How can I fall asleep when I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow?
I'm the walking dead drowning in my own sorrow.
When will this nightmare end? I'm sick of pretending everything's all good.
Maybe when I wished for an interesting life I misunderstood.
  I've been counting my blessings for so long. Nothings changed, I'm growing weary. It's draining me to be strong. This pain in my chest never leaves. I wonder if it,ll ever leave? I used to be happy. Now I'm questioning everything I believe. I fake a smile as I'm close to tears, I'm screaming but nobody hears.

   You've left me stranded in the dark, not knowing where to turn. Thought I could depend on you. The memory of you is now burned. I've been wandering the same road for so long. Searching for rest and a place to call my own. My body's tired from the weight of everything I'm carrying. The sun now slowly rising, mesmerized my eyes are open and that I'm still conscious. Walking on in the bright horizon.
    A new day has just begun and it's time for me to swallow my pride and go on with the show. Even if I'm hurting from head to toe. Been climbing this mountain for so long. Fighting to make it over without falling back down. I haven't truly lived in a while, for as long as I can remember its only been survival. Been trapped in this precipice which felt like forever, until along came September...

   Finally something to hold onto. It felt like eternity since I've had some normalcy like waking in a bed. How I missed the feeling of a place to rest my head. Everything seemed better until your malicious endeavors made it hard to breathe. I would ask myself every night as I cried myself to sleep, when will there finally be peace?
   Trying to move ahead is easier said than done. I end up feeling stuck instead. Your words cut me like a knife. You've made it clear you'll always be number one and I'll always be next to none...

I wish my mind wouldn't run off wild sometimes,
Or at the very least take my heart with it.
There is so much for us to live for.
I truly am sorry for my nasty remarks and
my uncanny ability of slamming the door.
I was triggered by something and cant seem to shake it.
    Do you love me any less or am I just crazy?
Are these merely my demons resurfacing?
You probably thought I was all lilacs and daisies.
Well if that's what you thought, you thought wrong.
      I lost some control, I'll admit.
But I can only apologize for so long.
Instead of taking your frustrations out on me,
why don't you look to the person who put the damage in me?
       I wish I could be different just for you,
Cause you deserve everything under the moon.
I wish for your sake I was all Lilacs and Daisies.
I can think of no one who deserves that more than you.

Your eyes can be so cruel. You don’t have to try to be.  You do it so naturally. Unable to move, nowhere to run.  Your eyes pierce through me sharper than a knife, faster than a gun. Why did I go along with your games for so long? Why should I be made the villain for your evil crimes?
     In years from now, these demons will be just as near. Never fully gone, no matter how much I wish they’d disappear. Your face will haunt my nightmares, not only in my sleep. Preying on my deepest fears. My inner child will be playing hide and seek. Fragile and so used to hiding finally seeking a way out...
     Your threats have kept me at bay. You’ve gotten what you wanted and will continue to do so until the judgement day. You’re unkind remarks leave a bruise on my already crippled heart. Breathing doesn’t come easy when it comes to your iron hand. Sometimes it would be easier to not breathe at all. Less painless with pins and needles to break the fall.
     Trying to catch myself before falling deeper into your lies. You say there are rules to abide. That there’s nowhere to run or hide. No one to hear my deafening cries. Singing to myself a quiet lullaby. That’s the best I can do to sweeten the blows. Just get it over and done with no one’s ever going to know. You’ll sweep it under the carpet so my scars never show.

A soul untainted, in the heart of a man.
Give me a reason to ignite the fire in this passion.
I see it in your eyes.
Your reason is still alive.
You can't seem to figure it out.
The answer lingers deep inside
I still believe in you.
I can't speak the words you want to say.
You need to tell them with confidence.
I see it in your eyes,
what you need to say.
I just need to hear you say it,
In order to get through the day.

Have my rivers began flowing?
Is my hair finally growing?
The sharks are blood-thirsty.
Forgive me, but is my womanhood showing?
Is it only natural for them to prey on me when their thirst needs quenching?
Their tendencies are dangerous,
They can **** with a look.
When their finished, they leave you for dead.
After using every trick in the book.
They leave you for the next and the next after that.
In their eyes, you're just another fish in the sea, they can pound away at.

Desperate times like this call for a distraction.
Feeling wanted and craving some attention.
There's always a price to pay without an education, in the art of seclusion.  
Laying on the couch as he gazed upon me.
Taking in the sight, to his delight
he found me charming.

He told me, "I'm a fighter. I'm a queen."
That he found me particularly fascinating.
"We're not so different you and me,
Which makes you superior when compared to anything."
I was stuck between the sheets. Plunging forward.
Falling further. Wondering why his smile made me feel so sickening.

I'd be crying as he took me in his arms.
Made me believe he truly meant no harm.
He held me tightly and he muttered,
"If you get any older maybe we could move past heavy petting.
You can't gain experience without experimenting. "

He told me, "I was pretty
And around pretty things don't mind if I get a little touchy feely.
Younger girls fall so very easy. Just don't gain any unwanted feelings,
without them I can still make you feel amazing."
Once again I was stuck between the sheets. Plunging forward.
Falling further. Unknowingly risking everything.
I felt like nothing when compared to anything.

He'd pull me closer as I started shaking.
Assured me that'd he'd never hurt me and there was no need to be afraid.
He made me feel uncomfortable rather than amazing.
Turns out his words meant nothing.
Still sitting frightened in his lap.
My need for comfort had enticed him so much one day when he just snapped.
And me feeling guilty for doing so, I Innocently asked,
Craving comfort and security, how was I supposed to know?
I'm sorry, that really wasn't my intention.  

He started smirking as he said,
"You really like attention.
Your teasing doesn't pay the bill.
One day you won't be able to shut me out.
And those doors won't stop me from getting in.
Is that so difficult to comprehend?", he threatened.

I was a token of your humor.
I was your stupid little fool.
I was nothing but your prisoner.
I meant absolutely nothing at all to you.
I was stuck within your sheets.
Unable to move forward.
There was nowhere else to fall.
As I was screaming silently, you made me realize
the meaning of nothing meant me.

If I had known all along, that I was backed against the wall,
I would have never wrote this poem.
And I would have fought harder than just screaming, that this feels wrong I think we should stop.

The seasons change
God only knows what the season may bring
Warm knitted sweaters to cradle me
House warming gifts to mend my suffering
   You keep the fire always burning low
Making sure its never fades
You keep me going like the fading glow
But I know someday it has to fade
And everything will change...

But even though your not there
You are here within me
Keeping me warm and safe
Everyday  Forever...

   Things always change
God only knows what tomorrow brings
Warm soft pillow to rest my head.
A roof to keep out all the Dangerous things
    Showing me how to stand on my own
holding me close through the storm
Giving me a place to call my own
But I know that's today
Tomorrow everything will Change....

Even though your not there
You are here within me
Keeping me warm and safe
Everyday forever....

Everyday forever...