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I am happy, because I am sad, and you are not.
I am sad, because I am happy, and you are not.
Doubt and fear accompanies the future what awaits all men
Death of the individual self or turned into a machine zen

Distrust in oneself and all the others creeps in
Distrupted intelligence and despair draws sin

Dawn of a world without thought has long begun
Day after day the sky is being eaten by the sun

Dreams about yesterday won't shelter us from raw pain
Dealing with the devil is now the only means to maintain
Can't really tell what I envisioned, but I hope it will pass along with the stupidity of adulthood...
Whatever I touch, I break, so I don't even touch
Wherever I shine, I fake, my shadow tells too much
However I try to proceed, I sink in too deep
Whomever I call love, never we share a good sleep

Every moment collapses, leaving us blindly
I hold on to my senses, singns of my body
I wear however the wounds of my soul
Questions of origin, others and all

Reliance on feelings have thought me to judge
Listening to voices have brought me through grudge
Counting on numbers have led me to withdraw
Looking at features have dreamed up just plain law

I wander and wonder, why I can't do the math
Why these thoughts ponder and don't take a bath
Sometimes I share a free passion to make
But most of the times those act like headache

Here am I reflecting, dissecting my wows
Wishing and cursing on different nows
Clocking and measuring where there shall be strength,
Courage and willpower does not care about length
I am reeeeally lonely the bad thing is I enjoy it and I'd rather die sometimes than to re-enter the everyday grind's battlegrounds...
And that also I would be good to go and my pride, my strive for the so safe to be unknown and fear of failure messes me up and drives me out of time.
Oh yes and **** it, I publish this time :)
One heart: swelled
Now split to many pieces
Some lost, some ignored
Some beat at divers paces

A year... or more...
I'd care if it'd worth it,
Let's say exactly: four
Since I got back to waste it
Cancer is science
Science is cancer
Cancer calls cancer
Science cures cancer
Science calls science
Cancer cures science
Science is science
Cancer is cancer
The poem is not in any way opposes science which I have most trust in, however I criticize and express my ambigous feelings for all its coldness, hopelessness, lack of moral and emotional bias which I think to be the driving force to keep on living and fighting against (preventing and curing) physical and mental disease, suffering and premature death (not mentioning obvious limiting factors to life, society and balance of the ecosystem). Clearly, this is a deliberate misunderstanding of some moral principles behind science, economic progress, systems approach and cybernetics with a purpose of making any fellow scientists realize the heavy responsibility that comes with scientific and medical knowledge and ethics. It is also an indicator to the pressure that the dawn of transhumanity puts on the mind and body of the individual alike.
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