My missionary work, to an extent,
has been accomplished under grace;
most of the poetry I’ve composed
has been shared with the World,
with the intent of drawing others
towards The Kingdom and the face

of Christ, beloved Lord and Savior.
Pushed far out of my comfort zone,
I’ve taken this notion of identity,
that’s found solely in my Christ,
and pushed bravely forward with it-
at the dismay of brethren who bemoan

the label of Christian poet and author.
I can’t and won’t apologize for actions
taken to glorify God through evangelism;
Christ is the living Word; His Truth
courses through my spirit, as I explore
my Faith and understanding of Salvation.
.
.  
.
Author notes

Inspired by:
1 Thes 5:19 and

"A life fully lived out for Jesus is never a wasted life, because in it the true reward starts only the moment one dies, and from that time on wards the  dividend for the earthly investment they made continues to comes back without limit for the eternity that is ahead of them." —Abraham Israel

Learn more about me and my poetry at:
http://amzn.to/1ffo9YZ

By Joseph J. Breunig 3rd, © 2016, All rights reserved.

I hurriedly pull my street dusted , golden brown Toyota into the middle of a gas station war zone. The kind that turns neighbors into enemies, fighting to gain the only valuable piece of real estate around – the gas tanks. The drivers collectively sport the exact same exhausted and frustrated grimaces. A rusty and dated “ Exon Mobile” sign stands tall and strong against the sundrenched sky. The day is coming to a close, and the sun seems hurried to set as if it is exhausted from the day’s labors and expectations that it must rise again tomorrow, just like the gas station’s patrons. This station, to most, is just another stop. Another errand that puts itself between you and the warmth of home. This station, is just another stop. Another errand at the end of an endless day. But to me, this place is full of promise. This is the one place on earth that gives us life. It gives us the chance to see the world and to explore uncharted grounds. This place brings us closer to adventure and myseries, to happiness, to heartbreak, to feeling. This is the fuel and the energy that is waiting to help you make it to the hospital at 4 am to see the birth of a child. This old and worn pitstop let’s us fall in love with the world, with what we can see, with eachother.
But there is this silver truck with tires too big and a man two sizes to small in the passenger seat. There is a prominent dent in the left side door that has remained unchanged, unhelped, in weeks. As this silver, dented piece of metal sits in the way between me and my pajamas, I have the chance to stop. Not to stop because I’ve finally got to where I’ve been trying to go. Not to stop to pay the McDonald’s cashier in shameful regret of another broken new year’s promise. But to really stop. For an unexpectedly and disappointingly long time. To stop with no expectations. To be forced to just stop. And to wait. And to look around.

I like a church, I like a cowl,
I love a prophet of the soul,

And on my heart monastic aisles
Fall like sweet strains or pensive smiles;
Yet not for all his faith can see,
Would I that cowled churchman be.
Why should the vest on him allure,
Which I could not on me endure?

Not from a vain or shallow thought
His awful Jove young Phidias brought;
Never from lips of cunning fell
The thrilling Delphic oracle;
Out from the heart of nature rolled
The burdens of the Bible old;
The litanies of nations came,
Like the volcano's tongue of flame,
Up from the burning core below,
The canticles of love and woe.
The hand that rounded Peter's dome,
And groined the aisles of Christian Rome,
Wrought in a sad sincerity,
Himself from God he could not free;
He builded better than he knew,
The conscious stone to beauty grew.

Know'st thou what wove yon woodbird's nest
Of leaves and feathers from her breast;
Or how the fish outbuilt its shell,
Painting with morn each annual cell;
Or how the sacred pine tree adds
To her old leaves new myriads?
Such and so grew these holy piles,
Whilst love and terror laid the tiles.
Earth proudly wears the Parthenon
As the best gem upon her zone;
And Morning opes with haste her lids
To gaze upon the Pyramids;
O'er England's abbeys bends the sky
As on its friends with kindred eye;
For out of Thought's interior sphere
These wonders rose to upper air,
And nature gladly gave them place,
Adopted them into her race,
And granted them an equal date
With Andes and with Ararat.

These temples grew as grows the grass,
Art might obey but not surpass.
The passive Master lent his hand
To the vast soul that o'er him planned,
And the same power that reared the shrine,
Bestrode the tribes that knelt within.
Even the fiery Pentecost
Girds with one flame the Countless host,
Trances the heart through chanting quires,
And through the priest the mind inspires.

The word unto the prophet spoken
Was writ on tables yet unbroken;
The word by seers or sibyls told
In groves of oak, or fanes of gold,
Still floats upon the morning wind,
Still whispers to the willing mind.
One accent of the Holy Ghost
The heedless world hath never lost.

I know what say the Fathers wise,
The Book itself before me lies,
Old Chrysostom, best Augustine,
And he who blent both in his line,
The younger Golden-lips or mines,
Taylor, the Shakspeare of divines,
His words are music in my ear,
I see his cowled portrait dear,
And yet for all his faith could see,
I would not the good bishop be.

You blasted into this world running free to be yourself.
You needed no sanctuary to hide away from this strange world.
Please, remember tomorrow for we will all be sad,
because you're no longer with us. You've traveled to another life.

You were like a prodigal son, but not one of the drifters.
Not another children of the ******, invaders to this realm.
Yet life wasn't easy, it trapped you in an iron maiden,
thus you became the prisoner by the number of the beast.

Now you're gone, but it wasn't the killers who took you.
No murders in the rue Morgue put you in your own purgatory.
Don't think of this as an innocent exile or a total eclipse.
22 Acacia avenue awaits for his favorite client.

No need to run to the hills.
There is no twilight zone.
You lived by your true self
so hallowed be thy name.

These tired eyes have closed
To dream of better days, better times
"One day I will get out of this god forsaken place"
Too many times I've had egg on my face
I've always been lost in reality but the gravity is much worse
No choice or chance for me to grab, we can't all be winner eh?
In my head is the safest, come take shelter
For reality comes knocking with much more than harsh words
Choices to make no time to waste
Time to get out of this god forsaken place
Off to the land in my head safer than a fallout zone
No trouble in sight, in my head...all alone

Lisa and I finally tested covid-free! When we saw our results, we began an impromptu dance that felt like levitation.

Although my covid case seemed much milder, Lisa’s been nothing but supportive. Why just yesterday morning, before we tested, Lisa said, “If you test covid-free before I do, I’ll **** you.” She was holding a spork which gave the threat a specific gravity it might otherwise have lacked.
“Back off, Sweeny,” I said.

We worked the next day, masked - just in case - and I’d swear that Rebecca, my surgeon, almost smiled when she saw me. As funny as Rebecca is, off-hours, once she puts on that white coat - forgetaboutit - she goes to some other, humor-free zone.

That night, we went out to our favorite bar to celebrate our Lazarus-like resurrections.

In the club, as we were walking to the bar, Lisa asked me, “What if we get carded?” I gasped. Never, have I EVER been carded. To even suggest the possibility is to risk breaking a spell that has lasted since I was fifteen years old and first walked in the adult-bar world.

It’s not that I look old, I’ve been told I don't look 21 (although I’m almost 20) - but in dark, bar-light - I just look “right,” like I belong. And let's face it, no bar turns away college girls or charges them a cover - we’re good for business.

I put a hand on Lisa’s shoulder and stopped us in our tracks. “Turn around three times,” I said.
“Why?” She asked. “To break the god-****, bad luck, vu doo you just put on us!” I said exasperatedly. She shrugged and started to turn in a circle. Again I took her by the shoulders, “Counter-clockwise,” I instructed, “don’t you know anything?!” Once she’d broken the jinx, we were free to go on.  The next part can only be poetry.

Behind the bar were shelves of bottles, brightly lit,
with pastel glows that shame the merely silver moon.
Red rums, golden bourbons, begging you to commit,
elixirs that dull every pain and brighten every mood.
Give us your tired, your lonely, and like Houdini
we’ll invoke fun with mystical treats like martinis.

We were basking in those lantern-like glows, like tourists, in heaven, when a bartender said, “What can I get you?” How generous those words were, how open and inviting.

“What’s your name?” I asked, he was wearing a name tag but I leaned in and gave him my friendliest smile. It’s important to establish a personal connection - but you can’t get carried away. He might be gay and decide you’re trailer.

“Brian,” he said. Brian was talking to me, but then he’d noticed Lisa and suddenly, he couldn’t take his eyes off her (Lisa’s an adriana). This bartender wasn’t gay at ALL.

I handed him my black, Centurion, American Express card “Can we set a tab for us?” I motioned to include Lisa, “and please include a 30% tip for yourself.” I smiled. He smiled.
“Oh, and there’ll be a gentleman joining us as well (Charles).”
“Sure.” he said, as he swiped the card on his iPad, adding, “now, what are you having?”

I’m a bit of a bon vivant, where cocktails are concerned but tonight, we’ll keep it vanilla.
“We’ll start with a Cherry coke (for Charles) and,” I looked at Lisa for approval, “Two American Martinis?” She smiled, “Please,” I added, putting my card away.
The coke is psychologically important; it gives the bartender what’s called 'plausible deniability.’
“Do you have a menu?” I said, as he turned to go. “Coming right up,” he said.

We were on a rooftop terrace that overlooked the Boston skyline. To the left, there were tables enclosed in glowing, geodesic bubbles that changed colors and off to the right, a dance space where couples were dancing, and a DJ was spinning ‘Sorja Smith’s - Little things.’

Our drinks arrived and Lisa and I laughingly toasted our covid survival.
At that moment, at least, everything seemed right with the world.

One night I woke up suddenly,
Because I had a scary dream.
It was a real nightmare,
A horror full of human scream.

Dozens of terrifying creatures,
Frightened people, a real mess.
A danger on every corner,
And everything seemed hopeless.

At one point one creature saw me,
I was scared and all alone.
I started to run as fast as I could,
And tried to escape from the danger zone.

The creature was very big,
Dark colored, with scary eyes.
A fear was getting bigger and bigger,
I was covered with sweat as cold as ice.

I didn’t look behind me,
I just wanted to run away,
But creature was faster then me,
I had to find some other way.

I turned into a dark, little street,
And tried to find some place to hide.  
I didn’t know how far the creature was,
I hoped it would go to some other side.

I hid in some old wooden house,
Saw the stairs and climbed up,
But the creature angrily broke the door,
And a loud sound woke me up.  

Next thing which I remember,
I was lying in bad in my flat,
But this dream seemed so real,
I woke up all covered with sweat.

If silence was ever to be described,
It would be a safe zone in a war.
The calm before the storm,
Or merely the anesthetics fueled in
Before you can start to feel the pain again.

Her silence was just different,
It shrieked in a tearing pain,
Also the numbs the body throughout.
Without voice; it's louder than anything you'll hear.
But you should be worried more when she breaks the silence; and breakout.

-HIY

The Yellow River

Disoriented by Vietnamese beer,
I enter the hot zone
Approximately four inches
South of my intended
Insertion point,
And am repelled
By an aggressive
Guerilla resistance.

War is hell.

-Thomas L. Vaultonburg

a point when u feel abandoned by the people around u
a point when u loose it but u can't show it
a point when u wanna run away but u can't
what is your fault when the circumstances change
u didn't provoke someone to make them happen
the one who faces it is "U"
who decides that what is right n what is wrong
when people call u manipulative
don't jst feel bad
but kick that person out of our life
they don't deserve u
y shoud u pay for what others do
u make people trust u
u make people rely on u
u sacrifice ur comfort zone for them
but in the whole instance what did the other guy do?
the answer must be nothing
people face it
people ignore it
n when u try to clarify it out
they call u manipulative
a fresh start is nothing but a fake one
m going out not with a fresh start
but with a new one
going to people who genuinely care about me
who wanna be with me
unlike others who call u stubborn n manipulative jsst to protect their standard
m not changing
instead i m jsst converting into a new one

I am beautifully ******
in a zone wedged between
perfection and pleasure

perched on a throne of swans
with star's light illuminating my gaze

I wander through intricate plucking
into a field full of fresh, wet snow
I sway there, the sun warming my face

music ends and I'm still blissfully lost
next to the garden of my mom's first apartment

I stare into the tree of life's center
hoping that if I look deep enough
I'll find answers of what's to come and what has passed

Adam and Eve grin at me devilishly
and I want for nothing more than an apple

[endless ode on Marilyn M.]

The language of both is starting the field football
daughter watching her hair's hidden lives having
socks that can beam the skin w/out visiting the
crazy Museum, coveting the stupid thinking pen
& starting a conversation to know that Daniel''s
six six six suites; ****'s wilderness of a dying man
in the flat sense of the ghost; simply the first thing
he drinks ,a happy life's dark corners warm-up
a sport to be regarded as the goddess,   widely
in a lot of light stands the sweating
of the enemy,     he had been on the mountain,
& sat down so that 1 day's proceedings;
Cheap Flights to greatest movement augers lucidity,
always keeping the Jewish prospects toward the Society
of the lady & the permission of the individual,
a stranger to the mountain-barrier,           & in the street
of a stomacher,            w/             pictures of the human
*****, so that God, thanks be to sell it,          as one
remembers the dreams of a matter
of no importance to the visitor,
a madman in the Museum,              covetous of a fool,
I took hold of the pen                     & he began to send
a messenger in full, Jack,       six times six of clothing
& ****, in the wilderness,
a dying man,                                 he fully in the Latin
sense gave up the ghost's
qualifications in the first meet       a man for drinks,
& have a happy life, part dark,       the warm-up sport
to be regarded as the goddess is widely held to be Loved
in the light of, or in that they sweat,     the enemy turned
to their visions of the mountains,         settled in to order
to 1 day of the Attorney before broadcasting bright,
always keeping the Jewish facing society managing
to allow everyone to visit the hill opposite the street
where they sell a bandaged pictures of the human
***** may thanks prostitutes to remember his dreams;
1 volume slip crew sheath to buy face now, alas,
mean lady's,      from the morning watch even until night
by medicines the fate of the queen; The language of both
is starting field football daughter watch the hair hidden
lives have socks talking radius of leather to visitors
in the crazy Museum,   coveting the stupid thin pen
& starting a conversation to know Daniel,
these men drink ***, clothing,        **** wilderness
dying man flat sense of the ghost simply
the first thing he drinks a happy life part dark,
the warm-up a sport to be regarded as the goddess
& wide in diameter the light, to stand in the sweating
of the enemy, he had been on the mountain,
& sat down to me again the day they were,
Flights to greatest movement augur lucidly,
always keeping the Jewish prospects toward
Society of the lady the permission of the individual,
a stranger to the mountain-barrier,
& in the street of a stomacher, pictures
of a human *****, render thanks to God
in a manner, that Her stockings were yet talking
to him w/ the rays of the skin, hearing the things
of which is not of the visitor to a madman's Museum,
covetous of a fool, & I took hold of the pen
& began to send a message to tell Jack these men
drink & women,
Clothing for ****, the wilderness, the dying man,
he fully in the sense gave up the ghost qualification
at the first meeting, where a man drinks & has a happy life,
part dark, the warm-up sport to be regarded as the goddess
is widely Love the light, & on the sweat of the back
of the enemy,      black Visa favorable
to do the day of the Attorney before broadcasting
bright, always keeping the Jewish facing society
manage.  allow everyone to visiting hill opposite the street
w/ a bandaged picture of the human *****
maybe,    he thanks the prostitutes to remember his dreams
I roll slip must belong to the order's face;
oh, now it's mid-lady from morning to night,
the fate of the Queen by medicines; The language of both
the starting field football's daughter watching the head
of the hidden life socks that beam out of the skin
is not visitor crazy Museum wants to be stupid,
thin pen started conversation know, Daniel six six suites
of **** in the wilderness, he left a clear sense of the ghost;
simply the first drinks, happy hiding warm mocked
be regarded as the goddess,  & widely casts    a lot of light,
rise ye away the sweat of the enemy,
had been to the mountain,
sat down by 1 day of the advance of Attorney
to the greater movement of the lucid propaganda,
always keeping the Jewish prospect
is toward the Society of Mary, the permission
of the individual; a stranger to the mountain-barrier,
& the street of the bandaged picture
of a human *****,               rendering thanks to God
the seller & I remember having dreams,
a matter of note is the visitor, harmful
to the Museum,                               cheese w/ a fool,
a small pen began messaging to overturn
a jack six of six & clothing dregs
of The Wilderness in the dying,
& fully in the sense they gave up the ghost
absolutely first to meet a man, happy life,
the dark, the warm-up of the game
will be like a goddess widely loved in the light of God,
they see the enemy,     more sweat,
itching is set to 1 on the attorney at the pool always
magnificent Jews such company manage
each visit the hill opposite the street w/ ashes
on the board to give the human *****,
prostitutes came dreams, remember roll fallen crew
1 sheath to buy face now, Alas, the lady's mean
by from the morning watch even until night
by mendicants, the fate of the queen;    The language
of both the starting field football's daughter watching
the head of the hidden life socks talking radius zone
to w/out the visitor to the crazy Museum wants to be stupid,
this pen started the conversation to know Daniel
& these men, drink, ***,          clothing sediment wilderness,
he left a clear sense ghost simply the first thing
were seen, that the happy life of a part of it is dark,
warm-up from the training school shall come to pass,
as the goddess of vast diameter of the light,
& stand forth in the sweat of relief from the enemy,
that he had been there in the mount,    & he sat down
to me this day, there are Flights to the major movement
of the propaganda lucid, always keeping the Jewish prospect
is toward the Society of Mary,
the permission of the individual
a stranger to the mountain,
the opposite of the street of a fascist image
of the human *****, thanks be to God,
such as Argyle socks & he spoke according
to the rays of the skin,           to hear why he is the visitor,
harmful to the Museum of Cheese w/ a fool,
I took hold of the pen he began to till I might send anger,
to overthrow, Jack, this drink & the supply of clothing
& the dregs are in the wilderness of him that dieth,
he is fully a sense, gave up the ghost qualification
in the first to meet a bear robbed of her drink,
'blessed are aspect of life', held spellbound;      A Rarity
warm-up goddess widely mocked be love light sweat
& the enemy behind makeup before a lake suitable
to the day clear attorney always in control
of the Jewish one's company to visit the grave
of bandaged pictures of the human ***** on the street
as prostitutes actions to slip, so remember
to roll dreams,     Oh, face the lady, now Queen Fate
of the drug of the languages of morning & midnight

They questioned him.
One doubted him.
And one denied him.
While one was dis-loyal to him.

He knew it.
He confronted it.
And might approved of it.
Cause he had a mission to do.

And requested this crew to follow him.
And through it all, he showed love.

Fear, he has never known.
And if he did.
He had a shield protecting him.
While he accomplished his goal.

Which was to make God known.

When surrounded by people seeking his miracles.
He rely on them to believe.

We all know that personal doubt doesn't accomplish anything.
That's why?
We call upon the name Jesus.

From his hem to his hands.
This man has the power to heal.
For faith within us is a strong force of wealth.
Which we find in his signs and his symbols to us.
When we think the Word only blinds us.

Which we found the lord teaching his disciples.
That we walk by faith and not by sight.
Cause then we would stay in a comfort zone.

Andrew.
Peter.
Batholomew.
Stephen.
James.
Joseph, are just a few.
But all of his close students had a job to do.
And this included Judas too.
Cause his decision created more then we know.

That once a bad decision is decided.
You must face the consequences of your action.
And Jesus death was for a reason.

To some he's a mystery.
To some he's a living dream.
To the believer, he's the King of Kings.
Walking daily in our presence with joy.

When questioned?
Asnwer.
When doubted?
Challenge them.
When denied?
Push truth.
And your inner soul will find peace.

Cause, who said?
Peace I give to you.
You know the answer.
It was Jesus.

Rights belongs to Jeffrey Conyers

The last time I was in the room with a ******
flowers speckled my hair,
pink as privates, cloud-white. I considered our honeymoon
and thought about how we loathe
sunshine, but would create our first bed on roses
after I have spent five or more years removing her thorns.

I did not know about clotheslines being used
for more than our damp second skins.

She once described it as a construction zone, being the
property of some government
who does not care if it ruins someone's habitat
to build a brand new home. But I do not know if I can say
the same; a house is your mountain above
all hurt, only you
can jump from the top and make yourself bleed.

There I sat and swung on wooden benches,
my most disturbing thought a wonder of how it could hold
me. The sky was supposedly blue,
just now I cannot remember, colorblind of any
possible plane forming smiling men above our heads.

Sometimes, things are not on the tip of my tongue
but still making their way through my
brain-cells. I wanted to lay down on my stomach for love
be a carpet of hair, unshaven legs, sweat beads
until the clouds showed me handcuffs. My
safe lover, agoraphobic, now I can understand why.

I did not think about blankets being used as
shields, or mattress springs made of barbed wire.

If I had known, I would have eaten
my own hair and thrown up every petal on your doorstep,
their broken flower souls, now warm-blooded.

Intro

Your voice always gets to me through
the convincing brutal honesty in verbal abuse.
From the moment I first heard you, I knew
I could never win with you,
but I didn't wanna lose,
'cause you made me high too.
I know it's not an excuse, but I choose
to stay confused and just refuse
to let it go and say goodbye to you.
What if I'll feel so empty without you?
Without the feeling I'm in now,
'cause I love being in it
forever everywhere, I swear, I mean it.
And I guess there's nothing wrong with having a little crush on you
just for a minute.
It's okay, but hey,
I'm not trying to justify a guy with a short fuse
and mean demeanor.
I mean, I know it can be meaner.
No matter how amused by you,
I kind of feel like I'm used.
Not that I accuse you, just warn you
that it's a bad habit you'd better not get used to.
Though, you're still my muse.
I wish I were your muse too
so that I could listen to your new song like I used to,
'cause it's exhausting,
but I can't help listening to your awesome anguishing agony,
your music you use to let loose,
release exhaust fumes,
your evergreen, everlasting spring in solitary, torturing you.
Much as I wouldn't dare fit in your shoes,
I'd like to rap with you, but I live in ludicrous blues.
You gave me so much pain and pleasure through your art,
that grew so deep into your soul and your body that you now embody rap.
And I want to thank you accordingly,
repay you with both sides of the same coin,
with the range of reflections from hilarious rage to evil love.
So, sweetie, sit back and relax,
while I'm performing to you my rap dance.
Enjoy.


Pipe Dream

Of course, you don't know me as a person.
By the way, it's also vice versa,
I don't know you either.
It's not like I wrote a lot of verses.
But I wish this one could make us closer.
It's a pity you'll never read it.
But if you did, it would mean the world to me,
especially if you wrote back.
It would be an event of the scale of the second advent,
'cause you are closed for me like a celestial deity,
hidden behind the veil of a subconscious dream so far,
at the same time, so close like God,
sorry, my bad, lord Satan.
As an artist, you draw attention to your life show
along with prayers, praise, and worshiping you kids’ letters,
not reaching the addressee.
Where do they go,
Santa Claus?
To the North Pole,
where it's so cold,
forty below zero?
Isn't it a bit too low for yo’ **-**-hos?
No, yeah, you're right.
What if an addresser
is a transgender ******, ******, or a crossdresser?
Still, it breaks my heart that it's just a pipe dream,
which is impossible to get satisfied with,
as appealing as it is.
Ah, what you gonna do?
An addict takes what he needs.
So I gotta try to make it come true.
I will keep writing to believe that I can get through to you.
I'm aware of how much time it may take.
But as long as magic is real, my feelings aren't fake.
I can always find time for you,
even though you never have it for me.
I don't care what your name is and where you are from
or how much money you've got in your bank account.
It only matters how you perform.
After all, you've won an Oscar,
not for being a good actor, though.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Credit where credit’s due.
You did play your *** off
staying true to yourself, showed the world
your cold white cocky cheeky ***,
and opened up your incandescent soul
as if it's a bold, wide-open, giant *******,
inflicting your **** upon the world,
being a sassy drama-queen pain in the ***,
'cause you're an *******.
That may make me look like I'm your worst fan.
But I really didn't wanna hurt your feelings at all.
It's just, no matter what you do,
open your mouth, be sad as ****, or, God forbid, even smile,
some bunch of people that see you
somehow manage to get ******* every time.
You're **** right, it's true.
Well, I guess, of all people,
you should appreciate a rapturously sarcastic joy.
Don't take offense, I'm only kidding,
just playing with you, my favorite toy.
For what it's worth,
you are the best superhuman Rapboy
on Earth.
With this, you've been blessed and cursed, a sinner since birth.
Jesus, can you believe this?
They say you're a genius.
If it isn't love, I don't know what it is.
Except it might be some kind of addiction or a contagious disease.
And as every disease, it will increase,
then finally cease and release.
Or maybe not, then I will tragically die
and, hopefully, find my peace with ease.
Compared to tormenting life,
it must be a piece of cake,
easy as pie just to decease.
Anyway, you probably shouldn't even read this,
I have to admit.
Indeed, why would you read it,
when you got your own ****?
Well, I guess, everyone has a story nobody gives a **** about.
Anyhow, should you, however, dare read it now,
make sure you still have enough spare time
and there's no one around
to wipe your *** and polish your crown,
‘cause it's long, and you're not that young
to be disturbed or waste your time.
You know, I didn't want to post this verse at first.
Nor did I want to elaborate on many things.
Then some time has passed.
And my brain did it anyway,
‘cause it's what it does.
So I thought it's worth a shot.
What the hell? Let's see how it goes,
pens out, and grows.
It may get complicated.
But I hope you'll understand it.
You can do it. I believe in you.
It must not be that hard for a thinker of your caliber,
the caliber, intrinsic to Glocks.
Now, let's see how the magic works.
Are you ready, big fat rap star boy,
still sick, slim shady?
All right, let's go already.
Or I'll write a little bit more
by the time you have read it.
Note that I've got the same habit.
Since I was fifteen years old, I've had it.
I happened to start listening to rap, also.
That’s right, I wrote poems.
That was my way to cope with problems.
And I still write at times like it's my dope,
a slippery ***** for my word flow,
which, I hope, won't turn to be a suicide note
of a writer, who's already soaped the rope.
Don't worry, I'm fine.
Like your life is sacrificed for a reason,
all your **** is written for the sake of a rhyme.
The same is with mine.
Just make sure you don't sacrifice the reason for a rhyme
to realize in the end, that there's no rhyme or reason, in fact, in your life,
besides the one, created by your mind.
And it knows deep inside,
that there is no reason in a rhyme.
I know, this habit’s bad, it's wrong,
and I should stop, but no,
I keep editing and adding,
‘cause I'm an addict.
That's probably all perfectionists’ problem.
Thanks to the absence of writer’s block,
you also have it,
enjoying the process of getting inspired by your own notebook
with your code-like raps,
where you draw your sick brain’s map
to figure out or calculate the cure for you,
spill ill evil through your bleeding letters,
that can help others use ‘em as ladders
to get up above and beat their deep, bitter, sad madness,
being still angry, though, and stuck in old patterns.
By the way, I do it too.
So I’mma roast your *** in a stove
as no one else ever did before,
my tasty rabbit.
It's gonna be hotter than hell.
So hot that the devil himself
will envy you at first,
then feel so sorry for you, baby,
that he will even let you endeavor
to get into heaven.
May I have your attention, please?
Stand up for yourself, if you will.
No, wait, actually, the real question now is,
am I ready to mess with the real Slim Shady?
Wow! That's unheard of and a lil’ intimidatin’, to be honest.
So, be that as it may, we shall see.
I guess, it depends on how deep
we can take this… whatever it is.
Anyways, it won't hurt him, nope.
I promise.
I hope, you don't wanna burn this **** just yet.
After all, you haven't even read it.
If no, then let's get real. Get ready.
Shall we, Mr. Mathers-Shady?
Follow me, my dear.
Let's go already.


Obsession

I actually see that
we share the same illusion of
mutual love.
Sometimes it seems, though,
I'm a bit delusional
and stuck in appealing bluff
with my life, cut in half.
As I am torn in two between me and you,
getting the wrong impression
and making the false conclusion
of falling for you like a fool,
eager to lose myself in this confusion
and overwhelming passion,
in an instant, turning into the irrational obsession of a buff
that's stunningly never enough,
'cause it makes me feel special,
a rough fuse on the expression
of the eternal hunger for love.
Life is worthless without this feeling.
Isn't that how it's supposed to be?
I just gotta keep believing
that it's not destroying me.
I'd been living in denial for a long time, though,
lying to myself that you were not bad, not good either,
just gradually growing on me, fantasizing,
pretending that you could be my friend,
feigning that I wasn't your fan.
Unfortunately I am.
But I do my best not to be.
I do all I can.
It doesn't help.
Yeah, I know it's bad for my head.
Man, but I didn't even know
how seriously I was hooked on
your songs back then
and didn't realize
how deeply I was in love with my little, clandestine,
indecent, innocent, beautiful lies.
Yes, it's unhealthy.
Yet, I can't help it.
It just happened.
I guess it had to happen.
Dang! I don’t understand it
and hate to admit
that it's a nasty, hot pleasure and pain
to be your stan.
Still, I can't stand the idea that I can't leave ya,
no matter how hard I try.
I just can't withstand.
In my defense, I'm a petite woman,
and you're a superman.
As always, what I resist persists.
Maybe I'm trying too hard.
I guess, it's a curse of a perfectionist,
the neurosis of being too smart,
when a scull can't contain too big a brain,
which is pretty much useless for the heart.
I'd love to have faith in your words, my god,
believe the irresistible, sweet lie,
the convincing feeling
that you are extremely appealing and hot,
the attractive illusion I want to believe in.
I think I'll forgive you,
even if you hurt me, make me cry,
‘cause you are so sweet, smooth, and swift,
like a knife
for every bonnie girl to collide with.
And I don't know why
I have to live with this wound in my heart till the day I die,
this ****** hole, caused by cold steel of the blade, stealing my life.
Maybe it's because this wild fire,
being born in me, burns in me,
burning me while I'm still alive.
And I still can't understand why.
Beauty doesn't have to make sense, I guess,
unless you have the audience to impress.
Extremely explicit expression is sincere and enough to have meaningless ***
or even make love.
Man, if I've ever actually met you, I'd be like,
“Wow! How?
I mean, Hi.
My name is…
Ah, forget it.
It's nice to meet you.
But why the hell do I feel suddenly so ******* high right now?
If I died now, I wouldn't mind.”
Yeah, I do like you a lot, I like your style.
It's like I've known you all my life.
Man, are you outstanding.
I'd even wear a T-shirt with your face if I had one
to honor your eminent name and enrich your fandom.
So you see it's bad for mental health
to tell people, especially ****** poetry junkies everything about yourself.
You know, I'd love your words even more
if I were you.
I mean, if you were me, bro.
Nonetheless, I am the victim of your art now,
like in a way you are of mine.
You just don't know it yet,
being trapped by the sense of mind
in the cage of space and time.
Hard to read it, huh?
Sure, you can read it, duh.
Nothing is impossible for you, superstar.
Don't be ******* your stans. It's not fair.
Oh, you're not? You love ‘em? Okay, then.
It’s just, being your fan can be a sweet dream or a nightmare,
from which they can't wake up so far,
‘cause it's so good to not quite understand
that they all can be their own stars.
So in their souls, they really all are.


Addiction

I keep coming back to your addictive personality,
'cause it's a part of me,
my personal reality
in a childish, stupidly struggling with my own aggression mentality
that pulls me in like gravity
of the synergetic, badly needed duality.
You are my dark shade,
angry and always hungry twin
in a distorting mirror,
a meaner reflection in me.
And you complete me and keep me on track,
even though it leads to a brain wreck,
violent calamity,
causing a permanent damage
due to the lack of virtuous verbal morality,
offensive obscene insanity
that almost makes you a possessive fiend,
***** devil, pure evil, the enemy of the humanity,
having fun, making fun of everybody,
making fans of them, including me.
******* my brains, instead of making love,
******* with this ****** up reality
you tried to get distracted from
through getting addicted to drugs, though.
You would substitute your depression
with substance abuse and excessive passion,
embracing your obsession
and balancing in the range of rage and compassion,
hurting people you love
because people who were supposed to love you, hurt you too.
That, I have enough empathy to understand
for one reason.
And I'm not proud of it,
but I have to admit
that, sadly, I kinda do the same
for the same reasons.
Shame on me.
You know, even if you try all the drugs of the world,
you won't find the true meaning of existence.
Most importantly, you'll get no love.
Yeah, youth gives you tons of opportunities to check your body for resilience.
As if killing the body can make the spirit stronger.
Too strong a spirit can spare your body of the aging inconvenience
so that you would have no more doubts about your divine power any longer.
Then again, I don't wanna complain,
but I find myself in your pain,
drowned in the inane feeling I can't explain,
running away from this stupid game
to feel not so lame and remain sane,  
trying to commit to the promises I've made to myself in vain
about resolving the main issue of staying in the same habitual refrain,
even if I have to abstain from your demonic music with diabolical lyrics
or at least change my name,
claiming to have found a new aim to regain my dignity.
It’s supposed to make me feel better, but it ain’t.
I hope I'm on my way to break free from shame and blame,
the flame of emotional lability,
still restrained,
being mesmerized by the vicious samsara circle of infinity,
this magnificent ouroboros
of the endless sense of gain or loss,
stored in countless stories about yesterdays and tomorrows,
in the illusory plot, written carefully for us,
in neverending, invisible time that everyone borrows.
Now, I don't mind being a fan of someone who's already dead.
But of someone who's still alive?
That's just sick, living legend.
Don't you think?
Would you like to know the date of your dying day?
Or you're afraid?
How would it change your life?
Would foreseeing the future make you wiser?
Yeah, your life is not my business, I know.
I should be focused on my own.
See, I start realizing
that I’m a sinner, ‘cause I idolize you.
How did I end up in your satanic cult without invitation?
Boy, do I look yet like I need to be exorcized
or just meditate and exercise
in a silent harbor of a life-saving rehab
after a highly enlightening, heart-warming, emotional intervention?
As if I'm possessed by the supernatural force of obsession
that wants to be expressed with an excessive passion.
You know what I mean.
Man, you've been high so many times
that you forgot how to come down.
An addict turned into a drug,
creating literally a dope art,
even if it's ironically about recovery.
But the only difference is that now you are your own god,
while your bible is a dictionary,
which kinda looks like another addiction to me.
And once you felt it,
you just can't help it,
'cause you're an addict,
master of intellectual lust,
brain ******* graphomaniac,
skilled to cerebrally *******
till reaching an intellectual ******.
You’re trained to write till the pain in your brain.
I do get that too, yes.
But I'd rather have *** till the pain in my ***.
You don't enjoy your life.
That's why you try to hide behind your stupid rhymes,
covering your body with tattoos,
head in hood,
trying on horns and hooves.
Man, you're a ******* rapper,
'cause you're not happy.
When you are really happy,
you don't need any reason or words to heal.
Misery begets more misery.
But how come your pain brings speechless love that I feel?
It's a **** mystery.
Do you wanna be loved now or remembered forever?
You bully yourself to stay hungry.
Man, I think about you 24/7
to feed my libido, be in love,
stay inspired 100%, and
believe that I can live now and survive later,
as I'm overinspired by my love for you.
I'm not sure if I want to be always this honest.
Do you want me to?
Would you take a leap of faith in my truth
rather than inspire hope?
I ******* doubt it.
You did your best to get into my head,
my jam-tomorrow dope.
Now you can't get out and
act like you don't give a **** about it.
The first reaction is usually, "Why the **** do I need this?"
And next thing you know, you can't help inquiring,
"How am I supposed to live now without it?"
You made me fall in love with you,
popped up in my heart out of the blue.
Satanically evil devil.
Diabolically saint Satan.
I'm high on you,
feel like I’m in heaven,
like I've never felt better,
not in this life, I haven't.
Yet, again, the best trip I'm having
turns into a massive crash of the system,
which is the side effect
of a major crush on you.
How the hell did that happen?
I wish it were just a squish,
‘cause I don't wanna be a part of your harem,
like you got no one better to do.
Oy oy oy, my bad, are you a nice, coy boy.
That's how it must feel to be the victim of a marketing ploy,
advertisement subterfuge.
But the toll we all have to pay
as consumers, trapped by an artificial but appealing rap decoy,
sometimes seems to be too huge.
You know, it's quite a toil
to use a troll as a *** toy
instead of a ***** or a *****,
‘cause sooner or later, you get annoyed
enough to turn a reader
into a writer, fighter for more freedom.
Fine by me.
It doesn't have to be a big deal, though.
Turn around, I'm here.
Boo!
I kid. Chill, it's just a joke,
and there’ll be more.
I know, to you, it's like a nice gesture.
Yeah, I'm funny like that,
such a clown, court jester.
See, the neurons, connected with you,
in my head, are so ******* fat.
I can't get rid of them just like that,
like you can't get rid of yours.
I mean those neurons,
responsible for your best singles,
favorite songs
that became your essence,
unwavering core,
ese, as endless rhyming essays
in the eternal spring of your solo soul.
So in the screaming silence of the solitude,
I lost my heart to you.
I’m wasted on yo’ bars.
You are amazing, dude.
I’m crazy about you.
It's so bizarre.
As your ambition was once to conquer the world,
mine is to conquer your heart and earn your love,
'cause you are currently my world.
My universe is you.
Well, *******!
Now, what am I supposed to do?


Fairy Tale

You can't force a person to see the world through your eyes,
nor is it possible to explain or describe
a three-dimensional feeling by means of words
unless your listener is familiar with it, of course,
‘cause while you are trying to convince an impervious fool,
there's nobody but you, as a rule,
to be receptive to the exaggerations of your word,
and at the end, you start to yell to get through as usual,
having convinced yourself even more.
But it sounds as if you are killing it like a boss,
making a mess of thoughts
I can relate to, 'cause
mine are similar, but yours are worse,
spectacular, but also ghastly, disgusting, crass, and gross.
Like grass, your **** grows and attracts flies and crows.
Nice choice of words,
looks like a can of worms,
bananas verbose neurosis,
but also awesome and so virtuoso.
Verbiage, verboseness, verbosity, verbosis
to show all the ******* who here the boss is,
rhyming circumlocution,
the freedom-of-speech revolution,
pleonasm,
the pleasant to ears associative redundancy of a word chasm.
It tastes so good,
even if it's a rhymeless wormy orange fruit
with a surreptitious core
I wouldn't risk foraging for food,
‘cause it looks suspicious, like a cute *****,
though, delicious till the very last bite
of the canned worm pie
on a golden wordish dish
with a red hot cherry on top that charms
as usual with the illusion of being in your right mind
and having the might to drop the mic
to paralyze and reward you with a cerebral ******.
And those bozos
who don't get it can **** your *****
and buzz off, morons.
Right? Just drop dead and permanently get lost.
I guess with this, you're blessed and cursed,
cursed to make crosswords out of curse words,
cursed to swear, spitting rhyming slurs,
hurting others’ feelings with your screaming street slim slam poetry about how Shady did it,
hidden in your diabolically crazy schemes,
arising from infuriating poverty,
just ‘cause that's how real this **** feels.
Well, duh. That hurts.
I didn't realize it at first.
Now I admire that you don't get tired
of trying to describe it,
Although inspiring,
it can be hard and unfulfilling,
but you're a fighter.
Rap god, living in us, you are one of us,
Houdini in a hoodie, who disappears whenever he wants,
hides under the hood, behind the bars.
It looks like we're on the same page.
I'm full of fierce rage,
balancing and cutting myself in half on a rough, iron, sharp edge
rather than in the golden middle between the extremes of the dualistic system.
You're on the rampage,
use your finesse to impress
for the sake of success.
Chasing perfection, neither can I finish writing this verse,
nor return the gift and close Pandora's box,
a perplexing, puzzling paradox.
I gave up. I can't stop
I'm in deep funky ****,
literally drowning in it,
taken, smitten. I'm ******,
apparently, permanently stuck,
and deeply, irreparably ****** up.
It seems to be as long as my life
with no dead ends and a deadline in the end of life,
a fantastic dream within a dream I'm in,
a fairy tale my soul comes in
to make love out of war
and die after ****** with an eternally grateful smile,
as if I'm sentenced to doing my time
writing sentences and lines in rhyme for life.
And I don't wanna do anything else.
What for?
Do I have to? Who cares?
The limit is the sky,
where my head stays
for a while.
Here I dwell in my fairy tale.
Why?
Why do I pursue unreachable perfection?
I don't know.
Why were we born?
Why do we live?
Why do we die?
Oh my, am I too high?
If not, am I creating a masterpiece or slowly losing my mind?
Am I like the butterfly that flies too close to the fire?
Why is it writing itself? What is this?
What the **** is this?
Can anyone explain it to me, please?
The prose of life with an empty purse
and pockets isn't my purpose.
Why the **** does it seem, then,
that the process of writing this verse is?
I'm inspired by everything at this point.
Every word is a potential trigger.
All I need is to pull it as quickly as possible.
Like literally, I hear a word,
and bam! My head is about to explode,
as if I am in God Mode.
Oh, no! Try to calm down, meditate. Doesn't work.
Should I meditate a bit more?
Yeah, sure. Why not?
Uh-oh, here we go again.
And I start to elaborate on the word that I've heard before,
turning it into the flow of rhyming thoughts
to the rhythm of my heart,
writing several verses at once
in different tongues,
both not quite civil, though.
I feel like I'm a walking poetry,
even better, a living controversy,
or an unstoppable stupid-genius oxymoron.
In fact, I've already gotten so high
that it looks like I'mma leave this planet far behind.
See, it sounds as if I was kidnapped,
taken roughly, though subliminally,
without preliminary tenderness or warnings
during napping,
unaware of what had happened,
like a precious princess
with a priceless soul of a dainty deity
and a diety, dandy, one-million-dollars-price silicone ***
by some kind of madness,
possessed by the destiny of a goddess and a demoness
in cahoots, en rapport with a rap poetess,
since I didn't start this emotional dance of the sense
from the cognitive mess
of the chaotic subconsciousness,
I think I can control more or less,
on purpose.
It was a coincidence,
like self-awareness,
for I am now the feeling,
one, alone,
at the same time, not at home.
There is, in fact, no me at all
or no meaning for all
beside the one that has found you.
It's your life, where you are free to move on.
I call it destiny.
Well, then let it be.
And who doesn't agree
can kiss the goddess’s *** for free.
You get the gist?
Please, don't resist the culmination of my made-up friendship,
I insist.
Sorry, I don't know why, but I just need this.
We are together in this sensation
that stubbornly persists to exist.
Would you care to accept the respect of a crazy fan and a frenzy friend, at least,
the affection of a hungry hunter, my rare and beautiful beast?
No? Man, all right, then, look.
I'll do all Cinderella's chores,
but I'll write a book.
It will be about you
and me,
and all people on the planet, actually,
for you to read, snuggled in a cozy nook.
I'm looking forward to
our virtual, romantic rendezvous,
where I'll leave you
with this shiny, glass shoe,
a virtual piece of me,
****** into the fairy-tale reality
you got hooked on already.
See you at the ball, my dark prince.
Face your fate on the day we meet.
Although it's blind, with no specific date,
don't be late, babe, please.
And, hey, just in case,
you may need to call for a priest.
No ****. As my first chore,
I've sewn my bootyhole,
‘cause princesses don't ****, don't ****,
and don't get old.
Or I'll just kiss a frog and see my pumpkin turn into a car.
Or even better, kiss me, and I'll wake up.


Stan’s Shadyverse

It's time to overcome my fear of you to disappear.
Your music flows already in my blood,
like a virus or a drug.
The ***** voice I hear,
your witty tongue, caressing, kissing, penetrating my ear,
touches my heart.
The devouring power
grabs my soul and drags it to the black hole of art,
the void of desire
that unavoidably draws a butterfly to the fire.
What a cruel life satire!
It's so **** beautiful
and looks as though
I'm literally about to see god,
even though I know I'm not.
I'm not that dumb,
just dumb enough
to think I am too smart for that.
I hope I won't lose my religion and not starting to write a new bible,
'cause what you sing and write,
it feels so right,
an enlightening bright ray of light at night
in your every single new album.
I love the way you tell your truth and lie.
I love the way you blow my mind,
causing something similar to euphoria,
the whole body's ******,
such a great pleasure. Oh, my!
But it sounds like you pay for this with your excruciating pain.
It comes to my head, screws my brain,
turns me on, and again,
rapes my mind.
You play me like a guitar.
In other words, I might say,
I love the way you sound,
like a little, fascinating, too loud tweety bird
in love, inspired in spring in the forest,
with a mellifluous voice,
who repeats again and again the same chorus
after a snappy verse with melodramatic words
and sings for the moment
of love that lasts as long as the bird’s song flows.
You don't want it to stop with the arousing desire to seize it, capture, shoot or record.
God, would I give it all to you,
if I were this kind of bird too.
However, the bird also yells a lot, spits, swears, *****, and mocks.
******* mockingbirds! They are the worst.
While I seem to express a meaningful feeling.
I mean, for some reason, it's very fulfilling
like a beautiful windy dance of a sense
and an emotion in energy motion
that doesn't even need to cling to words.
Still got a lot to stay severe about? So what?
There is no time.
You are now here with me, my funny, blue, serene forget-me-not.
With you, I feel no fear.
It sounds surreal, so weird, yet so astoundingly sincere.
In no way do I wanna hinder, or interfere.
But you complete me.
You brought me here.
Now I'm near you, I'm yours
in my daydream that feels so real,
so clear, so dear, so close.
Close the door, turn off your mind.
I will be soft and kind.
I give you my word.
Take off your clothes,
your flesh and bones,
expose your whole soul,
lose yourself in my world.
Come here. Calm down.
You are with me now.
I can't fake it
when I see you vulnerable and naked,
because being with you in the buff
makes me feel that I'm in love.
The ice, baby, break it.
Find yourself in the sea of my eyes, take it.
Here me out, acknowledge me, my god.
I want to be your peer without a doubt
or any intermediaries except one love,
that's free from a logical dualism between us.
I'm also standing on the stage, although behind the scenes,
clandestinely, as no one can see me.
As though I’m destined to persevere in
expressing myself in this verse.
Can I impress you like you impress me? Just curious,
reluctant to confess to a tempting attempt to sin.
I think it's innocent but serious,
the best delirious experience
I've ever felt with you within,
inside my mind, under my skin,
between reality and a 3D dramatic dream.
I mean you and me in
my strong, magnetic, parallel, shady Universe.
Or is it just a wrong, too long, pretentious pseudo-song that makes me furious?
I guess I'm not talented enough to be brief.
Not even close.
On the other hand, I prefer my ****** to never end
and to spread the ecstatic light of my love as far as possible.
My thoughts are just too concentrated into one sharp point or a sticky, thick ball.
They have to be diluted with water
to be baked as waffles.
In addition, God opened my skull
and made scrambled eggs of my brains
to be served on a silver plate with trifles.
What a savory course, delectable meal,
too enlightening, delightful, and intellectual even for me
to be cooked, gulped, and pooped into a gold bowl.
Being an amazing, captivating puzzle
and attractive word construction,
it can bewilder and bedazzle,
bamboozle, distract from the world destruction
which is pretty scary,
like a bad dream,
a realistic nightmare, worth hiding from in a daydream.
So I cling to this shady verse not to forget it
so that I don't have to feel sorry for myself later and ******* regret it.
Follow the white rabbit.
Do you get it?
Neo, take the right pill.
Be the creator of your own reality inside the matrix
you see in 2D,
because you know that in the other reality is the other you.
Switch your attitude,
shift your mood.
Paradoxically as it may sound,
to stay adequate in this reality,
you gotta get higher,
go beyond its boundaries,
zoom out,
and see it from outside for a while,
reach for the opposite extreme
and feel grateful for the opportunity
to increase the potential for further growth
and follow your dream.
Lose your mind for some time,
as if you are madly in love,
eager to give yourself to this feeling completely.
It's also fine to be in a surprised state of mind,
like when through humor or inappropriate ******,
you are freed, shocked, flashed, or mooned by someone just for fun.
Overcome the fear of leaving your comfort zone.
Lose yourself, but not for too long and too far
lest you get used to the new way of existence.
Keep the balanced distance
so that you could come back
before you forget how to be found.
You're allowed to do crazy things in your dreams as opposed to reality,
'cause you're basically unconscious,
I suppose, to get the full access to the freedom of will for your avatar,
when you are free from the system of rationality
and don't even notice being surrounded by nonsense.
When I OD on my dream, it engulfs me
and I become its slave.
But I can't bear the unbearable spirituality,
the thrill, filling my brain,
blowing my mind,
bearing me out of reality,
as if I'm inside and outside at the same time,
tripping to a new dimension,
blinded by it, like a mole on the concrete floor,
looking for salvation.
Just so you know, well, you know,
it has the power to burn, devour, and wipe you off the face of the Earth.
The mechanics is quite obvious.
When you overdose, the system registers errors
and the crash of your overwhelmed brain that can't keep pace with your thoughts.
It activates the programs of negative hormones to make you feel bad
so that you know that your good doesn't work.
So when you feel too good, it's bad,
'cause having fallen over the brink,
you may think you're still on board.
Yet, you find the opposite extreme
of life, which is the state of affect, in fact.
And you're toast. That's all.
Man, you can talk about this state of consciousness,
being in another one, as much as you want.
But all your words will stop making any sense,
as soon as you return to the first one.
So don't rock the boat.
At some point, you'll lose control.
This dope makes you, dupe, say "smart" stuff.
But every time, you, wise guy, somehow turn out to be Captain Obvious
with a perpetual motion machine, unstoppable engine in his ***.
And you present the obvious as the truth,
simply ingenious for you.
Yeah, sometimes I come up with smart things.
Well, they are not that smart, to be honest.
Also, being too smart in a stupid place can be pretty lonely.
So I find the right words to feel comfortable in this inhospitable world,
apparently, ruled by idiocracy,
pluck them right out of my dreams so I can grow
out of mundane mediocrity.
When you treat reality as a dream, though,
who enjoys all the freedom?
And what if he wakes up?
Will he remember it to read it?
Like he'd ever have any sentiments
for this epic monument to his character and his feeling.
Reality is relative, conditional.
It’s real only on condition that you take it seriously.
Are there other realities?
Do they really exist?
Any alternative reality proves that this one isn’t real.
And when you are in an alternate reality, you feel this.
Does it set you free?
There are many realities. Love is one.
Don’t forget to have fun.


Baby Steps

This piece of art is full of deceptively smart,
discombobulating, bombastic aphorisms,
idiotic idioms,
Sancho Panza's *** wisdom,
mind-puzzling tongue twisters, corny metaphors,
oversatiated with the false force
of never satisfying rhyming words anyway.
I'll eventually throw it away someday.
But not now, no. I won't leave it alone.
I'm not ready to let it go.
Although I know I am being greedy,
and I agree, duh, I do need it,
I am still thrilled to read it.
I don't want to part with it,
as if it is a part of me, and I'm a part of it.
This rough, raw draft is like a flimsy raft in the sea,
that goes with the flow to stay afloat,
not to drown and dissolve,
but to swim.
Yet, simultaneously,
I definitely gotta direct it somehow to where I need it to be,
approach the destination of my destiny,
where desperation’s unknown
in the dead silent pause
before the deafening squall of applause.
But now it's still a crass lump of sugar, slowly melting,
being imminently washed away by water in raccoon's paws,
slipping through fingers words,
filled with the meaning,
leaving me with an inexplicable feeling,
the majestic, magical sense in the system of the pure mind,
filled with glow,
a precious stone, almost stolen by a crow,
I enjoy watching.
But looking closer, one may notice
it's just a useless piece of coarse glass,
dirt, scooped up from the bottom of my soul.
I literally litter literarily,
drastically sarcastically spiritually,
a poet, obsessed with my own poem,
sick freak, losing my mind for a moment,
overachieving geek, falling in love for the first time
from the first sight with the first lines.
It could be called poetic, if not intimidating.
It's unforgivable. Can I forget it?
Maybe, not to be too crude straight away,
I should consider baby steps and gently start the process,
at least, with words first, let's say…
"Will you kindly ***** up your courage and hold it together?
What is the matter with you?
Are you insane?
******* ******,
it's not funny, nor is it funky.
Bite the bullet.
Stop it, stupid. Wake up,
star-struck dumb ****,
messy, ***** missy,
*****.
Get real, naive dreamer.
Just lose it, change the ******* music,
deluded miserable loser!
It's hard to grow up. So what?
**** it up.
Face it, ******* ****.
Cope with it, stupid ****.
Just so you know, toilet poet, this mediocre ******* doesn't mean anything to me.
I don't give a ****, *****.
Toss it to the garbage.
To my mind, it's so disturbing, makes me cringe.
Stop wasting your time, acting like a system's glitch.
What, you stupid?
I'm putting my foot down, lousy clown,
******* ****** ***** *****.
Let it go or get lost in your god
and leave me alone."
"Well, if you say so…
On second thought, no, I won't.
Respectfully, I disagree.
You want a piece of me?
What, you smart?
No, you're not.
You're just an ordinary idiot.
Uh-uh, shush, do not interrupt.
It's my turn now, I'm talking. Zip it.
I have a piece of advice for you too.
How about you shut up and eat me.
Now I suppose I got beef with you.
Is that what you want? *****, please.
What is the matter with ME?
Are you for real?
So much for the champion of morality.
Good God, what's the big deal?
You have got to be kidding me.
Or are you really some kind of ******, *****, or a imbecile?
And who the **** are you to judge me?
What the hell is wrong with YOU?
What are you ******* about?
Why do you care for preaching,
when you don't even like to teach, huh?
Must be some kind of breach, though.
If you feel so estranged from me,
why don't you build a bridge and get over it?
In any case, I don't need a teacher.
I'll learn on my own.
Should you still gonna teach me,
trying to beat me with the heavy artillery of a tough rhyme,
can I have this class on advanced rap really fast?
'Cause I don't wanna lose my time.
Otherwise, if I do, I'll make you go through some tough times,
'cause this time you'll have to deal with MY really rough rhymes.
And if you absolutely need to know,
I’m not insane. I’m in love.
Yeah, I know you think it's the same, but it's not.
So knock it off, *****, enough.
Shut your stupid big mouth and *******.
***** you, tactless, unthankful, insensitive fool.
Oh, yeah, sure. Now you're so mature.
Cut me some slack, judgmental prima donna.
Without me, you'll feel empty and so lonely.
Just so you know,
I complete you, make you whole.
But I'd be cool without your concern, yeah,
and your pathetic rebuke.
I make you cringe?
You make me puke,
'cause you're getting my goat now.
And in my humble opinion, **** your opinion.
It's not even critical.
You're just being mean,
too subjective, basic, and hypocritical.
So take it back, or you'll regret,
'cause I'd be glad to shove it into your throat
to finally shut your ******* piehole.
On the other hand, thank you for your opinion.
I'll take it along with my own
and gracefully balance between them.
FYI, you can only pry this verse out of the dead grip of my corpse, dumb *****.
Throw it away?
Are you ******* insane?
Listen to yourself!
What the **** are you saying?
Bite me and thanks a bunch,
******* very much
for your ******* questionable,
supposedly encouraging, rather enraging,
arguable, pep talk,
so-called "motivational"speech.
Hogwash!
Go to hell and **** yourself,
get lost before you bite the dust,
gut-wrenching, nagging leech.
Or I'll make you put your ******* foot
in your filthy mouth
and won't let you take it out,
hold it till you swallow your own *****.
How does that sound?
I'm through with people telling me what to do.
So go take a flying **** at a rolling donut.
I'm standing my ground.
If after all this, you still think that you won,
you must be a ******, believe it or not.
Well, you may believe whatever you want.
Let me be honest with you.
I'd like to enlighten you too.
I don't even need to prove you wrong,
‘cause that's what you prolly already know on your own,
though only subliminally,
since you are the one
who still wants to say something to me.
To my mind, you are out of your mind,
'cause it's not only yours, it's also mine.
If you don't see me any longer,
so long, then.
In my god, I'm dissolving."
Ok, that's it. I'd better get over with this ironic moronic controversial converse,
steeped in speculations, exaggerations, and, possibly, false accusations.
I'm done talking to me and myself,
don't know how else it's supposed to be said.
All I know is it's not supposed to be sad.
It's supposed to be fun.


Fake Poet

So **** being normal.
I, too, want to get through the time portal to become immortal alright.
Though, be careful what you wish for, right?
I don't like to hurt people's feelings,
but I'm tired of casting pearls before swine,
like humanizing spells on those who don't even need to be humanized.
It's venial for an artist to love his ego because he loves his art,
created by his personality which he also sees as a work of art, while
an author has to love his character so that the character should be alive.
That's why you create your alter ego as your best friend in your own image.
And since the observer can't be observed,
like the feeling, owning you, can't be analyzed,
this way, through co-creation, you talk with God.
****, that's ******* high Sci-Fi,
not stupid Fan-Fi.)
Well, all artists are ****** up.
So welcome to the club,
home for talented human beings
with the divine energy inside
so you could imagine that you could see yourself from afar.
Yeah, I probly need a shrink, but I can't afford it.
And you know what? I think I actually don't even want it.
Neither do you, as your lyrics are your therapy.
I'd like to be among contented people,
people, interested in me,
loving me for who I am,
not for who they want me to be.
I try to keep people I like around me
and the light inside me.
But if I have to encounter negativity,
I know now, the best protection is to not give a **** about it.
There are no normal people on this planet anyway.
And it's okay,
'cause no one can be objective, being enthralled,
lost in an enslaving illusion, and this is normal, but at the cost
of critical thinking, common sense logic, of course.
Nor there's, unfortunately, any other mental institution, big enough for everyone.
Thus, paradoxically, it becomes normal
to lose marbles and get bonkers,
not to hear each other,
wearing space-suits of personal bodies.
At least we can have some fun
one way or another.
As verbal misunderstanding leads to endless self-expression.
So you can annoy and bore someone to death with your profound explanations.
See, there's no use of judging anyone
except for yourself, to whom you always have so much to say.
OK, I'll hold on to it for a while, let it stay
till this bunch of stupid words still makes my day, makes me smile,
also excited and even ecstatic,
because I'm probably an immature amateur and a frantic fanatic
quickly crossing the line without brakes,
'cause something's wrong with my brains,
overwhelmed with feelings spilling into words,
losing sight of the point of no return
or only pretending to be frenetic to look more charismatic,
merely playing the leading role of my own show,
at the same time, enjoying it, sitting in the front row,
covering the existential horror
of being engulfed by a disappearing feeling
with trash in my mind, waste of my animal soul,
hiding from problems, irreversible losses,
remorse, and sorrow behind my poems,
'cause, to be honest, it's frighteningly a lot to swallow.
At least, I have the strength to admit that I'm weak.
You, too, know it.
I may be a failed philosopher, artist depicting himself, if you will,
a fake, dead poet,
who, gazing in jaw-dropping amazement at the scary beauty
from the mysterious extraterrestrial tree of poetry
through spiritual ******'s eyes,
meditatively observes peacefully gliding swallows
and whizzing, gleefully squealing like little monkeys, weightless swifts,
deflecting thoughts from the constant, ruthless struggle for survival,
striving for life, fight for the right to exist.
I always notice these little joyous moments I can't let go of,
charming moments of bliss.
I try to capture them in persuasive, virtual words,
a recursive parody of fractals, shiny kaleidoscopic gems
of shattered glass, alas, to no avail,
catch the evasive, lucidly illusive, evanescent sense,
hidden behind the veil
or resurrect the piercing, genuine, ephemeral feeling,
recreate it as if I can remember it, while it always keeps saying farewell,
leaving me confusing cause with consequence,
perplexing reflexing, which coincidentally helped once survive
and became a perpetual part of a limited by it, endlessly enigmatic life.
It can make you stronger, traumatize you as well,
'cause it's as fast as pulling a trigger to exchange paradise for hell.
When I was a kid, I used to collect beautiful feathers,
as symbols of freedom,
dreaming of building wings
to fly to the star by the name of Sun
and see the world from afar one day.
Growing up, I'm collecting enchanting words,
being pretty careless about spelling, though,
in the hope that I'll create a magical spell
to conjure up anything I want,
say, a white horse or… no,
even better, a ******* unicorn,
of course,
so I could ride it to find the way out of the wrong fairy tale,
as if I'm afraid to lose the key from the lock on the door,
behind which there is a forgotten kingdom of a new world I’ve never seen before.
Any professional manifestator was an amateur dreamer in the beginning.
They say, for your spell to work,
you need to incantate and enunciate.
Well, you know.
But that's not all.
Don't forget about the feeling
that sets the course
with words for signs on the sides of the road.
So watch where you go.
Seriously, be careful what you wish for.


Love Free ****** Humor

Yeah, no ****, you don't say! I can tell.
I seem to be so wise sometimes.
Being kinda kind, I am not wise or nice,
but when people see it in my eyes,
I don't mind also being polite
and lie, as I simply like to look likewise,
hiding my passion inside.
Lie, thinking I'm telling the truth,
lie to myself and to you.
I know I'm not the brightest star in the night sky.
Ah, come on, don't try to prove me wrong.
Don't be stupid, I'm not that smart,
albeit a little offbeat.
I'm even not too smart to be a ****,
because I'm
a kindhearted person,
although a bit bothersome.
Well, how you like that?
Not bad for a horrendously cynical humorist.
And you know who a cynic really is?
As one of the greatest comedians said,
a cynic is a disappointed idealist.
At least I'm an honest hedonist
prone to fall in love with egoists,
selfishly believe false empathy.
It's so simple and obvious that it's ingenious.
With you, I have the same ironical paradox,
as you are a free-spirited misogynist according to your controversial songs.
However, in all fairness, to avoid double standards, of course,
for the sake of argument, in other words, equal rights and feminism,
it's worth mentioning that women, too, can certainly be mean.
Apparently, one of them would be me.
But since you have the same shady clown as I do,
you know I only kid now here,
deep down inside, I'm good and kind,
like we all are sometimes.
But seriously, all jokes aside,
women are not that bad as stand-up comedians,
if you don't mind a feminine kind of humor,
which is supposed to be kinda kinder.
You may call it weaker, dumber,
ladies’ witty-******* jokes for losers, suckers, soccer mamas,
which is not very nice of you.
However, in general, it might be true,
provided, of course, that there are humor kinds.
I think there are none.
How would you call a man who grabs a pen and a bar of kids soap,
replaces the letter "s" with the letter "d",
and laughs at the "kids doap"?
And this guy is, what... like 50 years old?
I mean, what's his deal?
Is he some kind of imbecile?
Well, while one may not quite understand him,
he might be still pursuing a stand-up comedian career,
for even an average amateur, be it a uncouth peasant,
has the potential to become outstanding, magnificent, and splendid,
a sophisticated *******, who at his age managed to keep the charm of being highly unpleasant.
There are many opinions about being fun,
while humor is one.
Neither does rap need to be defined
as poetry,
‘cause it is to me,
to my mind.
And for the rest of those who don't agree,
as home-grown critics and housewives,
I guess they, too, are quite all right.
Other than that, a woman is your problem one plus ninety-nine.
Yeah, women are mean, I mean. But that's fine.
And together with you, we are a humble, big god’s sneer at humankind.
Isn't it weird that made of a rib, having bitten the ****** apple, the first woman
was stupid enough to turn an ape into a fully fledged human?
Life is funny as it is.
What if God was one of us and had to deal with egoism?
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
We all live now in the era of postmodernism.
There's nothing new under the sun, dude.
Only the way to express yourself, subdued by a convincing fleeting feeling,
trying to shoot for the moon, I assume. Feel it.
It's not an invention,
just a euphoric wide-eyed eureka sensation,
out of zero and one, pile of combinations
of notional and semantic hallucinations
due to the lack of meditation
in the infinite number of unique situations,
miracle-like lyrical elevation,
limitational imitation,
metaphorical *******,
sensational manipulation,
emotional liberation,
manifestational motivation,
pang of inspiration,
another recollection in your consciousness,
the figment of god's imagination,
spiritual *******
through brain stimulation
in the verbal life simulation,
Captain Obvious.
Nice choice of words,
looks like a can of worms.
Just a verbose neurosis, of course.
If not, I need a good doctor for the right diagnosis, I suppose,
in case I was misdiagnosed.
So stay out of my head.
Well, since you are already here,
don't stay in my head for too long.
I'm afraid you'll be drained,
'cause my graphomaniacal brain is insane.
Oh well, what the hell, yours is the same,
so I guess this is how a wordy-nerdy, ironic neurotic
makes love to his narcotic.
It's so poetically ******
for an oxymoronic introvert,
trying to find the balance
between extremes
in a sparkly dance
of a whimsical weasel, hopping in front of a rabbit,
distracted by hypnotizing patterns
on boa’s skin.
I must go higher than that
from the basement,
where I muss thoughts in my messy head,
like a neurotic tousles hair.
By the way, that would be me as well.
There, I admit I write, I'm a freak,
and I don't care.
Although you might want me to wear a disarming straitjacket
so I'd become a complete wacko,
be careful and gentle with me.
I can be too free and open-minded.
Mind it.
I mean, you have no idea what depths I can get into.
But most importantly, can I get out when I'm in, or do I even need to?
Though, I don't condone a ***** brain ****
that's gonna blow up with an aggressive verbal *****,
surfeited with angry testosterone.
Come on, man, at least, please, put on a ******.
Yeah, I'm a ***** funky ******,
sympathizing with a sly Mona Lisa's condescending, stranger's smile at first,
bursting into sinister, Homeric, hysterical laughter of an old friend after,
snaring you with a snarling, daring smile,
the product of a cynical life satire,
making you lose yourself without a trace.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly like that.
I gotta be sick in the head.
Boy, I wish I could bear this unpunishable feeling
of wearing the grim, evil grin of a villain on my face.
I hope I'm allowed to laugh out loud
at everything, especially at myself.
Isn't that what humor is for?
Not just for laughing at others to feel better about yourself.
That's too shallow.
Life makes you get up to the next level,
cuz it ain’t getting any sweeter or fairer.
I feel in this self-irony, there is always real, iron me,
like real chocolate is bitter.
Yeah, I hate this fake sweet, milk, sugar ****.
The more bitter, the better.
In truth, humor is always dark, without sweetener
so that you can be free as a word
that may be harsh and sharp as a sword,
but also kind and soft as unconditional love of a strict mother,
which is the best reward for being hurt,
as if it's an award for being heard.
You know, this kind of love
when you give your all,
including your life,
to save your child
and do your best
to take care of your pet
because you love it.
It's not the same with women, I guess.
Sorry about that.
But I don't care if you were surrounded by seductive witches,
bloodsucking *******, and other supernatural creatures
you have no love left for.
It's not an excuse to give up on love, bro.
She will never give up on you,
as long as you believe in her.
To love and be loved by your woman,
you both just need to have the same sense of humor.
That's all.
See? The formula is simple,
like everything genial is.
And what do you do, genius?
Man, look at you.
You wallow in your philophobia and hate love you can't get rid of
for your ex to see
that you, too, are capable of misery,
trapped in your own house,
a prisoner of your fortune,
tortured by fears,
head over heels
in evil love.
Experienced as you might be,
you can't just **** it off.
It chases your graphomaniacal, necrophilic, cannibalic, diabolic kamikaze’s dead ***, regardless of your sins.
You can't get rid of your empathy.
I get it. You don't like to look like a fool.
And love does make you feel stupid and look pretty foolish, for sure.
It turns you into a silly, paranoid idiot,
who smiles but can't let go of the thought
that he might need an antidote.
You feel dumbfounded, stupefied, surprised, and at the same time stressed,
as if you have a finger in your ***.
“Am I having a panic attack?
*******! What the ****?”
In addition, you get immediately addicted,
dependent, vulnerable, and sick, bro.
And this addiction causes a cognitive contradiction,
when you lose marbles behind your head's cogs.
How does it make you feel weak,
when it's supposed to make you strong?
Maybe the angle from which you look at it
is wrong?
Being single, like a god, you are potentially with everyone.
Love doesn't have to weaken you
or necessarily be a disaster or a collision.
You can sound perfectly good in unison,
albeit not for long,
if you again prefer the game to love.
I, on the other hand, can't help following this awesome feeling.
I love being in love despite the fear of falling out and being left sore.
And I love you for the same thing I hate you for.
Adorned with gloating goat's horns,
a morose sulky-faced great poet and a grim rapper I adore
turns into the great Grim Reaper
that equalizes all divided by different gods people,
who are stuck in the holy ****** trinity of evil ill stupidity,
living on behalf of the golden calf,
dying in the name of love,
awaiting miracle from nowhere to nowhere
for the sake of Jesus ******* Christ
or some other god. Right?
Whoopsie-daisy!
This is egregious, insulting, and crazy.
I'll be ****** or crucified by medieval evil people
if you don't shut me up fast!
Yeah, y’all throw your stones and torches,
pitchfork me and scorch me.
Burn the witch, dying for love and your sins,
who deserves your tortures.
The weaker *** is strong through love
and through its nature, makes its fortune.
Wait…
a minute.
Hold the horses, *******!
Are you really gonna burn me?
****, **** this planet!
Do I look like a strong, confident, **** woman,
who knows what she's doing?
I guess, it's best to be famous without showing your face,
‘cause as soon as people see your face,
they start chasing your ***
for multiple reasons,
such as:
for some people, for instance, some of my words may sound disgusting.
They just fear believing they're flabbergasted.
You don't wanna be one of them fools, trust me.
These things might be not simple
for understanding by the majority of people,
‘cause it's sorta absurd.
A judgmental Christian is an oxymoron.
Saint hypocrites.
What, am I too straightforward for ‘em?
Can pigs fly, though?
Are aristocrats poor?
Yeah, it sounds insolent, but it's true.
Sorry, I tend to be rude,
when you are being mean to me too.
I know that I know nothing
and no one can know everything.
But everyone can go **** themselves
and be self-sufficient.
Of that I'm sure.
Maybe we should shift the perspective,
find the right or better point of view,
and change the attitude?
The world is full of idiots. So what?
The world is full of idiots, old farts.
You don't want to be inside this farce.
But just in case, get ready to go nuts.
Even a guru can become a doddering fool, though.
Why is it like this? I don't know.
Because life is a joke?
And to laugh at it, you need to suffer first?
So be grateful for this humorous energy, even when it's aimed at you.
Try not to be too indecently arrogant a genius
who has nothing else left to do
than to shoot himself,
'cause he's surrounded by ******* idiots and degenerates.
Thanks for support, your painful honesty of a bulldog,
the way you bogart the way to the fame you hate,
your boundless kindness, Your Highness
or Majesty, or should I say,
incredible, phenomenal, omnipotent, iconic rap god.
Why do you love to laugh at people's vices,
like a big fat hungry troll,
sitting with his smart ***
on the fence of a deep defense,
which is the best as a good offense.
Why can't you be as nice as, for instance, Jesus Christ, though, bro?
It's not that hard, after all
with your free mind, open wide so.
Aren't you tired of your own satire,
trying to satisfy your always hungry mind,
and being a king, constantly proving the right to the crown?
Now, look what you've done.
Why would you need to spoil all the fun, sad clown?
Because you are the smartest one?
Does Slim’s rest in peace deep under the ground make you less depressed
or serious as a cardiac arrest?
So smart that no one understands you.
Man, you might be writing stupid thoughts
due to the intelligence overdose.
No one can cancel your show or fit in your shoes.
Maybe you are too smart even for rap.
**** it. Perhaps you could put your brain to good use
by locking yourself in a rocket scientist's lab.
But even there, you'll have a pen with a notebook in your pocket
for ideas, pushed out of a fat ***,
rather than pulled out of thin air, I'm sure.
***** this, I guess, this disease has no cure.
Oh my God!
Does it have to be this hard?
Why is making a point for you like doing a stunt?
I would make it easier,
if I were that smart.
I get that. It's a self-defense mechanism.
If you absolutely must, I'm all ears.
So you do your own stunts, huh?
All right.
Does it make you feel satisfied
or a little better than an ordinary grumpy grandpa, old ****?
No, yeah, you're right.
You're not that old.
That's why you snipe with snarks as a snide snipe,
but, like Wesley, still precise,
till your enemy runs out of ammo, or it backfires
so hard that you wish you carried a gun,
like you used to.
That's a shame, you now have none.
A fire marshal without a firearm.
Good thing I got one.
Lucky me, I'm not you.
Thank God, I can't fill your shoes.
What are you still doing here, old man?
Dreaming of being a digital avatar,
while even the paper you use to write on is not digital?
If you were older, I'd call you an ancient dinosaur,
and, instead of a Blackberry phone,
you'd prolly own a typing machine gun.
Aren't you a bit too old to troll solo?
Troll-lo-lo, it seems so trollop-like low,
bitter, pathetic, and shallow.
You troll when you feel bad.
And so you share,
trying to hurt someone to feel a bit better.
Instead, you're unaware of how it gets even deeper
and makes you feel weaker,
if it's not the trolling as art
that makes sense
and gives you satisfaction and profit,
like ***
for a ******* if she were your occasional girlfriend.
You'd sing her your songs.
She'd sing you her own,
filled with ecstatic moans
so you could spread her legs
along with your peacock's tail
ahead of the rainbow, to run,
as everyone here has no brain.
To the very last one, all are dumb.
However, just for your information,
on the way of looking for fools,
don't forget that you might be the one,
‘cause trolling, like humor, is often an unpleasant truth
you should be able to laugh at without judgment or justification.
And you may say you don't give a **** as much as you want.
But all ******* sooner or later
end up being torn to pieces by alligators,
as you already know.
Don't get me wrong.
I hope you don't think I envy you.
With my bird-watching skills,
I coulda been an ornithologist by now,
for your information.
If you don't wanna be miserable and alone,
baby, get down from your throne.
Or should you be higher than that,
well, then stay the **** god.
I wish I could help you, but you don't really want it,
and I cannot.
I'm not your saviour.
You need a real doctor.
I'm not qualified for that.
Nor am I a loser enough to be a hero
and unsolicitedly give you all I've got,
since, despite being overwhelmed with compassion,
I'm also full of ****, a spoiled, bad girl,
so empathetically selfish and special.
My body doesn't grow up anymore.
It can only grow old
until it's finally cold,
while my soul still keeps growing, though.
I feel my soul is already too big and too old for this world,
'cause it just doesn't fit into this *******,
man gets in through a ****.
Oh dear Lord, Holy Mother of good God,
how the **** can I say that?
So what?
I believe I can say whatever the hell I want.
Isn't that what we're supposed to have the freedom of speech for?
We need virtual evil
to keep the virtuous Utopia ideal
and find the balance between ‘em.
Boy, you, too, must be that impudent, testy, despicably obnoxious, squalid and perverse
to be worthy of your own words!
God almighty, have mercy on us, sinners.
See? We can be good.
Well, then, I guess, Jesus will just have to forgive us
providing, of course, we are truly sorry and are true believers.
Since we halfway to be saved,
let's play, I'm bored.
Not board games, though.
My self-esteem now is so low,
going down below the floor,
sometimes it's subzero,
maybe because I am too high
so I could see how my self-esteem started to grow.
So don't worry about me, man. I'll be fine.
**** me, my friend. I'll survive.
Rap, as in do or die,
like it's the last day of your life.
Roast me.
Promise it will be awesome.
Torture me till I'm toast, or I find the way to blossom
through concrete like a stubborn ****.
No need to go easy on me.
C’mon, man, once again, one more time.
**** me, my friend,
like Kurt Cobain sang.
**** me with your words and tear me apart.
Go ahead, do your thang.
Play me hard.
Poke a ******, sacrifice her.
Blow out her teeny-tiny brain.
Bake me, burn me in hell for my sins, god
I'm not the only one,
one of the victims of your art,
lyrical serial killer, *****, shady maniac.
Set me on fire, lord of the words
that you learned from comics
to enhance your performance,
ignite my mind and heart,
with your satisfying, piercing voice,
nail me, impale me,
make me, be my ******* boss.
Hey, **!
Not with a pitchfork, though.
What the ****, bro?
Easy. Yo, chill, man, will ya?
Why did you bring that thing, huh?
What, you're Aquaman,
******* Poseidon?
For real? Ha-ha.
Seriously, what for?
Does it make you drown faster
or give you the superpower of niceness?
No?
Well, feel the kick and fly, then.
Ah, self-defense.
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Your superpower is anger.
Okay, then, let's dance.
But what if I take the superpower of love?
Come on, man, all jokes aside,
I could expect anything from you,
like a rifle, knife, or a sword.
Yet, you brought that?
I thought, most of all, you preferred a chainsaw.
****, so I guess now I can't expect you to be nice
to my wise ***. I'm ****** anywise.
And yo’ **** will be engulfed by all my holes.
Sorry for the pornographic ***** metaphor.
There's no harm in a little bit of ***** poetry, though, I guess.
I'm straightforward like that,
pierce with a pen, mercilessly gore,
write honestly, like a *****.
Oh, well, as well as you, so
don't mind my cussing,
'cause I like to sound beautifully disgusting.
Well, you know.
I just love this lingo vocabulary, vernacular architecture of slang,
cuz I was raised among gangsters and thieves
in the country of sorrow and tears.
It probly sounds worse than it actually was
because the past is in the past,
and now it is what it is.
I believe all words are good and equal like us, people by default.
Yet, it's hard to be hot,
when the context is hostile and cold,
when you are surrounded by cretins, criticizing everyone except themselves.
Wrong again, critics?
It’s not like the so-called “good” words are true,
and the “bad” ones are false,
as if it’s a war
of the words that you like
against those that you don’t.
So are they now a lie? Why?
Just because you think so?
But the truth is that often the truth is unpleasant to hear and to know.
See, these are the words you don’t like, though.
Everyone thinks according to the level of his sins.
Well, I don't give a **** what you think
regardless of whether it's right or wrong.
How can you, fools and hypocrites, limit art?
It's endlessly boundless in its variety, like God.
And there is no human mortality for God,
as the main art is life.
While your free will is limited by his plot,
it has no boundaries inside your mind.
I love each and every word I wrote,
like an ornithologist loves all the birds.
I love them all
equally in the context of my flow.
Word.
I'll show you why.
Check this out.
Here is the concept for y’all to trip on.
If the words are used, they are needed,
like the spectrum of all the feelings.
And if the words are needed, they are all equal.
Or you can pretend to be a xenophobic god
in your own fairy-tale sequel,
verbal Utopia, perfect world.
Well, I don't give a **** about censorship,
not gonna put up with some censurer's ****, God forbid.
I find censoring insensitive,
truth be told.
I wonder if there are utopias in any of the worlds,
and why everyone tries to drag you into their own.
I guess this **** is universal.
As for me, I think, Utopia might be possible
if everyone could eat their own ****.
Oh, if only everyone shat manna from heaven
and were happy with themselves forever.
So I use “bad” words in the right context and call it a joke.
I attire profanity in rhyme to refine the bad with the beauty of my mind.
And you can criticize it as much as you like, *******.
Guess what? I also don't give a **** about what you want,
especially if your sense of humor is at the level of an old ****.
What's the matter?
Too “kind” to notice the context behind the fence of the holy rightness,
‘cause, apparently, you are the best representatives of the whole humankind,
albeit a bit biased and blinded by righteous wrath towards “bad” words,
but always ready to save the rest of humanity with your perfect morality?
Go nuts. Be my guest.
Should you take offense instead of a joke,
it's your problem and your fault
if you don't dare to be free and bold,
having got used to doing as you're told.
If all you can is mumble, stutter, and choke,
I'll only help you with pushing your *** down the stairs
and stare at you stumble over your throat and fall.
And I don't care if you're scared or hurt.
Who said life was fair?
You'll always be its *****, fool, and a scapegoat.
So whatcha gonna do about it?
Fight it, pen in hand for a pistol to release pent-up bile
(epistula non erubescit, right?)
or suppress your pain until it subsides
in the convenient, cozy kindness of self-justifying lies,
being frightened?
Go ahead, man.
It must be exhausting to bear the burden of tears and fears
kept inside of you all those years.
**** ‘em. What's the worst that can happen?
Will your world have to endure the Armageddon
without deranged truth seekers, unhinged fairy tale believers?
Are you afraid of being burned in hell
or expelled from the league of imbeciles?
Drop the heavy load of guilt towards hypocritical sinners.
But if you can't face the apocalypse or find an argument,
don't start to argue, man,
lest you be trying to justify yourself again.
The devil lives in the details,
god in conceptual fairy tales
so that your life would look more meaningful and believable,
like a stand-up joke.
And if it's lethally funny, I'll laugh my *** off
till I have a heart attack or a stroke,
regardless of what you think, so no offense.
Take it easy before the converse stops making sense.
That's my truth.
It doesn't need to be proved
and doesn't have to be approved.
It's just my mindset, my worldview.
You can't be me. I can't be you.
Life is very funny if you have the ability to notice it.
Even after I die, my killing sense of humor will stay alive.
That's why we have immortal souls to laugh at our mortal bodies.
Yo, how come all the bad stuff is mostly fun?
'Cause humor is dark as death equally for everyone?
And without evil, good is hard to understand?
It's actually the essence of humor to laugh at fools from afar
instead of getting stuck with them in a joke, duh.
By taking offense at something clever,
you look stupid and deprive yourself of the chance to learn from it and reach a new level.
But the truth is, no one among even the smartest people
is smart enough to outsmart the deadly, evilly funny Grim Reaper.
So I don't have to be a saint anymore.
Let me be your slave of love, so to speak,
your insanely in love, queen Margot.
Set me free from the fear of being lost, come along.
You will be my Woland and my Master.
Seize the moment as if you can hold it,
like it's a masterpiece manuscript and you can't burn it.
Stop time, just grasp it faster
as though you are a magician pulling a rabbit out of his hat
to let it jump into nowhere,
turning into a crazy kamikaze kangaroo.
Like a reused ****** out of a rabbit hole, you pull off another last trick.
There's no magic in that.
Don't wanna be judgmental, but you're just a boastful monster and a slim slick,
good for nothing but a fling,
seen in a flick
on a big screen
in one hot, short love scene,
jerking me off as always, bag of *****.
*******, I feel the terminal stage of love still lasts, though.
Do you feel me?
I think you do.
I would sell my soul to you
if it weren't priceless.
Oh, man, not again!
Yo, this ****** up love is a ******* disaster!


Goodbye kiss joke

I gotta turn the page before it's too late,
and unrequited love inevitably turns into savage hate,
before I'm ****** into rage and end up in the stage of a vicious rampage.
I don't want to stay in the cage of a malicious fake fate.
It's not like I will shout about my feelings at the top of my lungs,
"Oh, I'm gonna cry right now.
Listen to me, everyone!
That's it, I don't give a **** or even a spit
at your tombstone.
I'm through with you! We're ******* done!"
**** your petty pity! I don't need it.
I should have gone away a long time ago before the **** hit the fan
and I got the loaded gun demanding more
from you than I think you can think
of who you really are,
word master.
Cut the crap.
Don't give me that horsecrap rap trap *******,
priggish, perverted, impertinent *******.
I'm full of it.
Half of your art is about showing off your art,
you arrogant, swaggering braggart,
wacky soul-’n’-mind-******* ******,
self-absorbed wanksta-poet, superstar, demure poser
composing your mind,
careless about mine,
soul-exhibitionistic imposer.
If I may ask,
are you comfortable with your ******* in your ***?
I think, I'mma just bust a cap
and **** the King Kong with a big ****
who claims to be the god of rap,
destroy the crazy dopest goat,
the best representative of hip-hop,
my dreary Moby-*******-****.
You're just a mythical ghost,
uncatchable Bigfoot,
deserted mirage,
stupid moon on a stick.
You don't own me,
'cause you don't know me,
you're not my homie,
and I don't owe you ****.
I'm not a part of your entourage,
not your groupie,
hanging on your huge, impossible-to-swallow ****,
who's so ******* lucky just to **** it.
Stop being so stupid,
big-headed, twisted ******* *****.
Sorry for being rude again.
But you don't expect me to be happy about letting you drag me into your retinue, do you, my man?
I'm not afraid to be ashamed
of something that I don't understand,
'cause when I finally realize that I'm not a fan or a stan,
I'll only get better.
You don't deserve me. *******!
I don't wanna be your fan.
Sure thang.
You may think there can't be ex-fans of yours, like there are no ex-drug addicts.
Yeah, right. You wish. Why don't you write a song about it
to convince me again that you still can?
Can you, really?
I don't believe you.
I think you're lying. Are you?
As if people still require
your daring dire satire
with vile iron ire
and want to keep their eye on
your iron ginormous *****
too big for your pants.
Do they still write your words on the walls
and watch your wars
full of spite and wrath
till your last breath,
till life ***** you to death?
And the best part is, being ***** by it,
you have to take pleasure in it.
Real legends don't get old.
They burn fast like shooting stars.
You've had your chance and missed it, though,
having tried to compensate for it later
with the magnificent rehearsal.
Since no one was good enough to ****** you, so to speak,
**** you lyrically,
you did it yourself,
albeit just for fun.
What a shame.
Jesus died once again,
as a cartoon character.
Or is it another, shady Jesus Christ
as in, antichrist?
Or has Jesus Christ actually been killed twice?
Well, luckily, now I'm armed with a gun,
loaded with a shitload of rap crap
and ready to do some serious harm.
Even though it’s not a nuke or bazooka,
it’s still dangerously good-looking
a lot like a hot rod from God
or a bad, damaged ******.
Boy, are you stern and cold.
Thank God, not dead yet, though.
Seriously, man, can I offer my help,
immortalize and save your art
before it gets ugly, and you get cancelled
by some stupid cancer
so you could stay forever young?
Most people can't do it, pathetic peasants,
but you can, sir.
Let me set you free.
‘Course, I know, you're not that old,
though old enough to write a memoir
or shoot an autobiographic documentary,
and definitely old enough to wear a beard
to show the whole **** world
that half of you has disappeared.
"A beard is a symbol of wisdom," I heard today from a passer-by.
And here you are again,
a dreamy boy with a beard, trimmed slim,
resembling a promiscuous, shady lady, wild jade, luscious *****, succulent vamp, **** *****
with a wise *** and an unshaved ******
with the price tag of an arm and a leg,
mooning and flashing noble knights in shining armor,
lascivious transgenders, grafs ****-you-offs,
all kinds of ****, ******* midgets and ***** dwarves.
They are just looking for some nookie with a ******, for sure,
a ***** they can treat like ****,
**** a hot dame for a dime.
And now that your dream came true,
and you are the ****,
they all can eat you and die.
Oh, well, it’s so **** nice.
To minx or not to minx?
I guess, it's not for you to decide.
Boy, you must be such a wise guy.
Why?
‘Cause your self-esteem is extremely high,
and you lack the code
that could make you get slow,
as in a chip, built in hardware of an old smartphone?
No limits, huh?
What, you a god?
Duh.
Big deal, *****, so am I.
Ha-ha. See how you crack me up?
God, are you so funny and smart,
just walk and emit laughing but lethally poisonous gas,
cracking out of your cranky wise ***.
Dude, you are hilarious
and obviously wise enough to improvise with the smartest smart-*** rhymes in yo' freestyle,
the best emcee so everyone can see
the master of controversy,
the main character and the actor in one,
a white-trash intellectual rapper,
illiterate genius, pain in the *** wiseacre,
American dream *******,
who can use rap as a gun.
But that's not all.
The tip of the iceberg,
though enough for Titanic to go down.
I'm just saying it to you in case you didn't know, lord of ******.
Yeah, all women like to laugh at men's stupid, obscene jokes, spiced with ******* slurs
till they don't even notice how they're being laid already and treated as they all deserve, as ******* ******* hos.
By the way, grandpa, how's your sight, sugar level, and blood pressure?
Must be not that bad, since you eat beets.
Sure, you’re still the greatest of old time, my precious.
Are you still young enough
for a one-night stand with your female fan
or at least for a kiss with your stan in love
right from the stage
to prove that the devil doesn't age?
Or have you changed and grown up
to not give a **** about getting old, my love?
You are getting darker than the eclipse
and brighter than the sun.
Don't burn me, falling in agony, please.
You look so lonely, 'cause you are the only one.
Wow, are you on fire
not only when you are on tour,
always worth the coin of the admiring rich and poor.
Be careful, don't burn off entirely, mon amour.
My tirelessly singing paradise bird,
my dear dark sire, saint lord,
I don't really wanna lose you too soon,
my king and my god.
Shoot! Sweet rap messiah, you're not dying, are ya?
Unless maybe just the hair
that used to be blond, now brunette.
What’s up with that?
At least you are not bald or gray-haired.
Man, even your abdomen's still impressive
for someone who used to be obese,
which is, in fact, quite an achievement, considering you were a scrawny kid.
Ah, come on now, you know I only kid.
So you got a little bit fat,
when you meditated and self-medicated your body with mom's spaghetti,
while being a depressed mess.
Compared to your super abs,
mine are fluffy love handles.
So you must have done hundreds of sets of fifty press reps,
reciting yo' baddest raps
mind-blowingly fast,
pretending to be a badass
so you could overcome thousands of eighth miles
in his shoes, literally running away from your demons
to look like you look now,
handsome evil genius.
See? It did work out,
as you still do.
By the way, I make stuff up and work out too.
Sorry for my straightforward poetry.
But that's what I love to do the most,
although sometimes I can't control it,
the mean, itchy urge to troll someone.
I know, I act like an immature clown.
What you gonna do?
You gotta slay the dragon once in a while.
I believe I can **** the troll in me,
occasionally controlling me.
Unfortunately, the irony with killing a troll is that after you **** it, you become one.
So lest you be trapped in this endless vicious circus,
it's best not to even start saying anything to him in the first place
if you don't want this outcome,
because all your words, projected onto someone who can use ‘em against you,
will be not just spat into your face
but poured as projectile vomiting on you.
Instead of answering to someone's evil with your own evil in return to balance it up,
it may be a better idea to not open the door to a controversial, truth-sicking dispute of fools.
Do not let it in to keep the balance you've already got.
This **** usually escalates
like the snowball effect, which, by the way,
also happens with your fandom.
Does it have to be this big a deal?
Now, I can see that you have succeeded,
but your expectations have been exceeded.
Still, only you are to blame,
‘cause you make too much fuss about yourself.
Then you complain about your fame.
What for? Oh, yeah I forgot.
You're a rap god.
Oh, please. Come on, man. Now you're also a responsible grown-up,
who mustn't forget
that you get what you think,
manifest what you sing,
nothing more than that.
So let's not play victim, playing God.
How many times do you have to explain
and scream as if no one can hear you?
How to not give a **** about emotions that seize you?
I wish I could.
The case is, you can't.
Otherwise, you'd be a lifeless robot.
You can only shorten a pre-self-reflection span
to patch things up after they have been broken
and become a survival perfectionist,
professional emotional equilibrist.
And why should I sympathize with prima donna's pain?
Are you ******* kidding me or yanking my chain?
Well, to figure this out, I think I do have half a brain.
It depends on the context. I see, man, okay.
You may say in a movie, you're gay,
guess the taste of ***** of your spray,
while in a song, you state you're straight.
Ha-ha. Hey, it's funny, like a gay-looking boy with a beard on a straight face.
How can anyone consider your way of exorcising demons through a joke to be not funny but mean?
It's beyond me.
Okay, then. Tease me again, please.
I'll indulge myself in one last princess's caprice
before I give you a goodbye kiss.
Besides, words are often useless.
If a troll is too annoying, just kick him in the nuts.
They’ll blow up, and he's gone.
And even if a snowman would happen to be the biggest troll of all trolls,
kick him with his own big yeti’s foot in his snowballs.
Well, what you know?
I guess, Shady is in everyone,
like God lives in us
along with our angels and demons,
a lost soul of a prodigal son,
created and forsaken by the Father
in the name of the Holy Spirit
for him to be found and saved by himself in the idea,
made up for believing,
banished from heaven,
abandoned forever,
deprived of his dead god’s love
to find his own.
Thus, two become one,
I mean two in one,
one, embedded into the other one,
forming a holy *******
in a dualistic system,
dualism in a trinity
with the central singularity -
the single moment of infinity.
Amen.
And I'm in it as well.
Wait a minute.
Why am I in it?
Love the game?
Why are we doing this, again?
Right, 'cause we have no choice.
Or I just like to think so.
Anyway, it's all your fault, my friend.
Yes, it is.
I cannot blame myself for your sins.
But I don't mind forgiving me mine.
Since the sinner is you, I am a sinner too.
So **** this! As you are one of a kind,
here is one last goodbye kiss on your soft lips.
Now, baby, please, get down on your knees,
beg for mercy, pray to spare your life
or kiss your *** goodbye.
But say it with passion, like you mean it,
so I believe you.
Say it, or I will **** you.
And I won't even miss you, reminisce about you,
feel guilty for this innocent crime inside my criminal mind.
And in case of being arrested and indicted,
I'll plead the fifth and be just fine.
So, have a nice rest (spoiler: five minutes left) of your life,
then say hello to my poetry,
and rest in peace in the hell of poetry, rappers’ paradise.
Man, I don't wanna dis you,
but since you kinda want this, I think,
I promise the last thing you'll see
will be me, writing here my thoughts of you, spitting a rhyme.
How can I possibly be responsible for a person I don't even know?
I don't believe I'm supposed to be. Why should I?
Nor do I have to care for taking his problems as my own to solve, after all.
Also, call me a ******,
but I'd rather decide for myself once and for all
that I don't have any problems at all
not to solve non-existent ones anymore.
Calm down, diddums.
What's the matter?
You don't like to be dissed?
Well, then, I hope you didn't read
about this ugly thing I just did.
But if you did, do tell me more about this.
And try not to be mad at me, please.
You know I don't really jeer, just cheerfully tease.
Consider it my dissertation on the dark shady matter,
not sophisticated enough, maybe
to be philosophically labelled.
Will it stop you from spitting out your truth?
I'm sure you'll say no, won't you?
I thought so. I know it. I want you to be brutally true.
That's what I love about you.
I get that, I do.
You noodle, scribble and doodle, complain, skedaddle from your pain
to replace it with people's wheedling fondles, cuddles, canoodles
to feel worthy of their love again,
being just a crying for help, desperate for love *****,
sharing with them your diseases.
Hey, **, everybody wants ya.
And this drug is stronger, niggler.
It's worse 'cause it works without words.
Too much?
Yeah, well, I'm a natural. Thanks a bunch.
Calm down.
Will you relax, please? Jesus!
Even though you're a ******* **,
pregnant with yourself and your precious thoughts,
there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Yo, ** ** **!
There's nothing wrong
in being a holy-mother-of-god-ly horrifying *****,
immoral *******' horror.
But why the **** do you still need this?
When will you be finally satisfied?
When you have all the words rhymed?
Can't grow up?
Aw, poor thing.
The more approval from people and awards you get,
the more you want,
'cause it doesn't really give you anything,
can't fill your eternally hungry black hole,
greedy *****,
full of yourself, but still hungry.
Yeah, you go and hate that *****, fight it.
Make it right, causing mayhem, poetic justice riot,
'cause you can't satisfy it.
Now, I know it's not yo' fault
that you were born in this horrible world
with initial talents and sins in your genes, inherited from your parents,
as you know, the **** just can't fall far from the *** according to the physics laws.
Life treats you like you're a naughty, crying child,
and your mother doesn't give a **** about you,
'cause she's got used to.
Then you learn to appreciate it when you grow up
and feel evil love in a laughing child's suffocating hug
on kitten's neck that now belongs to you,
while you are still a whining sinner,
smart mocking monkey, offended by life,
pretending to be a winner,
drowning in the sea of guilty conscience,
justifying yourself with words,
cuz you can't swim in it,
going down on a sinking boat.
So now all that's left for you is to stand up for yourself and become your own god
who was so depressed because of being alone
that he created the whole world to feel love.
You have so many stories to say back to this world now,
‘cause it's you against the world,
with yourself, at war.
And you may call yourself a serial killer,
but you are not even a real sinner
if you still cannot
nail or crucify your god.
Dang!
See ya in hell.
Bang!
Booyaka! The *******'s killed by his ******* nuts stalker.
The Grim Reaper's buried under the tree of poetry,
which has grown right through this poem, his tombstone.
We'll see what I can reap out of this rap goats’ cemetery,
except for what I've already been bestowed upon
and, in fact, have sown.
Life's a short road from your mother's womb to the graveyard tomb anyway.
*******, I’ll prob’ly just end up lis’ning to yo’ hip-hop again.
Ah, whatever.
I've already sewn the whole reality out of trivialities
and wove the underwear out of clichés for you to wear on the stage.
Don't wanna wear it?
Really? All right.
What's the matter?
Stage fright?
Just kidding.
I know you can make a fool of yourself
and (smile) laugh your *** off on the inside.
Shoot!
Here comes the lunatic’s cadaver.
Don't worry, I'll resurrect you
after you've got dissected.
Abracadabra.
See? It wasn't that bad.
You're not really dead,
like your mom or your dad.
You’ve just grown up to be free from them now completely,
unlike me.
I kid. Come on.
Nor are you really resurrected.
Ok, I won't dramatize, or I may get traumatized.
I gotta stop, lest I be found dead in bed in my own house,
stabbed to death with your **** in my mouth
in a ****, unsuccessful attempt to shut me up.
My bad. I apologize.
Let's call it even
or love, even if it's evil.
I can sound not very nice at times.
I'm sorry if I was too honest,
sorry for all I've said before
and in advance,
for everything I'll say after.
You know I'll make it up to you. I promise.
My words will make you craftier and tougher
so that again I can unpurposely be *******
for stupidly not noticing when I am crude.
I'm not afraid of mistakes and difficulties.
At least, I'd like to think so.
What did you expect, though?
You are a rapper.
Every your fan is your potential hater,
hungry, greedy, disrespectful,
tired of waiting,
starting to love you, ready to hate you,
hatin’ lovin’ you.
Or am I wrong again?
Does it make me a fake fan?
Let's end it, step aside for a moment,
pretend that we can be normal
for some time,
that we are fine for now,
'cause it's pretty stressful to be obsessed.
So just in case, let's make it at least less intense
lest we get tired of too much offense.
We'd better go back to tender love
instead of rough, outrageous, brain-******-and-breaking ***.
Relax, I'm joking, not trynna shoot ya, **** ya, or choke ya.
Not really killing anyone here.
Just kidding, having some fun with you, dear.


Evil Love

‘Course, I know you’ll always be my master, but it’s okay,
‘cause masters also depend on their slaves.
I think you understand that there would be no you as you are now
without me and your fans.
When you make jokes to yourself in your songs,
aren't you glad when someone believes you and sings along?
Gods exist as long as we believe in 'em.
And God is your witness, stans can believe,
as they feel love, no one can live without.
So they listen to your albums to and fro,
like it's your **** in their heads, moving in and out, bro
as if for foretasting and delaying ******.
By the way, what's up with your fanatical bots?
Man, you know, I don't ******* like it
when your butthead bot-like fans, cooking up their idol
out of themselves, insane impostors,
stupid rookies, a bunch of clowns with clone accounts,
pathetic imitators,
******* fakers,
******* impersonators,
poor sick dumb *******,
millions of ******* minions,
limitless hordes of tedious idiots,
boring unstoppable morons
seek for my attention and approval,
**** me off, and
at the same time make me laugh, 'cause
they keep mistaking me for one of them, your AA support group,
godforsaken flock, your army of lovers,
wrapped around your *******,
breathtaking, irresistible humdinger.
Be careful what you wish for, bro.
Now that you found your flock,
it will never let you go.
This phenomenon is called a personality cult.
You can't love everyone equally like a god.
Being everywhere, you are nowhere,
engulfed by Love,
like your rhymes in your notebook,
scattered around the globe.
The power you've got is too strong.
It holds you too and loves you back.
You could be something more
than someone who wants to rap
till 100 years old.
And now we'll never know.
Oh, well, to hell with that.
Indeed, why be somebody else,
when you can give 100% of your essence to rap
and be a god,
tragicomic hero of a comic book,
iconic, unadulterated perfectness of hip-hop?
I guess, this power and fame,
like a drug, are bound to drive you insane.
Thanks to the freedom of speech in your brain’s fat neurons' tyranny,
resembling a small dictator with a tiny pecker,
bossy ***** of his posse,
who married a country,
you married a game.
I know to leave is hard as ****,
‘cause the game’s as appealing as hard rock.
Besides, bad habits, as you know, die hard.
Still, do yourself a favor, will ya?
Be a man of your word, finally,
kidnap yourself and just leave
if you want to live long and happily.
Fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee,
but don't be as cocky as Muhammad Ali,
leave as a champion, while you're still on top.
High five, queen of the hive,
leave your pain alone in the sky,
or die and rest in peace
if a kamikaze is all you can be,
sacrifice yourself for the sake of hip-hop.
I think the only person that can save you from yourself is you.
Suppose I left you for good.
Can I really forget about you?
If only I could
dump devilishly evil love that's tough but feels so good,
so **** good that even bad.
A burning pleasure that hurts
with the sweetest pain I've ever felt.
So should you hurt me, do it gently,
as you still can do it,
I mean, are naturally good in bed, I bet.
Wait, man, not again!
Forget what I said.
That's not what I meant.
Sorry, my bad.
Father, forgive me, for I have sinned.
It's just a silly relapse.
It's not like I'm gonna sit on your face
or your lap
even in the context of rap.
I guess when you click with someone,
you can have this kind of fun.
That's okay.
But hey, let's not get carried away.
I'll keep doing my best to stay sober and sane till I collapse.
I’m so sorry for the innuendo.
Next time I'd better be more circumspect,
'cause it's probably inappropriate, like for a Christian, oral ***.
Should I take you for a friend, though?
Or will you offer me your ballsy ****?
And why is ******* a **** is considered to be the worst form of disrespect?
You know, I prefer to believe I could pull that off
and refer to you as a friend
even if you were a ******* ****** or a ******.
Let's pretend that I'm your friend.
Would it be enough?
If not, disrespect me, then,
with your evil love.
Anyhoo, it wasn't my intention
to make you feel any tension or unwanted passion.
It has nothing to do with you, man.
Don't take it to heart.
I'm crossing the line again,
take it too far.
You can't be that bad.
Satanically evil devil.
Diabolically saint Satan
or at least a demon,
sizzling people on a frying pan.
You combine cockiness with humility,
quality with stupidity.
It doesn't matter even if you say that
it feels so good to be bad.
I'm sure whatever you wish you could do should be said.
And it's not your job to solve other people's problems or suit
the expectations of a stranger you've never met.
Not to mention that you don't have to pay too much attention
to every nonsense and stupid ****
that comes from my sick *** head.
I reckon, while looking like a bad boy on the surface, you're a good guy inside
or at least a good-looking bad guy.
Neither can I lie like that.
C'mon, of course, I don't really want to sit on your face.
In my defense, I lie to myself and justify my words by saying I'm just a good writer.
So I'd rather sit on the fence,
fooling around and trying to find balance with my ***.
Yeah, I don't really want ya.
You realize I'm just ******* with you, doncha?
Oh dear, but I'm afraid you'll notice that I'm a bad liar.
What the **** did you expect, man?
Every your hater is your latent, negative fan,
accepting the rules of the game,
trying to change them later
except for one: the love of hatin’ you.
They dis you but have to respect you,
‘cause deep down they are afraid of you.
They know they can't harm you more than you do.
No one can hit you harder than life already did
at the harshest spitter’s speed.
And you love your haters too,
'cause you feed on your enemies' energy.
A feud with your foes you treat like hoes with irreparable flaws is the fiery fuel for you.
They made you too.
But when you're already dead,
they can't **** you.
And now all you do is breathe out words, wrapped around your feelings,
wrapped around your *******
so they linger for those who realize they can't be faux.
I'm sure they have been true before
and will stay real and raw forevermore
to slam yo’ foes with speedy rhymes,
hit ‘em with your spitting bars
about slaughtering ‘em with a chainsaw and the whole range of guns.
You love them masochistic ******* hard,
like you've been loved by God.
What the hell were you thinking
when you wanted to become a rapper,
starting as a rising star of your future fans' local newspapers?
As if you don't know what's going on in the heads of your fans.
All they want is to be you, like you or with you, *******.
But you don’t even give a ****, do you?
Well, whad'ya know! I guess **** happens.
Sometimes you think you recognized someone
when, in fact, you took 'em for somebody else,
dissolved in the gray mass of unrealized rappers,
lost in the illusion of greatness
due to the brain mess and oblivious madness.
Even though, I ain't deny it,
I am a terrible liar, god awful at this.
Still, it was worth trying.
Now, go ahead, go nuts, disrespect me.
I deserve it, as the worst sin is cowardice
according to the master’s manuscript.
What choice do I have? I can't help it.
It's like a bad habit.
And you know they die hard,
because you get used to something that doesn't even exist.
So what?
Any habit is bad.
It's just a hospitable habitat
for a bunch of big fat neurons,
very large and hungry worms,
******* dopamine,
in some cases, also spitting useless rhymes
in your little, stupid head,
like you're a war veteran with PTSD
and a drug-addict, who's about to OD,
trained, highly qualified,
good for nothing but fights for his beliefs.
That's why there are no selfless good deeds.
Should you prove me wrong, I'll eat my hat.
Until then, in order to look more decent and less rude,
I'mma… keep lying
till it becomes true,
the dream of the reality reboot.
When I convincingly lie to myself,
I believe it, then in myself too.
I've got the power and always had.
I just need to figure out how to use it,
put dead words to living music.
Yes, words are virtual.
The feeling is real, animal, material,
hence spiritual.
While my mind screams, "Oh, hell no! I don't think so,"
my heart says,"**** yeah! I'm almost there."
Yeah, right, I know.
Again, I write like a *****,
incapable of controlling the ****** energy,
trolling her own insatiable libido.
That's just how I feel, though.
Oh, Gee! **** this **** destructive love,
******* me over again,
demolishing everything on her way.
I can't feed her
or him, them.
I don't know anymore.
As if the absence of a name for a gender
can be compensated by a number.
In no way did I mean to be mean and delve into the devil dancing, dude.
I just like dancing.
And I don't wanna use my words as a weapon.
I'm not rapping.
Baby, I'm telling the truth!
I ******* love you.
I love ******* with you.
Too bad, this love is evil.
I feel like I fell in love
just for my heart to fall apart.
Besides, it sounds too good to be true
for an oxymoron,
a beautiful masochistic figure of speech for morons.
I'd better ditch this queening *****,
'cause it seems that all I do is try to forget you.
But do I really have to?
Even if I do, I'm not sure I can get over you.
****, you don't give a ****, though,
and still have no clue.
And I will never matter to you.
Well, all this beauty is for me, then, not for you.
If only you knew, my man,
how tired of you I am.
It's not that I want to bust a cap, rhyme, or a myth.
But how many women have you really been with?
I hate to admit that it must feel good to eat a forbidden fruit.
What if I ate this ******* apple?
Why an apple, by the way?
It could be a banana, for ****'s sake.
Whatever, it doesn't matter.
The point is it's a metaphor
for liberation from the paradise prison for apes,
who painfully grow up
to find out how to become a free from human morality god.
But if you can't handle your sins,
maybe, you don't deserve that.
After all, I am too responsible for adultery,
for I'm not only an animal, but also a self-aware adult human being.
What I can do
is pretend
that I should understand
how to push through
and move on till it seems I can finally forget you
to change, evolve, create and grow,
'cause I can't take it anymore.
I gotta dig in my feet
till I start digging it,
throw you out of my system,
lest you become too real, way too persistent,
get control over the hideous, insidious monster,
hiding inside my aching soul,
get rid of the bad habit of diving into the gaping hole
of ferocious fears of love turning destructive, feral, and fierce
when life is atrociously real,
feel free to recover from the past,
buried in time at last,
leave the weird, love, solipsistic symbiosis behind,
say goodbye to the human neurosis of being alive,
realize that I should open my eyes,
wake up and smell the roses
in a terrifyingly lucid dream I live in,
in the elusive present moment,
find life balance, hormonal harmony,
learn to turn suffering into pleasure while surviving,
go through the metamorphosis
from the cocoon of verbose neurosis
to a beautiful butterfly,
the free poetry that can fly
into the unborn future where it can thrive and die.
And if I need to escape reality again,
I hope I still will be able to find the way.
Despite all the **** happening in this world,
all these wars, travesty of life,
lurid farce, insane asylum,
senseless grotesque circus,
the theater of the absurd,
where things are not what they're called,
please, Love, don't let me go!
Even though I keep saying no,
I know you won't let me go.
And I'll give it all to you
lest I be lost like a wretched wreck, sad sack of ****
and disappear in my own misery.
I hope that won't be necessary,
but to live without you is kinda scary.
So I guess I have no choice.
Born capricious, man must learn to die grateful.
You don't understand anything in this world.
That's why you try to explain it.
And you fail every time.
That's all right.
Laughter is a normal reaction to being overwhelmed with awe.
The thinking process is like ***,
and the ****** is like laughter
that happens after
you discover for the kabillionth time
that you are just a *******.
What a relief.
Again, Universe, thanks a lot for your support.
Now the pleasure is all mine.
When you look at yourself from afar
and laugh at your stupidity,
you free yourself from it,
release your ego,
and become a self-sufficient god,
who doesn't look for the meaning,
for he's already been found.
This world is magical, and you are magic and a magician.
To see it, just open your mind.
You must know by now,
as various fairy tales, like life and comics, show,
that while there's always a reason for evil,
the true power is love.


****** Fan

Though, I don't wanna be attached to you
or infatuated about you,
being afraid to admit that I crave
but am scared of being touched by you,
as you also deliver top-notch romance in your lyrics.
It turns me on and turns into limerence,
the obsessive incessant necessity to be loved,
‘cause I lacked it as a child,
forsaken by God.
Perhaps I'm just being infantile,
while not too childish and cowardly to laugh at misery for real.
To laugh at the theater of the absurd from your soul,
you have to watch it, not play the role, after all.
I gotta get outta here,
forget this foolish nightmare,
pretending to be a sweet dream,
coming true for real,
from which I can't hide,
where my tearing and bleeding,
restless and curious mind
inside a decaying corpse,
oozes rapper’s bile,
loses time on rotten thoughts,
my ****** words versus yours,
empty, precious, mighty loud, diverse,
especially those that hurt the most.
It's just a preposterous verse
you can't stop reading,
artificial reality, imaginary multiverse
where I can feel real raw metaphors.
Nevertheless, it unfortunately deserves
to be called careless, embarrassing, and gross.
It drives me off the deep end course.
But it's also challenging, provocative, and bold,
though must be too controversial to be sold,
too deep, so deep that it’ll stay in me,
‘cause I'm writing my ******* bible
with the main character being the word god.
I have already written it, actually.
Although the Bible is free,
I prefer mine,
‘cause I'm done with reading, I write.
Besides, I don't like to read about others’ victimized, martyrized sacrifices
and catch various contagious interpretations
of other sick strangers' interpretations,
except maybe innocent potential sinner's associations.
I hope one day, I won't lie when I say,
"That's it. I'm done.
I don't read. I don't write.
I don't need this ****. All right?
Unless I can push out a real word out of my mind."
****, what a ****** fan I am!
Man, we don't have that much in common.
I'm not even a sports fan,
wearing Eminem's Jordans or jersey and boxing shorts as pajamas.
Being a shorty, I didn't make it to professional swimmers.
No biggie, neither are you a pro in basketball.
You chose a different career.
And while you now want to make it disappear,
like hopefully one day will North Korea,
I don't have one.
Thank God, nor do I have children.
What for?
So there'd be someone to bury you, but before,
they'd have helped you grow up into something more
than you are,
as you are being continued?
But they say, everything I see
is the extension of me.
So why would you need more,
when the whole world is within you?
See, I don't need to be a parent, apparently.
Nothing to lose, everything to win.
If I ever make it to Michigan,
I'll probly just get lost amongst street artists and enlightened bums
to be saved by your alternative to MacDonald's,
which, of course, is not a real restaurant.
As I'm prone to dicking around,
my head in the sky,
for instance, taking pictures of dumpster squirrels,
fat like hamsters,
black and mean like ghetto gangsters,
fast like Detroit Tigers and Lions
who, thanks to you, beat the Yankees and Falcons.
Well, I can see that you're in love with your city.
So as a patriot of Detroit you must prefer Michigan motors, such as Dodge or Ford,
provided, of course, that it's not four-door
to be worthy of the immense, impressive car collection that hardly anyone can afford,
except the best rap nerd,
who represents the Olympus of successful rap legends,
according to his stans,
and still prefers Ford
to the most expensive Mercedes-Benz,
even though this brand’s vehicle has been in his ownership before.
And here comes the harsh truth.
I'm almost sure I'm number two
because I obviously come after you,
let alone there's always someone
claiming to be your number one fan.
Besides, I don't even listen to your old songs anymore,
even the iconic “Stan”,
because first of all, I don't like them all.
Secondly, I'm too lazy to relisten to the songs I've already heard before,
when I'm busy with my own thoughts or get bored,
especially that I wasn't a ******* fan of an earlier version of you,
when you were yet immature.
You know, since your life is Truman Show,
and all your **** is personal,
the recent material shows a clearer picture of the current, real you.
So why should I care for your earlier songs or rewatch your previous interviews
if they are now old news?
To laugh at a funny bunny, ghost from the past,
like when you were the Tonight Show host's, Briefcase Joe's guest?
I enjoyed it once, yes.
Would I watch it again?
No, but thanks.
If only briefly, barely, very rarely.
I don't wanna OD.
It wouldn't hurt to watch it one last time, though, I guess.
I actually haven't even listened to all your songs.
Unfortunately, I don't have enough time,
‘cause there are too many of them, and I am one. Also,
I've bought only one of your disks,
not even vinyl
with a special edition cassette in addition
or a souvenir from your official store with your handwritten initials,
though it's mp3.
As for the rest, I downloaded them for free.
So no use of me.
I hope it won't make you poor, my dear.
Neither do I have my basement covered in your posters.
And I have never been to any of your concerts
to prove that I've been your superfan since day one.
Cinderella man, sorry for the worst form of disrespect
that an artist can expect from a fan,
for being broke enough to steal from you.
Of course, it's not an excuse.
If any consolation, at least I'm honest with you.
The truth is I became your stan in 2012
after I'd stumbled upon your album Recovery,
which was released in 2010.
Now I'm the age that you were back then.
But my fanaticism hardly would have happened,
hadn't I smoked **** and started writing again,
which proves that it's best not to mix drugs.
I even tasted your language,
which I liked so much
that my brain turned into a bilingual sandwich.
And then, twelve years later, the same **** happened again.
Relapse.
Well, you know how it goes, man.
I've been writing this thing since then.
So it turns out, what draw me to you
was the combination of poetry and drugs,
hot mess of thoughts,
served with a hot psychedelic sauce,
explosive mixture that sooner or later
would inevitably detonate, though,
‘cause it wants to be exposed.
Double dope doping causes extreme acceleration of dopamine levels.
But I tell you what,
when your brain melts, seethes, and starts dripping out of your ringing ears due to parallel processing flows, it *****.
I mean, when it produces more dopamine than you really need,
it tricks you into feeling even more happy than you already are but unaware of it
and burns you, turns you into an obsessive drug-addict,
who gets what he deserves.
You know it because you are just like me,
though not quite me.
And rap is your drug aside of being your therapy,
a side effect and consequence of being a rap king,
your reward and punishment, blessing and curse
so you could decompose a **** dung of thoughts in your head for something beautiful to compose,
like a crimson thorny rose
that has already risen to unbelievable heights in this verse
for no apparent reason besides arousing feelings that unexpectedly arose.
Well, the whole **** world is manure,
and the most beautiful flower is you.
I mean, me.
And this is my ****.
This is just the way I am.
No offense, no grudge.
I am not whatever you say I am.
You are.
So don't judge
not to be judged.
The thing is everybody's nothing
until they run into something to believe in.
I'm only human,
even worse, a weak woman.
But, you know what?
I believe, like you and me,
even Jesus was just a human being.
Yet, look what he’s become.
Story of your life, huh?
Sorry I haven't been with you since day one,
and got to know you better after you’d almost died
and been reborn.
Has the near-death experience made you appreciate the second chance you'd been given
to realize that every day is the first day of the rest of your life?
Then again hit the big echo
as the death of your alter ego.
But I'm glad that it happened
while you're still alive,
unlike some other legends that were less lucky,
as I discovered them post-mortem.
I'm sure your fandom will continue growing as well, even without me.
Although I won't put your tattoo,
devil's mark, stan-stamp art on my body
or your picture on my wall,
there's always a place for you
in my heart and my soul.
As I am honored to be your idle admirer,
you're honored to take your place in my rap bible as my idol.
Of course, it's not like an iconic collab with Dido.
But it’d be cool if you did check this out before you really died, though.
Yeah, yeah, I know, I know,
if you love someone, you should be able to let them go.
Don't worry. One day I will be your ex-fan
and (how do I put this? Ahem!)
you will be a fan of your own fan,
yeah, big time,
my number one fan,
the only one,
even though I don't belong with veteran rappers,
vetted in relentless battles.
Meanwhile, I'll procrastinate, manifest, and meditate,
unable to end this ******* poem
or rather a rap novel
till I reach my aim,
my fantastic goal,
even if it's too big for a small girl like me.
After all, the fact that I own a smartphone only to write all day long
has been already frowned upon.
I've even been warned and given a word
that, if I weren't stealth enough and were dumb enough to be caught
with the phone in hand again, next time,
it'd be taken by force without a warrant and smashed against the wall
for stealing my time.
Although I'm simply playing with words,
I know this kind of games can be dangerous.
I wouldn't exaggerate and imagine
that life was comic, if it weren't tragic,
unless you can prove that it's not true.
Well, I guess that is impossible to do.
It's not that I don't realize that my words are fraught with consequences.
Even so, I almost feel like nothing can hurt me now, and I'm gon’ live forever.
It sounds like sheer nonsense, nonetheless I do,
because at the most you will read this verse
when it’s perfect, or when you’re ready, I assume,
which will happen maybe…
uh, yeah, most definitely never,
or at least, you won't read all this any time soon
and won't say anything whatsoever.
So I'll keep playing my silent game either way,
pondering about pointless stuff to forever elaborate
on some stupid **** simultaneously,
making it look poignant and clever,
'cause even though I might be not good at, let's say, baking cakes or pies,
I do have a black belt in piling up rhymes.
In case you, however, deign to teach me some manners and whoop my ***,
spank me with your hard and heavy raps,
like I'm your bad girl, and you're my dad,
do it fast, if you must,
'cause my level by now is supposed to be advanced.
So good luck with that,
break a leg.
Oh, what the heck,
break the whole ******' neck.
Make me repent the sins of my pen
that inks more now about the future
than I think about the past.
Give me your masterpiece, please.
Show me your master class.
Okay, okay, I give up.
I kid, I kid, don't get up, kiddo.
Calm down.
It's not like I know aikido.
But it sounds good, ain't it?
Feels good too, *******,
‘cause this kinda martial art matters,
especially when you know what to do with all this talent.
It should have become a cakewalk at some point, anyways.
Otherwise, what's the point, though, right?
I gotta raise the bar, writing catchphrases,
fire a metaphorical gun, shooting punch lines in your face
right between the eyes
blow your brains out,
scatter ‘em all over the place
and expand your mind,
entering outer space.
Now feel the silence in the gaps
between thoughts,
where you meet god,
read between the lines,
tune into the magic Shut-up land
you need to be eventually
without raps and rhymes.
Everyone does.
Find your blissful peace there
for no more war
with yourself, please.
RIP so I could reap what I sow.
Master peace to become a true masterpiece.
And don't even try to rise from the dead, bruh, like eva.
You're no more of a phoenix, than I'm an ornithologist, just so you know.
Yeah, no, I'm not,
but I'm pretty sure, there is no such thing as a self-combustible bird,
dying on the pyre
of satanically hot satire.
You're not gonna arise from the ashes.
That's it.
So stop burning yourself in the fire of your own ****.
Burn in mine for a change.
Who knows? You may even like it.
After all, it was your idea to trade shoes
and look at life through each other’s eyes
to find out what we can see inside each other's minds,
sharing the illusion of feeling each other's pain,
transforming it into love,
a dark evil night into a bright sunny day.
Although, it actually sounds a bit too dashing and smug,
because, like a "normal person",
I've written the whole poem behind your back,
sharing opinions with others rather than
having my life at stake
risking insulting you face to face,
which, I hate to break it to you,
I'm never gonna do.
Boy, that would be a big mistake to make,
like ordering a beefsteak instead of a birthday cake.
Who would have thought I could create something for you that's hard to take?
What can I say?
Never say never.
I’d love to make people laugh
until they cry at the same time,
breaking their stereotypes.
Can't help it.
It is what it is.
I like to write about funny, enlightening things.
And it is funny when you are here now.
Then just like that,
****, you're gone.
A divine supernova bursts stark into a black-hole devil.


This Verse Is Alive

This ****** verse grows like a red, hot rose
from a stinky dark mess that smells mighty bad, so gross.
Thorny, aggressive, *****.
Take a look. It's already bloomed.
One touch, It will sting your skin and nerves
as if it's poisonous.
As if the venom can spread to your brain,
while the sweet aroma crawls through your nose.
You inhale, you inspire.
Goat, you wanna devour the whole ******* flower,
‘cause it gives you the illusion of power.
You stand beside it, staring,
like a hungry cat at a sparrow,
hearing your soul sing and flood,
you think that you see yourself sink in the sea of blood.
In fact, you merely bleed into spring muddy streams and puddles.
Playing my heartstrings, you scream and squeeze the crimson rose even harder
and want some more than your usual dose,
‘cause it's outrageously beautiful and shamelessly pure,
as you can feel your blood dripping from its thorns.
Don't be so cruel,
fill me up with some more fuel.
You will be my first, I will be your last
to come from intellectual lust.
What more do you need?
You’ve had your chance to be a husband twice,
an insanely loving but resentful, extremely spicy spouse,
though, only for one woman.
And then you ****** it up. You blew it.
Man, sorry if it sounds personal,
but being a good father and a bad husband at the same time
is kinda controversial, if not impossible.
On the other hand,
marriage is a dual wholeness, paradoxical collab
of two lab rats, members of the nuptial club
for two idiots in love, engaged in the life event,
promising, at first, to consist of good stuff
for two participants, capable of turning it into a matrimonial war
of two morons, equally bad,
proving each other wrong,
hoping for a miracle,
when a made-up problem
somehow will solve itself tomorrow.
So ***** it. Let's just do it,
push each other's buttons,
strip each other to the bones,
blow our minds,
impress, undress to the very souls,
and turn our bodies into fluid
to unite in one immense, mercilessly immersive flow.
It's chaotic, but makes sense.
After all, it's inevitable, I know
and always knew it.
Do you feel my words make you mine?
Do you wanna know why?
That's because this verse is alive.
It eats you all and frees your mind.
In this moment is your entire life for you to sublime
and see your soul's growth.
There's a place for everyone
on the planet Earth
except for those who are being eaten.
So beat it not to be beaten,
if you are a little kitten.
The show must go on.
So be it.
One life has to end for the other one to be continued.
Or stay, 'cause I want you to feel me in ya
the way I think I see god in ya
and wanna feel you IN me.
The encounter with a predator makes you feel alive.
If you are lucky not to be dissolved in its gut,
you will be forever grateful for the reason why
you now remember it as meeting God.
While you choose what to eat,
nature digests us all into ****
to keep the balance in its account,
harmony in and out.
Or you'd rather it chews you and spits you out,
‘cause you are a bit too bitter for a candy bar,
wrapped in too sweet a beet
that tastes like Jesus Christ’s feet so far?
Like you and I, this shady verse constantly changes and grows,
expands like the universe,
as if it wants to consume the whole world,
including me,
and destroy the cosmos
where it came from,
drowning in self, unfolds
to reveal its true form.
Inexorable entropy relentlessly dissolves
in nonsensical chaos
of nauseous word *****,
lyric verbal diarrhea,
disintegrating into syllables,
letters, stream of consciousness,
being caught by a flight of the thought of the flight of a thought,
hilarious convulsions of ridiculous subconscious mind flow.
It grows when I grow,
literally becoming a virtual version of me.
Can I control it, if I can't outgrow it, though?
When it stops, it will eventually die.
Should one get too big,
there may be no place for ‘em left,
like for a neuron that got too heavy and fat
and had to fall off under the gravity of other thoughts
and die from boredom,
this way, ripping a band-aid off the soul at the same time,
an old, wise worm,
tired of looking for a reason in a rhyme,
illusive lightning-like truth at the bottom of the bottle,
that ain't there,
‘cause he's blind to see happiness in life.
Eat the world.
Digest it along with regrets.
Let it through.
Let it go.
Goodbye.
So if you read this,
it probably seems that
Schrödinger's cat is trapped in your head,
neither alive nor dead.
Although it's actually highly unlikely,
the fact that I might still be writing it
is, frankly speaking, quite frightening.
But also, in the process of growing, I'm enjoying my poem,
being obsessed with the idea of the illusion that I'm obsessed with the image of you,
the fantasy that embodies itself in the form of this verse in the virtual world,
searching for perfection in the night sky, lit by dead stars, reaching for the moon,
in time, to leave the space where I am now for the real one, and then one more.
This may actually become a masterpiece, after the death of the author.
Clearly, she's an addict and an idiot or a genius,
depending on the angle from which you see this bunch of words and feelings,
simple and mysterious.
But at the same time, it's possibly
one of the most narcissistic verses,
written by a presumably the most modest person,
that has ever existed in this world
and will stay in the history
as the distinctive but illusive evidence,
based on evasive traces,
a pale shadow,
the echo of the stars long gone.
It's a constant self-improvement work in progress,
tiresome sometimes, yes,
but a very interesting working process
I'm engrossed in.


Sophie’s Choice

Whatever it is, it's for you to decide.
It's your choice, of course.
Is it, though?
For some reason, it always seems to be Sophie's choice.
So I guess it is what it is.
(By the way, it really is a masterpiece
already, as it is,
like life,
one long aphorism.)
But why on earth does it always have to be like this?
I don't know.
It isn't easy, is it?
It's easier to be decapitated by a mind-breaking wizard
than to choose between two ideally evil ideas or thoughts.
As if I'm a little girl,
born during a war,
and while hiding from the Soviet Union among the Vietcong,
killed by the American bomb.
Or should I pick a side
find a lesser evil? Why?
Not to die today? Escape endless wars
between heaven and earth?
Why two evils?
Do you have to always be
between the devil and the deep blue sea?
Why not funny and spiritual?
‘Cause I'd rather not pick either of two evils.
On the other hand, when I can't choose between two good things,
I tend to take both,
like two ***** in one hole.
**** sure happens,
even when you mean well
and try to be good
or at least pretend.
Well, what you know?
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Hell, even cold but golden Alaska was once sold for a *** of gold.
What a funny way for fund-raising to build oligarchs’ mansions.
I guess, you never know where you lose and find.
You may appear in the wrong place at the wrong time.
And you can't do anything about it at first.
But then… Bam!
The bomb drops,
and you're gone. You die.
On the bright side, you are now free,
put out of your misery,
as if killed out of mercy.
So thank you, Universe, merci.
See? Your freedom of choice is in your attitude,
and you can always find something to be grateful for, of course.
To get enlightened, you have to go through darkness, after all,
to see that there is no good or bad,
only happy and miserable.
Don't make it worse.
Think about it.
Who do you think you are,
and where do you think you go,
while you grow, evolve, improve your soul?
Apparently, you move from a bad place to a better one.
That's probably why after you finally, really die,
as a reward for your pain,
you naturally get into a better world,
where you meet its creator, god,
or merely a different you.
So you have a choice,
to stay where you are
or be somebody else, free to choose
and believe that what he has created is yours,
and you got nothing to lose,
because you are already gone.


The Word Owns You

Anyhow, it's almost dead already, too bad, too old,
too big, too bold,
still straightforward, piercing, and bitter
like one **** with two *****
that ****** you off
and makes you wanna **** it so hard
that it could finally die and go off.
Yeah, it's so sick.
I gotta put it out of its misery with a rusty shovel,
**** it out of mercy at some point.
I mean, no one can heal something so ill.
And what can't be healed,
has to be killed.
I hope you feel me, silly,
understand what I wrote.
It's not that difficult and obscure,
really,
still alive, while yet not cured.
Are you following my thought?
If you're not sure,
I assure you, you do.
You're just unsure if it's the right direction for you.
Well, what do I know? I'm not you.
I only look at you.
Don't take my art too literally.
You can break my heart if you want.
I don't care,
'cause it's pretty much virtual,
supposed to be in my chest,
but not there.
Don't get me wrong.
It's not a big fat flattering love letter, you know.
I'm merely studying you under the microscope,
like a calm, unbiased, meticulous scientist,
doing research in silence,
slicing and dicing a frog.
And the more he analyzes this fandom madness,
the more stuck in the shady mania and ****** up he becomes,
anatomizing your black soul's dark guardian angel
you have such a desperate craving for.
He is capable of quenching your thirst
for the only language a dark angel knows,
which is a wild evil love.
Love and evil.
God and the devil, combined.
He's behind you all the way
in the hall of fame on the wall of shame.
Well, I suppose, two heads are better than one
because you can perform an experiment on one of them.
Stop being a hostage of your own role.
You're on your own from now on,
not lonely, alone only, though.
You were a good, slim fellow.
But now you've become even better.
Keep using your flaws,
rotten pieces of the mind of your future corpse
to hone your skills and master your soul.
And when you're deeply alone and unknown,
you'll gain your total freedom.
I'm sure you've already started to write a song about it,
(have you, really? Can I hear it?)
and, of course, your new album will be double platinum
‘cause you are the king.
Totally, totally. I agree.
I mean, the most beautiful drama queen.
To be actually free,
you must just adjust and really need to see
through the prism of your soul
that your self-important beloved self-torture
you are so deeply engrossed in,
thinking it's motivating,
yet instead, it's instigating,
self-indulgent suffering rapture,
absorbing you, is worthless.
Don't feed yourself to your pain.
It will obliterate your brain,
devastate your heart and burn you in its flame.
You're more significant than this.
The contents of your shape are more important than the context of the game.
You became too big for your frame
and keep growing, because you can.
I didn't suffer too much, just enough to be what I am.
You are not broken completely, just enough to be what you are,
to transform the weakness of man
into the power of god.
And I wanna evolve with you,
because I’m in love with you.
For this, I zoom in, dive deep into me
to see how much you mean to me.
But the process of healing is painful.
What you gonna do?
You need pain to appreciate love,
fear of death to cherish life
so you can feel when it correlates
with the nature's grace in many ways
and shapes your soul, your gestalt.
I love to see my body change and my consciousness grow.
I love life because it's temporary.
It's my favorite show.
There's not much to say. You've been through a lot.
We've all been. So what?
And we all still have this hurt, scared, sullen, depressed, enraged, silent teenager deep inside
we want to protect by creating a strong dark guardian angel
for our inner child to grow up.
So don't act like your sorrow is wider than the universe.
You're not the only one of your kind.
You know, it's not that entertaining
to see the vivid pictures you paint with your pain and
listen to your heart-breaking complainings.
As if your cathartic torments and problems are worth my emotional resources.
Like I didn't suffer from my own PTSD, unexpected traumas,
emotional scars, bruises, unwanted dramas,
devastating losses,
or wait for the right response
as a sufficient answer from the wrong person.
So you see, your pain would be superfluous.
Unlike all miserable people,
I don't want to be miserable like you.
But I do want you to be happy,
like I am right now,
even though I'm not good enough
in finding the right words to show you how.
I mean, you think you own the word,
when, in fact, the word owns you.
You don't come up with words,
they come up to you,
get into your mouth in the form of a ****,
and come into your brain
with mind-blowing-ceilings ideas,
breaking your head’s virginal membrane.
It ******* so deep that it makes you addicted to this game.
It comes into you
till it engulfs you on the inside
with your inner hungry for pleasure, greedy child
and becomes you.
Out of your subconscious mind,
words come to you, swift and alive.
You put them down to die.
I think, most of the time,
you feel like a ****,
coming with words through your mouth,
embodying your power of spirit
till it becomes licorice-like sweet and thick,
and you actually start to feel it.
You play this game again and again
in the point of singularity inside the circle of limited abilities
but with the point of view
of an intentionally infinite creative potential
to elaborate on undeliberate liberation,
ready to unfold into a universe
and become broad-minded too.
But how can I know my potential if I can't reach the unreachable thresholds?
Feelings are precious because of being captivating and transient.
This is how this world works.
You have been owing yourself survival since birth.
Even in your dreams, you keep solving problems,
not noticing that it's nonsense
that can be interpreted as the repentance of your guilty conscience,
while your destiny seems to consist of the sequence of coincidences,
arising more controversy and cognitive dissonance.
It's not that bad, considering you look at it from a distance.
That's why I prefer practice to theory,
the feeling to words,
which are the consequence that follows the cause.
A described feeling dies in words.
They become its tombstone.
In dead words, for yourself in the future,
you describe the condition you feel as a god,
who chose love,
in the present moment to remember it by,
‘cause you are afraid to forget it as a human being,
capable of being defeated by fear.
So I guess, it's best not to open the box
you won't be able to close
and say goodbye,
unless you use words as a means
to achieve certain goals,
such as creating a universe,
where after art chaos has systematized
with the feeling embodied,
creative energy has formed,
dark matter has become tactile,
it's bound to realize itself and die,
then again to be born
with no end, God knows why.
Can you get out of the world of words by means of words,
through which you try to understand something that can't be understood?
No, YodaBuddha, but you could use ‘em as the beginner’s course.
Then shoot for the moon and go on.
Yeah, I coulda, to have something to move on from.
But when your viewpoint is perceived as a holler in a hollow,
a shout out of the empty void into nowhere,
that can be replaced with a song,
someone's mightless anger will always try to shut it up, break it, causing pain,
that's supposed to help you stop feeding your anxiety nonsense.
Instead, it makes inner voices louder, creating monsters.
They give you power and become too big and strong.
When you use wrong tools,
play the wrong instrument,
you lose your favorite game.
Reality interpretation through the symbol manipulation means
getting distracted by the process of expressing yourself,
while hunting your aim.
You don't let the creative energy go through,
misunderstand.
Missing a lot of things,
you miss the point, don't feel
your full potential.
Then you manifest, reflect
the interpreted reality back
to the universe.
It brings your manifestation to life and back to you,
still unfulfilled.
Why don't you reflect it directly
without being its witness?
Stop drawing.
You are the painting,
a masterpiece, even.
You are already in.
Just see
Well, apparently, life is not only a paradise
but also a hell sometimes.
Still, it's not just black and white,
you know.
Between them is a rainbow.
In search of the magic formula,
you try to describe the state of your consciousness with words
in the hope of keeping it timeless.
You cling to them as to juts,
keep climbing the mountain
or resist the volcanic flow of emotional energy
just to find a new painful extreme
and justify the way you follow your dream,
trying to overcome the feeling by means of words,
channeling it to the desired course
of training your willpower.
Don't worry, just spit it.
Nourish and bring up your power of spirit.
Grow up and become a god
who can help himself and inspire others.
Good luck and take care,
But hey, remember, scared little fellow,
don't miss the rainbow,
hiding from the rain under the umbrella.
**** happens.
Let it go, just go with the flow.
But steer the ship where you need to go.
Life smacks and *****.
You snap and grow.
Should you hit rock bottom,
push off and break through the ceiling.
Keep pushing the limits
till you rocket through the roof of the Empire State Building,
where now only sky's the limit
in the endless space of your heavy mind,
filled with heavenly, godly light
I know you like this feeling
of being godlike dynamite.
You've really got the power when you hold a mic.
On the other hand, as long as there's a deeper floor,
you're all right.
Never give in, toy soldier, fighting monsters.
Keep rapping, cracking nuts and silly jokes.
Ah, God, have mercy, not again.
"Somebody, help me!
I'm drowning in my ****."
Why don't you write a song that pulls you out of it
instead of drinking it in, lapping, enwrapping it with a colorful covering
as if you're some kind of saint martyr?
Oh, yeah, I forgot. You already did.
So what?
What makes you stop?
Don't be too melodramatic.
You're not a lonely Captain Obvious
on a sinking ship.
You're a switchman for a locomotive,
not a lost cause.
Please, don't say that.
I'm sure it's not that bad.
At least it's better than it was
if you don't concentrate on what you've lost,
'cause there is always pros and cons,
which is characteristic of controversial, dualistic worlds.
You can walk on water after all, when the time comes
and see the reflection of the mightiest of all gods.


Morfreeda

There are no mistakes or coincidences in your serendipitous destiny,
nor one rhyme or reason, or justice for all.
Even poetical.
It's just this one sole moment we're kept in,
like in prison for the soul.
So the question is not, to be or not to be,
but can I or am I compelled by the belief that it's impossible?
It just happened to be this way
so that now it can only be called fate.
Enjoy the path that you chose.
Have a nice ride along the road
to the timeless nowhere and nevermore.
Suffice to say that it's a beautiful and terrible world
where we can't tame a feeling by describing it,
not even with sophisticated phrases.
We only follow it, always behind
like a famished wolf, chasing its prey,
softly, with an untiresome determination,
stepping on its traces,
left here with prayers
in deafening silence to the higher self
who's free from ambiguity and hypocrisy,
'cause it's content, self-sufficient, wordless, selfless.
It always knows better what to do
so you could again experience déjàh vu.
If your mind resembles mine,
you must know what I'm talking about.
The divine power I feel is the source of
my undying force of vicious words
and a spark that can start a revolution fire
in the hearts of a passionate throng,
inspired by just one strong song,
capable of dethroning tyrants
and destroying empires.
This Che-Guevara-spirited power feels like you can bend space and time,
starting with yourself, change the world.
And for this, I use you as an instrument or a tool
to love myself by means of you.
I've climbed up even higher than you.
And now I'm not just enlightened.
I'm burned through,
becoming a distant star,
so far and high
that it hides in the sky
and stays invisible to your eye.
Well, what can I say?
I have been using you.
I did need it. So I did it.
Not to humiliate you, but to annihilate you,
I made you a part of my immortal, immaterial, nonexistent speculative art,
the deceiving art of a self-believing word god
in the body of a biological robot,
programmed to behave like a rap-bot.
Good thing if you're also a coder
aside from being merely a human being,
for if you become old and ugly,
then you have to learn how to appreciate the beauty inside you,
else you're either a lame coder
or you go further, do not give up.
I think, in this case, you switch to become a god.
Otherwise, what's the point, though?
So use your brain as a processor
to get access to the database of your soul.
Yeah, good thinking. Why not?
Do I have time?
Tick-tock, overclock your brain
till you reach the point where you don't,
as you go so fast that you get out of the illusion.
And now there is no time,
and the eternity is you.
Sure, it may sound insane, messy, and depressing,
but also interesting and impressive,
'cause when I start writing,
it seems like I stop living and start dying,
putting my heart and soul into words,
which is, in fact, a destructive sin,
as if the virus of life died in me.
The thing is, when I write,
I don't have time for a normal life.
It's a pity I don't have the vaccine against the disease called obscene poetry.
Therefore, I can't get rid of my poetical mortido,
doomed to be in love with searching for more freedom.
It makes me think I have enough power of spirit
in the fragile flesh to admit that
I don't live but gradually die
and that I'm worthy of the brave and honorable name Morfreeda.
You know what I'm saying, dawg?
If you don't get it, then I wonder
whether I'm a bad writer
or you're a bad reader.
Regardless of the author’s character,
once you get to know her,
I think she's actually kinda sorta nice,
quite nice, yeah,
(right, wait what? Nice?
You call that nice?
Morfreeda?
Shh! Are you insane?
Jesus ******* Christ!
Don't say this name in vain.)
as long as she doesn't disturb others,
duh,
describing her thoughts,
when she's out of sorts,
‘cause thoughts being spoken are a lie
despite the theoretical ability to be materialized.
You don't get them if you don't feel them to survive.
And even if you do,
it is still not quite true
as it just seems I understand you.
What would you do if an impudent fool
with the confidence of a bull came up to you
and acted like an uncouth animal?
Play hide-and-seek or peekaboo?
How would you make this pickle laughable?
I'd try to avoid making eye contact and the following dialogue.
"Leave me alone, illiterate idiot."
"What if I don't? What you gonna do about it, boo?
"Get away from me, please.
M… *******, don't touch me, I'm serious!"
"You wanna hook up?"
"What? No, thanks. I'd rather not."
"No ***? Why not?
Why so hostile and furious?
Aren't you at least a bit curious?"
"I am, but curiosity killed a cat.
So it's still alive but potentially dead."
"Well, **** with that **** cat.
You're not that good a philosopher,
just a unnecessary poet."
Here is how, after flying around high in the space sky,
I'm falling down to the ground
and even lower, deeper and darker
straight towards the hell underground.
So how come I fell and felt like I'm in hell, dead,
but turned out to be in paradise, more than alive instead?
And now the immanent god Jahsdoit is I
with the consciousness level sky-*******-rocketing,
sitting on the rainbow cloud of love
spitting down from above.
You get it, right? You become immortal too,
sharing your growing soul with your aspiring admirer
through your inspiring art that will never expire.
It becomes a part of us,
united by one everlasting love that turns us into gods.
Why not?
With you, I'm free and wild,
can say whatever I want, smile,
and be not afraid or shy
to look like a child,
be whatever I wanna be,
go as far as I can,
do whatever it takes,
maybe even trip abroad,
wander around the world,
and see as far as it's possible for a god.
But I accept the fact that I'm not here forevermore,
at the same time,
can't comprehend that I'll disappear completely.
I guess my ego just needs to think so,
hopefully, to complete me,
but I'm afraid, for it to live, it needs to eat me
to become whole,
get the complete self-sufficiency of an egocentric god.
Sounds familiar?
Thought so.
You are a hell of an artist.
And I love this about you.
While slowly dying,
you entertain and enjoy yourself by making up your plot,
writing.
Although I know I've created the character of you
in the image of an attentive god in my mind,
while in reality he's oblivious, you don't care, and I talk to myself about me,
created in the image of my soul, the sense,
materialized in the body,
learning to realize itself in its life,
(for what?)
considering it's hard and time-and-energy-consuming
for a tiny, puny, stupid woman,
I am being absorbed by a mind-boggling thought
and can be anything from a crushed roach
to a convincingly invincible, imperishable, really superhuman god.
****, that's some spiritual, awakening, dopest ****. Enjoy it.
Never hesitate, though, to tell me I make a mistake, word slave,
so that I wouldn't feel all too high and mighty.
But don't underestimate me. Okay?
Kindly bite me.
Even if I think it's worth being called high-quality literature,
written by a highly spiritual creature,
every time I say I'm a god,
keep convincing me that I'm not.
Humiliate and humble me with your immodest art,
try to bring me back to my rut,
‘cause I'm nobody, as a matter of fact.
Even if I am brilliant,
treat me accordingly,
but don't you ******* ever tell me I'm one in a million.
I don't wanna hear it.
Let me silently rot in my quiet, tranquil, transcendent oblivion.
See, every time I open my mouth
some quite stupid **** may come out.
So don't be shy to shut me up.
I obvi can't hold a candle to you, duh.
But I'm tired of holding it for you.
And I'm not sure if I can handle the mental state of my “brilliant brain”
with the willpower melting and getting soft like cotton wool.
I will never be good enough,
because even though I may feel I deserve to hold
all the platinum and gold of the whole world,
I'm afraid I would trade it for your love.
Yeah, I may sound too controversial.
Well, I guess, still waters run deep,
and the king of controversy
is doomed to deal with fans like me.
You know that people can be deep like oceans
so we could drown in each other, discovering ourselves through our dope emotions,
hearing voices from the depth of our cosmic consciousness,
reflecting as the starlight off water of a mirror-like sea.


Universal Love

As I’ve already told ya,
I want you to be happy.
I kid you not.
Even though your brain wasn't designed for happiness,
being busy surviving in God Mode,
looking for solutions,
making up problems, if all have been found.
Keep pushing Sisyphus’s stone.
That's all right.
We’ll go together through your highs and lows.
Although we all are one in this world, but alone in our lives,
you don't have to be alone this time.
You don't have to be strong all the time.
I'll be with you till the day I die,
or you die.
I stand behind you as though behind the brick wall.
I am your shadow, you are my hero.
Till death do us part,
I will be by your side
with your music in my heart.
But listen, life is more than just a struggle or a competition
with achieving endless goals,
overcoming challenges and troubles,
solving puzzling problems,
accomplishing impossible missions,
be it outstanding, award-winning songs,
best-selling, platinum albums, books, or movies for your stans.
It could be a journey or a lesson,
as long as you remember it.
So start to count your ******* blessings, man.
Your dream aim is not as important as the way to it.
It's important to love the way as if the dream already came true, ain't it?
Live it. There's no need to explain it
or wait for anybody’s permission.
To love yourself, you don't need public recognition.
Would it **** ya to smile once in a while?
Or would it turn you into a slime?
I'm sure you can do it, when nobody's looking at you.
Just let go of your paranoid paradigm.
Any time now, any smile goes,
even if it's tragicomically crooked and spooky,
like a Fortune Teller Cookie.
Life's not a contest in who suffers more
or whose **** is the biggest.
**** a lemon, dude,
enjoy and feast on your shitburger with gratitude,
don't give up, but embrace bad luck,
put your hands in the air like you don't give a ****,
for your only freedom is in your attitude,
which comes from your enlightenment,
which, in its turn, depends on your body's alignment,
mental and logical,
instrumental and physiological,
that is the state of your health,
expressed in your mood.
Even though you're just a jester and a fool,
be grateful for endless opportunities to get enlightened that life gives you.
We've all been given the power of co-creation as a gift.
Unfortunately, not all of us notice and can use it for our benefit.
People often treat life as a waiting line
for tickets to paradise,
praying for enough money to justify the offer of their price,
before they wake up on the other side,
not knowing that they can awaken now,
having forgotten how.
Although being awfully unlawful,
I know you know about this paradox -
the universal law of the universal love
that when you long for love,
you fall in desperation.
But as soon as you let go,
as if you are already loved
by yourself in the first place,
it comes to you, and you accept her,
become love.
You give in, surrender, win
without the fight within
through relaxation.
Sit still in silence, see it approach.
Feel how the Universe embraces you.
Hence the old you are being naturally, gradually replaced with the new you.
All you need is time and space for baby steps.
Too much knowledge blows up your mind
and breaks your brain,
if it even gets to your head,
when you're not ready yet.
But over time, your consciousness grows, expands
to form your invisible core,
filling your inner black hole,
bottomless emptiness,
making you whole,
lest you get caught by undesirable feelings right away.
Unfortunately or fortunately, your past won't disappear completely.
It'll stay as a code in the archives of your soul’s DNA.
Now you reminisce about your past,
like about your old house,
‘cause you were young back then,
spending idly time with your best friend,
dreaming together about your future.
But, hey, you wouldn't relive it all over again, now, would ya?
As PTSD attracts the vicious circle of familiar infinity.
You know, I lost my best friend too.
Do I wanna see her again?
Of course I do.
As soon as you lose your best friend,
he becomes forever irreplaceable for you.
Yes, you are your worst enemy, man.
But you can also be your best friend,
whom no one understands
better than you do.
No matter if you remember or forget,
the universe won't give you the result you want for your attempts.
It reflects your mind's state.
Your wish is its command.
It works kinda like social media algorithms
that have the offer to satisfy the demand,
the virtual network, digital Solaris
in the world of materializing dreams.
Read the reality. Let it go through.
Sense it, even when your mind doesn't see any sense.
You don't believe or know. You feel.
Go nuts. Be my guest.
Here is the moment with no plot,
the moment with nothing at all.
Fill it with something that will last forever.
Feel it to remember your future that has passed,
that you no longer control,
recreating your past.
Guide your sight into your inner emptiness,
where you will find beauty in silence
only for a moment.
Feel it. Don't try to control it,
'cause you can't.
Then let go of it.
You can't change anyone or the world,
only yourself.
I am grateful for the reality I'm in.
And the creator is glad
‘cause he feels it as well and thanks me back.
Call it a divine empathy in reciprocated universal love,
cosmic emotional energy ocean, chaotic element.
I am its particle, a part of her, she’s an extension of me.
The truth is, I’m so ******* lucky to be alive.
God is my witness, I'll be ****** if it's a lie.
Besides, life is a gift,
for which he doesn't need anything in return.
My idol is not my world.
My world is my idol.
And even if he's unaware of my gratitude,
there's always me to be grateful to.
See, you help the universe to thrive
when you enjoy your life.
You hear its music in your blood
when you sound right.
For this, your body must be well attuned
in accordance with the balance of your mind.
There is always enough time for this now, in this moment,
that can turn into eternity.
So don't forget to celebrate your life.
Take the first step and appreciate the way to your aim.
Go for it.
May the power stay forever with you
and your spiritual poetry.
Be grateful for the greatest party,
where you're connected with everything and everybody.
Yo, bro, I hope you know that we've evolved into something more
than we had been before.
Keep going and growing.
Be the light. Go forward.
You're not lonely on your journey.
You can join me if you like.
I don't mind, and I don't bite.
We are all alone,
but we are all one
love.
Like we are the cells of one big organism in one big ******,
and through the music in our blood,
we get out and become gods.
Then we meet in the new reality
to grow into each other again
to find God inside of us.
To enjoy life directly, without words,
don't hide from love behind your jokes.
Feel your soul through the temple of your body with open doors.
You are the mightiest god only for yourself in this world,
where there is, in fact, no competition,
only the illusion, which keeps being tirelessly debunked by a free mind for your higher self recognition.
Connect to the source,
take the energy generously, feel it in your very core,
the singularity,
from which the whole universe appears,
and direct it to where you want to be
to improve your greatest power -
your love ability.
When you give your all to love,
you receive even more -
your own infinity.
The key to feeling abundant is generosity.
It's easy to lose yourself when you want more stuff,
search for more ways to make yourself complete.
Being eaten by greed,
you dissolve in it.
If you absolutely need to be engulfed,
isn't it better to be engulfed by love?
Let's go already. Shall we?
The width of your potential is not as important as the direction you choose for its expansion.
What you pay your attention to happens to you,
when you channel your feeling
to something you want to believe in.
This is the essence of your manifestation,
your dream coming true.
Focus on the love of the god inside you,
breathe in deeply,
sense him in silence,
open new dimensions of the one endlessly diverse feeling
simply by saying to yourself, "I love you."
This magical ritual will make you richer and more spiritual.


Solitude

Didn't want to make it too complicated,
but I did indeed overcontemplate it.
One more thing to wrap it up
before I hopefully make myself shut up.
I wonder if we could be real friends.
Well, I guess it depends
on many things.
And I know it's superfluous, let alone too good to be true,
considering the fact that I can't be a good friend to you
till I feel I so much depend on you.
I ain't saying that I do know you.
I'm just saying it seems to be true.
While in reality, I actually don't give a **** about you,
just like you pretend not to.
Though, a part of me will always be a little curious about you
and wouldn't mind if you got to know me too.
But it's probly best if you stay my pie in the sky,
my pure platonic love,
unreachable idol, perfect guy
I made up in my mind,
'cause the cake is a lie,
like your best song will always be the one you've already forgotten,
hasn't written yet, or will never write,
the unattainable ideal on a pedestal,
like the first love,
'cause your fantasy is bigger
than the world you live in.
And what's ideal
in reality, is not real.
So, I guess, we’d better be apart,
even though it breaks my heart,
keep our interests at a distance
lest we be, at best, disappointed in each other
and, at worst, start to ******* hate one another,
or even if we, however, meet,
immediately die
to keep Romeo and Juliet's love alive
and forever young in the land of evergreen spring, exciting, ramancy.
There should be balance to be, at least, less depressed
or, at most, even happy, more or less.
The farther you are,
the lesser the harm,
the better I will become,
for the bigger my ego,
the lesser I am.
Otherwise, it may swell,
rise to a monstrous size,
get too rad, lit, and wet.
Well, sir Raps-a-lot,
you taught me well
how to reach new heights.
I appreciate that,
thanks a lot.
People love to be in love with their idols,
‘cause they see them in themselves.
You know about it more than I do,
unfortunately, far too well.
No need to tell you the story of your life that sells.
So I like you because I'm like you.
Yeah, I know, it's another cliché,
but it's true.
We must have identically damaged brain cells,
broken in the exact same way.
But it’s okay.
We're no longer covered in eggshells.
Your energy matters.
I can be anything now, except the inception.
The faith in you of like-minded people, your fans
strengthens your faith in yourself.
You believe them and grow as an independent, self-sufficient god,
who's not lonely in the solitude of his art.
In other words, as much as you love what you do,
your stans love you as a god,
and you become their art, too.
They are united in one herd,
programmed to belong with a family
by means of oxytocin and enslaving empathy,
one big, uncontrollably frightening crowd,
chasing you,
because they love the way you sound,
albeit a bit too loud,
lost and dissolved in one love,
praying for being heard and saved by their lord Shepherd.
Although they can't fit in your shoes,
they don't feel alone and afraid anymore,
as long as they walk along the same roads as you do.
They have the same problems, the same issues,
trying to resolve ‘em, overcoming weakness, getting stronger together, with you.
They want to save you
and thus save themselves too,
as well as you do.
And even if no one believes in you,
you always got the guts to believe in yourself anywise.
That’s what makes you the greatest of all time.
I'm just trying to be as candid as I can.
You don't want me to lie to you, do you?
If so, I promise to be always honest.
And to be frank, I couldn't have lied even if I tried.
I can't hide what I got on my mind
because the feeling is I.
Believe me, your life will be just fine
as long as you don't interfere with mine.
The farther we are from each other,
the closer to me, you are,
as well as to you, I am.
Let's keep this agonizingly screaming secret
about a childish curiosity, growing into an adult lust,
getting wilder and sicker, between us,
disguising it with passionate patience
characteristic of mentally unstable patients
with unrealistic expectations,
deeply hidden in the **** sculpture,
the virtual statue of forever frozen hot feelings
in my mind, embodied in my body.
I'll be your pipe dream too.
I don't wanna be your fan anymore.
You gotta let me go.
I can't live in two realities at the same time,
when my body is in one reality,
and my mind is augmented with another, love-like addictive one.
Though, I must say, sometimes I'd like to think of myself as a multitask woman.
I just need more than this. I choose love,
even if it's not with you, man.
You can hug me if you want.
I do surrender to my last love.
It frees me and enslaves me
till my death comes.
At least now, I'd like to think so.
While my hobby is you,
my hubby and you are actually alike.
He's also got father issues.
He's also a poet and a musician,
who no longer wants to be auditioned.
In addition, he happens to be my critic, muse, and my mission.
That's a shame, I'm a bad student,
rather his little, loyal, angry dog,
set on the right path to true happiness by the god,
‘cause apparently nothing brings you happiness and peace
except your desire to be happy.
It manifests the feeling that says, "Here it is."
Ah, so needy, clingy, and scrappy.
Still, **** happens.
See, he managed somehow to figure out his zen way out of the world of words.
So writing this book,
I feel guilty,
as if I'm cheating on him with you.
He's trying to improve me,
forcing me to change,
because he cares,
because he loves me,
being scarcely capable of ridding himself of his own bad habits right away,
Adam sculpting his rib out of Eve
so that my life would make sense.
Actually, he said he wanted to love me without my flaws,
which means he doesn't accept me the way I am
and doesn't love me anymore.
I feel rejected, as he neglects a part of me.
Well, duh, it's dumb and so dark that he can't stand seeing it.
But does that give him the right to disrespect me?
Is this his excuse for being a stubborn fool with a swinging mood,
goofy child playing a stupid game,
having switched to be a totally different dude,
ignoring me, as if he's the boss,
who wants me fired without saying a word?
If conditional love is based on empathy,
I must be feeling the same.
What you gonna do?
Empathy is clearly not enough for never dying love.
He's trying too hard, obviously,
as if he's in despair.
It depresses, ****** me off,
and simultaneously scares,
'cause I don’t wanna know when eternity comes to an end.
What am I supposed to do now,
after 20 years of marriage,
get a divorce,
find courage to embrace my loss,
set myself free, and move on,
or realize that he's the love of my life,
my soulmate, my one and only real friend,
the best I can have, and I can't live without him?
Why do the only options have to be extremes?
Is it impossible to balance this **** somehow?
But when I try, why does it always seem
that I'm looking for another compromise,
a beautiful disguise for the disgusting, ugly lie
about almighty love that never dies
only for more uncertainties to multiply?
How about “in sickness and health"
to keep heaven in hell
“till death do us part"?
Yeah, being rejected *****
regardless of the previous breaking up experience.
But what a stupid and ridiculous fear it is for a goddess,
who's supposed to be independent, strong, and fearless.
Or am I just a little person saying big words?
‘Cause scared of pain and death, programmed to survive,
the animal in me screams,
“I can't believe it.
That can't be happening.
Are you for real?
Oh, my God!
Please, don't leave me! Love me!
Don't you need me anymore?”
I want him to be happy too.
So if that makes him happy, then fine, okay,
I will let go. I'll walk away
if I have to.
After all, a human being can become strong only by getting over his weakness.
I guess, it's always best to feel your own feeling, whatever it is,
than to entertain yourself by being someone else's witness,
unless it doesn't pertain to a robot-hedonist
or someone who pretends to be an electronic robot, showing no emotion,
but, in fact, is a greedy, depressed perfectionist,
in one powerful motion, pushing off of something that he can't stand seeing,
something that disgusts him
to become a god-egoist.
I'm grateful for what we've had, though,
and forgive for what we don't.
It might be still love,
‘cause it's not the first time
when I had to say, “Goodbye.
But don't let me forget you."
Turns out, it's not that hard to say, "I love you,”
while "sorry” seems to be the hardest word for him,
as if admitting that you were wrong is a sin,
and if you say it, the whole world will fall down to hell, and the devil will win.
Well, I'm not gonna say it again either.
I'm done. The limit of begging for forgiveness is exceeded.
I'm ******* sick and tired of dealing with the disease, called paranoid paradigm,
when we go through the same patterns, the same routine every ******* time,
and again, it seems like I'm losing my mind.
I can't take it anymore.
Why do we take each other for granted?
I don't wanna fight with him.
I want him to fight for me, for our love
so we could start to feel again like lovers and not the victims of a meaningless war.
Why would I dream of unreachable, perfect, mythical, permanent happiness with someone else if I were happy with him?
Maybe I should be happy with myself first.
The question is, do I wanna be happy?
The answer to the rhetorical question is obvious.
Really? That's it?
That's so simple and stupid.
The worst thing is, I don't even have anyone to talk about it,
and, honestly, it's terrifying.
So now I'm torn in half between two fires,
the devil's anvil and the hammer of Thor,
where, breaking the triangle of madness,
bad meets evil in the middle of love,
lighting painful sparks of inspiration,
sometimes mixed up with desperation.
Even so, I want you, too, to be inspired,
be always capable of more
despite your being fed up with love.
Also, my friend, please, don't deny it.
You love the image of a *****.
Hey, what ya know?
Even Jesus's female apostle
is gossiped to be a lady of light virtue according to the Gospels, after all.
So she's been called.
So what?
Despite the rumor,
she's also considered to be a faithful fan,
devoted follower, and a loyal woman, kinda like a groupie, though.
What a great potential for a saint sinner, biblical *****,
for a human soul to grow into a god.
Yo, does it offend you
that I don't wanna be your fan, dude?
'Cause I think I understand you.
I don't wanna have a crowd of fans either,
just one reader.
Nor do I wanna like you as a fan,
'cause I like you as a human
with a very peculiar sense of humor, man,
and as a humble, simple, easy-going person,
genius of controversy.
Yet, I still feel like I am but the best,
meanest queen of yo' fans
in your shady, big fat ******' fan club,
the evilest ***** in your devilish church
or, as you call it, the satanic cult,
where you are the ******* king and the supreme god,
kinda like Jesus, the protector of ******,
poor, weak, bad girls,
who were so delighted to be near someone so enlightened
and so perfectly good,
that it looked as if God himself came on to them and ****** all over their faces,
glowing with the golden light of God's dew.
And they would be endlessly grateful,
kiss him, embrace him,
'cause that's how great, obviously, God's grace is.
(Geez! I think I might be at risk
of being put into jail for this
too free-speech a piece
or, at worst, burned in hell.
Oh, well… some people are just impossible to appease,
like those ******* never flying pigs.
Pardon my French. I meant the police.
I'm not an asskisser-politician for everyone to please, anyways.)
Well, well, well, look at that.
Apparently, my hobby’s obvi also rap.
Yep… yeppity, yep, yep, yep.
Rhyming pun for fun,
virtuoso word play crap.
I know you won't be able to write anything better.
But you know you will be better than yourself.
Should you refuse to be my friend,
that's alright.
I'm not mad and don't mind.
I'll understand.
Hopefully, I won't be banned
because you're afraid of becoming my friend,
like you are in need of another fan.
What for?
To be together in this, like we are married?
You've already got millions of them.
Why would you want one more?
Especially if he’s as miserable as you are.
There are too many of them.
I clearly can't be the biggest one.
I can never be your woman
and gotta admit
you can't be in love with me.
Even if you ban me, hiding behind your fame
knock yourself out. I won't blame you, really.
Man, I'd probably do the same.
So no hard feelings.
Tell me you don't need me,
give me just one reason,
and I'll leave ya,
won't bother you again.
Or keep silent,
‘cause I learned to appreciate solitude as well,
forging my fortitude,
having become whole alone
without the need to complete me
now that I complete myself.
Even though you are me, I am my all.
A universe, burst out of singularity.
Well, I don't have to tell you this.
Life brought you there too.
And now it's your reality,
where you are a character with a bad attitude.
It's time to change mine, though.
I don't need to chase love anymore.
It's already here.
I let it in. Now it's in me,
and it's more than enough.
I love myself from abundance,
for I am love.
And I'm grateful for that.
Now I can share it with others.
I know that, getting even greater, it always comes back,
and I can't be offended,
‘cause I just don't give a ****.

Free Will

I think, to stop being a fan,
one should be worthy of their idol.
Otherwise, it looks pathologically pathetic and suicidal.
It sounds anarchistic and utopian,
but I believe that everyone
is supposed to be their own god,
a creator of their own art.
Most people just don't know that.
You're designed this way,
it's in the spiral of your DNA, your blood,
undulates like a wave around the golden middle way.
You're a miserable and dissolving in God part
if you do not create your god.
After all, you are allowed to imagine whatever you want
since you've been given a virtual free will
to select your reality version.
It's your only freedom to choose what you want to feel,
which feeling you prefer to be thrilled with or drown in.
You know, you and I,
we don’t even have to die.
I mean, we have been given the whole palette of feelings
not just to disappear.
You can choose your reality now
and stay here forever, if you will.
You live, balancing between two extremes
in the spectrum of diversity in dualism
to choose one of them when you die, anyhow.
Is it the truth or a lie?
You don't have to decide now.
But when the time comes, you'll make up your mind
to be or not to be.
I hope I'm self-aware enough to be free
to choose a better version of me.
Do you think neuro-linguistic repeating
is capable of creating a feeling,
or it will turn into white noise in time?
If I'm a robot, I have no choice, do I?
Well, if I still have a little bit of free will,
can I at least choose to be a robot-hedonist, please,
aside from a boring neuro-linguist?
We have an endless number of abilities in our limited imagination
longing for getting over the boundaries of reality to meet our expectations
for being surprised
and break free from stereotypes.
Reality scares us, it's always unknown.
That's why we run from it by creating our own.
For this, we have art
to interpret it somehow and hopefully find out why
and how to overcome our sense of mind.
We'll see how I can handle my sins.
If I can separate myself from at least one,
that will appear to be nearly a miracle I've hardly ever seen
or will see before I'm gone.
You know, back in the day,
I thought I wanted to stop writing this.
Now it turns out I don't,
'cause if I did really want,
I would have done it a long time ago.
I believe I'm about to let it go
but still ready for more.
Déjà vu
or just a flashback.
I’ve been here with you.
It all had happened already before.
How many times? I lost track.
I don't mind if it dies with me,
don't care what it does to me anymore,
even if it erases me into dust.
Let it be.
Let it burn in me
for me forever to be free.
The rhapsody, annoying, like ******, spread with the speed of a viral infection or a rumor,
vile perseverance of an early bloomer,
exhilaration of the generation of baby boomers,
then outgrew me like a tumor.
I'm not afraid to take it to my grave
or to yours.
But I wish you could tell me it's all not in vain,
that it's not lost on you.
I want you to see my pain
so that you want me to be your friend too.
The most important thing seems to be art,
'cause while I'm mortal, it's not.
It's bigger than you and me,
or any human being, actually.
Manuscripts don't burn. They break free
and stay in their authors' souls for eternity,
as an undying legacy
and the light of dead stars in the memory of celestial gods.
And nothing else matters,
if it's destined to be,
like your fandom madness.
For this, artists sacrifice their lives on the altar of art.
It's a drug that most likely will **** me.
Art engulfs you like dope bliss or ******
and takes you to Shangri-La,
from where you don't wanna come back,
like a ******* sexaholic, hopeless romantic, or a ******* ******,
drowning on his feeble craft in the rough sea of evil love.
Yeah, I know that my poem is a drug,
cruising in your vessels,
with verses, soaked in dope
so you could get off.
And me too.
I've already written enough
to get high on my own stuff.
I literally wrote a literary dope.
The truth is you get used to a bad habit
when you learn to turn evil into love
and earn the right to tell people to *******.
A real artist is not interested in his fans' opinions,
especially when they act like his enemies or minions.
As soon as someone gets offended or touched by his art,
it becomes their problem.
A self-sufficient artist doesn't perform for 'em.
He does it for himself to go further
and leave the past behind,
to be an example for someone
who still needs to distinguish good from bad,
not because it's what the artist wants.
Although I love you as a fan,
I feel I'm more to you than that.
And you are more to me than just a god.
You'd always been more like my rap guide, mentor, brother, and a friend,
apparently the closest one so far,
so good, in fact,
the best friend I have never had.
Even if I don't see how my magic actually worked,
and you read what I wrote,
should you not get to read this before you die,
or I finally lose my mind,
too big for the cell of the scull,
my love will find you in your next life.
I believe I have enough free will for that.
I'm at the same point of the same circle again
to realize that I have free will to change my fate.
How much freedom of will do you need, or you think you have?
50/50? At least you've got yourself.
Sounds fair, not too shabby.
Isn't that enough?
Don't be afraid to love.
When are you really happy?
Tell me, answer, guy.
When you got nothing to lose in your life except your life?
The older I get, the more vividly I realize that.
Don't be a wuss.
You have nothing to lose,
as you are already self-sufficient.
Be happy if you want, trust me.
You've got the power,
just unleash it.
When you believe in yourself,
you are the master,
the master of the Universe,
made of indestructible star-dust love.
Your free will is in your destiny,
which is directed by your higher self.
Being caught by something bigger than you are,
you find your place as a co-creator,
which means that you are the one
who still holds on to the painful phantom.
But the feeling everyone wants
is one for all,
described by different words.
Yet, it can't be explained.
Your thought-free will can only show you the right way.
I wanna evolve with you,
as though I am in love with you.
Yo, dawg, you are the goat.
But I gotta go further.
I'll dive deeper into the flow of my thoughts and see how it goes.
While my mind is the figment of the imagination of the creator
and, as a character, I say his words,
the character's free will comes from the subconsciousness of the author.
So my fate is God's plot.
But what if I am the god?
Then I'll fly up the stairs of my destiny,
overcoming the amazing maze Pattern.
For if I have the guts to believe in myself when no one does,
that makes me the greatest of all the gods.
There's no me in this world, that appears to be a dream,
because I am the sleeping creator of it
with me within.


Farewell*

I hope you don't see me as an impeding, annoying, rude intruder.
If I could say it more delicately and subtly, I would've.
I started this verse as your worst fan
and ended it as your best imaginary friend.
Even though I recognize you in me, man,
I don't actually intend to be your real friend,
unless maybe a penfriend.
Besides, compared to my fantasy, the real you are most likely worse
because my imagination is closer to me than yours, of course.
I know that it all is just in my head.
So I guess it's farewell, then.
I can't believe it's finally happening.
Is this the happy end?
Do you need a hug?
Oh, yeah, I forgot. You don't give a ****.
Although for someone who doesn't give a ****, you rap awfully a lot.
Sorry you had to be involved.
It's not your fault.
I have to let you go.
Please, don't get mad or upset about anything I have said.
I think you can say anything to your friend
because he has the ability to understand and forgive.
Besides, this poem is mostly addressed to myself, so no offense, bro.
I just needed to clean out my closet,
close it and try to forget,
write now, then read and get rid of it.
Well, you know more than me about that.
The garbage quantity in your closet
is usually equivalent to the garbage quantity in your head.
Thoughts are like habits, worn out clothes,
that you put on your mind into a plot
to look at it from afar
and get some more freedom.
Obviously, I'm trying too hard.
I gotta let it go,
burn it all,
everything I've written and read.
You, too, need it.
With an empty head, your heart gets filled with love.
I thought it mattered what I said and why I said it.
Turns out, it does not.
You know things may look different from what they really are.
Forgive me if I hurt your feelings.
I thought I was telling the truth.
While I was just fighting my demons,
it looked like I was in love with you.
Although I enjoyed playing with a toy,
I had to pay with my time for the marketing ploy,
the successful American dream embodiment
I've put on a pedestal as a monument
to my shady hero and the old me,
buried with him.
And all the legacy that's left is this eulogy, requiem to M.
I needed to feel and believe in my fantasy
to realize it and create this reality,
wake up in a dream within a dream.
Now I wanna evolve alone, without you,
‘cause I’m not really in love with you.
And I don't wanna be like you.
Indeed, why did I even want you to read it?
I gotta admit,
why would I need you, when I got me
so I can be whatever I wanna be,
become a better version of me?
I know I've said a lot of batshit crazy things
(in my defense, I was high most of the time,
so high on ***, also highly *****,
oh my God, too ******* hot),
but the only important and sane one is this.
Dude, it's my “ode”, a tribute of my gratitude and respect to you.
Talking to you is a pleasure of making love brutally true.
So in the end, this **** is not that bad, I assume.
However, you perhaps shouldn't even have read about this castle in the air,
evoked by the seizure of inspiration,
a theatrically emotional spasm.
All I really wanted to say is that my imagination with you is a limitless chasm.
I co-create with you.
Anticipation is more desirable than a big-bang ******.
The conversation, spiced up with wicked humor and brilliant sarcasm,
fires up the burning sensation of passion
to always find something new in you
thanks to your enormous confidence,
eminent will power, high self-esteem and IQ.
I mean, to succeed, you didn't even need to finish school.
All you needed was to express yourself.
I don't know any other evil rap genius like you,
so eloquent, elegant, but also angry, and rude,
stupefyingly cool and cute,
free beauty and a hungry beast,
who feels eternal spring in the cell of solitude.
For this, I'm forever grateful,
a hopeless romantic, lost in love fool.
Don't ever let me forget you!

Don't let me forget you.

P.S. With all that said, I realized
I appeared to be merely a fan, losing my time,
'cause if I wanna be a peer to a god,
apparently, I gotta have my own art.
Well, maybe not the whole time.
At least I had fun.
You'll live forever in my memory,
even after you die.
I'll resurrect you, for you're my favorite,
concrete matter, indeed divine.
See you. I promise, you won't get lost,
just in case you forgot.
I'll create a new you without words
in the best of my worlds, my god,
or not.
Whatever. The point is,
don't worry, be happy.
Have a nice life.
Find your peace.
Goodbye.

Day by day I lay it down,

“All right men, here’s the plan;
you go on in, and get 7 of them
(because 7’s a holy number)
and we wouldn’t want to offend
any defender of the other inclination.

Our nation would suffer at their loss,
and that would cost too much in terms
of net profit, would disturb a delicate
balance, we wouldn’t transgress
or progress, rather stagnate,
in a backwards state of mind."

You told me you liked my poetry.

But would you really
if you could see what I
see the ladies hooked on
Turkish series and
not enough men
to count fingers on?

Our men left long ago,

got hooked on the same show we were watching,
and it was alarming how it was cut with some
breaking news, something about how Syria was
going to lose another plane, and we felt some pain
and flipped the station, where we were met with
temptation masked as the latest ads only to add
to the list of the things we’ll never have.
So much for bad TV.

Could we please see something real?

And I fear the Kardashian’s aren’t quite enough,
you see, I’ve caught onto the bluff that **** must
be staged. But that’s ok I’ll let it pass, perhaps some
movie to catch my attention. Attention becoming
another word for distraction, and we carry
that emblem all around, hoping for anything
to evolve this frown into laughter whether
humorous, devilish, or maniacal in tone.

If not TV, reach for your phone.

Anything to get to another zone,
another place, just space out because
anywhere is better than here.
Where is the end, be near?

- I want to meet it smiling.

My fingers dance as little notes came running by.
A strong emotional level hit me right into my heart
then into my eyes.

I was at that zone.
The zone.. My former teacher talks about.
Pull me back in and out..

A dream.
Everything is going to be okay.
Everything is going be alright.

Many inputs say Mondays are common,
but one input says this Monday is uncommon.
We are to be the judge of that.

This is the Monday when you appear,
as reader dear, ready to reason with ghosts
amusing each other with wishes doing pirouettes
as angels may be imagined doing on pinheads,
spinning, or kicking in chorus line choreography.

The elderly nobody imagines the scene,
and makes it seem a vision, something seen,
after the finest sieve - pulling pin wires

snipping whimseys, making mites for widows.

------------ The Government's about to change,
wanna bet, whose got money on whom,

leave the room… vacate the judgment hall,
we are all here, to judge me, last call
all the outs are in, all the ins are intimate,

and we have made all the seed we could,
in word and deed, and we chose to leave
the edges un mowed, so critters can live,

when we can understand our own words
and read other languages using them,
these words are as living things imagined,

said and known, at once, in Housie or Hindi

whatsoever we can envision and project,
we may elect to try to do, or we may do
using words alone,
we think as one
mind,
so now we is I, we is not royal,
we is eloheemishical. Us big good being.


Watcher what of the night?

----------------------
Two geriatic puppets duke it out
for the FOOTBALL
News is all reruns.
Making war for pay,
money makes it work,
gotta love it, gotta love it.

Any reason for killing for,
gotta love it, real deal love it,

steal from the rich to become
richer, Lord knows, war's reason,

come now, let us reason together,
let us cogitate clarity of conscience,
with science standing in for knowledge,
the whole truth, once told, whole knowing

all things working together with reason,
for those in the blooming gnosis realms,

where augmented intelligence forms
teams of knowing hidden reconnectors,
citizen band geeks in the olden days
breaker, breaker, let the learned agree,

we lived just in time to see it all work.

In older olden days…
Messages were carried, at current
stretch of the imagination speed, by slaves…

Writing letters was…
different, I suppose, or
propose, positionally different,
sup and pro posals posed as statu'es,
forms of former founders of the orderly
clusters of human compliance called nodes,
junctions and interchanges, whither all roads lead.

Edu-pre-gogy-ology **** bang,
mechanical thinking in the subconscience science
used auto responsively,
finger aiming quick **** experience, wired below
the will, deep down to predator macrophage stage,
running id scans on the ego accepting wedom hero role.

The sole survivor, from ten thousand stories repeated
trillions of times by now, exoterror faces esoterror,

children led to mindless aliegiance to the flag,
and to the given republican form
of labor management,

had the heros of history
had my tools, perhaps sense had been made easy,

but this is the future, tense
I have, for a modest sum, any course of andragogy,
mankind mind leading, post child mind pedagogy,
- repeat not in vain taking my name, say true
- memory for song is long as all that

among canine species, we see breeds.
among human species, we see types, types for tasks,
intuitive doers of certain things magnificently, once

often, relatively, often
in the process of time, unique tasks.
Ever canonical, global and beyond, true wow
Onesies
Single mortal lifespan tasks, centered self aware tasks,
rockstar, base baller, foot baller, tackle, center, guard,

sergeant major, permanent noncommissioned officer,
loyal to the letter, let us assume, a military mind,
holds all response react ready reading inclination
to check for polisemy snuck in under humor heresy,

whose spirit is stirred up when fans are frenzied,

where do the emotions go, after the connection
to the whole aspect of prowess in team leadership
leaves the bubble of we the fans, become me,
alone and unwilling to ever cry wolf again…
-que sera sera
my side won, my times done
being, as a man with no real job,

they pay me for surviving crazy,
that's how this magic pen is driven.

Of course, in the course of human events,
this stage of peace enough and time enough,
shelter enough and sustenance enough,

centering, any whole self requires more knowledge
than had been made plain using words
in agreemental treaty
form, easily entreated,
as wisdoms are,
so you know what the adverse position is, and why
or why not, good or no good, workable or not,
doable or not, whatsover we agree,

as touching anything,
in all the sense ever fit
to touch, the initiates recognosis
sense the essential lies all being judged
in your heart,
gentlest touch, truly superlative softest

Public heart, common stander at the anthem, hoo yah
rah and all, good citizen soldier ever ready, to imagine

your part in the billions of parts is perfect
for one task, Life given, your one deed,
who says? Fate from the exoterica available to boys,
and girls who seem allowed to mind wander, some how

reading children, book reading children, in homes with
gigabit wifi and
dads and moms and
grand parents who lived
through historical moments.
  
Selah, long breathers, long now,
times proof recollections written
on the tables of my prayer's heart,
I prayed for one of the kind that works
instant in prayer, ask and eventually, find.

The process of time, see, seems invisible.
Perfect, facere specifically just right to be you,
dude, man, joker, street wise desert gawker, you

lucky, you live in a world where words are animated,
via actual Starlinking thinking come to pass
in proces of time since I was
preschool, a kid, child from the escaped goat clan,
mindshapers begin at the ******, confusion,
is common enough for first borns, nobody knew,
really, you can imagine, the cravings,
but confusion is not disconnection,
and no disconnect to knowledge
becomes immortal hell zones.

oh, my god, why, and
then, an elderly man with mottled skin,
sun squint wrinkles around slit smiling eyes,
bemusing the unbeguiled
amused at his appearance, a'knowledges knowing

With a re-coknowing Nod, to the east,
we are so far from where stories start forming leaven,
we merely imagine many long unthinkable things,
habits lost in ritual performance, character act-or,

no need to change a thing, that guy, that person,
that could be me, I have done that same dumb thing,
or watched it done while doing nothing
time and again, get lost in genre and find myself
wondering in wonder land
wonder woman world  of my own
imaging, imagining
living words between us, intimate, most in, inest most
crowd of witnesses,
reading right minds left letters better left than right read
clunk chunk
encoded news from the superlative zone, grand canyons
filled with technical debris and useless superlatives
clicks from children who know what discern means
are subsiding,
slipping under the wave,
trending sense first your worth,
before you accept a bid for your attention,
if you know this line of reasoning, having been
this far
before, as a thought, forethought
-breathe knowing now more than ever
knowledge inside intimates attain
to thorough patient word
redemption and restoration to full
polisemy parallel -all el, par excellence, a we
awe
form. Wind shapes form of spirits, tried, true.

Mind thing first reading each letter,
finding the evolved pen much to my liking,
fluid forms meander, and sigh, and sometime,
puddle to ponder surface reflections,
seeing some wishing for simple,
while we all know we are a ways after simple

this is sub-limity. Lowest ever so far. Look around
nothing needs to be secret at the bottom of it all.

Stepping out of the shower is like stepping into reality.

In the shower, you're in your comfort zone.

You could stay there for hours and hours and be totally fine.

Then you start to get anxious.

You realize that you're getting prune fingers and you also start getting curious about what's going on outside because it feels like you've been in the shower forever.

So you step out, but not because you want to, but because it seems convenient.

The moment you step out, the world turns cold.

You were much more comfortable in the shower.

Everything in reality chills you to the bone.

It's dark and cruel and it's hard to find happiness.

You realize that what you did is a huge mistake.

But you can't go back.

That would just be silly.

You sit there and think to yourself that it's time to face the world.

And that life goes on.

Oh! little lock of golden hue
  In gently waving ringlet curl’d,
By the dear head on which you grew,
  I would not lose you for a world.

Not though a thousand more adorn
  The polished brow where once you shone,
Like rays which guild a cloudless sky
  Beneath Columbia’s fervid zone.

Do you ever sit in class
And wish no one could see you
wish you were invisible
You get tired of laughing and pointing
And you literally zone out.
And stare off into the distance
Blocking out everyone
Wishing you could break down
But staying strong because you don't want to look weak.
I'm tired of being here.
I may be a *****
I treat others how I treat myself
I hate everyone.... I hate myself
Low key I hate being here and existing.
{tbt}

A coffin came my way,
They said, therein you lay;

I could believe them nay,
Until they said they could flay;

Wild I went,
I could not vent;

The expression remaining,
Before it started draining;

I was no longer composed,
I had to be dosed;

You were ethereal,
This had to be surreal;

No enmity could matter,
When everything had shattered;

You had been battered,
When you had me flattered;

I can not apologise,
You have been baptized;

I seek not your forgiveness,
I need not your liveness;

For you’ll always be,
Right here, in my heart;

I woke up, to find you gone,
For EVER in your zone..

I need not repent,
For I have your scent;

Your memories alive,
Shall always thrive;

You were one of a kind,
Never out of your mind;

It is not cowardice,
For it requires courage;

It shall not be despised,
For it was your suffrage..

Once upon a time in the pages of history 
There existed a ****** earth void of violence;
Her pride was in the nakedness of terrorism 
As she lived her virginity stained in peace.

An epitome of peace she was to her citizens
For she disdained fanaticism and terror;
Peace and harmony was her thirst and hunger 
Until she was deceived with the aroma of power.

The ****** earth that was once a fertile zone
Has now been deflowered by violence and terrorism:
Her pride have been sold to wars and extremism,
It hurts that she traded her virginity for violence.

Let's all fight this battle against violence and terrorism
Cos it's a war for peace_ a war only peace can win; 
Killings, bombings and terrors we must crucify 
So that earth can smoke the nakedness of peace.

It's time that the earth cried peace in place of war
For she has long endured the pain of violence;
Her milk hopes to flow in the absence of terrorism,
Even as the ocean cries so let peace cry on earth.

My zone made my own
a place of the fantastic
a place of dreams remembered

Like a distant smile
in a forgotten palace
a kiss of tears lost

My invites will soon be sent
to my world of fantastic secrets
and each will have their own unique key

So be pleased to wear the badge
that deems you worthy
of the order of fantastic secrets


By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

I'm a doomsday prepper
Afraid of zombie lepers
And nuclear line steppers
So I spend my life preparing
Instead of repairing
A civilization that is constantly crumbling
I focus on post-apocalyptic rumbling

My self reliance
Met my defiance
In an alliance
Of deadly appliance
When I have no faith in the government
Because they might make preparing futile
For the disasters of my wonderment
I don't copy their community style
They'll just die when the world ends
So they're a waste of the time I spend

I tried to look above
To find love
But a giant tidal wave
Blocked the sun's rays
And I could feel the Earth quake
Under my shaking feet
So I decided it was a mistake
And to avoid what's sweet

I will no longer be a misfit
After the apocalypse
I will be more comfortable than everyone else
But will I really keep my resources to myself?
I say of course
From my high horse
I fantasize about being right
So others will see the light
Of a nuclear blast
And see that I last
They'll beg to see my stocked shelf
Yet I will offer no help
I'll say my memory is hazy
Didn't you call me crazy?
Protecting my goods in that vulnerable hour
With a stockpile of firearm firepower

I prepare for an impending doom
That'll create some elbow room
Instead of friends I gather supplies
For a cataclysmic surprise
Where everyone dies
Then I'll be happy
Hunting and trapping
All alone
In a blast zone
Where someone once said
Life is what happens
While you're making plans
But the apocalypse
Is my promised land

I now present to you the talk of the town Mr Page
He looks are deceptive; please don't be fooled by his age
He lives alone in a house near to his office in front of a park
He has far too many enemies for he is a loan shark

Before I tell you more let me put a disclaimer
Now days anyone can sue you, even a lamer
So if there is any resemblance with anyone dead or alive
It’s a mere coincidence, have checked all archive

Mr Page as you read this, is now in a court
Facing a trial bravely and holding on to his fort
Lawyer asked him if he would promise not to lie
Mr Page told, truth it shall be, till he would die

Not only was he a loan shark whose guts every one hated
He spoke in rhymes, even when he debated
All he did was to threaten people all the time
He made them sound ridiculous adding punches and rhymes

When the lawyer asked, 'Mr Page can you show us how you rhyme.'
He replied, ' No sir this is neither the place nor the time.'
'Besides I am not carrying any dictionary or copy of rhyme zone'
'Watch what you say Mr Page' said the lawyer, 'I don’t like your tone'.

'Order order', said the judge, 'I don’t want any rhyming in my court.'
'I can see my lawyers have started rhyming too', he added with a snort
'Do you see Mr page what a bad precedence you have set'?
'Why my lord how could I corrupt the court, ' said Mr Page, ' we have just met'

'There you go, rhyming again even when I told not to'
'Sir why are you so against rhyming I have absolutely no clue'
'Mr Page, please stop.'
'Sorry sir I will try to drop.'
'Mr Page I warn you.'
'I am trying, I am trying, and it’s hard! Phew'
'A phew! Did you have to add that'?
'Sir please, it’s all part of a chat'
'Mr Page you are not helping'
'Please my lord, stop yelping'
'What! How dare you! Handcuff him and put him in jail,
No books, No net, No friends and No bail.'

So you see this how Mr Page landed up in prison
And for what, rhyming, which was certainly no treason
Funny laws, funny punishments, this certainly was a funny case
But the people were happy as long as they didn’t see Mr Page's face.

The funny thing is I was prepared and willing... I was ready to remove the obstacles on the path to my heart,
to light a torch through the tunnels so that you know the directions to take in the labyrinth of my grim personality
characterized by culverts of mood swings and the stinking sewage of my tantrums... I was ready to rid myself of the dust of my haunting past
and stop sneezing good intentions like yours away, I was ready to hold your hand
and match along with you to a future that keeps getting brighter every other day.
I was prepared to cut open my soul and let you put the candle of affection inside so that you drive out the darkness of cynicism that's plagued me for years,
I was ready to make you the handkerchief that finally dries my invisible tears...
The uplifting embrace that finally brings my silent sobs to an end, I was willing to make you more than a friend
by ripping away the high fences of my diffidence and letting you into my sanctuary,
my innocuous zone so that you would drive away the compulsion I have for desolation...
I was even open to letting you help me gather the pieces clattered all over the floor of my reality
that have eluded me for what seems like epochs, I was willing to overlook your flaws as I thought they were faultily perfect
and you earned a chance to flip the pages and let me read the chapters beneath rather than judge you by your cover,
I was eager to be an open book, to open my mind and let you be the radar, that guides the wreck of my life back to the shores of romance
Whose flame for the fuel in my soul was promising to burn and never die out and even if I’d run out of fuel,
I was willing to seek help from the glow of the sun to light our way if the flame ever died out...
I was keen to whither the storms if it wasn’t a happily ever after, to feel our way through dark times
To never admit defeat till time when the moonlight of joy crept through the alleys of our hearts.
More than before, I was ready to let you be the blanket that warms the winter in my soul into spring
and that cools the summer of confusion in my mind into autumn where the leaves of loneliness would fall
greener optimism was already budded awaiting the despair to fall,
I was willing to let you explore deeper than anyone had ever been in a very long time, close to the first cut
Until you chose to ruin it all…and made me shut my doors even tighter with your guns loaded with bullets of empty promises
albeit I cautioned you against promising anything because in my experience it was the expectations that hurt
You’ve made me build even bigger walls, locking out even the little warmth I was starting to gather…
You’ve made me put bigger barriers on the boulevard to my heart and turned it into a boulevard of broken dreams
and by doing so, you’ve locked me away forever, and lost the keys yet am grateful
to you for showing me that the world outside the cocoon is still what it used to be before my hibernation
a world where butterflies cannot survive for even the roses have Datura within their sweet nectar…
Am grateful you didn’t wait for me to fly so high before severing my wings, so grateful you’ve confirmed to me
that even the most splintered of fragile hearts can still be broken…I was saving forever for you, thank you for not letting me waste it all.

I am not a sufferer, just the sacrificial lamb, I walk everyday unto the slaughter but, I'm not the one ******. One who lives it every day is curled into a ball, just a tiny speck inside the universe I wish I was able to recall..
I would have the sun set upon your shoulders once again, to fight against the darkness but then, if you never slipped inside this hell and walked upon the path, would you be a better man or simply contine to hide behind your mask. I asked you yesterday, and twice today if tomorrow would be more kind? Your answer was "If the Earth shifted 10 degrees eastward then humanity is as ****** as I" and I sighed, for the question you did not understand. What I was truly asking was if you would come back restored,  as the man I adore, the one who I loved through eternity, but you reminded me you are no longer that man, the universe tilts on a different axis, we live in a parallel mind zone and when the time comes to own what's mine, I'll happily live beside you in your mind.