oct 2017
uh.
im sorry if i seem a little silly
im just a little new to this
i promise im not this weird really
and what i try to hit i miss
its just that i like you
and trying to make that notion
my courage is a gnat and you
are an ocean

your waves crash over me
when you give me that smile
my heart beats times thirty
it makes my day worthwhile
your eyes are my favorite color
and your hair is bright like the sun
my ability to speak is getting smaller
this is something ive never done

i really wish you could see
that im not such an idiot
my flirting skills are ******
but i promise im literate
i just cant find the words i need
to describe how beautiful you are
in life you are sure to succeed
compared to everyone else you are a star

please know that when i say
you are beautiful i mean inside too
you have managed to amaze me in every way
i dont think you have a bad bone in you
i dont only like you but i admire
your kindness and humor
when im around you my lungs set fire
i wish i had a social tudor

well anyway i enjoy your smile and your mind
i hope one day we can be something
im not sure theres anything in me admirable to find
except maybe that i like you as much as a hot wing
but youve got me smitten
and i cant get up
and now that all of this has been written
i hope you never look it up
Darby Oct 2017
I'm not sure how the human brain works.
I know we've all got our ticks and our quirks
and lately, i think I'm going crazy
i have moments where everything goes hazy
they say there's nothing wrong with me
that I'm fine and compared to others i should feel lucky.

But i cant feel lucky when my head spins
when it feels like my skin is covered in pins
i lay in bed all day just screaming
and i cant even tell when im only dreaming
so don't tell me that im perfectly fine
when youve only ever experinced cloud nine

i used to tell myself that i was okay
i was just tired and the world wont always sway
but lately things have been getting bad
ive been touchy and lashing out at my mom and dad
and when asked whats wrong
i just cry for so long

you see, i dont even know
its like my brain stopped growing a long time ago
just a small inconvenience is like
an attack that needs an airborne strike
dont touch me. i might bite
please know its just out of fright

im just scared and trying to get by
but right now i really wanna die
last night around nine-thirty
i think my mom started to hate me
she looked at me in disgust
she wouldnt touch me. i think she feared i would combust

you might have guessed by now im not doing too well
my self pity is starting to smell
ive got to get back to playing my part
acting happy, making my art
and if i dont purposefully drown myself in my pool
ill see you guys in school
im not gonna **** myself pls dont call the cops
Darby May 2017
Our story that I tried so hard to write is already closed, you were my stronghold that my heart has now foreclosed.

I tried so hard to perfect the things we did and what we said, I wrote the letters over and over until I wished I was dead.

Page after page I would erase and rewrite, sentence after sentence my heart had less light.

You walked all over the pages and ripped out your favorite parts, you folded all the edges and broke my helpless heart.

I would come in running after you cleaning your mistakes, accepting the apologies you would never really make.

You blamed me for your madness and said I was no good, but truly it was your fault cause I did all I could.

You broke all my smiles and you turned them to frowns, you took my happy life and turned it upside down.

I can’t take the pain you caused me or the images you left in my head, they all used to be happy until your negativity spread.

My fairytale ending wasn’t what I'd expected, I guess your concept of friendship was never perfected.

I’m okay now we can say goodbye, I’m happy I left you, but the memories will always be mine.
;)
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