It was a
****** mary morning,
with a Van Gogh sky.
I woke up early, and
found a bar that did the  
same.
My kind of place
dark
and empty.
I began ordering ****** marys,
one after another.

At noon I paid
my bill and
caught the bus downtown.
I had to be at the  
courthouse at one for a
probation violation hearing.
I met my lawyer in the  
hall.
He said,
“What the hell are you doing?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“You’re drunk,” he shouted.
“I’m fine,”  I said.
I followed him into the
courtroom.
We sat down across the
table from the
prosecutor.
As soon as we sat
down,
he said,
“Come with me.”
I got up and followed
him into the
judges chambers.
He handed me a small
machine with a
tube attached,
and said,
“Blow in this.”
I did.

He said, "This must be your  
lucky day.
It’s broken.
Do you want a
week in jail or
a month more
probation?”

I’ll take the longer
probation, I said
I had nothing but
time, and a small
amount of cash.
I walked out of
the court house.
Everything
looked ******.

I want to write a poem about you,
but all the words sound good in my head until they get out on paper.
I can't make anything out of the slur of words I wish I could say to you.
There's a sentence for all the years I want you to have back,
and words for all the days you spent waiting for probation in a cell.
You are still just as much of a man as you were before they stripped away your sanity.
They say that people make mistakes,
But you had to give up most of your life for just one of yours.
I like to think you spend so much time in the company of a bottle
because somehow, in your mind, you'll find the years that you lost at the bottom of every one.
I want you to know that Alcoholism is not a choice,
Nor is it a death sentence.
I want you to know that I do not bow my head in shame at you;
You are not a monster.
You are a child,
One that never got to experience innocence before it was taken from you.
You are not a trophy to be on display,
You are not a spectacle to be snickered at,
You are not a John Doe to be left lying in the cold,
You are not next week's breaking news,
You are not stupid,
You are not broken.
You are not a statistic,
You are not a stereotype.
You are sick.

Everything fell on wednesday
24 books, 7k words, 2 exams.
My phone starts buzzing at 4am.
I shut off the alarm and roll out of bed.
This report wasn't going to write itself
Mere hours to jot down thousands and thousands of letters and make it something passing.
After three libraries and 8 of the most stressful hours of my life I finished it on time.
"What takes these mortals months I made in one morning." I thought to myself, the master procrastinator.

I still had 2 exams to get through.
No appetite food but an extreme hunger to not be a failure
Exam one, finished, killed it.
I had a few hours until my next exam. A great time to go to the cafeteria
Or.. I could sell some blood to fund my **** addiction...
20 minutes later I am donating blood on a less than empty stomach with my laptop out studyig for my exam.
The *****, toothless man next to me was laughing at the sight of a lap top in the blood clinic.
I facetiously grinned back, thinking,
dont become him
keep ******* studying
I studied my *** off, and i was able to finish the exam before the others.

Everything fell on wednesday
Except me.

Hey God, I have a question.

Actually, I have a few.

Why do you like for me to be alone?

Why did you waste your time creating a person who is so unlovable that even her family walks away from her?

Why is it so **** hard for me love myself long enough for someone else to love me?

Why is it that the sound of my voice is always more important than the sound of my heart?

Why is it that when your other children mess up, it’s “everybody makes mistakes,” but when I do, it’s p r o b a t i o n.

Why is that term even allowed to exist?

Why does someone else get to determine if I am good enough to positively impact the lives of others?

Why did I spend $92 in cheap makeup to impress a boy who will probably never love me back?

Why do I bite my tongue when I need to speak and release my wrath when silence should be held?

Why is everyday a test to see if I am deserving to be on this earth?

Why am I forever and always on probation?

They tell and show us about space debris this matter that freely floats in the vastness of space
There is a comparison to the inward being many emotional breezes come unannounced they
Live in these treasured sightings the wind undulating across the prairie grass it first is caught by
The eye then it is drawn down deep into the soul how much bigger and newer life it gets when
The great magnate of all life receives it invests in it truth value the outward being can never
Know take the common fire from a campfire the mystery rises from the crackle and the leaping
Flames no longer is it just chatter but it is soul talk produced in depths of wonder that emerge
At the surface level bestowing gold from common folds of life or the majestic views of
Mountain grandeur Vaulted sky
Shaded canyon breathtaking heights does the angry wind speak if so in a whisper the granite peaks austere and bleak seem to frown on the trees and lowly grass lands with their fertility and ease of growth. While he the monarch bristling with his cold barren armor of granite invites the stares the awe inspired gratitude of nature and mortal man he knows there dreams and thoughts how many have stood at the edge of wonder on his brow with fainted hearts. Their thoughts drift out and away ever upward reaching the clouds filled and clothed with mountain air brightly they are displayed in these untamable rays. Voices of the ancient ones still echo their wisdom still resounds in the summer thunder they visited and released many a tortured soul. Before Blind they stood before the closed door of their minds knowing there is a path but where can it be found. Riches unbound await the searcher who will go to any and all lengths to conquer unbelief freedom his guiding star he walks in great shadows. Mountainous men Jefferson Lincoln his stalwart companions stand with grandest stature takes from the mountain those teachings not found in musty universities. Thoughts born on creations morn formed and laid on this rocky foundation now for centuries they have bore the weight this colossus purified they are words more noble than gold. Share them invest them in the borderless world of human kind that circle the globe. Moses was familiar and consorted with mountains the angel made one his sepulcher. Waste not the golden hours they are the thread that sows life’s most exquisite moments together making a life. Turn aside seek the heights they will give you respect and honor words will flow that are uncommon they will fit any and all circumstances filling the empty void where hearts bleed without ceasing. Your voice will be like the cool mountain breeze soothing filled with substance and comfort
Is it molecular it is and so much more they tell us of the drive by shootings a wonderful place to
Draw this contrast is Los Angeles called the city of angels but the most beautiful is
Its Spanish interoperation Low hovering angels this loses if we say it but let a Mexican say it his
Inflection most perfect if he is saying it from love. Is there a seriousness here our blessing is not be in That crucible even New York is called the big apple but those in the know call it the volcano with all its Eruptions and pressures so does L A fall into this category in fact if you live on Pico Ave it’s a category Five tornado this is one of the most fought out streets in the turf war for space to sell the Bain to all Society drugs see the flame it consumes the guilty and the innocent view this common occurrence way To common how many small neighborhood chapels were filling with caskets instead of wedding Ceremonies look and listen a Mac Ten pistol grease gun thirty round capacity it has just started its Deadly chatter laying down a withering fire this isn’t battle ground conditions this is a neighborhood Strafing a car the widow’s blow out the shooter keeps the fire steady it starts plinking metal as it moves
To the front of the car off the car into a white small picked fence wood matching the spray of bullets as It Flies in all directions Chicago revisited instead of the Tommy gun chopper of probation you got a Crazed dope fiend punk without emotions the sight of fourteen year old Maria standing on the sidewalk Never registered or didn’t matter three red dots appeared on her bright blouse across her back the Center spot stopped her heart forever now these precious Spanish eyes closed never to  see her rightful Future instead of one day walking the Church isle in a wedding gown now she would lie in repose in White with the flowers not in a bouquet but neatly fixed in  her hair So robbed of youth and life her Budding life so filled with promise where angels hover yes this is the blackness the soul knows perpetrated by the evil one but
There exists a counter part to this evil the good gifts divinely wrought the walk by how many
Hearts have fallen to love by just the chance encounter of her loveliness just walking by you the
Hair flowing and glowing the face created in the throes of love and romantic overload
Spellbound was the creator what chance do you have a mere mortal we are not in casual
Observation the soul is processing this at deepest of levels magic is taken from theatrical
Surroundings to the open places of the heart and being of living two other places for instance
The sea shore a new vastness that overwhelms with delightful pleasure and promise

SeaThoughts

Oh stand thy great waters contained in thee is mirth and terror some you have beguiled and then
Have taken them to your depths of destruction but by your benevolence the sea breeze blows
Inland from this moisture rain is called from its dwelling place the earth is refreshed the tides
Have cosmic ties by gravity the lone solitary moon is entreated and responds one speaks if only
There was a love potion that I could give my beloved so she would respond to me favorably it
Can never be created it already exists go out into the mysterious night stand under a great tree its
Dark silhouette will be more bewitching than the days shade speak your heart as you do take her
Hand and stroll out into the moon beams that drew magic from the great waters as it passed over
Does not wonder advance in this light softer exquisite the hardness of life bows and retreats to
Wait the daylight hours where harshness has its intrepid way so it leaves you with the volumes’
Darkness of night every person desires excursions into intrigue shadows will touch your faces
As tender as the willow then the soft glare of the moons love the mind and heart as its signature
Equation that old crazy moon has moves that are centuries old that birth love every time romance
And her broadest throne follow and are attended by moon light to develop a relationship
Correctly don’t go to the artificial neon lights that are futile and tinged with wickedness but
Sea side strolls are the ultimate inducement a pure stimulus that thwarts the too often knotted
World that keeps everyone at odds with one another everyone knows a great deal of love and
Romance when they are younger to revisit those cherished memorable times that started your
Life of promise with your beloved is invaluable mature love needs to feel the saturation of sea
Breezes the moons ghostly sights will fill in deep shadows where hurts have collected they need
To be free so they can go back to the darkness that gave them life your lives shouldn’t be defined
by them But the deep calleth to the deep set sail for Trafalgar not to war with enemy ships but to
sign With tender’s hand a peace accord to stitch the soft fabric of love that life’s mean elements
can rend in this you will find the sea’s glory and the moons positive glow has become a true part
of your life it is time the spring of renewal is in the offing and it sways to love’s song this speaks
Of man and women’s love this speaks of God’s love they saw the works of the LORD, his wonderful deeds in the deep

Where God passes
The edge of forever where raw power is displayed
Walk the seascapes enter the story told in timelessness except for outer space it is the only place where man finds his mind freed so steep is the unending awe that without question he finally is able to present his self as the tiny speck lost is all ego all self importance he is open to the quest for ultimate truth. You perfect you’re thinking at the sea shore it is a storehouse that lends itself to grand thoughts no limitations hamper your endeavors aliveness engulfs you totally. Subdued moods excavate every shallow you start a down ward decent the deep cries out to your soul the part that never can be accessed on shore. The ground a foundation for raising up temporal structures your needs are served in waters that open as a mysterious gate the deeper the fathoms the more understanding is released. To abide in calm surface features of the sea what a waste take off the restraints become a voyager drift with churning twisting pressures they will give great reward for accosting your accustomed staid and uneventful living. Go deeper the mundane the so called important will be forced through your very pores as you continue calling the unknown manifest itself with great scrolls hidden beyond reach to those that plod along the sunny quiet banks. Life test all men you can face them unafraid armed with years not minutes of preparedness found alone in the struggle only found at sea. Pondered Plumbed in inexorable conditions that stretches changes a person’s character his stature tempered fired as steel in the caldron. We need leaders vibrant thinkers people who can and will accost hell in the very near future and come away victorious. They will have found their way through the untold deadly entanglements figuratively and real they’re not accustomed to ease and know perils at close quarters they learned them in great waters not in pools that have not the ability to stir you to your core you’re going to pour out your life in one form or another do it with sand and grit leave a scarred an effectual trail for others to follow not the light untraceable light footsteps of one who has never lived this just barely scratches the surface of the breezeless that tug and press the center and being of us all I wrote this to be another of the blessings that touch your soul

If there are any mistakes I will have to fix them in a bit I can only work at the computer for so long and I want to get this out

We've crossed the road into teenage haste
Generation gap
With confusion, harum scarum, mistrust, disparity
Not knowing who to listen or follow
Family, or so called, not your friends
You keep thinking we the parents our your enemy
When we only try to teach you
Embrace you with the facts of life
Are life, Are love has been
No More, No Less  
You know we given the best lessons of life
But it's your choice to make it right
You can't keep trying to keep pushing
Not expect to get pushed back
We our your parents
Not your friends
My word as your parent is bond
Don't take and misstep
Out of your place
Cause even though
Still you're moving around to find the right direction
The wrong direction will be probation officers
In your face
Think long and hard of the identity you want to choose
One time, two times, three times
You Lose
I'm just talking and giving tough love
All can be remove
With your last desire
To breathe free air
Your wake up call could be
Being locked up
In the streets with a dare
Bang, Bang, you're dead

So can we sit down without a lot of frustration
Talk things over
Everything changes in life
Nothing stays the same for long
Soon you'll be an adult
To make the choice
If they are wrong or right
Just don't make them now
Preferably not ever
Strange day's of a teenage life
Doesn't stay the same
Forever
One thing I do know
God doesn't put us here
On Earth
Without a purpose or a plan



(upwc)-Zenobia/aka/LadyZ710-1/30/10

The stage was  set the little untalented ***** monkeys gathred
like bizzar attention seeking ******  all for the title
of  Hello Poetry's top poet.

But enough with the weird named carbon copy poets
who now **** the charts im just saying im a little bitter.
Lets take a look at the judges you silly little donkeys.

It was a who's who of people who actully were something
that what in the real world we like to call original.
Jack  yes the loveable kinda ******* ****** who deep
down would probaly have more in common with Jack the Ripper
than Lord Byron  im just saying.

Baths  yes the queen of Hello  and i'd  be a smart *** now but im scared she'd hurt me  and not in a good way  not that im into
pain dam you Marv  Albert    i never knew the tijuanna brass were so freaky.

Chris Smith  the poet  the model  the all  around  hansome devil
with a heart of gold  you go girl.

Phil Roberts  the silent  yet  down right evil  arch enemy of
all things  sweet and pure finally off probation and his meds.
Still the restraining  order was in full effect thank God  Barney
that devil worshiping dinosuar was no where in site  and as long as the voices in Phils head were happy we were all safe.

And the man the myth the pervert drunken *******  of Hello.
Just back from his recent vist   to  Shady Pines  resort slash mental
institution.
Gonzo  along with his court ordred doctor .
Dr Jerry  Who held many degree's in bartending,Massage therapy with happy endings,And chemistry yes  he was a real busy ******* slash drug fiend okay dealer.
What a girl has her needs.

Sitting at the judges table it was the usal chatter how are you.
Nice ***'s  hey Phil  put down the knife.
Jack  wear did you get that muzzle and straight jacket?
Baths  reminding me she didnt wanna have to use the pepper spray
like at the Hello christmas party.

Gonzo pouring his wild turkey.
Dr Jerry yelling  hey just what do you think your doing?
What are ya drinking by yourself?
Good point  you silly *******  so after four strong drinks
some lines of uhh  sinus powder from Columbia they dont just
make records  to my suprize we were off like lindsy lohan
on a drug I mean  well a drug run.

The first couple of guys read there genitic poems all of which
were like taco bell food.It  pretty much  would either give you food poisening or the ****'s.

Person after person read there poetry the drinks poured
people gave there opinions  Chris well the poem was great just maybe pace it better.

Baths giving another deep comment that was always welcome
that and the contestants outta sheer fear knew not to cross her
cause **** happens after dark around here and the Hello dumpster
is filled with not just bottles of wild turkey yeah remember Drew?
Exactly.

Jack gave a long muffled  comment  that must have surely been brillant someone should really remove that dam muzzle.

Phil  goddamed dinosuar  i'll teach him for playing hard to get.
oh yeah he'll like it he'll like it real good  oh look
a puppy dog.

Okay kinda weird  but well yeah.

Then the  attention turned to the attention grabing little *****
of Hello  no not  Gary ****** man.
the only G that matters beside's spot  Gonzo.

Well I think you need to lean more into the microphone  when you
read  and um well to relax  show more clevage.
And may I say if that was a samba   it totally ******
1 star.

The room and other judges must have been amazed by my depth
for they were all silent.
Dr Jerry aplauded  dam he really knew how to fill out that cheerleading outfit   we really needed to take a fishing trip im just saying
male bounding is okay sometimes  just ask Phil.

The people kept rolling in i slept through most of the mens readings
the women  because im a gentleman  and a scholar I had DR Jerry give my card  cause if Ican help inspire and guide maybe cuddle  fresh hot
young poets im all for it   I know what your saying yes I am  
giving back to the Hello community and not just STD's and hangovers.

But enough with the foreplay  finally  with the tension built up
like little catholic school girls waiting for there savior Justin Bieber to make a appearence   it was time.

Who was Hello's top new poet.
The short little **** *******  slash  napoleon of hello walked to the mic.
And after several  attempts at reaching it  one of his many  
assistants slash  friends with benfits of staying on the charts forever
assumed the possition.
So he could stand on there back and talk in the mic.
Get your mind outta the gutter.

The winner is  for there poem the Gentic.
There began a rumble beside me ******  Dr Jerry
stop jerking off were public man.

But it wasnt my dealer I mean doctor .
It was My fashion forward amigo Jack.
The rumbling continued slowley the straps began to snap
as his color changed to red once would have been to green
if not for copyright infrigement dam you king kong.

The red devil burst from his restraints  like a  stripper off
a four week ******* binge let loose  at Macdonalds.
tables flew  clothes were ripped.
Bathe's yelled  at the top of her lungs  look ****** I have a tazer
so if you try to cop a feel i'll use it.
Must have been talking to Phil or Chris.

I knew what to do  in this chaos i quickly ran with the special talent of Hello  to my dressing room  DR Jerry  emergency bring  wild turkey duct tape  a video camera  a inflatable swimming pool  some jello mix and  a Kenny G  cd  and some roofies .
Im kidding  I never listen to Kenny G.

The screams were that of a german shapard ripping a smurf to shreads.
Help me  plaese  mommy I almost felt sorry for Eliot.
But i did what a true gentleman slash long winded journalist does in these time's. Sat back with some cocktails and enjoyed some jello
wrestling  opps  I think  the tickle monster is loose.

Me first  me first  ******  Phil  well if it keeps the voices at bay
why the **** not.
We laughed we danced  Jack Horner  bathed in Eliots blood.
While Chris said please  stop including me in these ****** stories
Gonzo.
    
While Baths  kept her tazer in hand  and dry white wine in the other.
Much like  a bad habbit I grow on you.
Jack looked at me as old brothers in shared insanity often do.
Hey Gonzo  when ya  gonna end this one mate?
Hey amigo  as soon as ya get that  *** on stage and close the show
with a lady gaga  preformance.

The *****, the *******,  the Brits,And Gonzo,
With his doctor slash roadie slash personal man servant bartender
who could ask for anything more than a purple dinosaur's head on a platter but enough about Phil.

Untill next time Stay Crazy  Kids.
Gonzo.

Anyways more of me lol, OK I grew up with a mum and dad good Christian parents though both went off the path!¡ mum is ex. Well still alcoholic but don't drink once addict always one as they say.. I saved her life many times from getting killed .. Me mother is mine soulmate no not sexually. She's mine best friend in this world if I lost her I'd lose me really in a way.. Dad is ex pill addict currently still is. Though he gets quote legal pills for back pain herniated disk) he is part of reason I got into a 22 people drug bust... I was originally charged in drug bust with trafficking oxy  contins meaning ( an felony 2) meaning trafficking in drugs. And got charged with trafficking ******* up to and ounce between two deals I made to a guy who set me up between two Thursdays....I knew this guy from school back in day so you all know.. He wore wire on me. Had police phone I used to call me dealer which police listened and sit right out side me apts.... Anyways I got on probation continued to use drugs was blessed... Those charges I told u were dropped to aggravate
Possession of drugs from the two oxys for me in me pocket... Lawyer knew I did these deals not for money but pills... So yes messed up probation so sent to crc prison for four months than to pickaway prison right across the street which used to be an old army base than in the thirties was a mental ward for people who had demons.... So yeah in prison people could find out I sang... I became the singer of the prison I did their talent shows. I spoke out against gangs killing gangs in there knowing I'd be ridiculed from gangs sitting and watching me but I got respect singing to whole crowd and I got good respect from all people.  Because I believe in loving all people. Not war. Not hate not anger or hate but love conquers all evils.... If humañs would only understand that. Oh more u don't know I also played for the ex mayor at age sixteen for a drug Free thing I use to be in called 3d ironically was a hypocrite using drugs at time . anyways played at ballroom of Toledo art museum in front of a crowd of the mayors.. Also played at  a high school in Cleveland Ohio doing me own music two songs ... There were 350 eyes on me which felt amazing.... And did a show at a private school for girls and boys and had news people from wtol news there in Toledo.... So yes I need to get back into music I miss it alot .?. I've been poet along time can't tell u really how long?!? I can communicate with spirits literally I hear them in me home . I see their orbs . me and mum both. We got pics of them and sound recordings though try to stay away from that *** we don't always know if good or evil demons are coming in... I've been scratched by them... Broke out in rashes from them touching me. Can feel cold from them when their near... Hear them speak in me ear so only I hear or out loud where me and mum hear both *** me and her are in tune spiritually big time... Dad also hears like me and mum footsteps in house or in addict in apt. Yet have Christ to protect me in bad... And when I pray to Christ those DEMON'S leave. They hate christ!!!!!No more natious feeling that they cause no more depression when they leave.... They are real  for u who don't believe.... Also I usualy wear long hair but cut whenever I need to even it up.... I had friends in past yet due to their drug use still they all left me after mine bust showing me not real friends.... So mums me best friend so is many others on here I'm close with .. You have all showed me soo much love I've never felt... God bless u all . I thank u to me soul....I love to cook to.. I also love giving back massages and whole body massages.. I love brushing ones hair to and rubbing their eyes lids temples.... Also with one I love pulling her hair stroking fingers in it to help her relax on back of her head... And massaging her... Using candles to relax her and I love incense.. Sage and Christ is for the demons lol.... But I love cooking for a woman ... And making her a bath to relax... And I am a true hopeless romantic......

Not done more coming wait to see (;

He's accosted Kim Kardashian, Brad Pritt and Ciara, but red carpet prankster Vitalii Sediuk tried his luck with a much fiercer face on Tuesday.

The Ukrainian journalist approached US Vogue editor, Anna Wintour, outside the Chanel show at Paris Fashion Week.

Wearing a black headdress and glittery sequinned glove, Vitalli broke through the security barriers and ran up to the notoriously icy journalist as she exited the show.

With a microphone in his hand, Vitalli could be seen attempting to get her attention - but nonchalant Anna kept her cool and dismissed the prankster, striding straight past him.

Anna's security stepped in immediately and removed the prankster, who made a peace sign with his hand.

Anna is by no means the first star that Vitalli has pranked.

He famously targetted Kim Kardashian in September last year in the huge crowd that gathered around Kim and her husband Kanye's car as they arrived at the Balmain show at Paris Fashion Week, in which her sister Kendall Jenner was walking.

In bizarre scenes, Vitalii - the prankster who accosted Brad Pitt at the Maleficent premiere in Los Angeles earlier last year - was reported to have pulled Kim's hair [which he denies] and almost knocked the then 33-year-old starlet to the ground, in front of Kanye and her mother Kris Jenner.

Security quickly jumped in and escorted a shocked Kim into the building.

This was just one of the many times the former journalist has had run-ins with celebrities including America Ferrera, Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Lopez.

Brad Pitt recently spoke out about the infamous run in with the now-notorious Sediuk at the Malificent premiere in Hollywood in late May.

The movie hunk said he was forced to defend himself after the Ukrainian television personality tried to 'bury his face in my crotch.'

Brad said he was having a great time mingling with fans on the red carpet, but things soon turned nasty when Sediuk sparked a melee that left the heartthrob with broken sunglasses.

He told People: 'I was at the end of the line signing autographs, when out the corner of my eye I saw someone stage-diving over the barrier at me.

'I took a step back; this guy had latched onto my lapels. I looked down and the ****** was trying to bury his face in my crotch, so I cracked him twice in the back of the head – not too hard – but enough to get his attention, because he did let go.

'I think he was then just grabbing for a hand hold because the guys were on him, and he reached up and caught my glasses.'

The Moneyball star said he likes people to have fun, but argued Sediuk's antics could end up spoiling glamorous Hollywood events for everyone else.

He said: 'I don’t mind an exhibitionist but if this guy keeps it up he’s going to spoil it for the fans who have waited up all night for an autograph or a selfie, because it will make people more wary to approach a crowd. And he should know, if he tries to look up a woman’s dress again, he’s going to get stomped.'

Sediuk was sentenced to 30 days in jail after attacking Brad at the Los Angeles premiere of Maleficent.

He was already on probation for jumping on stage with Jennifer Lopez when he jumped over a crowd barrier at the opening of Angelina Jolie's new film Maleficient and struck Brad

He was charged with assault, battery, unlawful activity at an exhibition and delay of an exhibition, received the jail sentence plus 20 days community labor, 36 months probation and a $220 fine.

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Evil & crime so predictable & stale.
Stupid how arrested suspects get bail.
Convicted when their victims tell.
Prison is where some stay & are jailed.
They have to communicate by mail.
Sometimes their focus goes in another direction.
Where probation happens after correction.

Child & spousal abuse, drug use, & rehab that is no use.
History repeats
Wives & children still get beat.

Their isn't always a Superman or Batman to be your hero.
With a sword or crossbow.

Details of armed robbery , drug dealing & smuggling.
Stabbings & muggings.
On the inside homosexual love with cuddling.
Human trafficking & prostitution.
Violating amendments & constitutions.

They are how they are from how they were raised.
If their victims could speak from the grave
Or had they been saved.
They could explain & describe how their rapists & killers behaved.

Male & females do their time.
Years in custody for their crimes.
Seriousness of their offenses vary.
Some educate, get jobs, or marry.
Behind bars is where violence belongs.
To be punished for all that they did wrong.

Some from death row are now dead.
Similar to the wildlife in a zoo behind bars they get fed.

You smoked your throat gone.

I'll sit in bed opening and closing my Opinel No. 8 and stare at an unread compilation of a then-alive poet's correspondence with a then-and-still-dead poet and wonder at the cover art, a fishing-line-thin threaded rope that could well be tied in a slipknot. Tendrils that look like loose straw scattered thirty different ways.

He said You can't **** your life away and there are many ways to do that. I'm stuck inside a small bedroom dreaming or hallucinating an open space, streams flowing from nowhere near and flat space so full of sky it is sin to call it empty. The world can be hot and fast;  I am bad at resting. I don't sleep well. I can float a river and not once hear it moving.

You drank and dissected your drinking so it could masquerade as something under your control. We all are guilty of this at some point. In some way or another. I am lucky to sit in my bedroom and write that the next two years of my life have well been mapped. I do not pout, there is no malice here. My head is close, fastened between my small shoulders. I share no heart with Yesenin.

You can't **** your life away he said he thought. These things change. *But you can!

In a desperate attempt to  save hello  from near destruction the evil man ****** but yet charming in all togather strange way.
Elliot had a moment of true brillance   To get the anchors of hello togather  in a nice beach house.
Okay it  was a soon to be condemed rat trap hotel  on the Jersy shore and film it.

My worries were alerted already  for I was  really  wasnt up for making a **** .
Who am i kidding  sure i am.
But like when momma  gonzo told me that fat *****  in the red suit
wasnt really santa  just a child  molester.
I was wondering why santa  was  giving out candy in july
And why that candy cane was never in his pocket .
So the **** thing was off  it was to be a reallity show.

Freee ***** a chance to act up like a three year old hyped up on cookies    and crystal **** or whatever the kids were into these days.
They had me  sold so like a flock of segulls we ran   we ran so far away  eventhough  probation  said no my    gonzo sense said yes hey  lindsy lohan told me it sounded like  great idea  and who can argue with a crazy coke head.  

So we gathred in the bleek hope of saving hello from total boredom  and thoose hiku  writting nazis   from poetry soup.
Jack, Baths, Chris,Eileen,Gary,Paula,And that ***** Gonzo  
really  im so insecure  must just be that time of the month.

The rooms reminded me as a cross between the bates motel
and something outta the shining yes charming indeed.
We had the top floor  I always liked being on top but enough with the
forplay children.

The rooms  were picked  okay guys over there   girls come with me it was worth a try.  
The rooms were picked the honey moon suite  
going to me and Jack   ahh ****    there were strobe lights  stripper pole heart shapped  hot tub   jesus it was like  elton john had thrown  up in here  at least it smelled like it.

elliot had made it clear the bar tab was on us but knowing what a true sweetheart  he was he had somehow  left me his credit card
in my wallet maybe without knowing it.

One thing bout  are weird kinda umm  well  funny smelling digs  
there was a true blessing there  a bar   for what is a gonzo without his bar   much like a samuri  without his sword or a mean twig model without her cellphone  to throw  and finger to put down her throat to puke   memories   all alone in the moonlight dam you cats.

With some simple calls  the party was in full swing  and are shuttle bus slash   pinto had us at the hotest club slash retirement  home.
The music blasting so low as to not cause   bowel problems.
Me and Chris showing the old farts  how to play beer pong.
Missed shot  drink up grandma and please put your clothes on
****** you gravity.

Jack  kept the dance floor jumping  with his  fake mustache  little captians hat   and some other leather gear  once told me one thing that ****** was fahasion forward  you go girl.

Paula, Baths and Eileen   worked the newly  started  card game. You dont know how to gamble?  
Well are girls are happy to show ya gramps
Gary had disapeared  to the rest room  for some odd reason.
How he did put a smile on thoose  old ladies faces  seinor care
aint it grand they were were just glowing  what a odd place to be giving reading.

After we had hustled i mean  helped thoose old folks outta there life savings  it was time to party  really  they were almost dead  anyways
and a  funeral plot is overrated   just do what my  uncle did with his ex wife  tell everyone  one she went on vacation and bury her in backyard.

I'll never go tressure hunting again.
We hit the club like  like a hurricane that was laced with wild turkey   and   and a few rational thoughts.

The night was magic   for the money dissappeared   in seconds so like  any broke ***  writers  would do when facing  a fifteen thousand dollar bar tab.
We got the **** outta there.
Thank  god for a restroom window never mind me miss
im with security  and may i say you have a great rack.

The hotel reaked of mayhem and  a old winos ****  and maybe a dead
corpse or two.
HaAHahaha they'll never find you Drew.

It was like the cover of Sgt  Pepers lonley hearts club band  you know by   that classic group the backstreet boys.  
Yes drinking it doesnt effect the mind at all   now who the **** are you?

Dwarfs  junkies   men wearing sailors hats and **** straps did Jack have a dance  troupe?
Hookers drag queens  holy bat crap wonder woman   Lady Ga Ga.
Seems she had crashed into are pinto parked in the the street ******   Chris  i told you park it on the side walk  like me.

Jack  as  if  in a trance  was on stage with the  space alien ******
known as Ga Ga   it was a match made in a state   thats probaly filled with crazy people  like  Utah  or Canada.
Okay im kidding i love Canada  and i just learned it's a country
oh no wonder they hay have fences  I just thought they was a gated  community.  

Paula hit the floor after her third drink   and would probaly question   why somone  had written this space for rent  on her forehead
But like a true man that i was i would  blame that on Gary.

Chris and Eileen  danced laughed I had this odd feeling they were close   as Baths replied no **** sherlock  now pour me another  wine
befor i kick you in the *****   she is a charmer.

The crew fliming are madness  as togather we all danced apon the bar  but for some odd reason the ground had tilted and only effected me  dam UKs and there ninja abiltys and Garys knack for floating  on air.
I went down like a cheerleader on prom night hitting my head apon the floor.

Out like a stripper at a frat boys party after she had   beer and roofie
cocktail.
I was taken to a magical place  were  whiskey  flowed  like water
and you didnt have to pay for ***.

I awoke  in a hospital bed   head taped up  surrounded  by friends
the doctor asking many questions puzzled I made no sense.
Dear Lord this man has   brain dammage the doctor said.

The nurse leaned over  her  low cut top hey it's my write okay.
Brought a gleam to my devilish eyes   hey i mouthed   to Chris
I can see her *******.

Well  Gonzos fine  Chris replied.
As From the restroom there was a clatter
so i did turn my hungover head to see what  the **** was a matter.            

Jack appeared from the rest room Ga Ga in arm.
naked as bald eagle   void of feathers.

Gary.  Hey  i always herd  she was a .

Chris  Thats just ******* weird.

Paula. Who's the ***** who wrote on my forhead?  

Eileen.  it wasnt Chrisey poo.

Baths. Jesus  Gonzo your   long winded  crazy   and good looking
yeah i added that       hey don hit me i just had a near sober experience.
dam gaga is really a.

Jack  yeah and im in love my my my  poker face

FIN

Humanity has no support to duty
Both contrary in dealing and punctuality:
Non-the-less deny each claims still their validity
Former needs emotional skip where later regularity!

Humanity is a thing roundly soul concern
Fancies of many idles, despotic and obligated.
Estimate not to beautify active approach return;
Deserve aid remarkable quiet pleasing black arts.

Duty declares the deed must accomplish statutable,
Gratitude, greed and gratification are sub-judice here-of:
A crazy caution compel to foil inapplicable
Yonker's pride, old hand cultivated doctrinal of.

Certain condition humanity plays role of pre-eminence
Duty looks wanting help out of heels,
Depending on probation passion of sincerity convince,
Rejecting deep binder satisfactorily set aside exceeds.

If stands duty and humanity both together,
Glorifies the spirit immortal as His name
And also deal showing clean impersonality further,
None appeal to mercy could not dare blame.

Living with a clock hanging over my head,
as I lay in my bed
and wait for each morning to pass.

The roses of Love glad the garden of life,
  Though nurtur’d ’mid weeds dropping pestilent dew,
Till Time crops the leaves with unmerciful knife,
  Or prunes them for ever, in Love’s last adieu!

In vain, with endearments, we soothe the sad heart,
  In vain do we vow for an age to be true;
The chance of an hour may command us to part,
  Or Death disunite us, in Love’s last adieu!

Still Hope, breathing peace, through the grief-swollen breast,
  Will whisper, “Our meeting we yet may renew:”
With this dream of deceit, half our sorrow’s represt,
  Nor taste we the poison, of Love’s last adieu!

Oh! mark you yon pair, in the sunshine of youth,
  Love twin’d round their childhood his flow’rs as they grew;
They flourish awhile, in the season of truth,
  Till chill’d by the winter of Love’s last adieu!

Sweet lady! why thus doth a tear steal its way,
  Down a cheek which outrivals thy ***** in hue?
Yet why do I ask?—to distraction a prey,
  Thy reason has perish’d, with Love’s last adieu!

Oh! who is yon Misanthrope, shunning mankind?
  From cities to caves of the forest he flew:
There, raving, he howls his complaint to the wind;
  The mountains reverberate Love’s last adieu!

Now Hate rules a heart which in Love’s easy chains,
  Once Passion’s tumultuous blandishments knew;
Despair now inflames the dark tide of his veins,
  He ponders, in frenzy, on Love’s last adieu!

How he envies the wretch, with a soul wrapt in steel!
  His pleasures are scarce, yet his troubles are few,
Who laughs at the pang that he never can feel,
  And dreads not the anguish of Love’s last adieu!

Youth flies, life decays, even hope is o’ercast;
  No more, with Love’s former devotion, we sue:
He spreads his young wing, he retires with the blast;
  The shroud of affection is Love’s last adieu!

In this life of probation, for rapture divine,
  Astrea declares that some penance is due;
From him, who has worshipp’d at Love’s gentle shrine,
  The atonement is ample, in Love’s last adieu!

Who kneels to the God, on his altar of light
  Must myrtle and cypress alternately strew:
His myrtle, an emblem of purest delight,
  His cypress, the garland of Love’s last adieu!

The night crawls under my skin
Fever delirium laced with heartbreak
in the cracks of my chapped lips
I let down my walls
Now kite drifting away like balloon let go
You were the walls of this maze called home
fog blanket me into Limbo called fever delirium hot and *****
icecream cone by the fireplace
defy the logic
cut the shoelaces
defy the logic
jump and walk on the sky
defy gravity
Swallow the whole **** ocean
Do the impossible

Have *** demand icecream for breakfast
throw punches in the street
Do drugs you don't know what they are what they do how they can hurt you
trusting abuse like a unicorn but it's just a horse
hear the dragon roar
Underneath the bed you make love on
your friends are sometimes the monsters
Spilling the probation all over the floor
Realize he's not sleeping next to you
He doesn't love you anymore

You can tell she hurts
Lives away from home
Digs teeth into words like wounds will heal like they are stitches
Fall for boy in coffee shop
Leave dream boat to pursue reckless thought

You give leaves
He gives you hope
Helps your lighthouse at sea float
Secretly as you sleep inside the sun
When your lighthouse work is done
He paints over the stripes
He thinks it is like the love story of your mother and father

She is angry with a tiny clustered house with the smell of her smoke filled lungs
He paints every room like reversing time
But it's all pretend, just men being men

Let the leaves burn
Steal the words from books
Cut them out
Cut your heart out
And try again

allocation of supreme alliteration illustrates perpetual contemplation and concentration that dictates a maligned mastication of federal incarceration of elongated complementary probation leaving you cuffed and based on baseless accusations conducted in aboriginal abbreviations masked task force concluding a course of brevity conducted in coordination then coordinating and copulating condemnation for a homeostasis of thought bought scolded eroded and shot inefficacy perpetrating cultural holocaust irrelevance somersaults galactic static of mathematical bombastic smack addict glued shut in a craft attic floral resurrection gartered section of ****** selection she moves fluid through unaltered perfection of cosmic bypass past the point of extemporaneous infinitude reciprocating fortitude of sinews congregating fabricating visuals of vitality soldering axonal membranes on the cerebellum and cortex simulation of sensual vortex demented fusion more blessed  I am that which stands to understand the incomprehensible unconsidered options of racial conflicts the screaming round of unaltered copper fiber severing life from the living only now can we debunk the years

I was always a needle kind of ******.
My friends thought I was crazy, and I suppose I was.
They say to take baby steps,
but addiction never works like they say it should, does it?
I went from *** to pills to blow to needles just like that.

It was nice though,
seeing how I've always been a fan of instant gratification.
Tie the knot, heat the junk, wet the cotton, **** it up, slap the veins, stick it in, get high.
Easy as pie, nothing can be simpler.
Nothing could be more complicated.
I've been home for ten minutes,
and I promised myself this score would last me through the week.
I'll be happy if it lasts the night.

My track marks were starting to fade,
due in part to probation,
and also in part to the love I've been surrounded with.
Who needs to shoot up when you have people to love you?
Me.
A ******.
A loser.

I would like a million things,
and a million more,
but why would I want things,
when I can score.
Nothing could be simpler.
Nothing could be more complicated.

MY HOOLIGAN IS READY TO BE LAID TO REST



YOU SEE, I TOLD YOU ONE DAY, THAT I USED TO FANTAISIZE ABOUT

TAKING A KID, BECAUSE, I LIKED THE LOOK OF THEIR MOO COWS ON FRONT KNEE

AND THE SHIPS ON THE BACK KNEE, AND I USED TO GO OUT AND GRAB THE KIDS

YA KNOW SCARING THEM, AT THE MALL, AND I CAME UP TO A FORT, IN LAKE GINNINDERRS

AND SCARED SOME KIDS INTO THINKING, I WAS GOING TO KIDNAP THEM, AND I WAS GOING TO THE

TOILET TO WAIT FOR A KID, AND I MIGHT HAVE ONCE BEEN KNOWN AS A PHEDAPHILE TO PEOPLE

BUT I AM REFORMED, NOW, YOU SEE, I USED TO FANTASIZE, ABOUT TYING THEIR MOO COW AND SHIPS

AND SQUASHING THEM TO THE GROUND, I WAS MENTAL, AND REALLY, I HATE THESE VOICES TRYING FOR

ME TO KEEP THESE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD, I WAS A REAL MEAN DUDE, I WALKED AROUND SCARING KIDS,

MY ADULT DIDN’T WANT TO DO THIS, MY KID DIDN’T WANT TO EITHER, AND BECAUSE I COULDN’T HANDLE DAD’S

DISCIPLINE PATTERN, IT WASN’T HIS FAULT, BUT HE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT THIS, I HEARD THIS VOICE SAYING

DON’T EVEN TRY TO MESS WITH BIG BAD BRIAN, HE’S NOT LIKE US, NO WAY, NO FEAR, ONE KID, SAID I WAS ONE OF THEIR MOB

AND DAD THOUGHT I WAS NICE, CAUSE BACK THEN I WAS A COWARD, WHO NEEDED HELP TO GET WHAT I WANT IN LIFE,

YOU SEE I GRABBED THESE KIDS, BECAUSE, OF MY LAST TWO LIVES TRAGICALLY TAKEN AT AGE 8, AND THE KIDS

WHO KILLED MY LAST LIFE AFTER GREAME THORNE, WHICH WAS A CAT, WHERE I WAS RUN OVER BY A SCOOTER

I WAS GRABBING KIDS EVERYWHERE, I FELT A REAL BUZZ BY DOING THAT, YOU SEE I GOT AN ERECTED ****

FROM IT, I WANT YOU TO KNOW, THIS COULD EFFECT ME HELPING PEOPLE IN THE FUTURE, BUT AS I REMEMBER

WALKING AROUND THE TOILETS WITH ROPE AND GRABBING KIDS AND THIS MADE THEIR PARENTS MAD, I DIDN’T AND

STILL DON’T KNOW, WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED, IF I CARRIED OUT THIS FEAT, MATE, I WANT THIS, WHICH IS MY HOOLIGAN

TO BE LAID TO REST, IT IS WRONG TO DO THIS, I WASN’T GETTING WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE, SO I TOOK IT OUT ON THE KIDS

BY HASSLING THEM BY TYING UP THEIR MOO COWS WITH THEIR SHIPS, THEY SCREAMED SAYING AHHHHHHH!, THE CRAZY PERSON

HAS GOT ME, I SAID, YEAH, I AM A CRAZY PERSON, AND YOU ARE COMING WITH ME, SO COME HERE KID, AND WE WILL COOK

YOU ON THE STOVE, AND HAVE FRESH TASTY KID FOR DINNER, I WANT TO BE A KIDNAPPER, NOTHING MORE AND NOTHING LESS

AND EVERY TIME I SAW KIDS ANYWHERE, I WOULD CHASE THEM, YA KNOW FOLLOWING THEM AROUND, MAKING THEM JITTER

ONE KID SAID, TO ME, WHY THE **** ARE YOU FOLLOWING, AND I THINKING IF I LOOK CRAZY, I WILL LOOK LIKE I AM TRYING TO SCARE HIM

BUT REALLY I WAS PLAYING A SMALL GAME WITH THEM, TRYING TO GRAB THEIR MOO COW AND SHIPS, AND TIE THEM UP TOGETHER

AND I WAS HAVING A FIELD DAY, I AM COMMITTING NO CRIME, WELL, THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT THEN, DAD MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT HEV WAS HELPING

BUT BY TRYING TO HAVE THE LAST WORD, MADE ME FEEL REALLY HYPED UP WITH GRABBING KIDS, I AM NOT BLAMING DAD, ACTUALLY, I AM BLAMING

NOBODY IN HINDSIGHT, IT WAS MY SILLY SCHITZOPHRENIC DELLUSIONS, THAT ARE THE REAL CULPRIT, YOU SEE, THINKING IT’S ALRIGHT TO GRAB OR

SCARE YOUNG CHILDREN, I FEEL MY HOOLIGAN, CREEPING BACK INTO MY BODY, BUT, HE WAS A DELLUSIONAL HOOLIGAN, AND I HATE WHAT THAT HOOLIGAN DID

IT MAKES TED BUNDY A GOOD GUY FOR DYING AND KIDNAPPING ME, BY MAKING ME TIE MYSELF UP, AND FANTASIZING ABOUT TYING BRENDAN UP AND

MAKING BRENDAN HYPE ME UP, BY SHOWING HIS BIG ADULTS KID LEGS, WITH HIS MOTHER AND FATHER, EVEN IF I WENT TO JAIL, FOR A WEEKEND

AND I WENT TO PROBATION HEARINGS FOR 1 YEAR, I LEARNT THAT KIDNAPPING KIDS CAN BE FATAL FOR ME, SO AS I LEFT THE PROBATION FOR THE LAST TIME

I DID MY FAMILY PERSON THING, BY GOING TO GLEBE PARK ALA CARTE, TO LISTEN TO THE MUSIC, BUT I LEARNT, CANBERRA HATED ME FOR THE KIDNAPPING THOUGHTS

AND THIS MADE ME SCARED TO EVER GRAB ANOTHER KID AGAIN, AND MY PARENTS PUT ME ON MEDICATION, AND I AM STILL ON MEDICATION, AND

THE THOUGHTS WERE GOING AWAY, BUT I DID VOLUNTEER WORK AS YOU KNOW, AT THE RAINBOW, COOKING, VACCUMING, AND ALSO CREATIVE WRITING

AND THAT LASTED 3 YEARS, AND MIND YOU, I ALSO DID A BIT OF BUSH WALKING, KOSCIUSKO AND JERVIS BAY, TUMUT AND MANY OTHERS, I WAS A REALLY

POSITIVE PERSON, AND THE PSYCHIATRIST, TRIED TO REDUCE MY MEDICATION, WHICH WAS A MISTAKE, I KILLED MY CAT, THINKING IT WAS THE DINGO THAT

KILLED AZARIA, I DON’T WANT TO BE JUDGED FOR THIS, I WAS SICK AND PLACED ON THE FAT DRUG, THE FAT DRUG, GIVING ME NO ENERGY, SLOWLY KILLING ME

AND GIVING ME NASTY LOOKUPS EVERY TIME I TRIED TO WORK, AND I WORKED AT AINSLIE VILLAGE, AS A HOUSE CLEANER, BUT LOOKING AT MY HOUSE, I WAS LIKE

ANY MAN, DOES A GREAT JOB HOUSE CLEANING FOR OTHERS, AND LETTING HIS OWN HOUSEWORK SLIP, I DON’T WANT TO GET EVICTED, BUT I AM GETTING HELP

IN CLEANING, BY DUO SERVICES, MAYBE OTHER POOR PEOPLE CAN GET THE SAME SERVICES, CAUSE I GET SPRING CLEANS AS WELL, GIVE OTHER PEOPLE A HAND

I GOT FUNDING, BUT WHY CAN’T YA RICH *******, INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ABOUT POOR PEOPLE’S HOUSES, TRY AND HELP THEM CLEAN IT, DON’T BE RICH *****

BE THEIR FRIENDS, NOW, INSTEAD OF BEING A HOMELESS ***, I AM A WRITER AN ARTIST AND A YOUTUBE ENTERTAINER, I AM DEALING WITH MY VOICES

BUT THE FEAR IS THERE, CAUSE I UPSET A LOT OF DUDES, I AM SORRY, THAT I AM NOT PERFECT, EVERYTHING I DID IN THE PAST, IS IN THE PAST

OK, ONE GOOD THING THAT CAME FROM MY CHILDHOOD, WAS THE D OF E AWARD SCHEME, I GOT BRONZE AND SILVER, AS WELL AS MY MATES GETTING ****** WITH ME

MAKING ME FEEL I WAS A SCHOOLIE, WHETHER THEY WERE JUST BEING NICE OR NOT, I STILL THANK THEM,

OK BYE DUDES

**** the Police
Coming straight out the underground
Young brother got it bad
Cuz I look Mexican and I'm brown

Can't forget to do diarrhea
on the sheriff deputies
Cuz you wear a uniform and a badge
think you deserve respect like a G

Biggest violaters of civil rights
in the ******* land
take advantage of everybody
cuz you think we're stupid and you can

Where are you going? What's your name? Are you on Probation?
California is not a stop and identify state
How about I cuff your ***
Take you to an alley and let out all my frustration

Am I under arrest?
Or am I free to go is what I ask
Boo bop & slit your throat
come up from behind with a ******* Chucky mask

I'm the worst ******* nightmare
there ever has been
A conscious, Chicano, 5 percenter
Moorish American free national citizen

How about next time you **** one of us
We hunt you down, home invade your family
and launch you all of a cliff in a bus.

Quick to leave a pig bleeding left for dead in a ***** ditch
***** sewed to your mouth, you wanna be me punk *** *****.

Or we'll cut your head off
and stick it to a thousand foot pole
start the vampire nation, count Vlad's idea yea I stole.

14th amendment, 85 percenter
corporate security guard
driving a big *** truck with your undersized *****
and you think your all hard, you ******* ******.

You're obvious and pathetic
I got no time to play
We don't die we multiply and the movement is here to stay.

Get off me stupid I ain't signing no autographs
Che Guevara reincarnated now who has the last laugh?

Eminem. He reminds me of you. Both of y’all ruined your lives at one point, both beat up on the mother of your kids, both neglected your kids at some point, let drugs take over your lives. So many other things you have in common too. But just a few differences; one of you has talent, one of you made a life for yourself, one of you did all the things and regretted that his kids saw it all, one of you I like and look up to. I’ll give you a hint, it ain’t you.
But I started thinking. I love Eminem so much, he is awesome and amazing. Why do I like him so much but I don’t like you? He is rapping his heart out about beating on the mama of his children… and I rap along. I rap along rapping my heart out with the lyrics of his songs. How come I copy his words and not yours? Interesting isn’t it?
I was laying in my bed a few days ago, and I just got done watching Ant-Man. I love Marvel, did you know that? No, OFCOURSE you didn’t. Why? Because you don’t bother to ask. Ever. Maybe I would have a little more respect for you if you did ask. When was the last time you asked me personally what I liked? Marvel, I like Marvel. Ant-Man in particular. Do you know about Ant-Man? Well here is the important parts I am getting at, he went to prison, for stealing a huge amount of money so he can provide for his daughter. People blame the bad guy, but do they ever get to the root of the problem? No.
Do you know what Ant-Man, you and Eminem have in common? You all have a daughter you try to provide for, and you all took the wrong ways. That is what I at least want to believe why you broke probation, for us. Doubt it, probably for drugs. But you know what Eminem and Ant-Man have in common that you don’t? They told the truth to their daughter’s faces about what they did. Eminem is not afraid to tell the world about what he did. Ant-Man is not real, so I can’t compare you to him. Eminem is real. You may be thinking “but he is famous you can’t compare me to him either”, but guess what? He started from dirt and he ended up where he is today.
His mom did nothing for him, I don’t even think he talked about having a dad providing for him. You know what you had? A mom, and a dad. Who put a roof over your head. His mom made him drop out of school to help provide for the home or move out.
You know what is really funny? Why do I know so much about Eminem then I do about my own father? I don’t even know who you are… All I know about you is you have a criminal record, you are somewhere in the southern part of the U.S, and your name is Richard David Lowe. You know that I had to find out your middle name by asking momma. The only thing that I kept holding on to that I knew you liked was Eminem. I remember traveling a long way to see you and then I was SO excited to tell you that I listened to Eminem, Mocking Bird to be exact. Do you remember that?
So, I look up to Eminem, because he is honest… You have so many similarities, but one huge difference. He told the truth…

Mystical Fire

God is fire holy without equal then you have glory boy that burns with every despicable evil in his favor
Our make up by fallen nature is in the same area and has a willing bent that favors signals that come
From Satan so the need that came about through the cross for the great alignment it works only when
You are truly engaged indentified by actual action of dying to that enemy of your own self then you find
What I will try to convey in this piece giving you the two pictures of this glorious burning then the awful
Burning only hell can stoke and purposely mix among the tender of ready to burn substance found in human nature

A wonderful place to draw this contrast is Los Angeles called the city of angels but the most beautiful is
Its Spanish interoperation Low hovering angels this loses if we say it but let a Mexican say it with his
Inflection most perfect if he is saying it from love. Is there a seriousness here our blessing is not being in
That crucible even New York is called the big apple but those in the know call it the volcano with all its
Eruptions and pressures so does L A fall into this category in fact if you live on Pico Ave it’s a category
Five tornado this is one of the most fought out streets in the turf war for space to sell the Bain to all
Society drugs see the flame it consumes the guilty and the innocent view this common occurrence way
To common how many small neighborhood chapels were filling with caskets instead of wedding
Ceremonies look and listen a Mac Ten pistol grease gun thirty round capacity it has just started its
Deadly chatter laying down a withering fire this isn’t battle ground conditions this is a neighborhood
Strafing a car the widow’s blow out the shooter keeps the fire steady it starts plinking metal as it moves
To the front of the car off the car into a white small picked fence wood matching the spray of bullets as
It Flys in all directions Chicago revisited instead of the Tommy gun chopper of probation you got a
Crazed dope fiend punk without emotions the sight of fourteen year old Maria standing on the side walk
Never registered or didn’t matter three red dots appeared on her bright blouse across her back the
Center spot stopped her heart forever now these precious Spanish eyes closed never to see her rightful
Future instead of one day walking the Church isle in a wedding gown now she would lie in repose in
White with the flowers not in a bouquet but neatly fixed in her hair. So robbed of youth and life her
Budding life so filled with promise where angels hover no more demons work overtime however evil is
Carried and delivered believe me they have it more together than the sleeping church self satisfied the
God of mercy and love restricts himself to mans efforts the Devil endlessly prowls about seeking who he
May devour

In the Christian life death is the pivotal point only through this experience can success be found this is
Dumbfounding to our fallen nature I want to show through the natural death of two precious teens it
Seems a stretch but you can disagree but you didn’t see what I saw I don’t desire to take you on a
Journey that disappoints you but just listen to my accounting I didn’t ask to see this scene it was shoved
In front of me by an L A fireman his story deserves telling at a later time the picture to me it seems God
Himself finally said enough is enough the killing of Maria and others have occurred hundreds of times
These teens died and then fire consumed their natural bodies but an intervention the light of heaven
Had to bathe them and in that light fine particles of gold had to enter our world forming this thinnest
Sheen enveloping them in a golden cocoon their spirits ushered into the father’s presence their bodies
Would not be marred disfigured no they would pass from clay to immortal gold comparable to king tut I
Viewed both subjects through the record afforded by photography these two youthful companions in
Life now side by side they are cast in breathless beauty to me one instance of death being over ruled the
Promise given for future times in this case the promise inserted in real time that will be common in the
Heavenly tomorrows the beauty of God had to have a hand in what I saw those precious children went
Beyond the earthly outcome were transformed they had the shinning of a vision that one day will be our
Common experience glorified bodies are the language God who cannot lie says will be everyone’s
reality.

it's ridiculous that we say "bless you" when you sneeze and not when you cough.  i'm pretty sure coughing is a sign of a much more grave illness.  when is the last time someone died from sneezing?  (june 24th, 2006 -- anthony dean rice)  it's ridiculous that dock ellis pitched his one and only career no-hitter while under the influence of LSD.  i wonder how often he dosed before games.  it's ridiculous that being hit by my father has turned me into more of a pacifist than i ever thought possible.  it's ridiculous how much someone can love a man that made him or her feel more physical pain than anyone ever has.  it's ridiculous that being family allows you this nearly unconditional love.  it's ridiculous that my goal has been to love everyone unconditionally.  it's ridiculous how hard this truly is.  it's ridiculous that people cite the holy bible as evidence for why homosexuality is "unnatural" and yet fail to recall that eating shellfish is an abomination.  it's ridiculous that anyone can be against the marriage of two loving people of the same gender while having no problem with laws that allow marriage between a convicted child molester and a person who cheated on his or her first three spouses.  it's ridiculous that i even have to point that out.  it's ridiculous that michael phelps lost more endorsements after being photographed smoking marijuana than he did after pleading guilty to driving while impaired.  it's ridiculous that driving drunk, hopping a curb, and hitting a mother walking home can earn you 20 years in prison while driving drunk, hopping a curb, and hitting a mailbox will only earn you 2 days in jail, 3 years probation, and a fine.  the only difference is one person had better luck -- both were still driving while intoxicated.  it's ridiculous that i was born into such a loving family.  why do i deserve such favorable moral luck?  it's ridiculous that people don't seem to understand that borders on a map are just lines...not  lines indicating some moral difference; not lines indicating you are worth more than the person in the country across the globe; not lines indicating that we matter and they don't...they're just lines.  it's ridiculous that i walk around with my eyes closed for no apparent reason.  it's ridiculous that i fell and got a concussion while trying to jump over a sign.  it's ridiculous that this hasn't stopped me from continuing to jump over almost anything in my path.  it's ridiculous that i was so confused after hitting my head that i cried and had to sit still and wait for my friends to find me because i didn't know what day it was or where i was.  it's ridiculous that the last time i cried out of confusion was when i was four and the elevator doors closed before my mom realized that i hadn't followed her out of the elevator.  it's ridiculous that i can fall in love with your smell...even when you haven't showered for a few days.  it's ridiculous that i feel a strange sensation in my right hand when i am exposed to a beauty i know i can't have.  it's ridiculous that i feel that when i am around you.  it's ridiculous that you are so beautiful it makes my heart feel like it just might explode.  it's ridiculous that i have no doubt that giving you everything would be the best decision i ever made.  it's an easy gamble to make because i know you would give me more than i ever started with.  it's ridiculous that you move my heart more than anyone ever has.  it's ridiculous that you become infused into every aspect of my life.  it's ridiculous that this began as a letter to anyone and turned into a letter to only one.  it's ridiculous that some people reading this still think i am listing things worthy of ridicule.  perhaps these things are all still absurd...but i have stopped laughing.  it's ridiculous that even with a broken heart, i will never stop loving people.  it's ridiculous that anyone would even think i could.

I am inopportunely shy.

I cannot apologize because I know this will not change. Like so many moments (in-between unusually hot seasons for instance) the sweat of ceaseless back-and-forth wears heavy on my nerves. I suppose this acts as penance.

The process of a ***** analysis, for those unaware, is as follows:
—Drive an unusually long distance
—Enter a dingy storefront as quickly and quietly as possible
—Pay your $20 ****-cup processing fee at a counter that smells nonironically of cups of ****
—1)Wash your hands, then 2) lift your shirt, then 3) drop your pants
—Put your mind on Do Not Disturb as you try to pull focus from the man pretending he is not staring at your *****
—Urinate (following an uncomfortably long drought)

When considering all possible alternatives, this is easy. It is benign in all respects. And yet, for the life of me, I cannot shake these shoulders free of worry. Too easy to indulge the mind and its vice-grip on the body.

We aren't ever really in control, are we?

frustration
*******
she'd make love if she knew
if she could
if she would
when her life seems to spiral down
mental capacities limited more and more
she sips a little 80 proof
packs another bowl and waits for
life
   to
    BEGUN
listens to music that reminds her of beautiful boys
that have long gone
moved on
beautiful boys they dance and sing play music together
in her dreams all of them
together smiling faces
cheating messes
probation
with some hesitation
she'd make love if she could
life
frustration
make love to a bar of soap
it's all you got
they ended short short relationship with a parting wish
"go **** yourself, *****"
...and as she stands in shower
wonders if they'd feel satisfied
if they knew she did exactly that
it's all she has
one parting wish
and a bar of soap

Dear BECHER, you tell me to mix with mankind;
  I cannot deny such a precept is wise;
But retirement accords with the tone of my mind:
  I will not descend to a world I despise.

Did the Senate or Camp my exertions require,
  Ambition might prompt me, at once, to go forth;
When Infancy’s years of probation expire,
  Perchance, I may strive to distinguish my birth.

The fire, in the cavern of Etna, conceal’d,
  Still mantles unseen in its secret recess;
At length, in a volume terrific, reveal’d,
  No torrent can quench it, no bounds can repress.

Oh! thus, the desire, in my *****, for fame
  Bids me live, but to hope for Posterity’s praise.
Could I soar with the Phoenix on pinions of flame,
  With him I would wish to expire in the blaze.

For the life of a Fox, of a Chatham the death,
  What censure, what danger, what woe would I brave!
Their lives did not end, when they yielded their breath,
  Their glory illumines the gloom of their grave.

Yet why should I mingle in Fashion’s full herd?
  Why crouch to her leaders, or cringe to her rules?
Why bend to the proud, or applaud the absurd?
  Why search for delight, in the friendship of fools?

I have tasted the sweets, and the bitters, of love,
  In friendship I early was taught to believe;
My passion the matrons of prudence reprove,
  I have found that a friend may profess, yet deceive.

To me what is wealth?—it may pass in an hour,
  If Tyrants prevail, or if Fortune should frown:
To me what is title?—the phantom of power;
  To me what is fashion?—I seek but renown.

Deceit is a stranger, as yet, to my soul;
  I, still, am unpractised to varnish the truth:
Then, why should I live in a hateful controul?
  Why waste, upon folly, the days of my youth?

Strange, except true.
Some folks refuses to face the real truth.
Whenever asked, who profited more from racism?

Since Civil War and probably before.
We all within the real world know this answer.

Using the politicians present and of the days of old.
They craft legislature to hold back some.
Just like laws created to banned throw from counters and selected water fountains.
Where the water were the same color?

So, who profited more from racism?

Presently, we heard "Black Lives Matter" which isn't against any particular group.
But as with any controversy some complains and miss the point.
Which were addressing verdicts decided by juries in courts.

Where some are dead on?
And others completely wrong.
Then like a Four Tops songs "It's The Same Old Song".
The power that be always complains they being done wrong.

Without addressing, who profited more from racism?
Families with good connection.
Where their child should be serving time?
Instead on probation seeking some type treatment.
Because the power of wealth works decisive in those decision.

Facts, has been written and analyzed several times.
That white often don't how to handle conflicts with others.
Then when you bring this up.
Many use the reverse racism tricks.

Failing to comprehend many white judges courts decision that got off many.
We seen this in Alabama and Mississippi during the sixties.
And continue to in the present.
If up for votes whites would revert back to segregation.

Cause been on a competing level they finding out education truly matters.
Then they had better schools in the past.
And was the creator of white flight.

But history has pointed out during days of old they terrorized blacks during the nights.

So who profited off of racism?
Of course this is just one person's question?

The history—you and me—
it's carved in sandstone
               
                   I've taken to asking
                            Scheherazade myself

As though capital-T time cones
into a chisel of wind with which
to strike its flattest face

                  There was a time I thought
                            you had taken to the idea
                   of leaving me and there
                            is naught to blame for
                   that but myself

There is little evidence to believe
in history on loop until you've again
been consumed by blindness and
fear and utterly sick of yourself

                    The one person you're with
                             every waking second

Just thinking can—at ***** times—
be an act of self-negation

You told me you loved me and
I felt it in your breath

I need no prompt to zone out and dissociate or become unattached.

At nighttime, creaks of wood tinker like tall tales. There is less I can see. I am too reliant on my eyes to tell the whole story. Sound is a sightless animal. The house I live in was probably built in the 1960s and I've noted it doesn't croon with the wind like other places.

Does speech require a mind? The human voice cannot be as massive an instrument as we make it. As wholly self-serving creatures, do we hear ourselves between cracks in this patchwork planet?

Is midnight just a silly word for numbers, like any other?

An empty house reclaimed by nature and subject to her laws has no want of questions and answers. Shapes are not made whole by human voice. If I could speak to my great-grandmother now, as I did six days before her death, would she tell me what she always told me? Would she wish I'd go back to church?

Raindrops paint my window a blurry gray. There is not a straight line to see through. Each ripple, and in it a reflection. I can piece it back together; I can see my small self seeing through it, and contains therein some middleplace that continues to escape me.

A full moon is hidden. Missouri is covered by clouds, like a wet blanket. The house will creak under water's weight , and when the clouds disperse and nighttime sings brighter it will creak still. This house is not a thing of nature.

It should not be here.

How to apologize, how to apologize
for so many things at once when,
regardless of my words, the world
will spin at a constant speed.

The bees we chain to their nature
and pull their spoils for ourselves:
they were not the first sign.

The trees that fall without hands,
if only they could catch themselves.

We squabble as the concrete dries.

Hard to imagine life by candlelight.

Dinner and reading, days of rain.
Fire and its heat. I am used to candles with scents:
grapefruit and fir; eucalyptus mint; tobacco leaf;
sea salt and chamomile; red hibiscus flower.
Hold your hand inches above the flame, feel its itch.

The wick of a wax bedside candle can burn
unevenly and flake at its edges. The wax will
pool at the base of the wick, a reservoir of scents.

For millennia this wick was rapture, a flame
lighting moonless nights and lightly warming
little spaces. We made fire stay put, gave it a
finite life and watched it burn away from top
to bottom until it was dark once more.

Now we light the world with gaudy neon,
pulsing blisters and hulking electric strobes
that do not change. Cold fire in a glass bottle.

These fitful wicks have been replaced by manlight.

*****,
But didn't you know,
Know who the hell you were talking to,
Like that?
*****,
I'll beat the **** out of you,
I'm done holding it all back,
I'm show my self and,
Get put on probation,
Again,
But *****,
Who the hell you talking to like that? ✋

my life is hella fun right now
you like to sing in the shower
while i try to cook food in the kitchen
mornings are great, leftovers are greater
and you want some, you always want
some in the morning
and i feel the breeze for the first time

people say i'm weird but hey
i'm from ohio
and everyone is weird here
go outside and forget to wear some pants
but i rock plaid got two more
weeks til i’m off probation
been writing too long and now i’m
saying just don’t mess things up

you didn't quite break me in two yet
the slow nights walking around
you not taking me out on dates
never bothered me at all

hope you're not
giving the memories away to the birds
my hair is getting too long, been living lately
the shoes at the door, i'm running outside barefoot
you say i look fine
and everything is so simple around you
i wonder where to give your love away
because there's still a part of me that feels for you

had my birthday last year, the worst day of my life
probation over dumb things
picked up poetry, you say you love it
alone in the house without you

It is said a trait of an
inadequate man is his
reluctance to admit
that he has done wrong.

You are human and that too
is a hard thing to admit. The
armor you’ve donned and
fastened has loosed at its
straps.

The English word care
stems from the Latin curae
which is remarkably close to
cure. I thought you might
like to hear Latin because it
was common for you to tell
me to Seize the day.

It was some summer in August
or something and the coarse
brown mound of dirt aside the
house had caught rain and
muddied.

We played King of the Hill
and I can remember thinking
what a waste it was to, for a
few fickle seconds, be royalty.