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n Jun 2014
do you know how much it hurts
do you know how much I cry
do you know how much blood I've lost on purpose
do you know how much pain has demanded to be felt
do you know how many sleepless nights I've had
do you know how many pillows I cried through
do you know how many blades I've used
do you know how many scars I've made
do you know how many haunting thoughts I've had
do you know how many wishes I made
do you know how much I want to be different
do you know how many times I've been so angry it's bought tears to my eyes
do you know what I've had to deal with
do you know anything
because if you did you wouldn't still be here
- n
n Dec 2013
theres a monster in my head
and a demon in my soul
they're tearing me apart
with every second they take their toll

sometimes i talk to them
but i don't like what they say
they tell me no one cares
i believe it everyday

they tear at my skin
and break my mirrors
they send tears down my cheeks
and make me skip dinners

at first we were fighting
i thought they only lied
but its okay now
were on the same side

the demons want me dead
but they promised not to tell
anyway of dying
is better than leaving in this hell

i thought the demons killed me
but really i killed myself
i let the demons in
that was worse than anything else

never let your demons in
don't let your monsters rule your head
for if you ever do
you will surely end up dead
n Dec 2013
I'm sorry
I'm sorry for being a failure
I'm sorry for being wrong
I'm sorry for being an embarrassment
I'm sorry for making you hate me
I'm sorry for being different
I'm sorry for being me
I'm sorry for crying all night
I'm sorry for using a razor
I'm sorry for having scars
I'm sorry
I'm just so sorry
n Nov 2013
i didn't get it
i mind as well quit
my heart doesn't need a beat
i admit defeat

i lie to myself
saying "i don't need any wealth"
or, "I'm pretty no matter what"
but still i give myself another cut

my tears are all dried
i havent cried
not yet at least
soon all will be ceased

your eyes don't lie
you want me to die
at least you words don't
i hope you won't

maybe you'll regret
or maybe toll just forget
you crushed my heart
quicker than you can throw a dart

ill get a rope
clean my cuts with a soap
stand on a stool
and wear a sweater made of wool

jump gracefully
end the chase finally
here i come
n Nov 2013
when you're sad
and you want to flee,
think of the good times,
remember me.

i was here for you,
held your hand,
for you i would have,
run all over the land.

but you choose her,
she was number one,
and you left me waiting,
looking oh so dumb.

you destroyed me,
i was shattered
stupid little me,
to think i mattered

now I'm sitting
on the broken tiles
i wish i had been,
the reason for your smiles.

i feel so lonely,
emptier than before,
my wrists are bleeding,
yet still screaming for more,

you're not just a boy,
you're my reason to cry,
please don't give me,
another reason to die.

remember me?
i was your "girl"
now when i see you,
i just want to hurl,

you hurt me,
for the last time,
by next week,
you'll see your crime.

because ill be gone,
this time for good,
you missed out saying,
all that you should.

i hope you feel guilt,
when you see my grave,
i hope it washes over you,
just like a wave.

you had the chance,
to tell me it all,
now when things go bad,
who are you going to call?
n Nov 2013
i need you
don't you see
without you...
I'm alone
I'm unwhole
I'm missing
out of place
i want you
so bad
but i know i shouldn't but i do
i shouldn't go back
i shouldn't hold on
... but i do
i cling on with all i have
but now I'm in to deep
there words have left my mouth
your the only one
you broke my walls
...only to break me
you left
and again
and again
when will i learn?
i need you
but you don't need me
i guess i thought it would be different
maybe this time you actually meant it
well now you've lost me
no going back
not this time
not again
not ever
n Oct 2013
Hidden from true sight
The mask shields my feelings
it hides me from the light

i fear the truth underneath is to
hideous to be seen
the mask protects me from intrusion
it holds the wicked thoughts and the absolute unclean
underneath the mask i'm writhing with shame

my true identity has become lost
as i've become unfamiliar, unfriendly
even with my own name
protecting or hiding the years have
blurred the intent

i'm lost and confused all the time
the mask has taken away everything that it meant
i search for someone who would know my pain

i remove the mask for a moment
and i would feel as i found someone,
bu the flood of unclean would make
me loose that again and again

The mask returns to hold back what is deep with in
please dont look to  hard
i couldn't find anymore who understood
any place to go, much to my chagrin
this is what's here, what is and you what is not
my mask is my shield
it may not be the right way to be
protected but its the only thing i've got
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