Maybe tonight will be the night,
Just before we say goodbye,
We can lay and rest our heads,
Looking up at an ancient sky,

I could hold you closely,
If only for one last time,
And forget to think,
Unless that thought's a rhyme.

Perhaps you'll let me kiss you,
And dream of better days.
The days where things weren't bitter-sweet,
And the future wasn't a haze.

We'll be together; You'll never leave.
Except when daylight breaks,
I'll give up on deluded lies,
As my heart shatters, and the earth shakes.

I'll wake alone,
In a flowery field,
And after only a moment's denial,
My brain and heart will yield.

I am from an old beaten up cloth swing
From cloth diapers and glass bottles.
I am from the broken down siding gray and cracked.
It felt gritty under my weak hands.
I am from the dandelions growing rogue around the yard,
Waiting to be picked.
I'm from the small meals
And side glances from jealous siblings and peacekeeping parents.
I'm from the collecting cans
And saving what can be saved.
From "Save some for later"
And "Why don't you eat at your friends house tonight?"
I'm from the same second-hand dress as last week,
And sitting in the back pew.
I am from Welch and the towering mountains.
From flitters and gravy,
From the stories pa told to keep our minds preoccupied.
From the love that ma gave us to make up
For what we didn't have.
I'm from the card board box in the attic.
I am from perseverance, and surviving.

Everybody's telling me that these shoes are too big to fill,
But I'm not filling any shoes.
*I'm walking in my own.

What I
       Need
   Is An
Escape.
     From My Own
    *Reality.

It creeps along,
Slinking in the shadows,
Watching, waiting,
Wanting for you to pause,
To hesitate in your movement,
Smirking to itself in a sly way,
Grinning at the goose bumps,
The chills that chase you
Chanting your name,
As it chisels its way
Into your mind,
Catching you as you stumble
On the corner of a slanting stone,
It takes hold of you as
Your wary will makes way;
Your resolve risks crumbling;
Your heart pounds,
Pounding.
Pounding at your mind,
Until you can't help
But to give in again,
Like you have so many times before.
It has you in its clutches,
Grasps so tight to its prey,
Pray for a good outcome,
Or an escape,
A reprieve,
But it has its hold,
It has your bold
Soul screaming out in fear,
You are ensnared.

The wind howls,
Calling out in an icy scream.
You look down at your frozen feet,
Watching as your teardrops freeze.
They’ve done this,
It’s their fault.
This is what they wanted,
Isn’t it?

The metal beneath you creaks.
Cars drive by undeterred.
Who would care, anyhow?
About a person like you?
Thinking back, you can hear them.
Their voices crowing out loud.
“Ugly.” “Stupid.” “Worthless.”
“**** yourself.”
They don’t like you; they don’t care.

Your parents won’t notice,
You think that, anyway.
Will your mom be worried?
When she goes into your room,
Like she always does,
To check on you at night.

Will she tell your dad?
Will he call your friends?
Will he panic as he tries to find his child?

Your friends will be fine.
Your best friend will replace you.
She/he will find some else to talk to.
But, will they be able to tell them everything?
All the things they’d only told you?
The things they were only comfortable talking to you about?
Would they find someone else?
Surely they would- Maybe.

You’re the oldest sibling.
Who will your baby brother/sister look up to?
Will they ever be able to be close-
As close as they were to you-
To anyone again?

Or, you’re the youngest.
Will your older sibling feel as if they’ve-
They haven’t-
Failed you?
Will they blame themselves?

All of them.
Will they blame themselves?

You look back at your numb feet,
Then, you look out over the water,
And then,
If only for them,
You take a step back.
You climb back down.

White.
Plain white.
All I could see was the white.
It was a numbing sensation,
Which in my case was a relief.
I guess.
It was a pleasant change;
A break, for once, from the hurt.
From feeling as if my everything was tearing apart.

I had felt as if my chest had been cracked open,
My innards spilling out in a painful gush,
And the only thing I could do,
Was hug something close.
And maybe the tighter I held it,
The closer together everything inside me was,
And the closer to being better I was.

But it made me feel alone.
To hug a stuffed animal,
In a desperate attempt to make myself well.
To stops the heart aching and sobbing.
All I wanted was to be held,
And comforted,
And just held together.
Because everything felt as if it were falling apart.

But now it’s gone,
For now, at least.
I’ve let it all out,
Like I so rarely do.
I’ve cried it all away,
It feels as if I don’t have any tears left.

I’ll relish in this,
In this short period of numb.
Because as soon as I let it,
As soon as I move from this spot,
As soon as my mind begins to work again,
It’ll be back.
The cycle will begin again.

I Love You.
With eyes that promise me forever.
Kisses trail up my thigh.
I Love You.
I picture the future so clearly planned out.
He looks me in the eye.
I Love You.
Tender lips on mine,
Gentle heat in the air.
I Love You.
Fingers get lost in the moment,,
Hearts get lost in the hours.
I Love You.
I cannot process a single thought,
That is not
I Love You.
Begging for his everything,
I somehow gave my own.
I Love You.
Wanting to be a piece of his forever,
I pray that he will be the whole of mine.
I Love You.
I am lost in the pictures
Of my mind
I Love You.
Never to escape its holds
I am trapped in
I Love You
Petals float to the ground,
I gave him my all.
I Love You.
I Pray for forever,
I shake at the thought
I Love You.