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AllyRose Jun 2017
How can I fall asleep when I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow?
I'm the walking dead drowning in my own sorrow.
When will this nightmare end? I'm sick of pretending everything's all good.
Maybe when I wished for an interesting life I misunderstood.
  I've been counting my blessings for so long. Nothings changed, I'm growing weary. It's draining me to be strong. This pain in my chest never leaves. I wonder if it,ll ever leave? I used to be happy. Now I'm questioning everything I believe. I fake a smile as I'm close to tears, I'm screaming but nobody hears.

   You've left me stranded in the dark, not knowing where to turn. Thought I could depend on you. The memory of you is now burned. I've been wandering the same road for so long. Searching for rest and a place to call my own. My body's tired from the weight of everything I'm carrying. The sun now slowly rising, mesmerized my eyes are open and that I'm still conscious. Walking on in the bright horizon.
    A new day has just begun and it's time for me to swallow my pride and go on with the show. Even if I'm hurting from head to toe. Been climbing this mountain for so long. Fighting to make it over without falling back down. I haven't truly lived in a while, for as long as I can remember its only been survival. Been trapped in this precipice which felt like forever, until along came September...

   Finally something to hold onto. It felt like eternity since I've had some normalcy like waking in a bed. How I missed the feeling of a place to rest my head. Everything seemed better until your malicious endeavors made it hard to breathe. I would ask myself every night as I cried myself to sleep, when will there finally be peace?
   Trying to move ahead is easier said than done. I end up feeling stuck instead. Your words cut me like a knife. You've made it clear you'll always be number one and I'll always be next to none...
AllyRose Jun 2017
The jungle is awake and alive.
Show me the ways I’ve been missing.
Teach me how to be a butterfly.
So I can come out of hiding?
My wings are in need of some fixing.
Lately I can’t feel anything,
Besides genuine hate.
Toward everyone around me.
I need someone to shelter me.
To keep out the rain.
It’s overwhelming.
You told me you cared.
What were your true intentions?
Covering me in your blankets,
Won’t cover up your fingerprints.
Your drunken words hypnotize my sober mind.
You told me you could ease the pain.
Can I keep a glacier from falling?
Nothing but the mountains remain.
Make me feel something.
Even if it hurts,
Make me feel anything.
Black rain, pain, betrayal, trust, pain, hurt, abuse, how I feel, feel, brave, courageous
AllyRose Jul 2017
Pulling me in and out of consciousness.
A battle I can never win.
Fighting for peace relentlessly.
Making me out a fool.
A drowning fish that's forgotten how to swim.
If I breathe you in I'll suffocate slowly.
Bound to the depths of the ocean.
A pain that thrives.
Patiently waiting for the moment, when I'll be eaten alive.
Can I captivate the rising sun before I set off this deadly explosion?
How long can I survive?
Been biting the bullet for as long as I can remember.
I refuse to be made a fool this time.
AllyRose Apr 2018
Her magic held captive.
A strange feeling lingers in the air.
The saints take blame for the sinners sins.
There is sorcery everywhere.
They light fires.
They burn witches.
What goes around comes around.
She has a temper that can burn down bridges.
AllyRose Jun 2017
All she had left was her strength.
Searching for the key to happiness.
Is it possible to just have a key made?
Stranded in the castle of thieves.
Her tower was her birdcage.
The martyr to the pigeons,
Sacrificing her wings.
He took away her freedom.
God is my judge.
God is your judge.
He judges us all.
Am I More than a commodity?
More than a slave to the king.
How many casualties are left?
Will I ever feel the joys of spring again?
Brace yourself, time to take off the mask.
It’s only fair that we reveal only what needs to be.
It’s not an easy task. Is she safe?
She knows what she needs to do, but it’s easier said than done.
Has the battle ended? Has he really won?
AllyRose Dec 2020
I can’t feel my body now
A lost connection between how I feel and who I really am
A feeling never ending
I lie inside myself for hours
In a deep sleep dreaming
I float with the river flowers
I suspect foul play above
Hungry hands reaching down
Taking another piece of me
AllyRose Mar 2018
I’m wearing your red flag.
You now have a strand of my hair in your possession.
I breathe into your brown paper bag.
And my lips are swollen.
I succumb to the pollution as I inhale your tainted air.

I’ve grown up in so many ways.
Yet I still have fool written on my face.
My skin is up in flames.
It’s crowded here in my hiding place.
Will these demons ever call it a day?

This place is infected with your poison
And so is my sanity.
My thoughts conditioned to your control.
Powerless against the storm in my mind.
Just another lost soul.
AllyRose Jun 2018
These earthquakes come and go.
Awakening the anger within.
I drank the poison from the fire of your lies.
It burnt, but I kept drinking.
Because it's all I've ever known.

Your color turned gray.
I struggle to the surface,
with an anchor the size of my guilt,
pulling me under the entire way up.
So full of life we once were.
When your heart was in the right place.
Or so you made me believe.

Sister and mother despair
Building castles in Spain.
They take the threshold.
May their glory reign.
They disappear for awhile
strolling down memory lane.
And returned only with
their decaying growing pains.
One gave birth to the fire.
The other the Descendant of flames.

Beneath us lies the truth.
On that silver platter of yours,
gold turned to ashes.
Lower than dirt.
I used to see you as my savior,
Until you took my lords name in vain.
AllyRose Jun 2017
My heart breaks for you,
More than it breaks for me,
That’s saying something, my dear.
The past is in the past.
Nothing ever lasts.
The future can help us see clear.
Sorry about the black sheep.
But even the whitest aren’t completely white.
I remember when we used to go caroling
It hasn’t snowed since.
Good thing I travel light.
I wonder,
Will things ever be as they were?
If it makes it easier put the blame on me.
I’ve already lost my dignity.
I worry about what goes on,
When the lights at the house aren’t on?
Pretending everything’s okay when it isn’t.
How many ways can you twist a story?
The truth may never be revealed.
Can’t travel back in time.
Maybe it’s better this way.
If you know me so well,
Why do you not believe in me?
Please I already lost everything.
Don’t need your sympathy.
Please come back to me.
AllyRose Apr 2018
Dust gathers on the shelf,
To fill the empty spaces.
There is a time and place,
To accept final defeat.
She survived the lions den.
Dancing the dance with her sisters
To the tune of hypocrisy.
A masquerade to mislead them all.
The crime of the century, is still written on her ageless face.
She blows smoke in their eyes,
In order to restore the humanity in her weakened faith.
You can taste the sweetness in the words she speaks.
She can mask her misery better than frosting can cover a cake.
AllyRose Jun 2017
The seasons change
God only knows what the season may bring
Warm knitted sweaters to cradle me
House warming gifts to mend my suffering
   You keep the fire always burning low
Making sure its never fades
You keep me going like the fading glow
But I know someday it has to fade
And everything will change...

But even though your not there
You are here within me
Keeping me warm and safe
Everyday  Forever...

   Things always change
God only knows what tomorrow brings
Warm soft pillow to rest my head.
A roof to keep out all the Dangerous things
    Showing me how to stand on my own
holding me close through the storm
Giving me a place to call my own
But I know that's today
Tomorrow everything will Change....

Even though your not there
You are here within me
Keeping me warm and safe
Everyday forever....

Everyday forever...
AllyRose Jul 2017
I'm not a morning person anymore.
The sun shines its light on all of my problems.
They won't go away.
My world is not just rain, it's a torrential downpour.
The one thing that I crave just walked out the door.
I'm surrounded by all my demons.
No matter where I go.
I've moved seven times.
They always find new ways to make themselves known.
They are always there.
Haunting me.
AllyRose Apr 2018
Founded an army in my head,
In order to justify that sometimes,
Things are better left unsaid.
This life sentence,
Makes me think I'd be better off dead.
But I must remember to think bigger than myself.
I don't want my army to suffer along with me.
I must fight beside them,
Just as they fight beside me.
There is no failure, when there is still hope.
I've built up my tolerance, grown thicker skin.
I greet tomorrow with a new hope.
AllyRose Jun 2017
All the old familiar places.
Not everyone is as ugly as you.
Keep your legs crossed so that he won’t cross yah.
To breathe through this tainted air I need an oxygen tank.
A dog without a leash is like a cat with its claws,
When untamed. I was only nineteen.
Still got cuts on my knees. I left my courage where you left me.
Unleash the dogs on me.
Someone refrain me. I’m going to blow my cover.
Secrets aren’t meant to be kept locked away forever.
Outside it’s sunny, but in my heart it’s raining pianos.
Never will I feel sunny again. That goes without saying.
Here comes the thunder…
Running from my demons. They dare me to dance.
Why should I dance for you? I’m not your dancing girl.
Mothers, daughters, fathers, brothers, the apple falls further than you think.
I kept praying to myself to one day leave this place.
I blame you for my insecurities.
If only I could sell you out to the captain,
I’d be happy to sink your precious ship.
I know what’s hidden behind that sickening smile.
The jokes on you, I’ll never be yours to call your own.
Here comes the thunder.
AllyRose Jun 2017
Your eyes can be so cruel. You don’t have to try to be.  You do it so naturally. Unable to move, nowhere to run.  Your eyes pierce through me sharper than a knife, faster than a gun. Why did I go along with your games for so long? Why should I be made the villain for your evil crimes?
     In years from now, these demons will be just as near. Never fully gone, no matter how much I wish they’d disappear. Your face will haunt my nightmares, not only in my sleep. Preying on my deepest fears. My inner child will be playing hide and seek. Fragile and so used to hiding finally seeking a way out...
     Your threats have kept me at bay. You’ve gotten what you wanted and will continue to do so until the judgement day. You’re unkind remarks leave a bruise on my already crippled heart. Breathing doesn’t come easy when it comes to your iron hand. Sometimes it would be easier to not breathe at all. Less painless with pins and needles to break the fall.
     Trying to catch myself before falling deeper into your lies. You say there are rules to abide. That there’s nowhere to run or hide. No one to hear my deafening cries. Singing to myself a quiet lullaby. That’s the best I can do to sweeten the blows. Just get it over and done with no one’s ever going to know. You’ll sweep it under the carpet so my scars never show.
AllyRose Jun 2017
There was a time when I had it all.
I felt big even when I was small.
In a home on sunset boulevard,
When I had it all.
Mornings on the terrace.
Lunches out on the bay.
Father standing tall.
Mother full of grace.
Never planned for me to live out of this suitcase.
I know in me they had faith.
But lacked it with each other.

   We moved further to the east side
They fell out of love.
Couldn't keep the fights to themselves,
Not even for my sake.
They couldn't rise above it all.
Didn't think of me at all.
Not even the holidays remained the same.
I miss our family Christmas cards.
Portrayed us in our best.
We loved each other genuinely.
Back in the day when I had it all.
AllyRose Jun 2017
Where is my mind today?
Is this real or make believe?
Don’t know the difference anymore between fantasy and reality.
Have I lost myself completely?
I no longer recognize myself.
Don’t now the truth from lies,
Don’t even know why I cry.
I’ve lost the ability,
To push my troubles aside…
Grow accustomed to the feeling of being stuck in my mind.
It’s suffocating yet I can still breathe.
Draining me of all energy.
In a way it gives me a sense of relief.
It’s my cage and my remedy.
How long will I stay trapped here?
Been craving to once again see the sun that shines.
From here I don’t know where to go.
Stuck in limbo,
Everything I fear is now real.
Am I that far gone?
I’ll just lay here until the world outside is worth living.
Am I just looking or really seeing?
Just hearing or really listening?
What’s really happening?
What’s going on?
AllyRose May 2018
A crippling heaviness,
enters the room.
I break out in a cold sweat.
The dolls on the stand,
are securely locked in their case.
Their sad eyes watch as he
inches closure and silent screams
fill the space.

He whispers violent things
and spits in my face.
I succumb to his lingering words,
as I forget how to breathe.
I lost my voice.
It know belongs to him.
AllyRose Jun 2017
Have my rivers began flowing?
Is my hair finally growing?
The sharks are blood-thirsty.
Forgive me, but is my womanhood showing?
Is it only natural for them to prey on me when their thirst needs quenching?
Their tendencies are dangerous,
They can **** with a look.
When their finished, they leave you for dead.
After using every trick in the book.
They leave you for the next and the next after that.
In their eyes, you're just another fish in the sea, they can pound away at.
AllyRose Jun 2017
You all see what you want to see.
What does the book say?
When we die, we all die alone.
Happiness is inconsequential.
Removing the horns of the bull, won’t make it civilized.
The frozen roses of winter won’t thaw in April.
Forgot I had a voice, while living in these lies.
Drinking the elixir in the end turned out to be fatal.
Your fidelity smashed to pieces, when you finally came.
Now everything’s different.
Just let go, nothing’s going to hurt you now.
You’ve come so far from everything you’ve known.
The dawn is coming soon.
It’s not as scary as you thought it would be.
Come down from the clouds.
It’s funny the things you find in the rain.
Washing all the blackness away.
Am I safer here on the ground? Or in the higher ground?
Pearl dove flying in the night.
Somehow finding its way back to the light.
Maybe all these wrong turns could turn out alright.
We all see what you want to see.
The Last of the roses, are the most beautiful in black and white.
What does the book say again?
Happy endings may as well be extinct.
Is everything set in stone? Am I under control?
All I ever wanted was to make an impression.
Somewhere inside there’s a woman.
Not a possession.
One day you’ll learn to let go.
No one’s going to hurt you now.
You’ve come so far from the life you’ve known.
The sun is aligned with the moon.

You’ve never been as strong as you are right now.
The things lurking in the rain,
Brought darkness to this place.
Pearl dove flying in the night,
Hopefully someday will find the light.
Let’s see how brave you are,
If nothing turns out right.
Nothing scares me anymore.
All I ever wanted was protection.
Pearl dove falling in the night.
Holding on for one last night.
Resting in the clouds waiting for redemption…
AllyRose Apr 2018
The comfort of the drug takes me under.
My eyes are red and blistered.
This pounding in my chest feels like thunder,
And makes me shiver,
In my bones I surrender.
I need to shake this sickness.

Everyday I grow weaker.
I don't know if I'll live to tell the tale.
No one may care anyway.
Still I must make it through this fatal fever,
Before I can deliver the truth to the sinners.
I must make it through this deadly winter.
AllyRose Jun 2017
I wish my mind wouldn't run off wild sometimes,
Or at the very least take my heart with it.
There is so much for us to live for.
I truly am sorry for my nasty remarks and
my uncanny ability of slamming the door.
I was triggered by something and cant seem to shake it.
    Do you love me any less or am I just crazy?
Are these merely my demons resurfacing?
You probably thought I was all lilacs and daisies.
Well if that's what you thought, you thought wrong.
      I lost some control, I'll admit.
But I can only apologize for so long.
Instead of taking your frustrations out on me,
why don't you look to the person who put the damage in me?
       I wish I could be different just for you,
Cause you deserve everything under the moon.
I wish for your sake I was all Lilacs and Daisies.
I can think of no one who deserves that more than you.
AllyRose Jun 2017
Give me something to numb the pain.                                            
Sinking in quick sand.
Slowly driving me insane.
Been strung out on painkillers all day.
Just had a pillow fight with a genie, but she left so quickly,
I couldn’t catch her name.
The room is spinning.
I feel so strange.
God give me strength.
Everything is so heavy.
It’s all a distraction.
Nothing really takes away the shame.
Been sleepwalking for weeks on end.
No drug on earth can take away this curse.
You all tell me the same **** thing.
No one can take away this misery.
The Mayhem of misery is my curse.
I’m so tired. So tired of living.
But I can’t give in.
There’s no one to help me…
Excuse me I have a prior engagement.
Deep down its nothing but a lie.
Am I only here for your mere entertainment?
They never seem to make the effort to try.
I can’t take it anymore.
AllyRose Feb 2018
Voices echoed the room.
Are they mine or yours?
There's no way to know for sure.
I’m no longer in my own body
And completely shaken to my core
My worth brutally contaminated

My bleeding voice chokes on your ability to ignore
my tears which you've acquired a hungry taste for.
You forgot to hide your ugliness under that crooked mask of yours
As you take my innocence as one of your artifacts.
My strength is tangled within your degrading fingers.
It hurts to be strong and try to fight back.
Within an instant, you turned my meaning into nothing.

It hurts to swallow your poison.
I should have seen this coming.
You couldn’t keep your filthy hands to yourself.
My defenses were down, but now I see what you truly are.
I know what you are.
AllyRose Mar 2018
Violence lingers in your eyes.
No wonder you can't sleep,
Soundly through the night.
Not will all the waste still floating in the sky.

A deadly chemical, when ignited.
A Super Nova on steroids.
Explosive and temperamental.
Don't get too excited,
Or you'll turn into a deadly weapon.
Still fixated on the darkest of nights.
Forgetting is easier said than done.

There's a flicker of light behind your eyes.
Let it burn bright.
Don't hold back,
The passion that thrives.
AllyRose Jun 2017
I’m treading on thin ice.
Misplaced my safety net.
Captured in this crooked paradise.
Your pants are catching fire.
Curiosity killed the cat,
Cause he thought he was a tiger.
Glued to your filthy habits,
You can say that again.
If you don’t stand for something,
You’ll fall for anything.
Words mean nothing…
You’ve got my blood on your hands.
You said you cared,
But you didn’t mean it.
Where are those angels,
When you need them?
Your arms trying to pin me down,
Just like all the monsters,
We read about in poems and plays.
When the curtains drawn,
Is when the show really begins.
If only people listened to the overture.
I keep telling them to listen.
Your voice inside of my head,
Filling me with your venom,
Like the villains in your comic books.
If you don’t stand for something,
You’ll fall for anything.
Words mean absolutely nothing…
You’ve got my blood on your hands.
I said I don’t want it,
But you think I don’t mean it.
What if those angels,
Turn into demons?
You didn’t care to help me,
No one cared to help me,
Nobody can.
If only people listened to the overture.
Why don’t they ever listen?
AllyRose Jun 2017
Her eyes are weary, but she’s wide awake.
She can’t seem to shake this feeling away.
She knew what you were, but had to learn the hard way.
She broke out of the asylum.
Night terrors still haunt her in the dark.
Blinded by her dreams.
There’s a disease in her garden.
She had no choice except to abandon all of her sins back in autumn.
Here in the shadow she cries.
Every night she holds on for dear life.
Barely making it out alive.
Here in the shadow she only just survives.
In a bed she doesn’t want to sleep in,
In a world she doesn’t want to live in,
In a universe she doesn’t want to exist in,
Is where she lies.
She wants to pull her stomach over her head and swallow.
The weight is adding to the baggage she always carries.
It’s not as strong as all of this tormenting sorrow.
She suffered through the invasion.
Her soul forever paralyzed.
If she ends this now, she’ll never feel anything again…
AllyRose Jun 2017
Her laughs sweeter than sugar.
Dancing around the room in circles,
Until she gets dizzy and can’t stand no more.
Her smile was contagious.
Too bad life happened,
And that smile had seen its last days.
She had no choice left but to be courageous.
The years went by so fast,
But really she’s still a baby girl.
She doesn’t sing and dance anymore.
Every morning she has a war with herself to just get out of bed.
Cause they don’t come around anymore,
So they may as well be dead.
I remember my father used to say,
Can’t get his words out my head.
He said, “Knowledge is power”,
The problem with that is the more you know, the less you really want to know.
Underneath it all she’s still in longing.
This world is so infectious,
When it comes to chaos and evil.
I want to slay the dragon,
But I seemed to have dropped my weapon.
It’s there but it’s missing.
You call it a mercy killing for killing my innocence.
You got a sick way of looking at things, darling.
I get to live to see another day to tell my tragic tale.
But underneath it all I’m weeping for my precious baby girl…
Hollering at the wind, hoping to slow it down.
I don’t know where I begin, or where I’m supposed to end.
There are so many unwritten pages to my story,
So why should it end here?
What would mother say?
If this was back in the day.
Nothing is meant to be easy.

God didn’t put any promises in the promise land.
Forgotten how to dream my own dream.
Your words have a bitter aftertaste.
With you was where my dreams end.
Underneath it all she’s still crawling.
**** out the poison slowly, not all at once.
I want to slay the dragon, but I seemed to have lost my weapon.
You call it a mercy killing for killing my innocence.
You got a sick way of looking at things, darling.
I get to live another day to tell my tragic tale.
But underneath it all I’m weeping for my                            
Precious baby girl.
AllyRose Jun 2017
What have I done?
To be treated like dirt in your eyes.
Always under the gun.
Constantly being vandalized.
Forever on the run.

Run Race Horse Run
The shows only just begun.
What goods a race horse that's not any fun?
Show me your teeth like a good one.

You want to tame me,
But I was born to be wild and free.
Not in a dudgeon.
AllyRose Apr 2018
Things are getting out of hand.
Peace is no where to be found. I'm tired of contemplating,
And trying to understand, what can't be comprehended.
My sanity fell into a haystack full of needles.

  In order to reclaim it, I will have to bleed.
There are no easy answers. Yet answers are what I need.
How can I make amends, when I still don't understand
who I'm supposed to be?

  My story is a difficult one to tell.
Especially when it comes to telling it well, from start to finish.
I need to remove myself from this diseased prison cell.
Then maybe I will find the redemption I long for,
a miracle to lift this evil spell.

I will be reborn from the ashes of my old self,
And rise above this cursed hell.
AllyRose Feb 2018
****** tears still fall, feverish and dry.
The river flows on even though,
I'm already dead inside.
I'm no longer welcome at my own funeral.
I lay still and I wait.
For someone to take the burden away,
Along with my limpness body.
I lay in anguish as the smoking gun fades away.
All there is left to do, is to move on and deteriorate.

Our ghost will not rest in peace.
Our dreams won't be killed easily.
The Red River will overflow.
The truth will be known.
The earth will shake,
From the unbearable silence left behind.
In the graveyard of lost dreams,
The truth dies with you.
AllyRose Jun 2017
Sometimes I lay here quietly.
In and out of consciousness.
I listen to the sounds I hear purely.
Nothing to taint the senses.
When I discovered the howls of the wind
and the birds that sing in the sunrise,
it evoked me of my childhood.  
Filled with nonsense and beauty.
Reminding me of everything I've sacrificed.
Kindling me temporally.
Just enough to keep me alive.
Reminding me of what I've sacrificed.
AllyRose Jun 2017
Smoke and mirrors,
That’s all you ever were.
Bathing in the river of illusion.
In the eleventh hour,
Is when your loyalties turned.
You’re a ****** artist,
Painting me a fool for your own amusement.
Playing with fire always leaves a burn.
Ignorance keeps the monsters away.
Never wanted this to begin with.
Should’ve listened to my conscience.
You’re the professional illusionist.
I’m unconsciously laying with a demon.
How can I ever love again?
If I’m still caught in the chase.
What you’ve taken from me,
Can’t be easily replaced.
Past the point of no return.
My nightmares have been infiltrated by your dreams.
Wishing to look past all the graphic details.
As you left me here silently.
The nights getting colder.
Will the beast ever sleep?
You got me begging on my knees.
You can really make those clowns scream.
AllyRose Jun 2017
It’s so easy,
So easy for you,
To end the call.
Dreaming in the
Forgotten never, never land.
I tried to break the lock,
But it won’t break.
I don’t think it ever can.
My world is hanging on a string.
Let the ocean soak in.
I must have forgotten my never wings.
The canvas is blank,
There’s no more color.
I never raised my hand for the position.
I’m still working,
Even if the light inside is broken.
Sad cause it’s not even worth fixing.
We are only as damaged as we think we are.
If only you could fly,
Far, far away from here.
Like an airplane in the sky.
Can you please try for me?
I don’t know how I could ever say goodbye,
When every time I look at you,    
I see the burden in your eyes.
We’re only strangers you and I…..
It’s so easy,
So easy for me,
To beat my head against the wall.
I’ve stopped wondering why the lines disconnected.
We all know the winner always takes it all.
You’ve been blinded by the watchers,
They see it all.
History has a way of repeating.
Should I just walk away?
I still haven’t decided.
Let the chips fall where they may...
You’re not in any good condition,
Ever since you fell into your addiction.
You’ve deserted all the promises you ever made.
Just like you deserted me.
Deceiving Mother Nature.
None as blind as those who will not see.
AllyRose Jun 2017
Desperate times like this call for a distraction.
Feeling wanted and craving some attention.
There's always a price to pay without an education, in the art of seclusion.  
Laying on the couch as he gazed upon me.
Taking in the sight, to his delight
he found me charming.

He told me, "I'm a fighter. I'm a queen."
That he found me particularly fascinating.
"We're not so different you and me,
Which makes you superior when compared to anything."
I was stuck between the sheets. Plunging forward.
Falling further. Wondering why his smile made me feel so sickening.

I'd be crying as he took me in his arms.
Made me believe he truly meant no harm.
He held me tightly and he muttered,
"If you get any older maybe we could move past heavy petting.
You can't gain experience without experimenting. "

He told me, "I was pretty
And around pretty things don't mind if I get a little touchy feely.
Younger girls fall so very easy. Just don't gain any unwanted feelings,
without them I can still make you feel amazing."
Once again I was stuck between the sheets. Plunging forward.
Falling further. Unknowingly risking everything.
I felt like nothing when compared to anything.

He'd pull me closer as I started shaking.
Assured me that'd he'd never hurt me and there was no need to be afraid.
He made me feel uncomfortable rather than amazing.
Turns out his words meant nothing.
Still sitting frightened in his lap.
My need for comfort had enticed him so much one day when he just snapped.
And me feeling guilty for doing so, I Innocently asked,
Craving comfort and security, how was I supposed to know?
I'm sorry, that really wasn't my intention.  

He started smirking as he said,
"You really like attention.
Your teasing doesn't pay the bill.
One day you won't be able to shut me out.
And those doors won't stop me from getting in.
Is that so difficult to comprehend?", he threatened.

I was a token of your humor.
I was your stupid little fool.
I was nothing but your prisoner.
I meant absolutely nothing at all to you.
I was stuck within your sheets.
Unable to move forward.
There was nowhere else to fall.
As I was screaming silently, you made me realize
the meaning of nothing meant me.

If I had known all along, that I was backed against the wall,
I would have never wrote this poem.
And I would have fought harder than just screaming, that this feels wrong I think we should stop.
AllyRose Apr 2018
Anger, sadness, fear,
All blend together perfectly.
It becomes hard to bear,
The life laid out in front
of them.
  Scary what the mind,
Can give a character to when
Confronting the darkest parts of
your soul.
  You breed in flesh and blood.
A mere thought becomes
a face of a person who
Has a story to tell.
The grief from the painter,
Makes it easy to sell.
AllyRose Aug 2018
I'm a force to be reckoned with,
And I don't recommend crossing me
the wrong way.
I've been holding in this fire for years,
So I don't set fire to the world around me.
I don't know how much longer I can hold it in.
I don't want to be known
as the criminal in this town.
The ones who provoke
never get punished.
It's the ones who are pushed
over the edge that
always get blamed and
imprisoned for others actions.
Fools always rush in
where angels are afraid to tread.
Just don't take it with a grain of salt.
We're all hanging on by an invisible thread.
The innocents cannot be unpunished,
If you beat them down until they are as good as dead.
AllyRose Jun 2017
Thought I’d be stuck here forever.
Don’t need to live in fear anymore.
There’s been a change in the weather.
The choir’s singing in my honor.
I’m happy to leave here.
There’s so much more to explore…
Time to wash away all the fears of yesterday.
I’ve had enough of your black rain.
Don’t let the past ruin today.
Time to free myself from all the pain.
I’ve come such a long way.
There is a life out there beyond the valley of tears,
There must be…
I’m going to change my name, change my hair,
And untangle you from me.
Picking up the pieces of the mess you made of me.
The darkness still surrounds me,
But I pray one day ill rise above it all…
Around this time next year I’ll have nothing but my shame.
The flame may be gone but the fire still remains.
I pray that one day ill rise above it all…
There is a life out there beyond the valley of tears,
There must be…
AllyRose Mar 2018
Fell asleep in a bed of roses.
Their beauty can be misleading.
I wake up daily with ****** noses,
The morning after the beatings.
The Gallows of my mind,
Wreak Havoc on me.
Your thorns won't detach,
From the apple of my eyes,
Leaving me bruised and bleeding.

  Gathered my own army.
Escaped my own hanging.
Joined forces with the madness,
that has infiltrated my life.
Broke down a wall,
I didn't know could fall.
Must run the race,
When I've barely learned to crawl.
I'm learning to breathe fire.
Once and for all.
AllyRose Dec 2020
No matter what I do
You know what are
You know what you did
I say farewell to
My fighting chance
It didn’t matter in the end
No matter what I did

I sold myself for your life sentence
I carry the burden of your sins
The end was already written
No matter what I did

My branches are heavy
I’m not ready to start over again
Nothing survives the winter
Looking through the window
I hear the voices of my past
Laughing back at me
I will never forget
The wildfires

There’s no way out
I am a shell of a the person
That I used to be before
No matter what I did
I never had a fighting chance
I say farewell to my chance for peace
AllyRose Jul 2018
He unbolted the locks
and untied my restraints,
which left painful bruises
and permanent marks.
  I could barely gather up
the strength to stand up
and make it to the door.
Then when I tried my
legs gave out and I fell
right on to the floor.
  As weak as a lamb
that can't hold the
weight of it's own wool.
He told me the shackles
I've worn were years ago
  There is a new pair
somewhere that I must fit into.
I listened because being in
a cage was all I ever knew.
AllyRose Jun 2017
A soul untainted, in the heart of a man.
Give me a reason to ignite the fire in this passion.
I see it in your eyes.
Your reason is still alive.
You can't seem to figure it out.
The answer lingers deep inside
I still believe in you.
I can't speak the words you want to say.
You need to tell them with confidence.
I see it in your eyes,
what you need to say.
I just need to hear you say it,
In order to get through the day.

— The End —