Cherry-pick your exposure
that you won't have to deal
with those parts of yourself
making you uncomfortable:

Keep running from the inside
if you so insist;
running in smaller circles,
I want to witness it:
faint from the dizziness.

New musical sketch/work in progress thing!!
If anyone is so inclined, check out my newest musical sketch for a track called "Within":

https://soundcloud.com/apexparadigm/within-theme-1

It's an instrumental track with 3 guitars, 1 piano and drums.
Guitar is me recorded by me, effects are done with Guitar Rig, from Native Instruments
piano and drums written by me and synthesized with Kontact, also from Native Instruments.
-
I've been messing with playing in the 5th position in drop tunings,
and thus was the riff born,
then I adapted it for several things and wrote in some drums in a sort-of hastily fashion.
(that's why I call it a sketch)

If anyone wants specifics:
it's in F# harmonic minor at about 93bpm.
with the guitar tuned to Drop C# (Drop D but down half a step: C#, G#, C#, F#, A#, D#)

Harmonic Minor means that you take the minor 7th scale step, in this case E,
and make that sonuvabitch a major 7th instead of a minor 7th by raising it one semitone, or step.
The result is a step and a half gap between the minor Sixth and the major Seventh,
and the major Seventh makes the dominant chord, C#, into a major chord rather than a minor chord, increasing it's functional harmonic resolution potential, and thus "Harmonic" minor.
Harmonic minor has some interesting flavor; it's rather exotic for how similar it is to the natural minor scale, aka. Aeolian mode.

I think it's rather ******* sweet, personally.

Spanish classical music plays on this harmonic structure thoroughly, as do many other things.
Anyway, there you have it.

Feedback is appreciated,
if you listen, I shall be honored to hear what you honestly think.
It may not be your style of music, but I implore you to think about listening.

As always,
thank you for your time.

Any thing
that keeps One
from practicing
at least an hour a day
is a hindrance
to One's Art.

If it is a person,
they disrespect One's
divine creative spark.

If it is internal to the mind,
it is self-discipline and patience
that are lacking.

If it is external to the mind,
it is perseverance and determination
that are lacking.

Art is struggle;
both against One's Self and One's environment,
physically, socially and emotionally.

Art is a path, a veritable way of life,
lost on the weak of heart
lost on the uninspired
lost on the masses.

Simply not liking something,
you are not entitled to take the **** out of it left and right.

"I like it" does not translate to "it is better"
"I dislike it" does not translate to "it is worse"

Your speech indicates your thoughts, and with so judgmental of speech,
it is not outlandish to deduce that your Mind is equally hostile a place;

so, don't be surprised when people think you're a ******* *******
if you tend to talk **** on people and things all the ******* time.

You can do as you please,
but, please not around me.

I love you for who I know you are,
but I hate that you don't change for me.

Have you ever been
to the otherside?

I think I have.. perhaps once or maybe twice.

How is one to know what the otherside is?
I think one finds out when one gets there.

Smoke dances seductively
while ascending from my to-this-day anonymous Pipe;
undulating and contorting, all according
to the movement of this particulate crystal lattice we call 'Air',
with which all these fans are *******.

As Light transfixes the Smoke,
revealed is some Grain of Wood like texture
floating and distorting elegantly and eloquently
as 5 centimeter thick cross-sections,
courtesy of the not quite fully open Blinds.

It doesn't take talent to practice.
It just takes courage and discipline
(which seem more rare than talent anymore!)

Here's what my phone suggests:

Ultimately,
we should kick off the holiday season with a bit of it and we figured out how my appreciation for the night was a complication,
but I was just asking for the day I've never seen anything about the it,
yet it was in my head while you're here. nonetheless,
she said she would like what you offer to get some more info about this point in time
and she seems to have a strange way with my dog
moreover, I don't think I can do it there anymore,
unless you can come by or I would be a good time!

I find it deeply ironic
that no one knows who invented the Fire Hydrant
because it's Patent was lost to a fire.

Friends, enemies, angels, demons, and Gods alike:
I have but a simple request of thee: (however redundant it may well be)
forget not to drink Water!

For
't'is an acid in basic environments
and a base in acidic environments;
't'is comprised of two of the most explosively energetic elements
and 't'is the foundation upon which many systems operate
and 't'is the medium through which many systems facilitate.

'T'is pure crystalline goodness
for these, our crystalline bodies;
and, I find, the chances are
't'will only be of benefit to thee
to drink some more of it!

So, my advice is:
do it: drink it deep
if, indeed, ye can.
For,
thou art fortunate
if such be the case
and it's straight-up ******' irreverent
to ignore such an extreme gift.

When it is there,
't'is there for thee;
't'will nourish thee.

Give thanks to it
as well as for it.

Hydrate,
it feels great.
It can be a cure-all
for even the worst moods.

Some mint, some lemon,
maybe some solid water polyhedrons,
should ye encounter such need
for diminished thermal states.

Though, warm water is absorbed more readily.

The moral here is merely
to respect what thy Body needs,
both mentally and physically:
't'is thy vessel;
't'is owed thy respect:
't'is what gives thee Time,
and it is good to give back.

I feel I've discussed this before, but I feel compelled to write it, nonetheless.
To me, the purpose of my Art is not to be an epitome of an ideal Philosophy,
nor do I seek that it is thought of as a direct reflection of my Self or my Philosophy.

To me, the purpose of my Art is to postulate a question.
I hereby claim not to know the answer
I simply seek that we ask of ourselves these questions
because the pursuit of Understanding
is the Path to Understanding.

The Destination is unable to be reached.
Travel the Path anyway,
for it leads inward.

The Journey is the Path.

The Obstacle is the Path.

I hope that others find these sorts of things worthwhile, as well.

Let it be known:
I do not necessarily identify by my Art-
that is to say
I do not necessarily agree with my Art.
Art is an Expression.

Sometimes it is dark
sometimes it is a coping mechanism
sometimes it is funny
sometimes it is loud
sometimes it is abrasive
sometimes it is music
sometimes it is language
sometimes it is silence
sometimes it is true
sometimes it is simple
sometimes it is complex
sometimes it is improvised
sometimes it is planned
sometimes it is hyperbole
sometimes it is paradox;
sometimes it is all of that and more.

Art is an expression of the Artist.
Art is the Purpose of the Artists;
to reflect upon their Experience
and that of the Human Condition.

Art; in it's purest form,
whatever the medium,
whichever the Medium;
is a language of Spirit.

I see how this can sound lofty
but I beseech thee to look deeper.

Perhaps my experience is unique,
but I lament if that is the case.

Art, for me,
is a means of liberation.
A means of enlightenment.
A means of furtherment.
A means of actualizing logical and creative potential.
A means of interpreting Life.
A way of Life.

If you owe anyone anything,
you owe it to your Self
to express yourself purely:

That's the only voice that cannot be censored.
That's the only vote you're ever guaranteed.

The Path of the Righteous Man is beset on all sides
by the inequities of the Selfish
and the Tyranny of Evil Men.

Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will
shepherds the Weak through the Valley of Darkness,
for he is truly his Brother's keeper,
and the finder of lost Children.

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger,
those who attempt to poison and destroy my Brothers!
And you will know my name is the Lord
when I lay my vengeance upon thee!

Scientology
is just a Church made for the
Illuminati

Leave things better than you found them.

That's the only way
to make the Eden manifest
we've too long denied
ourselves and each other.

-----------------------------------------------------

*We came upon a rather large seeming hut in the town square.

"Is this an inn?" I asked my companion.

"Finest in the area," he said, winking to me knowingly.
"The purveyor and I go way back. We used to be in the same guild."

We walked through the threshold, which was a small arch with tanned hide hanging from either side forming a curtain. that hung to the ground. The smell of smoked meat and the chorus of drunken laughter enticed us to see what this mysterious establishment held in store.

"What sort of inn is this?" I asked Lazarus.
"The sort of inn operated by a fellow trickster; a mage. My apprentice, in fact- a sort-of jester of spirits, if you will." Lazarus smiled and pointed to the other side of the circus of a room.

There sat a man. Well, he seemed to be floating, really.
He sat about a foot above his seat, sipping a skin of what I could only assume to be wine of otherworldly quality.

"Ah, Lazarus. My old mentor! How are you doing these years?"

"Oh, Ormus, you were never one for subtlety, were you?"

"Subtlety is either a virtue, or a veil, my dear Teacher.
Was that not one of the lessons you taught us:
'He, who hides himself away
is either a coward or a master:
he, who reveals himself wholly
is either a fool or a master.'"

"Very good, Ormus. You study well.
However, it is the virtue of Balance
that you could never quite grasp," chuckled Lazarus.

"Perhaps my balance is simply different from yours, my Teacher," replied Ormus.

"Perhaps you are right...
Have you any rooms for my companion and myself?
We seek a child, foretold to be a Great One.
We require shelter and good company before we set out proper."

"Indeed you do,
and indeed I have!
The restrictions of dimension are no obstacle of a disciple of yours!
Suffice it to say that room can be made.
Who is this lovely one, with whom you travel? Why is she here?"

"My name is Dhorna," I said.
"If you think me weak, you bitterly underestimate me. If you think me cold, you sell me short. Yet, I know I've much to learn, and I find much mystery in Lazarus and in our quest. That is why I am here. Though I know I am easy on the eyes, do not relinquish the idea that I may be hellish to the heart, whether 'tis by steel or emotion. I can fend for myself."

"A pleasure to meet a maiden of such strong spirit." Said Ormus.

"There's much more than meets the eye, Ormus. She is no mere companion; she is a worthy warrior and a skilled scholar. Not just anyone would be called for this quest... she must have.. the gift of the Ancients."

They both looked into my eyes
and I felt a slight shift in reality, itself.
Such power was with these two
and, they seemed to think was with me, as well.

"Before you retire for the night," said Ormus,
"I must insist that we sit and drink and discuss things bygone, and things yet to come!"

I feel so much more at home
when the Sun isn't shown;

Walking the streets at Night
while my side of the World sleeps.
Not for some sought after seclusion,
but rather because I just like it.

Billions of specks perforate the blackened sky
as billions of Neurons fire and forget.

Nighttime is mystical;
the inner self has more space to fill than in the daytime,
wherein the gaps are filled for us
by ******* in fancy offices we pay for
who weave tapestries of demagoguery
in front of nice cameras
and behind closed doors:

Clear as Day,
Clever as Night.

Though Day has it's place,
Night is it's balance.
Night is the supple ripeness of potential
where Day is the actualization of potential.

Nyx is the Goddess of the Night;
mother of Sleep, Dreams and Death.
A strange and shy Goddess of Occlusion,
Keeper of the darkened Gateways
of deeper and truer Understanding.

Night is a Dream;
a magical time of mythical atonement
for both Body and the Mind:
a time nearly separate from time,
a time of my own.

Alas, daybreak is neigh.

I reverse engineer English back together.

Yesterday was my birthday,
whereupon I became Twenty-two
so I decided to meditate on the day of Twenty-two
and the age of Twenty-two.

I pick up the coins
shake them in my cupped hands clasped shut
listen to the jingle of the Universe
trying to make up its mind
as to which coin faces face up

A few seconds of using my hands with the coins as a shaker
defining a sort of polyrhythmic cosmic probability;
I let them fly.
They crash down:

Two black and one white. Yang. Solid line.

I throw the second set:

Two white and one black. Yin. Broken line.

Third:

Two black and one white. Yang. Solid line.

Fourth:

Two white and one black. Yin. Broken line.

Fifth:

Two white and one black. Yin. Broken line.

Sixth:

Two black and one white. Yang. Solid line.
-
The Twenty-Second hexagram in the I Ching is Grace.
In it's unchanging form, Grace signifies a temporary period of harmony and of fruition.
It is a bad time to make big decisions, but it is a great time to work on one's self, one's craft and practices, and one's immediate surroundings.
-
Fitting that as I turn Twenty-two on the Twenty-second of the Fourth month,
the Hexagram I throw is number Twenty-two (2+2=4).

You are the only one
who is responsible
for your happiness.

Schade.
Echt schade.

Schade
um dich
für dich
auf dich.

Schaden
bei dir
von dir
in dir.

Du bist schade für mich.

Wie schade.
Echt zu schade.

Jeder wer dich liebt
wird geschadet sein;
ist heute froh
wird morgen leiden.

So ist es gewesen,
also wird es immer sein.
Ich hab es miterleben,
hatte ihr zugehören,
war glücklich genug zu ihr zugehören,
und hab seit damit aufgehört;
und hab seit selbst davon angehört-
Stell dir das vor!

Zu schade.
Echt schade.
Stell dir das vor!

Du hast uns als Spielzeuge angesehen.
Du hast uns als verzichtbar angesehen.
Stell dir das vor!

War selbst glücklich genug dazu zugehören.

Jeder, wer dich liebt
wird geschadet sein
wird im Arsch gebissen
wird vergiftet sein

Jeder, wer dich liebt,
wird Mitleid kriegen,
doch nicht von dir
doch ja dienetwegen.

Tanz.
Tanz zu der Musik.
Tanz zu der Musik deiner Exen.
Tanz zu der Musik du anregtest.

Leider, sie sind nicht Liebelieder.
Nein, sie sind nicht Liebelieder.
Leid, sie sind doch Leidlieder.
Wegen Seelenqual geschrieben.

So ist es gewesen,
so wird es immer sein.
Stell dir das vor!

It is quite possible
to learn much about the outside World
by not interfering;
though it can be by action
that much becomes clear
about one's Self:

be able to learn from the negative space:
it is most of what there is to experience.

Help me if you can
It's just that this,
this is not the way I'm wired
So could you please,

Help me understand why
you've given in to all these
reckless dark desires.

You're lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, you're pounding on the fault line
What'll it take to get it through to you, precious?
I'm over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this?
Such a mess.

Why would I want to watch you,
Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time?
What's your rush now? Everyone will have his day to die!

Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence
Narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all its decadence

Lying through your teeth again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, you're pounding on the fault line
What'll it take to get it through to you, precious?
Go with this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess.

Why would I wanna watch you...
Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time?
What's your rush now?
Everyone will have his day to die!

They were right about you
They were right about you

Lying to my face again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about, you're pounding on the fault line.
What'll it take to get it through to you, precious?
I'm over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this?
Such a mess, over this, over this!

Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
What's your hurry?
Everyone will have his day to die!

If you choose to pull the trigger,
should your drama prove sincere;
do it somewhere
far away from here!

If you look at the states of things,
it becomes obvious to the Thinker
where their priorities are.

They do it
if they seek it.

"Man, I can't stand the people who just panhandle and heckle the passersby. It's not their job to support your lifestyle and/or habits! I had one friend who was just harassing people; hey man, leave them the **** alone! I just wanted to punch him in the ******* face. Get a job, ya ***! Trim some **** or some ****!"

"Heh, yeah.. people can be obtrusive about some things.. I still like to try to help if I can; I mean, we're all in this together."

"I don't want your ******* money! Well, I mean, I have a job; I could go over to that ATM and take my money out and spend it.. .but why the **** would I want to?  I only say that 'cause some ******* **** me off. Support yourself, like the rest of the Natural World, you selfish *****!"

"Well, I'd feel better with my cash in hand than in some bank owned by some greedy, shifty, slick, loophole-******* *******."

"Wait a second, boy, do you paint your fingernails?"

"..Yes."

"Are you hetero******?"

"... yes."

"Okay, just checkin'. I'm just curious. I don't care what you do with your **** as long as you're responsible and don't **** with well-meaning girls' hearts and ****. We got too many diseased and pregnant *******. People deserve better than that stupid ****. Some of 'em like being treated like objects, though. Them's the filthy'ns."

"Ookay.. thanks for the advice. I'm going to be on my way now. Have a great day."

"Alright. Don't be an ******* to anyone until they show that they deserve it! Be a ******* Person to other ******* People, you know what I mean, boy?"

"Yep, I sure do. It's been an experience; good morning."

I find it rather funny
what changes with time,
yet it's also quite strange
what remains the same.

Though I have once claimed
to know my own flames,
I have still burned many things
and been baffled by the pains.

Though I know I used to say
I wanted such in my every day,
I must confess, I wish I knew
of thy rancor, vile ire and ado.

I once was puzzled, baffled,
by the very thought, addled;
that hasn't changed very much
I fancy thy antics yet less than thy touch.

Thou, who claim'th to be so selfless,
who are so caught up, pitiful and helpless,
bound by neurotic, insecure delusions;
a harlot of Shadow, subconscious profusions.

It is not of a person, but of an archetype
within which I find inspiration to write,
yet, I can't help but ascribe to it a name;
a face to complete this linguistic game.

I'm not upset, just motivated,
I do not want this celebrated,
yet here I sit, still dominated,
evermore irked and captivated.

Think
for when memory serves;
Write
for when it does not.

Thus
do I carry
a pen and notebook
so oft as I feasibly can,
for my memory doth so oft
seem to fail me,
especially when I need it most!