The stage was set the little untalented ***** monkeys gathred like bizzar attention seeking ****** all for the title of Hello Poetry's top poet.
But enough with the weird named carbon copy poets who now **** the charts im just saying im a little bitter. Lets take a look at the judges you silly little donkeys.
It was a who's who of people who actully were something that what in the real world we like to call original. Jack yes the loveable kinda ******* ****** who deep down would probaly have more in common with Jack the Ripper than Lord Byron im just saying.
Baths yes the queen of Hello and i'd be a smart *** now but im scared she'd hurt me and not in a good way not that im into pain dam you Marv Albert i never knew the tijuanna brass were so freaky.
Chris Smith the poet the model the all around hansome devil with a heart of gold you go girl.
Phil Roberts the silent yet down right evil arch enemy of all things sweet and pure finally off probation and his meds. Still the restraining order was in full effect thank God Barney that devil worshiping dinosuar was no where in site and as long as the voices in Phils head were happy we were all safe.
And the man the myth the pervert drunken ******* of Hello. Just back from his recent vist to Shady Pines resort slash mental institution. Gonzo along with his court ordred doctor . Dr Jerry Who held many degree's in bartending,Massage therapy with happy endings,And chemistry yes he was a real busy ******* slash drug fiend okay dealer. What a girl has her needs.
Sitting at the judges table it was the usal chatter how are you. Nice ***'s hey Phil put down the knife. Jack wear did you get that muzzle and straight jacket? Baths reminding me she didnt wanna have to use the pepper spray like at the Hello christmas party.
Gonzo pouring his wild turkey. Dr Jerry yelling hey just what do you think your doing? What are ya drinking by yourself? Good point you silly ******* so after four strong drinks some lines of uhh sinus powder from Columbia they dont just make records to my suprize we were off like lindsy lohan on a drug I mean well a drug run.
The first couple of guys read there genitic poems all of which were like taco bell food.It pretty much would either give you food poisening or the ****'s.
Person after person read there poetry the drinks poured people gave there opinions Chris well the poem was great just maybe pace it better.
Baths giving another deep comment that was always welcome that and the contestants outta sheer fear knew not to cross her cause **** happens after dark around here and the Hello dumpster is filled with not just bottles of wild turkey yeah remember Drew? Exactly.
Jack gave a long muffled comment that must have surely been brillant someone should really remove that dam muzzle.
Phil goddamed dinosuar i'll teach him for playing hard to get. oh yeah he'll like it he'll like it real good oh look a puppy dog.
Okay kinda weird but well yeah.
Then the attention turned to the attention grabing little ***** of Hello no not Gary ****** man. the only G that matters beside's spot Gonzo.
Well I think you need to lean more into the microphone when you read and um well to relax show more clevage. And may I say if that was a samba it totally ****** 1 star.
The room and other judges must have been amazed by my depth for they were all silent. Dr Jerry aplauded dam he really knew how to fill out that cheerleading outfit we really needed to take a fishing trip im just saying male bounding is okay sometimes just ask Phil.
The people kept rolling in i slept through most of the mens readings the women because im a gentleman and a scholar I had DR Jerry give my card cause if Ican help inspire and guide maybe cuddle fresh hot young poets im all for it I know what your saying yes I am giving back to the Hello community and not just STD's and hangovers.
But enough with the foreplay finally with the tension built up like little catholic school girls waiting for there savior Justin Bieber to make a appearence it was time.
Who was Hello's top new poet. The short little **** ******* slash napoleon of hello walked to the mic. And after several attempts at reaching it one of his many assistants slash friends with benfits of staying on the charts forever assumed the possition. So he could stand on there back and talk in the mic. Get your mind outta the gutter.
The winner is for there poem the Gentic. There began a rumble beside me ****** Dr Jerry stop jerking off were public man.
But it wasnt my dealer I mean doctor . It was My fashion forward amigo Jack. The rumbling continued slowley the straps began to snap as his color changed to red once would have been to green if not for copyright infrigement dam you king kong.
The red devil burst from his restraints like a stripper off a four week ******* binge let loose at Macdonalds. tables flew clothes were ripped. Bathe's yelled at the top of her lungs look ****** I have a tazer so if you try to cop a feel i'll use it. Must have been talking to Phil or Chris.
I knew what to do in this chaos i quickly ran with the special talent of Hello to my dressing room DR Jerry emergency bring wild turkey duct tape a video camera a inflatable swimming pool some jello mix and a Kenny G cd and some roofies . Im kidding I never listen to Kenny G.
The screams were that of a german shapard ripping a smurf to shreads. Help me plaese mommy I almost felt sorry for Eliot. But i did what a true gentleman slash long winded journalist does in these time's. Sat back with some cocktails and enjoyed some jello wrestling opps I think the tickle monster is loose.
Me first me first ****** Phil well if it keeps the voices at bay why the **** not. We laughed we danced Jack Horner bathed in Eliots blood. While Chris said please stop including me in these ****** stories Gonzo.
While Baths kept her tazer in hand and dry white wine in the other. Much like a bad habbit I grow on you. Jack looked at me as old brothers in shared insanity often do. Hey Gonzo when ya gonna end this one mate? Hey amigo as soon as ya get that *** on stage and close the show with a lady gaga preformance.
The *****, the *******, the Brits,And Gonzo, With his doctor slash roadie slash personal man servant bartender who could ask for anything more than a purple dinosaur's head on a platter but enough about Phil.
Untill next time Stay Crazy Kids. Gonzo.
Im back ******* and back to being a true gentleman of Hello. Okay more like the lovable **** slash drunken perve you all love okay tolerate cheers