you are {short}term memory loss and i am alzheimers and we fit together like broken(glass)

you are homeless and i am full(ofhope) without an inspirational outlet so i'm going (sortof)crazy without you here

you are an almost forgotten past with alcoholic breath and i am starknaked bodies scattered all over

i stumble accidentally into chaos and you follow and i find myself saying, "that's your problem" but it's really mine.

Does it feel good,
calling her a freak?
Do  you realize,
It makes her feel weak?

I hope your happy,
With yourself
Because she's at home
Going through hell

She sits in her room,
Tears down her face,
All you ever say,
Is she's a waste of space

She pulls out a razor,
Wanting it to end.
All she ever wanted.
Was to have a friend.

The deeper the cut,
The better she feels,
Do you feel bad,
That they'll never heal,

Covered in blood,
Tears on her cheek,
Crying at the thought,
It will happen next week.

Your word cut deep,
Worse than a knife,
And you still continue,
To destroy her life.

Week by week,
Year by year,
The words 'I'm sorry'
Are all she wants to hear.

To know someone cares,
Or at least feels regret,
Could be the difference,
Between life and death.

Weeks go by,
The apology isn't said,
The teasing gets worse.
She hears voices in her head.

Spur of the moment,
Her decision is made.
On her neck,
She feels the blade.

One last cut,
Will end it all.
One more slit,
Until the angel will fall.

You could have stopped,
Saved her from it.
But you didn't,
Why couldn't you quit?

Her fates have been decided,
You have to live with guilt,
All because of,
The depression you built.

A simple smile,
An apology.
And you wouldn't be hearing.
This eulogy.

I hope you feel guilty,
You had her chance,
But you ripped her to pieces,
Without a second glance.

She's uncurable,
Forever she sleeps,
You just sit there,
Continue to weep.

She's gone for good,
There's nothing left to do,
Her smile, her face,
Will always haunt you.

heartbreak is the most common illness.

love is insane.  or maybe, love has just made me insane.

cancer kills. diseases ****. plagues ****.
    
    heartbreak kills.

maybe not literally, maybe not pure true death,
                  but,

     heartbreak kills.

sunsets fade, stars lose interest, flowers are pale and lifeless, and everything you see, smell, feel, hear

  reminds you of the culprit of the illness.

heartbreak may not cause pure, true death,

          but it induces the closest thing possible while still breathing.

I suffer from a disease that goes by the name of Loneliness.
It's an ancient affliction;
some sick kind of curse,
and those who know it best often boast: it's the worst.

But every now and then,
I look around me to see some fat cow in the company of a dead-eyed chudd -
spewing out a slew of inanities for lack of the cud.
He finally shuts her up with a kiss on the mouth,
as they walk off hand in hand.

I think to myself:
"How in the hell did they find a cure,
but I can't?"

Life,
The four letter word that breeds new possibility with every escape of the mouth.
The illusion of created matter fluttering which ever way,
Taking the shapes of new forms but impossibly diceitful if it's all the same to you, really.

Life,
Oh, is that what you call it?
The birthing canal, the test-drive, the labryinth.
The uncurable dicease, like bleeding sores after entering a forest you probably should have avoided.
Those sores, those sores, those uncurable sores!
I'm covered in sores and you folks call this life.
Scratching the surface only makes it worse.
Diving in deep, the depths,
Black and blue because the insides are bruised, too, is the only way out.

Last night, or maybe last year, or maybe a past life,
If it's all the same to you, really,
I froze in fear like the look on a fishes scaly, wet face when he realizes what's to come of him and this hook in his mouth.
My immediate reaction was to vacate immediately.
But what do I fear? What am I trying to vacate?
Oh, right,
It's only me.

-Mae.B

When you know that tomorrow
you may not be alive
because of an uncurable illness
you will change your eyes
you would do your best today
cherishing every moment
savouring the taste of life
seeing everything under a different light.
New hues, nuances and shades
that were hidden from your sight
due to familiarity
because of wrong focus.
What if we decided to live like that?
what if we really made the choice to live and not exist
To be present in the now
Not worrying about the future
or regretting what lies behind.

Cause in the end you may not have an uncurable illness
But there's no assurance that tomorrow our eyes will be able to glare the sunlight.
So live.

I think the worst part about it is the horrible physical pain. Your body crunches and folds into itself and you want to scream out- just like if you had broken a bone or something. But that's the thing. There's no casts or bandages to put on it- no relief, no immediate treatment. You can't go to the hospital and have them fix you. You can sit in the back of the car and let someone drive you around for hours-scream all you want, cry all you want. But the truth is you're going nowhere and neither is this pain. Nothing numbs it. Nobody can make it go away, especially not you. So keep screaming. It doesn't get better.

Often am crying
But No one knows
Am crying for that too
What creature am I

second chances
  third chances
      fourth chances
     renewed trusts
replenished damaged belief
               pride and prejudice
hurt and sadness
           fifth chances...
      making up
               making out
        waking up half ashamed
             walking out half naked
     walking off the emptiest night of your lives
                      forcing a smile
                  pretending to be fine
         pretending to be fine
                                pretending to be fine
            pretending to be fine
                 lying            
                     knuckling under
                                       lying
                                falling behind
                          pretending to believe each other
               trustfalls
                   with
                      a
                 harness
                          trust
                         falling
                          apart
trust broken forever.
       sixth chances...
                 tears-----
          weeping-----
           sobbing-----
                    gnashing of teeth-----
   staring into the mirror blankly at 3am
               crying yourself up until 9
glass shard pressed smoothly
                                                     against your wrist
                                            total darkness...      
                               undoable sadness...
                      uncurable brokenness...
              unsatiable...
       irrevocable...
irreversible...
           -------seventh chances
                pain.
       ------eighth chances
           cries.
    ------ninth chances
        lies.
-------tenth chances
      more 'last' goodbyes.
              et cetera

Secure the perimeter.
Seal off the contaminated sector.
Where is my shield & protector.
Build a mote around the castle.
Close the draw bridge.
Recruit some muscle.
Quick let's hustle.
Canon ***** to the ridge.
Cut off their army. Seize fire.
They are too old & need to retire.
Bullet proof suits, that are fashionable & cute.
Steel toe boots, loaded guns.
You can't out run.
War is not peaceful or fun.
Violence is not the answer.
An uncurable cancer.

© Harmony Sapphire . All rights reserved

we don't realize the bird's beautiful song is sung for us
telling of a story that is so brutally truthful
that it almost resembles glory
their gratious tune fills the world where there is silence
giving mother earth a song to dance to
as it constantly stays in it's orbit so effortlessly
the sun shines down & all i want to do is absorb all the beauty that surronds me
but my mind continues to drown my heart & soul
with sorrow and an uncurable apathy

i crave knowledge so i learn as much as i can
but not by reading things like the encyclopedia or the dictionary
for true knowledge grows in the trees
and in each blade of grass
too often our man made weapons and machines
**** our only source of intelligance with technology
however, we musn't forget even our feet trample upon the earths diminishing beauty
so with each ray of the powerful sun
i learn the importance of why not to run;

we must face our own fears and problems
before we ourselves can learn to grow
& all i strive to be: is as pure as the snow
so i will jump into the river
when the ice is just begining to melt
because the coldness lets me understand
all the past pain that i have felt
but while i lay in my own garden of eden
a snake slithers to my side
already i know if i try to run, i will not be able to ever hide

for this very serpent has created a home in my heart
without my knowledge of it's doing so
& yet i still cannot repent
leaving my sorrows to continuously grow
i look around to only notice i am laying in a bed of weeds that are unkind
while my enemy plants his evil seeds into my fragile mind
and when i finally realize i am doing his deeds
my eyes can finally see his scales have me in a bind

i see the beauty in his tongue that can only speak of hate
than i suddenly i feel his sharp teeth sink into my soul
that results in my tragic fate
i begin to tell myself i never want to leave my youth
for i don't mind being ignorant, naive, and oblivious
and that simply is the truth

Do you know how deeply it hurts to miss someone even when they are sitting right next to you. I've been on a sadness lately that's uncurable. My chest feels empty and hallow and everything is dark. The dark can be peaceful and soothing but when you're missing someone like hell and feeling alone, it's a suffocating atmosphere. Sometimes I just want to grip you by the shoulders and yell out that I miss you, I miss you terribly. You make me happy and lately the sky's have all been a saddening blue.

SUNDAY
written: July 13, 09 sunday (of course)

simplicity just isnt me
intricate intamacy
leaves me breatheless
helpless

don't leave me here naked
stripped of all i am
don't leave me here now to die in my shame
and give into my concioius screaming my name
this is where you take away the pain
you inflict on me
help me breathe
please

and i broke
though i swore i wouldn't
and i only blame myself
and they tell me i shouldn't
i should hate you
for only wanting this from me
but i couldn't stand too make you unhappy

your miserable
and i pity your insanity
and i'm terrible
for trying to make you happy
at least that's what they think

i'm torn
and i don't want to do this anymore
but i can't stand to let you go cuz it'd hurt you,hurt me more then you know

you help me breathe
the only thing keeping me sane while pushing me over the edge of insanity
the pain oh the pain

let me pull up my pants
i can't unless you tell me your satisfied with me
finally happy
ive given up fighting agaist your hands
someday they'll understand why i can't live without them

your invisible touch
suduction that inspires my ****** lust
for you
this is all i have to do
to prove to you i'm true  

pocessed by you
obsessed with you
undress for you
because you asked me too

pocessed by you
obsessed with you
undress for you
because you need me too

it's the least i can do
for someone so upset
for someone who needs me
i can't hold regret
for you, i'll never forget
though remembering makes me sick
a lifetime of this uncurable illness
a sacrafice i took to try to save you from your disease
and i'd willing die naked to save you from your suffering

On a stormy afternoon in the middle of December, I awoke to the crash of lightning outside my window, startled and jolted awake. At first, I thought I must be dreaming-why would a girl be standing out there in the rain at this time of night. Yet there she was, as I saw again, the light smashing through the sky again illuminating her windswept locks, soaked to the bone. This, was Mary Elizabeth as I would come to know her-and she truly was a remarkable entity. A dreamer, no doubt was she, as well as eternally cursed with an uncurable case of wanderlust. She dreamed of the mountains, rising high with her spirit into the sky, and was beautiful. In looks, you ask? Well yes, but more so was her soul. That spirit of hers coupled with her kind heart led her to be the one, and remarkable Mary Elizabeth I was about to meet outside my window.

Dull, it seems to have a beat of its own
Lacking life, emotion, it tears me apart
Uncurable by any pills

Intense, it keeps me awake
Jabbing pains, needle-like
I can feel it behind my eyes

Reaccuring, it's never gone for long
A few seconds relief, barely savored
It never ends

It was not your ordianary Monday
for it was all mourning.
Just wanted that day to end
for my heart was broken.
It was never easy to be okay
for I was terribly hurting.
Just when will it all stop
for I am in need of healing.

Broken it is, unmeandable.
My heart is torn, uncapable.
It scorches inside, untolerable.
Like my being been ruined, uncurable.

Oh, it is hurting, tormenting.
When will it stop?
The pain is to much.

I'm like this again
It's an uncurable disease,
Just keeps on coming back
Making me want to die
I'm also afraid to die
I really want to live
I really want to want to live
But I still feel like this,
And I can't live with it

You say you love me,
They say they miss me,
Some even wants to be with me,
I can't believe a word they say
I can hear it, but not understand
Or feel it
Makes no sense at all,
why I still feel all alone

Might be that I never let them through,
Noone knows what's going on,
Going on inside my mind,
All my broken thoughts, hopes, wishes and dreams
Crushed into the one thing
That I've always been able to feel,
and to understand;
The strong and powerful pain
It's like it's always with me,
Even when I am starting to feel fine,
It's still with me,
the pain then starts to rain all over me
It won't ever go away from me

Can't I ever be free?
Why have I felt like this forever?
I thought things would get better,
I always do, but it never lasts
The pain takes me straight back
It never tells when it's going to strike
But when it strikes, it strikes
I'm certain of that

Will this be my future?
Day in and day out...
A glimpse of happiness,
Then just excruciating pain
Like there's no way out
You give and then you take
Everything that's left on the plate
More than you gave
Just to leave me with less
When I started to lose my suppress
I'm now suppressed to a whole new extent

I'm afraid to tell,
paranoid in every way,
A sound here, a shadow there
Someone wants me, I have to hide
They all want to take me down
Don't go outside, you'll be destroyed
The sun will melt you,
the rays will burn you,
And the daylight,
It will destroy you...
My mind says things I know aren't true,
But If I open up my state of mind,
I don't know if I'll get cured

I'm afraid to be ridiculed
I'm afraid to be looked down upon
I'm afraid to be framed
I'm afraid to be deceived
I'm afraid to be lied to
I'm afraid to be ruined

But must of all,
I'm afraid of growing old...
To die alone and unloved,
filled with unfulfilled dreams,
Years of depression and guilt
Of all the life I never lived
Wasted time, wasted memories
Just because of fear
how can I bear?

I doubt everyone's intentions
Even my own
In my heart,
I don't even know where I belong

I don't want to take my life, I want to start my life

My disease complicates my soul
When it rains at the most,
it turns into an ocean, I've been here before
The question is...
Will I swim through this time too,
or will this be the time I drown?

I will never write a poetry about you.

Because what I wrote were my unsaid pains.

Uncried tears.

My broken self.

And I don't want you

To be one of them.

In this world,

Where letters are my warriors,

Words are my wounds,

Sentences are my scars,

And a poem is my pain,

I'll forever keep you

As my whisper of peace

Beyond cold wars.

As my tap of rest

Beyond tiredness.

As my click of happiness

Beyond grief.

Because

You are way more than

Those unbearable pains.

You are way more than

Those uncurable wounds.

You are way more than

Every poetries I wrote, baby.

I can't have the passion
It's just lust
Envy
Empty persona

Hint of malice
Illness
Uncurable

Messages don't reach
Responses zero
Hollow existence

Just self-love
Remains
Continuing
To wither

im scared im uncurable
and that im not inportant,
that you dont love me,
that i cant just be happy,
im scared that the feeling of pure fear in my gut wont go away
and that you still wont care,
that i cant stop caring,
that the river will keep making me trust you
that  the current wont stop bringing me towards
that i will always be sad

Where have you gone
My dear father
Are gone away
To earth to
Perform miracles to
Lots of people that
Are dying of
There uncurable
Disease
Have you saved
Some people from
There disease
Yes God I know that
Some people have
Dimentia
And others have Cancer
Also there are people
Like me that have
Depression
And they are giving up
On life every day

Where have you gone
My dear  father
Are gone away
To earth to
Perform miracles to
Lots of people that
Are dying of
There uncurable
Disease
Have you saved
Some people from
There disease
Yes God I know that
Some people have
Dimentia
And others have Cancer
Also there are people
Like me that have
Depression
And they are giving up
On life every day

Where have you gone
My dear father
Are gone away
To earth to
Perform miracles to
Lots of people that
Are dying of
There uncurable
Disease
Have you saved
Some people from
There disease
Yes God I know that
Some people have
Dimentia
And others have Cancer
Also there are people
Like me that have
Depression
And they are giving up
On life every day

Ink drips down the ivory page,
Thick and black like the sorrow in my mind,
Almost like blood in its viscosity.
Have I said everything?
This is my last stand to the world,
The last piece to my story -
A final chapter.
Two pages to mom,
Two pages to dad,
Two pages to him
Explaining how he was my last (and first) love,
A page to a few others.
The last hours of my life are bittersweet,
Painful with depression
And other disorders of various kinds
Plaguing my desire to eat or live,
Topped off with uncurable stress,
But pleasant
Knowing that in a short while
It will be over.