Sonic ghost
womb echo
tiny cave dweller
growing feet and hands
a heart unexpectedly beating

Come
be our girl

Little heart beats
Constant hammer
In construction
Sonogram panic

With fire in the west,
Hope dances on the horizons back
The line, where colors rip and claw for life

Breath it in,
Exhale to calm
To become an artifact of choice
Infused with perception
That last bit of light illuminates a sonogram of the soul

This morning one of my ninth grade students
Is showing off her sonogram
With the same excitement and enthusiasm
I used to see in my daughter when she was showing off a new Barbie doll
With it’s glittering gown and open toed plastic heels.

I tilt the image this way and that -
Hypnotized by the light
That dances on and off of the black glossy surface
Just the way it did when I was a kid
Shaking the magic eight ball
Waiting for a glimpse of the answers
That I knew were going to emerge from the shadows.

Cinnamon sonogram

Detect the abnormalities too late.

Morning after birth of

a placebo placenta.

Irrigate the porcelain

of a lost labor laboratory.

Love found not within the arms of

the golem grasping for straws.

-

Wailing a harmony of blue and red.

Pumping panacea.

Steady the pace, you hotheads

with elegant electric veins.

On Monday she sung so sweetly and

whispered her prophet tales.

Saturday appeared as an echoing,

hollow and halfhearted hymn.

-

They retreat in rebellion;

lapping at salt laced lacerations.

Rye, grain, roots, and grapes

for the Baroness of the Barrens.

Weeping waters leads to the

sleeping daughters that dangle

their threats like fishing hooks

off of the edge of a world so flat.

I am not a poet.
I am the air before a storm.
The weak in your knees.
The smile on your heart.
I am. I am not a poet.
I am the aftermath of sin.
I am the godlike sworn into pages.
Scripture is my tongue, to fold like weak genes
That strike to be like matches
I am beckoned fire. I am not a poet.
I am not a believer.
We were raised by the last unfortunately; I do not believe in
“leaders” or “followers”, I do not believe in “society” or “democracy”
This generation is lost.
I do not believe in found.
I do not believe in freedom.
When we are only “free” to be everything but our souls.
The truth is…I do not write poetry.
I birth it whenever God needs a favor so
When my pen bares fruit know it’s divine nature refined.
I define nature. HOLD UP. WE define nature.
Eve am I in the garden of Eden, feeding the Adam in my spirit
That speaks in tongue,
I taste the susurrus sounds swishing like a serpents swearing
Bite into this forbidden, swallow sin, make ink stain of this metaphor
On the fabric of your perception
The truth is, I do not write. I create life that’s been a part of God’s plan
Since sonogram; my divine right.
I am not a poet.
I am a contradiction.
I am everything including nothing.
I am the song the caged bird sings. Once it’s freed.
I am the silence before a bomb.
I simply do not believe.
This generation was raised by the last, but I would rather raise hell
Then praise heaven to be a place where the gates are too white to embrace the black
Of the sin I’ve committed
I am not a poet.
I write because I want God to hear me.
This Chose ink is the closest voice from heaven like, blessed cursive
Curses curved like
Sacred scribble
Revised, I’ve rised, correction, raised.
I revise like rewritten history; I’ve witness lies, yet mystery
Lies within the truth, somehow.
I’m no doctor, but if I were, I would prescribe patience.
I just want God to hear me, I will listen…but for now
I am sincerely seeking the God within self, I believe in
Other.

I'm hittin up the stereo
Marching sonogram graphic woman
***** stance
*******
No chance
No safe
No save
What aim
Broken arrow
***** dance
***** dream
Disko life
****** into lights
******* the grime off the green
The grim off the screen
The brakes off the scream
Watch it
Closely
Gone

I feel so alone
Forget this life
Someone is playing my life
It's just a huge joke
A game to them
I'm about to be done with people
They bring mostly pain
Forget the knowledge
In my fathers eyes I'm a know it all
I guess I'm worthless
It's all so much *******
I'm ******* tired
Growing up I was quiet
I was so..........
I don't even know anymore
My grandma tells me a lot
She says when I was a baby
I didn't cry, not for anything
Infact, I was loved by a lot of people
The gypsys, and a biker gang called Hell's Angels are a couple.........
My mom told me the leader of Hell's Angels even bought me my first car seat, and that he REALLY liked my mom.........I'd like to meet them one day...... To say thank you for everything...... They may remember..... :)
When I was first born, I had a crescent moon on my forehead....it went away a few hrs after birth
The gypsys used to tell my mom about me
Infact it was a gypsy that told my mom I would be born twice blessed and be a girl
My mom thought I was a boy, because I had my legs crossed and I covered my self, so no one could tell from a sonogram......I laugh to here that.....
But even after my life, it's hard to move on sometimes........
I sometimes think about why I'm here
I'm not always wanted
Hell, more people wish me dead than love me or even want me around
People tell me how ******* stupid and ******* I am........ I'm running out of the fake chearfulness to say thank you and smile at them
I swear, I don't belong much of anywhere........so I still wonder why I'm here, going through the ******* that I endure, and have endured for the past several years......I wonder *** I did wrong........ I just don't know.......
I'm just to tired to care anymore.........

I called my therapist to tell her I won't be coming in tomorrow because my dog just died and we grieve and then there's Christmas and my uncle has liver failure and then I find a lump in my breast near my 18th birthday my uncle finds  colon cancer I find out the lump is non-cancerous at the same time my aunt finds out hers is cancerous they removed the cancer spot in her breast my sister start having pain worse than she's ever experienced she's crying everyday the doctors don't know what's wrong with her she's going to doctor after doctor and eventually they say it's a kidney stone and they'll do a sonogram soon the procedure is over everything went well  my aunt also comes out of a checkup with more cancer my sister's perfectly good surgery it's her to excruciating days of pain and she has to have a stent put in my grandma gets extra sick her stent causes her even more pain but she passes the kidney stone and eventually distant comes out my uncle thinks he's going to die but my grandma does instead. everyone Grieves. I prepare for college My uncle still thinks he's dying I go to college orientation my uncle dies that's the story of the last 8 months I'll be at College in a few weeks so will my dead uncle's kid and our other cousin there will be hollow family dinners a shell of a family a shell of a home

November 19th 2009
Marks the day I saw your spine
Hit the floor for the very first time
I only need people when I think I do
I was a fool to think I needed you
It’s the opposite of The Decemberists
You needed me to make you better
I blame myself for trying-
And every time I walk in on you crying
I think it’s something I did wrong
The smell of your breath is still strong
In the dreams I fail to dream as I watch what I once thought was steam sneak through your bedroom door
I can still smell those chemical dreams as I do the leaves on that cold november day
I found you lying in the den
You were going to die I just didn’t know when
I can see the red and blue flashing
It’s making my innocence fade like flash photography in a museum
Why can’t my life be preserved  with a sign that says please don’t do this
Too many signs for too many crimes
I’d need one for each mistake you made
I’d add another check to the chalkboard and remember my neck double wrapped around the umbilical chord
I wonder if you loved me then but I remember that you didn’t
Cause every time I try to read a book I look at the letters and they turn into something they are not
Just like us when you’re drunk and I’m smoking ***
I remember you never loved me at my monthly sonogram
Holes in my kidneys not quite as big as the holes in your heart
I was ****** over from the start
4 pounds and 11 ounces I could never stand up to you
Pretending you did what you had to do
Take another sip I dare you
Maybe it’ll make you feel brand new
And the next morning we’ll pretend it never happened because that’s what we always do
I’ll ignore the broken glass that sat on my chest as I tried to sleep and stabbed my mind as I tried to dream
About what we would be if I hadn’t found you that day in 2009
Would I still be doused in ignorance
Would I still crave your attention
Would I still be able to dream
Would I be haunted by my own retention
Would I drink a little less
Would I drink a little more
Would I still play in the leaves or believe you could be cured
You need me to make you better and it has made me worse-
I don’t throw out the **** I find in your purse-
I shove it down and swallow but innocence tends to follow

If I were 4 pounds again I’d have a stronger mind
I wouldn’t put any effort into being kind
I was so small you should’ve thrown me in the trash
I wouldn’t have to grow up in your mistakes tray of ash
I close my eyes and I’m 9 years old seeing red and blue,
8 years later and disaster still reminds me of you

Signified birth of our second bundle of joy
whereby linkedin chromosomes betwixt
the missus and I intimately expressed ourselves  
and me would alloy
courtesy meiosis the miracle
of human reproduction would deploy
distribution of genetic material.

Full term newborn occured
Suburban Mercy Hospital birthplace
(2701 Dekalb Pike, Norristown, PA 19401)
nine months after spermatozoon gave chase
to ovulating ova
(cue all around the mulberry bush...
pop goes the weasel),
the former latter did embrace,
where sonogram revealed inchoate face

courtesy yours truly burst into
singing amazing grace
adoring newborn exquisite
as finely wrought lace
a biological daughter frisson
snap, pop, and crackling within myspace
automatically, immediately, and ultimately
ingratiating special place
within mine heart of darkness.

No greater purposefulness
exists than to behold thee alive
bearing witness regarding thee
exiting thru birth canal ye did dip and dive.

Tethered to umbilical cord
analogous to astronaut
linkedin to mother ship
bobbing and weaving
once forced out the womb

thru metaphorical fjord
inconsolable offspring crying,
no matter papa implored
though nonreligious, nevertheless
ofttimes paradoxically invoking lord.

How quickly orbitz around the sun sped away
crawling and climbing in no time
atop highest ledge utmost goal without delay,
which might help explain
mine premature hairs of gray
and your dare devilish more frightening
than being hunted down courtesy janissary
(or so I imagine) above exaggeration, I may

beg poetic license and pray
ye anonymous reader enjoy
reading about our precocious Shay
(Hebrew for beautiful)
progeny, who though developmentally challenged
frequently ordinarily calm, cool and collected dada
uttering stronger epithet than oy vey.

Now, one score plus two years
astride planet earth ye attest
to mine wide eyed opened amazement
buzzfeeding, snapchatting and livingsocial
(shutterflying a pinteresting life)

more so than me at twenty two,
no matter I did detest
living under same roof as parents,
cuz yours truly felt like
most unwanted guest!

Onset of first 2023 heatwave
found yours truly lulled to sleep
courtesy rattle and hum
(U2 can dreamily tread
where the streets have no name)
of oscillating fan.

Nestled under blankets,
the gentle whirring sound
soothes the savage beast
within mine body electric
of one generic, opportunistic,
and wholistic garden variety man.

Within blink of closed eye
yours truly transported
into the realm of deep sleep
benumbed to reality as unconscious guy
experiencing dynamic vivid dreams
courtesy Fluoxetine Hcl
(C17H18F3NO·HCl)
known as Selective
Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI),
especially prescribed to treat
depression, panic disorder,
and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Holmes tower fan whooshing air
analogous to sonogram (ultrasound)
infiltrates fumfering, slumbering
snoring schnorrer (me)
best not to awaken papa bear,
cuz he will roar loud and clear
disrupted sleep upends ability to function
no joking psyche dybbuk riddled

with profound anxiety and despair
subsequent havoc wrought
on par whereby mailer daemons ensnare
co opting, conquering,
and compromising blissful state
deadened head reveling
within private webbed world

regarding unscripted drama deep inside
temporal lobe of brain,
the hippocampus might conjure
time traveling circa Renaissance faire
wordsmith metaphorically possessed
remonstrated by fire breathing
amazing puffing magic dragon
lived by the sea
and frolicked in the autumn mist
in a land called Honah Lee
evidenced fiery breathing
affect nostrils to snort and flare

awoke from necessary dreams,
I would angrily glare
frightfully enough to induce goosebumps,
and raise every small hair
along spine uncontrollable fury
communicating shattered functionality
essentially rude awakening would impair
ability to experience joie de vivre.

Debilitating panic attack invariably triggered
similar to Tonga underwater volcano
eruption January 15th, 2022
constituting physiological displeasures
chiefly vertigo, racing heart, nausea,
excessive perspiration, adrenaline
coursing thru body,
whereby Prozac (brand name regarding

aforementioned synthesized chemical)
ameliorated unbearable,
unmanageable, untenable...
earth-shaking, devastating,
and crushing manifestations
disabling, exhausting, hijacking,
jackknifing, sabotaging, and wrecking
life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.

Kickstarting psychological disequilibrium
linkedin with savoring
at least bajillion winks
else sixty plus shades of gray matter methinks
attempting to piece together logically
reasonable poetic rhyme
despite missing links
knotted courtesy cerebral gordian knotted kinks
yours truly feels discombobulated
teetering and tottering atop brinks
of figurative steep precipice.

Nestled under blankets,
the gentle whirring sound
soothes the savage beast
within mine body electric
of one generic, opportunistic,
and wholistic garden variety man.

Within blink of closed eye
yours truly transported
into the realm of deep sleep
benumbed to reality as unconscious guy
experiencing dynamic vivid dreams
courtesy Fluoxetine Hcl
(C17H18F3NO·HCl)
known as Selective
Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI),
especially prescribed to treat
depression, panic disorder,
and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Holmes tower fan whooshing air
analogous to sonogram (ultrasound)
infiltrates slumbering snorer (me)
best not to awaken papa bear,
cuz he will roar loud and clear
disrupted sleep upends ability to function
no joking psyche riddled

with profound anxiety and despair
subsequent havoc wrought
on par whereby mailer daemons ensnare
co opting, conquering,
and compromising blissful state
deadened head reveling
within private webbed world

regarding unscripted drama deep inside
temporal lobe of brain,
the hippocampus might conjure
time traveling circa Renaissance faire
wordsmith metaphorically possessed
remonstrated by fire breathing dragon
evidenced fiery breathing
affect nostrils to snort and flare

awoke from necessary dreams,
I would angrily glare
frightfully enough to induce goosebumps,
and raise every small hair
along spine uncontrollable fury
communicating shattered functionality
essentially rude awakening would impair
ability to experience joie de vivre.

Debilitating panic attack invariably triggered
similar to Tonga underwater volcano
eruption January 15th, 2022
constituting physiological displeasures
chiefly vertigo, racing heart, nausea,
excessive perspiration, adrenaline
coursing thru body,
whereby Prozac (brand name regarding

aforementioned synthesized chemical)
ameliorated unbearable,
unmanageable, untenable...
earth-shaking, devastating,
and crushing manifestations
disabling, exhausting, hijacking,
jackknifing, sabotaging, and wrecking
life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.

Kickstarting psychological equilibrium
linkedin with savoring at least bajillion winks
else sixty plus shades of gray matter methinks
knotted courtesy cerebral gordian knotted kinks
yours truly feels discombobulated
teetering and tottering atop brinks
of figurative precipice.

Ultrasound allowed, enabled
and provided obstetrician to zoom,
image courtesy sonogram
showing fledgling fetus,
thus we pledged our troth after spouses' womb
(approximately halfway
between her pregnancy) did balloon
******, wherein conception
delineated birth of eldest daughter,
and many a tomb
morrow later she resides in Oakland, California.

I attempt reasonable rhyme about...
oh happy yesteryear
when newly minted groom (me) wed bride
family in attendance cried
as Justice of Peace officiated as legal guide
extolling pregnancy of she who could not hide
figurative bun in the oven which matured inside
after two gametes fused and multiplied
countless times quickly birthing embryo
baby on the way nullified
application of premarital ***
and attendant use of contraceptives.

Clear out of the blue
thee wife asked me
opinion if wedded bliss between us
ha, how heretical to think otherwise
since romance long since flew
out the figurative window
impossible mission to feign significant other
analogous to brand new
alluring, beguiling, captivating... tchotchke.

All kibitizing aside, a requited love with zeal
I attest invisible spokes support unseen wheel
when turning sparking genuine care and concern
act as buffer against emotional hemorrhage
and received good housekeeping approval seal
more applicable to most recent
elapsed wedding day anniversaries
ex post facto after both daughters flew the coop
finding me reeling with empty nest syndrome,
whenever yours truly reviews mental newsreel,
now absence of offspring, akin
to psychological wound I did heal
no longer mourning natural course
of begetting progeny more readily
accepting their necessary autonomy doth appeal.

Though marriage devoid of physical intimacy wife
get along swimmingly, we exhibit less strife
than days of yore effulgence promulgated
to all readers unbeknownst to human life
form characterized by bloke,
whose words appeared across screen
exemplifying, embodying, and edifying
regarding beloved simian counterpart
bandying playfully sometimes
drubbing and drumming my body
while she (commandeering
certain orifices of her body)
emulates sounds of fife.

I was clicking through the Sonogram Network
checking the rear-view to see what's next
it may be reality but is it a necessary reality
where anything out of the ordinary is signal
oh boy another uninvited anomaly
feeding time for my forehead demon
meant I had to go on vowel patrol
because the network was ancient with consonants
and invented malicious contours of meaning
that could be written but not pronounced
knowing that thoughts control other thoughts
if that were a key what lock would it fit
his crime was an addiction to accuracy
saved by measurement time and again
then another accursed round of inner blackmail
and extortion from the catacomb moralists
civilization had gone tiger ******* mad
riding the carousel beast to their doom
leaving the steps of their TV studio ziggurats
slippery with fresh blood and beating hearts
for the contemporary retro-futurists
storming the fortifications of ignorance
with the Sunday horoscope as a map
he threw up his shrugging hands
in collective handcuffed exasperation
sleep with a pistol next to your yarbles
if you want to make a difference
in the modern world paranormal or not
now that daring had devolved to hypochondria
storming the fortifications of ignorance
with the Sunday horoscope as a road map
the ******* had so many hidden agendas
underlying rather than lying per se
making me listen alert to my muse
because her beauty sees through me also
only in a manner I can tolerate
guardian angels scream in my face
all is derived from something else
oh well enough flickers and you have light
the air becomes pearly and serene
an explanation or two never hurts
**** the covert menace go play
rattle cages make the parrots squawk
how many ideologies preach fun
the last thing he said was
no time like the present
as moonlight bore into the earth
and sanity had become a necessity
even if there is no reason
there soon will be

most feared most needed too velvet to define
sun rose world exploded sentience fell like shrapnel
best colors invisible which floor is your life now
no one stays forever be your own round trip memory
playacting sage fools the mirror
gleefully awaiting new chance of suffering
meteorite flames over sonogram star fields
arc of history bends toward dada
drawing cabaret voltaires from deepest wells
the attic is the desert where all stairs lead
clouds weeping bon appetite
binary keys locking layers of doors to the river
glad to have journeyed but never again
replacing the bell tower with gaia's echo
alternative hades ruling shadows and ashes
just down the street from the holy grail
euclidian tea leaves photosynthesizing archimedes
speaking ions across emerald deserts trapezoidal pop music
contagious future infecting tone poem multiverse samsara
surfing with psychosis across long lists of oceans
rolling out underwater carpets
juggling arrows on jugular veins of streets
no one in the forest hears one hand clapping
north star appears in eyes within eyes basement chin
gold buried rising water deep end dividing into silver portals