I am missing a large portion of my heart
A lot inside that's been slashed apart
Forfeited innocence in order to get high
Need to understand it
Need to know why
Need a magnifying glass to see the clues
I'm free to find all the ways that before I did lose
Thoughts kept me on the brink of drowning every day
In the nightmare failing to take me away
I ate and overgorged on rich fantasies
Like colored candy ingested impossibilities
Needed more than temporary flavor
Needed a taste I could always savor
Feed my demons with an abundance of doubt
Awakened in body inside and out
Infestation of insecurity
Like plankton multiplying
Blooming in sea
Floor barely visible underneath clustered stuff
Ask myself why I don't care enough
Brain needs rewiring in the worst kind of way
Stopped feeling human
Instead a statue made of clay
To fix all that is broken is an unrealistic concept
Dance around things I'm not ready to accept
Cloak my open wounds
Hide pain that's only mine to know
Pretend underneath is as undamaged as the parts that show
Although some visible areas are not as unscathed as I like to think they are