I was naive ;
you knew that yet you took advantage of me. 

You promised me sweet whispers but gave me bitter sneers.
You took my first everything but left me without answers.
You filled me with hope;
And left me with despair.  

A.C

cold hands
around my throat
dragging me under

i hold my breath
and clench my sheets
as if they were
an anchor

but when the wave hits
i am always swept away

Am I really meant for this?
to love without return, without hope
to love desperately and never quite have that which I love
my heart has been yearning my whole life for something-
perfect communion, perfect harmony- a partner in crime
a soulmate, someone to love me wholly
and you're going to tell me I can't have that? My whole life
I've been waiting and planning for it, but I will never have it.
people have always been telling me I have been too much
so I stopped sharing, I can't tell you how I feel in words
without crying, because I have always been a burden, an enormous
intensity of feeling, too much love for people to handle
too much hope, too much emotion, to share without crushing
I must bear the burden on my own, never to share, never to partner
never to communicate, to be equal, to bear with each other.
I must hold all of it within, with only the help of the Lord my God.
Am I really meant for this? Why?
Why would God make this destiny for me?
Why would God make this loving heart for heartbreak?

and then I remembered.

After all, I did ask to love like you, Lord.

I cant tell you the amount of times
Ive cried for you and drowned
in my tears and regrets

I cant tell you the amount of times
Ive dreamt of you and woken up
missing you more than I ever have

I cant tell you the amount of times
Ive looked for you at the bottom of a bottle just to realize I lost you forever

i’m broken
the way every writer is
broken and the words fall
out of the cracks.

“Does he make you laugh?”
I closed my eyes as his loving stare flashed in my mind.
*“He doesn’t make me cry.”

Everything is so versatile,
I wait for hours for you,
To just talk for a while.

You have a half minute conversation,
And am left with eyes of tears and face with smile.
What if I could let you know of, without hesitation?

But you are someone's, not mine...
And one day with this schedule,
My darling, I'd be fine.

Though it hurts a lot, that everything you forgot.
But now, I love the symbol of my love, these tears brine...
They take away all the anger for you every moment.

And I am made to love you even more,
Even though, for you am a parallel line..
I bolt the door and spill my emotions on the floor...

Have you ever seen my condition through that peep hole?

“I didn’t love him.
I barely liked him.
But he was heat at the peak of summer,
and he kissed like I was his last meal–
And I was looking for a body to drown in.
Back then, I had a candy-coated heart,
like flowers tucked in the pages of a hymnal,
and he had the thick, calloused hands
of a working man.
He talked like a friend,
but touched like an animal
and my bubblegum chest wanted that
in ways it couldn’t understand yet.
He asked what colors I kissed in
and the poet in me cracked open and spilled over–
Exposed like an open wound,
like all the soft, pink parts of me
I didn’t know about.
He was a means to an end:
my Machiavellian loss of innocence.
I don’t regret him,
but sometimes I wish I did.”

“It’s kinda messed up, isn’t it?

The person whom your world once revolved around,
You talked to almost all day long,
You had sweet late night messages with,
You spent time just doing ‘no nothing’ with,

How all of a sudden,
That person just woke up and decided to—
…never talk to you again.

No reason. No explanation. No words said.

Just left you hanging like you never meant **** to them.

What hurts most is how they made it look so easy.”