As i sit here sipping my ***** on ice, all i could think about is what ifs, what woulds and what id be like if something happened the way i pictured? I sit and have these fantasies that i know wouldnt happen buts its full of what ifs, what woulds and what itd be like if something happened the way i wanted it to go? Life would be so much easier, having these huge dreams when you know you cant make it to most of them with a negative mind set. What ifs, what woulds, what itd be like if something did go my way? The way i wanted it to go? Every single little step i take it feels like im being dragged behind.. With the devil sitting on my shoulders and heavy weight i carry around, a burden that cant get off my shoulder.. Guilt, regret, being hurt by loved ones.. But what if one day it was care free? Nothing to worry about nothing to think about? You just go on with your day with no worries.. What ifs, what woulds, what itd be like to have something go my way the very first time?

Your sitting in the cabin of woods, far from old sighs and tribulations.
Like saliva, your current dame forms through a process of aural nothings on the couch most adjacent your heart.
The cabin is attempting its second suicide this month; burning itself from the inside, kitchened soul, out.
The dame says nothing but thats not what you need.
Your needs exceed the gritting anger of blue and orange flame.
You feel the delicate hairs of your foot dissolve from these blues and oranges; the horror of human carbonation is a 90 year rainbow.
The dame says nothing but thats not what you need.
You need the dame to cough up bricks and sea of vocabulary that bring you back to your nostalgic rave.
The mute dame is louder than the fire and this is your current muse.
Your most current scar tissue to be.
The fiery cabin will bend around you like bark, and this is what you need.
This is the blanket you've been waiting for.

****** *******.

Verily, thou art.

If thine own charms woulds't not deliquesce my pow'rs,
       mayhaps my quill
woulds't obey my

commands...

Yet ~ evermore ~ am I slave

to thy smirks

and provocations

...both vexations to me.


I turn 'round,
but come back

                       time again.

(Provoking my ire.)

Thou

                   knave.

    Rogue.

(****** *******.)

Thou've been a naughty swain.
Get thee to my rooms.

sometimes,
The music is just too **** loud
But we know the silence would be louder.
Because its not really silence,
We like to think it is,
But weve filled it with silent shouts
Cries for help
Proclamations of faith
Admirations of beauty
We have filled it with violent yelling
About realities that should not be
Say we should not suffer
No one should suffer; We
Fill the nothing with shoulds and woulds
A reality in which nothing is as it should be
And everyone would be happy if only-
We create a world in which no one is happy
Yet everyone wants to be
So we walked around seeing
Darkened hues, blacks and blues,
Bruises and scars from scarier times
When we didnt know we were going to make it
We pretended like we were.
But here we are now still not convinced
Did all of me make it
Or did I leave something behind
Because in the fantastically human reality
Of shoulds and woulds and shouting
Who are we to say who we are
When we cant even stand the music?

I don't want to be depressed anymore.
The shoulds and woulds
All wrapped up in why did he
And how could she.
Eating slowly at the bonds I've formed
With people.
Human beings that are doing their best
But never good enough for me,
For perfection.
I'd rather be dead.

I don't want to be upset anymore
With the strangers on the bus
In their garb of business and ***
That they speak with boisterous joy
They should be considerate of me
And speak louder to drown out my thoughts.
Maybe I could drown them out on my own.

I want to be content
Because I want to do the dishes and use them
I want to ***** the floors and wash them again,
I want to see the beauty in a teapot and the joy in a
soft pillow
To see what it is to comfort a weathered soul.
I want to uphold routine.

I want to be happy
Because I love to feel alive
And I love to feel in love.
I love to love you and I want to do that for me
And maybe you'll do it for you too.
I want to sit with you in silence
And discuss soda in the coffee shop,
I want to look at you and cry
In gratitude
The only thing I can feel for you
And I know I will.

I want to live a life,
Because I want to be alive.

trepidation.
walk on eggshells. Don't make the wrong move. words are more powerful than you know. vanquished by them, yet again. Woulds never heal when written by a blade of sound.
walk away.
hopeless, forlorn. dejected and rejected. failure cuts a knife so deep. why. Never should make a person feel, this way. rejected. a state of being denied, shunned, dropped, jilted or abandoned. Drop-kicked is more accurate. through thoughts and feelings and walls of un-intention. Unintentional doesn't mean, unafflicting. It's not unconditional.
Up, down, turn around. Hide and seek, but words will always find you. Ominous. Noxious. Apocalyptic. Impending and inauspicious, never pending doom. Don't drown. words surround. Overpower and oppress, get in touch with loneliness. Inescapable. Better to surrender. words.
Immobilize. Can't even hear. Things being said, here. take out. shut off. take over. can't control. it's overtaking. seize power. let go. it'll never stop. Beaten. Buried. Conquered. No respite here. Weariness, none do care. Defeated, run-over. a dump truck of cruelty crushing, running over your heart. The soul is next. **** the heart, now defeat the senses. can't, survive. stressed and, suppressed.
The power of a consonant hath never been matched.
Rip apart, tear down from the start. People don't matter when reduced to mere words and petty emotion. Remove humanity. Steal personality. Nothing matters. Anymore. Disheartened and, Decomposed. Striped bare. unaware. doesn't matter, anymore.
forebodingly frightful. frustrating, feeble, failing, falling, faintheartedly framed. Fuddled. Flustered. No solution to this mess. no respite from such unbearable distress. The fright won't subside.
What a great terror, to be left outside. Alone. In the dark. words. tear, destroy. Shut out in the cold, still scared and alone. Abandoned and deserted. Desolate in a land of cruel misintentions. Uneager comprehensions.
Falling, no stopping. Fear suffocating any chance for hope. Fall.

There are white streaks
in her hair
on your arm
in his blood vessels
between the lines I say and don't say
below the dark sea
above the "you" and the "me"
See them or don't
won't you unveil
prevail
re-sell this vision of adulthood
with all it's woulds and shoulds
with all it's white streaks:
where you are just a "hi"
and I am just a good "bye"

Oh, tragic Romeo and Juliet,
Two star-crossed lovers, by the way
Thy tale of woe makes me *****
What else could be more cliché

Or morbid Hamlet’s *******
With a jester’s empty head
Thy necromantic discourse
Woulds’t be better left unsaid

And woe betide who says thy name
I’d sooner choose a horrid death
Than sit through the doubled bubbled fame
Of the queer kilted lad, Macbeth

Thy coupled innuendos, Bard
Doth soften thee rigored mortis hard
TL Boehm 03/14/09 (edited by Fred Boehm)

PS: I conducted an interview with Shakespeare in an attempt to gather inspiration...from the sour sonnet above it was fruitless...my questions and his answers below...

1.Are you a male or female: "Tempt not a desperate man"
2. Describe yourself: "Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast"
3. How do you feel about yourself: "Methinks I see thee, now thou art so low,
As one dead in the bottom of a tomb."

4. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend "Tis torture, and not mercy
5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: "It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear"
6. Describe your current location: "Not stepping o'er the bounds of modesty"
7. Describe where you want to be: bid me go into a new-made grave,
And hide me with a dead man in his shroud -

(snippets of Romeo and Juliet, by the way....)


9. Your favorite color is: That which we call a rose
10. You know : Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."
11. What’s the weather like: Never was seen so black a day as this.
12. If your life was a television show what would it be called: For you and I are past our dancing days"
13. What is life to you:  "It is the east, and Juliet is the sun"
14. What is the best advice you have to give: "These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which as they kiss consume."
15. If you could change your name what would you change it to: "What's in a name?”

If you could only let it drop
we would not need to bear it:
that holy hoity-toity
illiberal burden you announce
from where you wear it.

Would you then be able to live
with your fellow citizens:
fellow toilers in rhyme
buying gluten-free time
at Whole Foods
US; your citizen-neighbors
online cloud of witnesses
Looking at used Subarus
and paying our dues
with you
at the dealership.

Could you only see
through deplorable eyes
and love with a deplorable heart
you would appreciate the art
of the real deal,
loose the seal
of your own apocalypse;
let love reveal
landscapes your pride
has kept hidden for too long.

If you could let your hatred drop,
Slough off the smug and the sneer
If you could stop
signaling to your own
long enough to know REAL diversity, and live
perhaps you’d give
a thought to your own fallibility
lost in a forest of woulds, failing to see
Your neighbor’s Tree of Life. . .
But you are busy perfecting strife,
screaming Timber!
before the axe has even been laid
at the root of your poetry.

If you knew, as the rest of us
how often you have shouted thus
you could understand why
we tend to ignore your warning cry.

Perhaps it could be feasible
to stop blaming
that orange source of all unreasonable
derangement, cease from naming
your neurotic projections
as they are unscrewed
to reveal another inside:
crazed conspiratorial Russian doll
of your own
discredited obsessive offended perpetual alarm.

There is no
knowing where we were
or what we were
there for....
therefore, there is no going back.

Woulds that have been
growing as I
compare
myself, unsure,
but with what
more
I  wish I could,                  I wish I had.

But I'm too slow.             And I lose track.
Rather than show it, I just forfeit every attack.

Black boxes.
Smell of delicate decay
like kindling first catching fire.
Pigeons bathing in the gutter
glitter and iridescent feathers
covered in the banal bile of boys,
their insides strewn on the ground.

Fire ant mound,
stepping on those was my childhood.
Coulds and woulds and shoulds
creating those is my adulthood.

assume the position

hold on to your right hand
as I to
the left

get back in the corner
brace yourself for the
fall

and
take it down              a little bit
(in solitude)
mention myself mentioning myself
held
on
to
the
dream

and fall right down
(hold me back up)
I knew what I had to do
and if I knew, what it was like
to be you I'd have to

assume
the
position
let it be heard
out to the world
my ideas, and my strengths
and the wills, not the woulds
could have would have if I tried
forgot for a second how to cry
except for the things that don't even pertain to me at all
and my excuses, if I may, could I throw my life away
and forget
the biggest one of all
I look to the sky and wonder why and wonder why and wonder why
but lie to myself and tell myself that everything's fine
(it's all in your mind) and why, oh why
couldn't you do more
am I lying on the floor for peace, or for
attention
try new things, again
all in
my mind
I'll look at
you
from far away
down the hall
wanting to call your name out, and hold
on a little bit
I know you feel the same way, I know it's like that
and honestly, I think you could be, more scared than me
about *this

and that's what she probably thinks
I know her better than myself
that's the idea
that's where we find our meaning
in each other's thoughts
we cannot hear, we only make up
choices are wrong and I've tried hard
to stop
and cry
I do it all the
time
and I think you know
if you knew
you'd understand
feelings  in real life are alien to you
but they're there
in fantasies of
assuming the position
I know it's true
when I look at you
and you look back
and I look over every face
every mistake cannot be reversed

but still, maybe
if I wanted to
I could just confess
in real life
that I have never and ever and never will again
feel the same way
about this
and you're my goddess
forever, and ever
you've shaped my
everything
more than you'll ever know
and words are ****
sometimes
emotions are worse
I am the Fall
get away from me
get away from me
get away from me
all of you, yes, all of you
get away from me
won't you see
that I'm right
here under
the polluted stars

and then I think

as everything grows
quieter
and quieter

that every face hides the
same thing

and then I know
the words need
to stop
they need to stop and everyone's looking
at the aura and the pain and
no one can feel it again and

I held tightly
the idea
that everyone reading is actually myself

I could die a hundred times over just to restart
but no matter
just stare at me
all of you
and I'll only look at you

it's not dark, it's light
let me in through the gates to drown in the sea of
mindless people
you're all so pitiful
you're all so sad, and for some reason
it's the only thing that makes me

mad

Silence plays a melody
of toils and years of doom
listening, and beckoning
filling an empty room

A weather new to any age,
an abundance of empty thought
The Woulds and Shoulds are raining
from clouds of memories sought

Plaguing some of purpose
and filling some with fear
making sudden noises
for the loudest minds to hear

Parading round in fervor
and examining the lost
too loud to even recognize
but colder than eyes of frost

He is the oldest raconteur
but somehow a cowardice
of showing no reaction
to the world **aflame in bliss

there, come upon a greening once ........................... in ticked and timely woulds
where all footed plantings have danced & swirled, ... he takes a speculative girl
they tip-toe tentative steps of belonging .................. to meet, to part, join fingers & twirl
till they reach an inevitable verge ............................ but with each successive passing
of the will to do & was not true ................................. she grows fainter in his mirrored should &
their shy shadows wobble in recognition that ........... her hands can only feebly grasp at
what's lost is found, but never bound to ................... this fading pane of here

If I could I would,
fly across this world,
through the sky and clouds,
never looking down.

I would swim with the breeze,
and ride with the waves,
not a care in the world,
not a care I say.

I could be free like a bird,
sing with the angels,
or sit with the graves,
not saying a word.

I could smile like the sun,
and dance like a fire,
but my "coulds" and "woulds" are "can'ts",
for I am alive,
and I cannot Retire.

A soul lost makes a good man
Perpetual motion breeds success
Tossing & turning into a handstand
***** to **** but at least I **** less

Never claimed to be your superman
But old Clark has nothing on me
I write for you and my back bends
I've got the touch, I can make you see

You never thought I could
And I never blamed you
The coulds & shoulds & woulds
Blinded you to the truth

So put your faith in my light
As I flick my Bic over a puddle of gasoline
Try & try & try as I might
Off your thoughts, I can't wean you

With the new me and the old you
We can do things we have never before
So hold my hand now, embracing all that's true
And by the end, you'll be asking for more
And more
And more

what will you do?
what will you think?
when
the
time
comes.

what will you do?
what will you think?
when
then
time
comes
to do anything.

you've never really done a ******* thing
and you've never really thought about it,
you've never really ever made a single choice
that every really meant a thing,
or had a
consequence.

keep on coasting
keep on treading
and the weight of all
those woulds coulds and shoulds
will pull you down
drag you under,
make you drown
make you drown.

this is the time
this is the thunder

you are the strike
you are the violence

a stab in the dark
to cut through the blindness

the storm is upon you
if you're not a part of it
it'll tear you asunder

let the rain wash you down
let yourself feel electric

cause you are the strike
you are the violence

the pulse of the fight
the howl in the night
you are the current
that's bringing this
world back to life.

The what woulds
The what coulds
The racing thoughts

Time not spent
is time repent
Chances aren't fair

Some stay warm
while fires form
Others die of cold

Progression cease,
Oppressive Peace
A sea of Love ebbs

Stagnant I stay
Idle the way
and silent everyday

Each time I grasp my aggression and anger, guilt and denial,
it's like grabbing a knife upside-down.

The error quickly manifests, but
the woulds are slow to heal and easily reopened.

Oh dearest
And most beloved
Camembert
Thou art created
By the gods, and goddesses
Of cheese
And shoulds't it so please
I woulds't love to indulge
In your **** runnyness
And seductively tempting aromas
Your perfume
So beguiles, and entices me
Thou art far superior
To the humble brie
Like a bumble bee
You add honey to my taste buds
Dearest, and most beloved Camembert
Woulds't thou marry me?
So we would thus be entwined
For all eternity
Your most humble, of humble admirers
You are the one
I most desirest

by Jemia x