life is never what it seems to be, always reoccuring with a thought as put upon the length of arms that revolutionize this thought. . .for those that can be bought,
is day like today less then feeling of want to rot, because so simple as a breeze brought down your temperment to be pleased. . .caught in a storm, that has outlasted
longer then your heart to feel content and warm, to feel the essence of a breath among a group of bad breaths, in other words, to breath among a group of brothers and sisters
from whom you can gain so much. But life is never what it seems to be, instead you look yourself in the mirror pointing at me, you, fool. Glowing from ragging frustration,
the toll blows for you unsurpassable deflation, because it is not for your hand that grows for the motion, to pick which ******* **** you want to lotion. Spearing the reasons,
the ego is your hero, born to work zero, and trusted with such hand to uphold all by command. To twist on the ****, that opens your door, to circumstances i certainly care less
the **** to continue to explore. But with this slight little mention, please pay close attention because this song is a *****. At least to explain the message, my whole is a
whole that takes life time to experience and grow, and appreciate the things that stoop all the levels around me, no barrier, no door, just genuine life experience to bring me
to come to this point to explain to the world something within the self, that is described by astute persons, for whom these ideas carry on to fulfill an immense part of
something that is casually slipped in and never thought about because it is told within reason that humanity cannot be without such astute person's idealogy. For **** sake my
friend, if your have many common sense, think of the common thing that has driven you to come to the conclusion that you have come to about anything. Everything is absolute and
existent and is evoked through the means. . .from the time of your dissapating freedom, as kids, not as adults, because look at how adults are this days. They teach their kids,
and they let others teach their kids, but the kids never get the feeling of being free. I promiss you, that cry or emotion you have experienced due to lack of friendliness from a
neighboring ****, it is an instillement that sparks up many motions of your life to believe into bizarre things the world portrays. For myself, I find the starting point of my
when I first breathed my first sensible air, when I walked in my own two feet without guidance as to where my eyes were seeing. How can a mind be so tender, lost by the misconformed
train thogh after train thought. That is why I find schooling such a fascinating ruthless thing that can be broken into several fashions as to why is that case. But not even
reason to fashion an answer that I know will and is definetly can be viewed to abhold a societal dismark of "wF"is wrong with that guy's mind. He must be **** casing a storm to
bring an ideaology of thought or some **** religion, but that's what so funny to me. I find everything in life comedic, non concerning except at times if I feel similar to
someone adjacent because that is their essence in my prescence, and I feel the need to comfort it, to bring back the importance of that self. The part of life I find so comedic,
how bits and bits and everything with **** have all so many fascinating
things to learn from, the progression of one's mind never attains self worth in the world with something interfering. That something interfering for example, is me personally
writing what is can be taken as pointless and presenting my writing to you how I say I do. But did I say how I am presenting this writing, absolutely not. So brings the funny,
that school teaches the aspect of disfigurament of a person's essence. This thing is a complete oblivion to everything and anything, that because even though I did not specify
how I tone myself on this paper, there is the predicament to assume that I am very angry deranged person who but pokes charasmatically at something no one can grip, because he
is portraying me the image the way I was bred to see. But then it is so **** funny, you can also take my words describing
all that I intend to explain and stick them against me to simplify your circumstances as to the causitive feeling your experiencing, and maybe the confusion that I am creating
noting a significant point that I do write intentionally without any figurative wording, just simply talking about this to evoke a presence of an essence within you that is hindered,
by what type of **** everybody is wearing, where they are starring, who is ******* and adoring, and who's simply the **** because they don't fit in a deranged group, developed by
ego-centric level stingers, who but want either good for you, or it is the drive to profit from you everything. That is, words blah blah, can take stroll
on one day's role and make no complete sense, and all they did were live the sense of a tangled mind that fostered on what has been in some form, taught, over
what you can call a lively existence, considering how much traumatizing headaches this could cause, and resembled among a group of similar constituents with similar reasons
as to whatever the situation might be. I could point this out within one sentence, but it wouldn't hold any deeper understanding of this essence, so instead I decide with all
my reasoning and tremendous experience that even to some, even at this gritty expertisians who grease up the world to guess everything based on study and reasoning by other humans,
who believe all these ideas are shifters to the mind but always stem the relentless, functioning without any perspectives open to the idea that mold humans into one spatial and far better
so called community, which in all it's case has lost the essence to preserve the self without a ***** on the back. That ***** of course is the communal ****, that builds from a
trigger of words, then they teach the brain as if it is known how to be as a functioning unit. The amount doesn't matter, the amount that is thought brings hope, but the most
amount to the self is the function of you, like I feel I function amongst anyone because I have come to terms and realize what really important things I have learned from my life.
My life to some is gripping, only because it sounds unbelievable, but of that life I found the same driving forces that drive madness even today, and has been reaccuring for as
long as some form of expression has been. And in all humiliation of humanity, or as I consider it digression of being self around the bounds of comfortability, it has been
a grand experience to see many a people transgress from the point of my meeting them with a continuous contact to the point of now, and then, and future plausible. But then
and future plausible for me stand out as notions needless of evocations due to the fact that the self is a dwindling factor hung by a rope to swing the way the self first portrayed
to me, and then to the direction away from the first encountered mind. But in all, without senseless ignorance, I do understand these things are studied for a reason, for a reason
that is workable to be as they are for some variables do affect person's in many different way. That is why, the sense of one roof and too many aloof is but a big spoof. With
sensibility, how can forging something into your life help you to achieve greatness within self to portray it in a manner plausible. The only way is as a current flows, so do
the gulls.



where do you. . .come from. . .so many leagues unbeknownst among my dreams.
life is never what it seems. . .until i met your eyes.. . that built
my stongest implication, dire in desire to live a life inspired. . .
but then so is, to dream upon what tends on building motivation. . .
life is beautiful sensation. . .
from the first rainfall with you meeting outside spontaneous realm. . .
we fought the solemn wind to calm our cumbered spirits. . .taking flight,
fighting what might have been. . .semeless to even entertain. . .lost in
each others warmness. . .everything we built tended harmless.

now see how we have. . .related to each other's hearts. . .left the scrutinity
at obscurity prolonged on scale of mirror. . .where it has always belonged.
now it's just time darling
i promiss it wont be long until our roots bind the maximum strong.

from even across the plains, and mountain long trip stains. . .i feel
less pain. . .from what's the phrase non loose then gain, consorting time
absorbing each other's essence in rhyme.
the deepest of sensation of you. . .the meekest of me, makes me be the simple thing
that i've reconnected to . . .to realize, the sensation of you. . .from our first
encounter, i felt deep into your eyes. . .what agree's none behind with lies. . .
you evoked the deepest motion within my sphere of emotion not to betray myself within
this realm and dark frivolous potion. . .for my first set of emotion set on your tone behind
this potion. . .

i face you eye for an eye of every day until i die, but will ever will i die. . .not with you
never. . .darling angel, angel you are my expressive tone to call you so. . .nothing more
is the essense of you that you seem to implore, how busy life must be. . .we need feel free
to good ridance from this fee that life doesn't instill our good griefs beyond simple joys and beliefs. . .
for simply darling we are each other's heart beats, if it's simple smell of you
i will carry out my deeds in hell. . .beneath on hearth this earth, where all of us have been given
birth. . .but sent to spend what is driven by multipolluted cord, the time in blunt approach from
the thing that planted our roots. . .

how i feel you is simply too rich for some dirt to enrich you. . .i simply love and cherish
every bit of your essence, it has lifelong presence that even doing what they call
reminiscing, can't surpass living without missing what they have been reminiscing. . .
i cherish you beyond what little faith can teach about having bigger faith, when all my hopes
ride faithful slopes without elongated stops and rope bearing hopes. . .
my life i see to the extent to remorse only what some feel beyond scope of too openly. . .
but how can i retreat on what i can't stop to feel to protect you from, to their heads we are getting closely. . .
how in the scope of your first essence, can i give up to give way to ruin such pure essence. . .

i understand the world makes a feeling for such pure feeling is counted by blessings. . .
and in order for us to make it, that thought i feel senseless baking . . .constant roll of assorted
reasons for why we bleed to them treasons . . .for how can i express, how simple love doesn't
just digress, or something with time you invest. . .it's simply have been a joy of building
together a foundation for our nest. . .**** the rest. . .**** the pest. . .the world is the best
when sleepers are put to rest and the spark of commune are dwellers dwelling on these mischivers'
locked up chest. . .
to find out that darling. . .you simply are a joy to give me whole, that i'm not uninspired troll
reluctant to breath beside the one he placed his greed upon. . .or her, or it. . but all the essence
is closed and beat, by some known with ideals humanity can't consider too farfetched to bare to grit. . .
and sway to the essence that i hold in my glances. . .are as simple as these branded constructed norms
that most tend to manipulate and distort to one contorted form. . . .so all can bend into one socket for 365
degree view that most tend to agree. . .but never really see.

i know it's many there with this essense around the breeze of an aura, that simply are stranded too far apart by such horror.. .
to relent their essence with their prescence. . .to whom Barbarians find the essence is planted full on messes.
but how can we relate to such things darling. . .when the first glow of your essence showed me life full
of memories by the smile in your eyes, glowing beauty of any sort. . .i feel the world will someday . . .
take flight. . .in my way, but **** that. . .i'm to speak when my message is too simple, provoked only by the
thought, "protect the world its miser mother has been beaten". . .i can never relent, the message that is never
but to contradict what's life has not eaten. . .because of the times put to squares, living life, fostering a step back, into recluce. . .these biches wont even
say cause their too ****. . .to figure out that there's a worrior to stump them pleaded sheets out of wood. . .
i say this out for your sarcasm, elongated this song a bit to give you big ******. . .so when you repose, you
think nothing but what side are the pro's. . .and enter them into oblivion, grasping each by the billion, how
can i repose for i know, without one word it is and has been always come down to the special chosen million. . .

because my darling, i feel the miser that this essence in me you inspire, is up and target for no good. . .for
these pleaded fockers granted themselves unrelentless priveleges for centuries, changing diepers to giving
blood diamond marriages. . .riding on what they call prestine carriages. . .oh what,you don't recognize this
what the world has come to building from everybody's demise. . .feeding on high rise. . .splitting cots in the
rots, most alluded with plots and continued building upon the essence of you, keeping you stewed, brewing up a flu. . .
to this day when i met you. . .
will never cease your memory by only that it was circumstance. . .romance among thieves denying our chance to dance. . .
with one glance, their world just plopped a chance. . .for i know they know who im refering to, without a glance
i'm sure they feel my stance just to look **** eyed puking. . .**** blocking their world to rocking, while else where goes to foster under
this ugly monster. . .stooped on a porch ******* their air, without any underwear. . .haha must be due to how
much pull goes to their hair. . .how do i, they feel ****** diddlidy ****, what, is this person a human or a
restored frame of mind living. . .i can't be what's in my eyes to be believing, but i simply am retarted man. . .
a ******* rough psychological fighting bluff, to them i would. . .but trust me, how could i in my life, i
never could.. . .fall to false pretention, that life is a great invention, that my desire's are for simple
hires. . .for i know my life evolves around that which your first essence, darling, we built stronger everyday
to our future of what we call present. . .

life with you, i simply can't resent. . .but figure out what's best
to make what we don't need to make. . . because the essence uproots life's shrivel of what they call romances. . .
rooting upward from the seed we planted on the day people deside to bleed
all over the notion, that this emotion they conquered stems from shot of elixir handed down from the heavens by
some they call cupid fixer. . .relentless, they push through many dances. . .all so strained and constricted by many
glances, restricting their free essence to feel in whole their life is shot down by simple messes. . . .
but you, none taken, broken and mistaken. . .how can simple things be so. . .when you know my essence for you is
far greater then what one instance can remark for the whole, i feel simply. . .protect you from their hole and
bind you with my essence that strives in whole. . .even through tormenting lonely dances. . .when i saw the world an ugly form. . .
nowhere to want to run to, or feel
resentment.. . where's life going to go. . .if my essence in a whole feeds you. . .away to their
mysterious goal. . .i wouldn't have the patience to ***** their abnormal pretence, as if life is sweet with
such mysterious fowl. . .create little thought to create bigger picture, many aditions just create tensities
among those who bicker, loosing control each time only quicker. . .that's why it's never lesser to speak for the lesser
dresser, or the person they showed you, that looked like he ******* told you, but instead they made the mistake
to grow lower. . . cowering even bolder. . . what **** is the point of that. . .to say it none meeker as if its meant to outcast the bleeker
. . .i'm not that so. . .to scowl like fowl crackhead, loosing self reliance to gr

You fell in love with the
late nights we shared,
just me and you

You fell in love with the
thought of me
being in your prescence

but,
there is no way you have
fallen in love with *me

Embrace me with a smile,
embrace me with a hug.

Embrace me with your prescence,
and i'll embrace you ,
with the memories we had,
before the last time we had embraced goodbye.

Not for every one heavy religious thoughts expressed

This is my declaration of war know it or not we are in a battle life is a battle and when you are the one
Getting stomped on you are in distress and hard pressed to make clear decisions by divine entreaty
We are called onto love one another and that means coming along side and bearing your burden and
Fighting with and for you your life is of many different situations I see mine as a battle field medic and
One who reports on the fighting I am like my friend in the service who came back from Nam before he
Was a medic but the Cong fixed that now he fought fires along side with the the rest of us but we were in the
Bathroom cleaning up after a fire he had his shirt off and when you were in his prescence his nature
Was more than just fragile he was damaged in a life altering sense now I understood as I looked at
Several bullet holes wounds on his chest and back that had to be fixed by skin grafts it mapped his love
Of country and when boys his age lie wounded and dying they holler medic and then before dying they
Gently weep calling on their precious mother far away that always is mending their hurts but this time
Jesus and His angels rush in to stand by and guard with their love and by lifting up this tired and finished
Warrior wrapped in old glories beautiful red white and blue taking him where a flag that stands in the
Center of glory land it emblem is a lamb slain on a cross blooded and wounded from his love of his lost
Children tears from here to heaven float in the great blackness of our universe perpetually it goes along
With this Quote from Keats they never end either his lines says “A thing of beauty is a joy forever its
Loveliness increases it will never pass into nothingness” another is two hearts beat as one if you think
I’m insincere my tears just fell writing these lines causing hurt again for my wife that must listen but I
Rush to your bleeding wounded hearts on a spiritual battle field my bandages are tear soaked to wrap
Your wounds as you have cried help medic I cry Jesus in this scene depicts from Daniel Gabriel had come
To Daniel’s battle field after Daniel had prayed and fasted twenty one days this is a familiar your story to
Most but his is what I want to share it says I heard a man’s voice from the Ulai river calling Gabriel tell
This man the meaning of the vision and it goes on to say this was an angel of higher rank come to assist
This is another item in my medical bag to help the unknown comes into view in the army there is a chain
Of command it is true of the army of God as well you lay wounded God flashes your call of need through
The spirit world in your case who is reading this you see me only but as the prophet of old faced an army
Of men he feared nothing as he looked on the mighty host of heaven arrayed and fully armed for battle
He was the only one that stood between the deaths of these enemies who as you and I only see the
Immediate through writing beautiful words and revealing unseen powers I’m going to give you the
Power to not be afraid not just words but heavenly beings as your vanguard from your knees alone the
Enemy will be put to flight this still comes from looking down a familiar street and in my mind’s eye
Seeing your pain and suffering at that moment I was alone in the dark car but worse I felt helpless
And alone the thing I did right through great tears and pain I cried and asked God to help me to help
Others this is a first in a series to do that very thing one last thing I offer another angel encounter
This my own at home in California I lost my Job for some reason I had to go to the bank what fun
Money becomes scarce as meat on a skeleton and I go where it is stacked sky high well as I walked
Outside and set on the bench away from everyone and everything a man walked up he looked familiar
In this since his clothes looked the way I felt they had seen better days and the special thing he was
Caring a book just a paperback but it looked like the one I carried I never go out without a book and
Lot of times I carry a bag full of them he was friendly easy to listen to he told me that he lived in
The hills our towns entry sign and letter head from the city depicts hills the highest Mission Peak
As he talked my pressure and wild thoughts settled though we were setting in the sun I felt a comfort
You find setting under a great oak I’m not flipping and I’m not advocating hugging trees but I feel
The angel was said to speak from the river not a stretch everything in this world is controlled by God
First his word alone holds it altogether but beyond that with the extensive reading I have done it
Clearly shows angels are first in charge of your lives and your safety but all living things are under their
Charge and in a minute I’m going to include two pieces that speak of hill and a great Oak well as all
Things do our visit ended and then I knew the person who I had been talking wasn’t a man after all
When he said he stayed in the hills meant a lot more I come to this conclusion because this man
Interested me in my turmoil he pops up and leaves me with a feeling of well being and then the facts
Bare it out we were sitting by this building that sets by itself at a good distance you have small trees that
A rabbit couldn’t hide behind and every direction is open country well I fiddled with my book
For the briniest moment I guess I was thinking about his I look up and he is gone someone comes into
Your life and touches you well one last look would be nice I didn’t run but I briskly walked to the end
Of the building I was already at this end he was nowhere to be found shortly after this I wrote this
Piece about our church and the church yard just up the street the hills flank the length of the city
See if you think his presence lingers and flows on to the page on last thing because of an affliction
I am only allowed twenty minutes at a time on the computer legs and feet problem I spent five hours
The other day no sleep that night so elated all day and my wife made care giver gives me a taste of
Ireland as she screams for me to get off I ran over an hour and a little try to write with the scream of
A banshee behind you this was supposed to be a small piece I never write twelve hundred words I said
That to say can’t check for errors you can have fun finding my mistakes will fix on my next allotted time
You can’t take this to the bank to the bank but I think I suffer from another common malady it’s called
Being hen pecked but it the good kind of hurt here is the church piece then the Oak

Shadow of Eden
In this savage land we call home
There is a pastoral valley that has the richest texture of heaven
This treasured sheep gate beckons tenderly says welcome
These hills and slopes the repository of our hopes
The savior poised in their gentle steeps, for the city weeps
Sweet spirit that fills this natural expanse soft as the breeze
Each tired weary soul you refresh with a quiet hush
We are shown the wisdom of not being in a rush
Unseen pillars tower revealing your mighty power
Written on the pillars at the world side is come unto me
On the church side seek the lost at any cost
The Devil expresses defiance the church makes Heaven her alliance
Wayward souls tormented seeking an oasis dying of thirst
Today we fill these pots of clay and determine to go out of our way
Seeking those that hunger and thirst by this Christ we manifest
To the world the church is ghostly not completely visible
It shimmers as though it isn’t real blindly they feel about
In your life they find solid ground clear of the mist
They finish a terrible journey now they feed from all their needs freed
No longer exhausted from continually milling about
The Sheppard stands holy watch and cast a confidant shadow
In this respite feeding and richly nourished they grow strong
Gladness quietly cascades from spiritual hills of splendor
By angles man sees more than just the coarse and obvious he sees the heart of all living things
That reveals the heart and Genius of the one that made it all a great package that each newborn
Finds he tears a way layer upon layer of wrappings love joy hope possibility of dreams that await
And so much more your I just added this you’re never too old to go back to that place where
Wonder still remembers you its polite to revisit in fact it is required for good health and a
Positive mind where is it now where else would human birth occur except at angel central

Lost Friend
This is just a few lines written to celebrate the generations of one Paso Robles family, and their parallel existence with one of nature’s monarchs that was destroyed in recent storm.
You will always remain in my mind.
I can’t remember when you weren’t watching.
Tall strong, graceful shade the bewitching kind.
Long ago a fellow relative started your stately reign.
This our home place he surveyed.
His eye, the land did fill with awe.
From this bond through a lowly seed he prayed
Bless this spot; many a day has he spoken from the oak.
Grandeur over stretched grandmother’s dwelling.
We could only marvel at thy great strength.
From your great silence serenity you were telling.
Shot and blasted against the sky, fireworks of wood.
Clothed in rough hardened bark
what comfort and wisdom you inspired.
Who understands the wonder, my soul you did mark
your size triggered the greatest gift, curiosity.
Branches the wind passing through what mournful cry
Nature’s tune sublime given to delight as only a sad ballad can evoke
Nothing else should try
To match violins in the sky.
My eyes see it in a grand sweep
The ground brought forth a stately wooden crown
Of blackest oak to stand tall and steep
A gentle giant to greet the wayward wind.
Two divergent seeds the ground did divide.
One of wooden grain the other flesh and blood
their branches throughout the community do abide
as charming as church bells ringing, touching all.
And just one more in case you need it friend if you don’t get it
I have lived through some hell in my live now I think it’s time to return
The favor I’m going to give hell all the heat I can that is white heat of love to the suffering
And oh so awful to him but his fire is going to gage on these pages like the fires I used to
Fight in the service as a servant to my country now I’m your servant and I’m fired up I fought
Bullies all through school now I plan to fight the biggest one for you

Sorry I think you could use some granite in your fight

Vaulted sky
Shaded canyon breathtaking heights does the angry wind speak if so in a whisper the granite peaks austere and bleak seem to frown on the trees and lowly grass lands with their fertility and ease of growth. While he the monarch bristling with his cold barren armor of granite invites the stares the awe inspired gratitude of nature and mortal man he knows there dreams and thoughts how many have stood at the edge of wonder on his brow with fainted hearts. Their thoughts drift out and away ever upward reaching the clouds filled and clothed with mountain air brightly they are displayed in these untamable rays. Voices of the ancient ones still echo their wisdom still resounds in the summer thunder they visited and released many a tortured soul. Before Blind they stood before the closed door of their minds knowing there is a path but where can it be found. Riches unbound await the searcher who will go to any and all lengths to conquer unbelief freedom his guiding star he walks in great shadows. Mountainous men Jefferson Lincoln his stalwart companions stand with grandest stature takes from the mountain those teachings not found in musty universities. Thoughts born on creations morn formed and laid on this rocky foundation now for centuries they have bore the weight this colossus purified they are words more noble than gold. Share them invest them in the borderless world of human kind that circle the globe. Moses was familiar and consorted with mountains the angel made one his sepulcher. Waste not the golden hours they are the thread that sows life’s most exquisite moments together making a life. Turn aside seek the heights they will give you respect and honor words will flow that are uncommon they will fit any and all circumstances filling the empty void where hearts bleed without ceasing. Your voice will be like the cool mountain breeze soothing filled with substance and comfort.

Well three hours must I tell you in the dog house and no feathers left it was worth it for me
I hope for you too

Where God passes
The edge of forever where raw power is displayed
Walk the seascapes enter the story told in timelessness except for outer space it is the only place where man finds his mind freed so steep is the unending awe that without question he finally is able to present his self as the tiny speck lost is all ego all self importance he is open to the quest for ultimate truth. You perfect you’re thinking at the sea shore it is a storehouse that lends itself to grand thoughts no limitations hamper your endeavors aliveness engulfs you totally. Subdued moods excavate every shallow you start a down ward decent the deep cries out to your soul the part that never can be accessed on shore. The ground a foundation for raising up temporal structures your needs are served in waters that open as a mysterious gate the deeper the fathoms the more understanding is released. To abide in calm surface features of the sea what a waste take off the restraints become a voyager drift with churning twisting pressures they will give great reward for accosting your accustomed staid and uneventful living. Go deeper the mundane the so called important will be forced through your very pores as you continue calling the unknown manifest itself with great scrolls hidden beyond reach to those that plod along the sunny quiet banks. Life test all men you can face them unafraid armed with years not minutes of preparedness found alone in the struggle only found at sea. Pondered Plumbed in inexorable conditions that stretches changes a person’s character his stature tempered fired as steel in the caldron. We need leaders vibrant thinkers people who can and will accost hell in the very near future and come away victorious. They will have found their way through the untold deadly entanglements figuratively and real their not accustomed to ease and know perils at close quarters they learned them in great waters not in pools that have not the ability to stir you to your core you’re going to pour out your life in one form or another do it with sand and grit leave a scarred an effectual trail for others to follow not the light untraceable light footsteps of one who has never lived.

When Jesus walked away from my i didn't care
In my life, he had never really been there
Just a force I confessed to once a week
I didn't miss his prescence

In my life, he had never really been there
Like a deadbeat daddy who never cared
I didn't miss his prescence
He's departure hurt, but not enough

Like a deadbeat daddy who never cared
He let mother, brother, sister fall
He's departure hurt, but not enough
He was never there to begin with

He let mother, brother, sister fall
I don't think he ever cared or loved
He was never there to begin with


I don't think he ever cared or loved
In my life, he had never really been there
Just a force I confessed to once a week
When Jesus walked away from me I didn't care

You are present
Your presence
you are here
at present
with me
Being present
with both of us
just our presences
By this present time.

Because we are here
Given by the ‘fate’
of that ‘timing’
That this ‘particular’
occurrence of presence
‘allowed’ us both
to be at present.

© B HF-Whisper
4/6/2022-11:56PM

If we know what pain feels like why would we want another person to feel it?
Why would we be the cause of it?
I cried for you, you watched, you heard.
You saw my eyes light up in your prescence,
You saw the lights reflect in my tears.
How can you pull me in time and time again?
just to let me go
To treat me as an extra in your movie, to cross me out where I no longer fit.
How can you decide what's love if you don't know my heart?
Why would you bring me this far just to drop me off here?
We all just need someone to be there, and I was there, whenever, however you needed.
I was a friend.
I showed compassion.
I sacrificed just to bring you happiness, I showed compassion to your heart.
For some reason my feelings lost value. I lost that compassion friends usually give.
I lost you, but really you never wanted to be found.

you are too familiar with yourself
with your face
your body
your beauty

your reflection is an image skewed from being seen by
your same eyes too often
your confidence is a locked box you keep in the back of
your closet
your smile is more uncomfortable than it is curling and
you've grown to hate the large of your laugh

you are blind to almost all that you are

but just imagine,
for a second
what you look like
to someone who is a stranger

you could be their textbook definition of ideal
their exact description of beautiful and
you wouldn't even know it

imagine for a moment
how your greatness might resonate
with someone who has never been close to that much at once

there have been people in your life who
have attempted to break you into smaller pieces
crush you from whole so you would be easier to swallow

there will always be some who will be unable to see your worth
others who wont be able to handle you
maybe they'll see too much and try to shrink you into less
with the hopes of becoming more themselves

you build yourself quieter each time that you do
you know how to shy away from the prescence of light and
you've settled comfortably in the shadow of day

but there is someone out there waiting to hear your loud
a blank canvas ready to be filled with all of your paint
you will be the exact shade they have spent their entire life trying to find

and when they do
you'll remember that there was a time
before you were taught to see dark
when you could see all of your colors clear
without trying

I know it's not my fault.
But I can't help but feel like it is
The more she got to know the needles and coke
The more I became a joke.
She kept trying to come back to me and my parents knew
They wanted her and I to have nothing to do with eachother
How could I have allowed myself to turn away from you
That little girl who called me mommy because she didn't believe her mother love her.
She'd cry and scream and want her way but I would just hold her head to my chest and rock her back and forth
Because her favorite toy had broke or someone was mean and rude
And yes you were always just one year younger
When we lost each other in the tides of adolescence
We became ripped apart from the other ones prescence
Never giving up the idea that I would always be there for her
She still dips her toes into the water of my life.
Water isn't nourishing unless it's ice

How could you do this?
You cheated on me tonight
How could you not show?

I miss your soft light
A tranquil luminescence
That calms my sad soul

You were always there
A calm, silent companion
A present comfort

I took for granted
Your prescence, beautiful love
And alone, I'm left

In the empty dark
With the all the stars in the sky
But their light is weak

Your nearness I loved
Your great face never laughing
At my tears of woe

Invisible Moon!
You cheated on my tonight
Still, I forgive you

The joy of the fresh sunlight
and the ecstasy of the darkest night
are unexplainable by any word or voice
but can be explained by the silence in the noise

Retreating is the winter's fog and mist
and advancing is the time of a spring
And in the dryest moment of a rain
to the brightest moment of the darksest night
Happiness will prevail

Embrace the greatest moment of life
Abandon all the anxiety
for resting in reward of tranquility
Awaiting the darkest night
to vanish in prescence of light

The remorseless music of river,
as it flows
ending in the sea,reflecting the moon
as it glows
Now the moon glows no more
Comes the Darkest Night,as it came before

You touch my soul,
my heart and my spirit.
When I feel your hands on me
I shiver
No one has ever touched me like that.
You hold me close
I hold my breath
I feel that you are ominpresent.
Your smell, your prescence
is more than I have ever experienced before.
Your touch induces emotions
actions that make me want to stay.
A simple touch.

Im a Sapiosexual
Im attracted to The intelligence of the individual.
So......
Lets get undressed
Let show each other Our Subconscious Nakedness.
Your Dialect had me finessed
While your psyche I delicately caressed

I don't want a few inches of deep stroke *******
Id rather have you treat me with some mental stimulation
I gave you a Chance
And you made my soul dance
With just one glance
We have entered a spiritual romance.

You have Massged my intellect and now my  heart wants to follow.
You have quenched my thirst with the sweetest words I will ever swallow
Every time we Converse
You touch the center of my universe
Even though our relationship is strictly Platonic
I find Your heart, mind, and soul so ******
We have so much Chemistry
Cant you tell by our Energy
Our Eyes speak thier own lingo
They are Beautiful Words silently spoken that  only you and I have learned to know.

Crash! Bang! Boom! As we collide like a car causing multiple wrecks
This is what is sounds like when we have *** and not the kind you had with your ex.
But its everytime we go back and fourth with our emojis, hearts, kisses, and I love you Texts.

Your mind has the greastest allure
Its as fathomless as the ocean floor
Its a beautiful sight to expore
You leave me gasping for air and begging you to let me taste just a little more
I never Felt like this before
I had a cancerous disease and you became My cure.
my souls feels like its deeply connected to yours.
As we take a look into deepest depths of our poetic souls
we try desparately to maintain self control.

Now that I let you come inside and you we're as Joshua's Israelite army you made my walls come tumbling down.
You made me your Queen and I Shined your precious crown.
When Im in your prescence My feet don't even hit the ground.
Its like was lost in the woods alone and then you search high and low until now that I have been found.
Its our frequency kissing passionately
I think its Spiritual Intimacy.

who am i now?

i've been asked "why are you so emotionless?" "why are you so fearless?" many times this past week.
i feel like it's been an infinite amount of times, i lost count.
truth is, i wasn't always like this.

if you were to ask me about my 12-year-old self, oh, you'd think i was the most living, joyful human being on the planet.
always so cheerful. huge smile. with so much desire to live & energy running through my veins, i'd enlighten a whole new world. i'd create supernovas with my laugh & you'd see galaxies in my eyes. a broad & unlimited imagination, i'd take you to new places & worlds you never thought existed. just by my prescence, i'd create an avalanche & turn nightmares into dreams.

if you were to ask me about my 15-year-old self, oh, you'd know that not much changed. just for one thing: that the 12-year-old girl had died. i then was a little older, a little quiter, a little limited.
i wasn't able to create supernovas anymore or to turn nightmares into dreams. dreams turned my life into a nightmare, & the demons i once thought hid under my bed now lived inside me. my prescence was somewhat felt, but you wouldn't be able to see galaxies in my eyes anymore. the galaxies were eaten out by black holes & my life was consumed by the dust.

if you were to ask me about my 18-year-old-present-me self, oh, you'd know that not much has changed. just for one thing: that the 15-year-old me had died. the demons almost took her life, but they did take her soul & her innocence completely.
with no soul, there's no emotion, no desire, no energy, no life. i mean, how could there be life still underneath all the dust & all the darkness?
"why are you so emotionless?"
"why are you so fearless?"
because when you go through so much darkness alone & you drown to the deepest part of the ocean, you learn that the only one who can give you the light & strength you need to swim back up is yourself. because you know it can't get worse when you already had reached bottom low, so you just learn to swim with the weaves. because you learn that it's better to not get attached to temporary feelings that could bring darkness along all again. because life is so much better & simpler when there's nobody pushing you over the edge of the boat. because when you lose everything, there's nothing left to be fearful for. there's nothing left to care for.

i ask myself, "who am i now?"
if i'm not the girl who could enlighten a whole new world, create supernovas with her laugh & had the galaxies in her eyes;
or the girl who wasn't able to turn nightmares into dreams;
or the girl who got her soul & her innocence completely taken away;
who am i now?

Bailful fairness sudders one
From reality and fantacy...
Wanny visage enlighted:
By eyes of a cockatrice,
Never, to judge nor protest against.

How I have love thee?
Soon, to be forgotten by,
Leaving to be languished and,
Purged of love.
Love?
Never releases thé flying White Dove

Acts of Diana, knowingly brought me
Down like Juliet
For love is not love,
Without sacrifise?

Left, bewitched for amercing time,
Left, with the conceit of bestowing one's prescence once more.

Only,
To find the gall will,forsooth,
Gallop forth the next life...
For I have loved you always.

Swim in the sea of knowledge
Walk through the desert of wisdom
I would trek across this world of upheaval
Just to stroll next to you for a moment

And when you're no where near me
All I have is precious memories
They float through my mind and drill me
Linger and ***** my senses

When I'm able to feel your prescence
When I can hear your heart racing underneath breaths
When your curves are molded by my body
We are so much like one moment, all our own

You reached in
and grabbed me out of my skin.
Your hands on my waist
demolished the barriers i placed
even though i wanted to keep them there.
I have been swimming
in a sea of desyrel and prozac
and more often than not
I drown.
"There are worse things
than being alone"
I know, i know, but
i'm always at a low
ever since he had me at hello.
He told me once
he must have told me 30 times before
he's just a man
taking what he needs from the store,
and i am always serving,
giving him shelter from storms
giving him bandages for sores.
The tables are turning
and when i ask for guidence
all i get are bruises
there are no more soft kisses
no more tracing your name
into my skin.
You flip a switch so quickly
i am left terrified of your prescence.
I walk on eggshells aroud you
but they always break,
you told me i am too heavy
but i am trying to fix that.
You used to make me feel pretty,
now you only make me feel ******
and frankly i like the bruises
because they tell me i need to be stronger.
I want to fit so badly into your arms
but you are not her.
You are a replacement
until she comes back home
back to where she belongs.
I never loved you
i just love what you do to me

he didn't want her to know
about the bodies he stole at night
the lights he took from others
absorbed and snuffed out with his lust
the kisses he gave to cold strangers
and the listless caress he secretly yearned for
he loved her true, but inside he was empty
an inverted soul
desperately gasping for air

she knew so much more than she wanted
she saw him in her minds eye
stealing into the dark
devouring even the starlight
laying in the deep ground
with the cold people of the earth
but her heart shattered long ago
now she was only waiting
for the calamity in the sky
to kiss her homeworld
and make it rain fire

but he came home before the end
just in time for the sky to disintegrate
in time for one last truthfull embrace
two lovers in vestigial embrace
'neath a black sky
vomiting ash and dying birds
no prescence but the silence
no color but the red and the black
no life left in the universe

It is 1am
And I am a combination
Of alcohol and thoughts
Too many words and heavy eyelids
I stand at bar
With drink in loose hands
As some attempt conversation
And I
Smile quietly
With vacant eyes
Because there are plenty of people
In this room
That could fill this empty capacity
Put end
To this gap of desolation expanding inside of me
There are plenty
Who I could find momentary comfort in
Possibly even more
But I
Am too blocked off
To call myself open
Too shut down
To even listen to small talk
Or friendly dialogue
The truth is
I am too hung up
On distance
And romance that is more than likely
To never work out
To be able to make the effort
To love someone other than taken
I am so good
At setting my heart on situations
That have been set long before my prescence
I am skilled
At attempting to love person already satisfied
I will never be neccesity
Only drunken shell of girl
Searching through a sea of bodies
For someone who is not there
For someone who will probably never be there
This routine
Of bourbon and late nights
Of strangers and recurrent introductions
Will continue with frequency
But I
Will remain
Unfulfilled
It is 1am
And I am
Still hoping for something
That is perpetually
Unattainable.

i always knew you didn't trust me.
i knew you had a secret agenda,
you secret agent you.

i love[d] you more than anyone.
anyone.
i trusted you the most.
ever.

when january rolled around, he was obsolete.
it's you, it's you, it's always been you.
you never let me explain; you don't want to hear.
but it's got to go somewhere, so.
here it goes.

i walked into a life i wasn't welcome in.
i didn't want you to fight for me.
i didn't belong, all my prescence did was cause chaos.
i was always ******* something up for you.

you were his, not mine, and it tore me up inside.
but i didn't want to do a **** thing that could...
take you from him. from your happiness.
take you from being content without being lonely.

to never make you smile, laugh, everything, was...
more punishment i ever thought i could take.
even worse? being the cause of your unhappiness.
i was always ******* something up for you.

you see, without me? without you fighting for me?
there wouldn't have been the fighting, that shower scene.
i never wanted you to fight for me.

you know i did what i did because i was batshit in love with you.
you know i did it because i didn't care about him, i cared about you.
unfortunately, that came at a price.
the biggest price i've had to pay, really.
i did it to keep you happy.

i didn't want to do or say anything that would...
[make you see your boy in a different light]
**** something else up for you.

i risked everything for you.
i gave up everything,
i gave up you,
for you.

one day, i'll beg.
i'll beg every god i know,
especially the ones i don't believe in.

i'll wish on every dandelion, every star,
to not have done what i did,
to have a second chance.

i've never begged for anyone,
i've never wished for anyone.
not even him.

so you see? it was never him.
it was always you. it's you, it's you.
it's always been you.

honesty may be the best policy,
but you know i'm always looking for a better way.
you know i'm always looking out for you.
i tried, anyway. there wasn't anything i could do
that he hadn't already done.

i wish i could say this was over,
and i was done,
but i can't give you up like i gave him up.

my epitaph will always read,
"she was my only."

I only see you in my class
Constantly focusing on your school work
While I keep getting lost looking at you
Trying to figure out what I'm gonna say when I finally
Finally swallow my pride and...
But I can't
Not cause I don't think I can san what I want to say
But cause my mind freezes up around you
I start to talk fast and can't keep up with what words I say so I start to mumble and lose track of what I was originally saying and everything comes together like one long sentence that seems to never end for days
You don't even know me
And I barely know you myself
But I just want to get to know you more
I want you to learn the inside of my mind
So you can understand why I'm the way I am around you

See, I can barely contain this hopeless romantic inside of me
Who's trying to maintain the constant pain gained from the past
That never lasts but seems to cast a dark shadow around me
Only to be overcast by the radiant light you give off
Being in your mere prescence creates a situational hazard
I just can't avoid
Or I choose to meet head on with my inner Self
Creating conflict concerning whether or not
I should even say one word to you
Knowing one of two results will unfold
Either you choose to avoid me and this possible story ends
Or you become interested in where this story is heading
Honestly, I'm hoping for the latter
Cause I want to progress this little narrative
From chapter one of meeting you
To chapter two of getting to know you
Then to chapter three
Where I admit my feelings towards you
If only that were possible
But the truth of the matter is
I would only have so long to really create such a story
And even if we were to make it so far
We wouldn't know if our respective goals would
Take us down the same path
Or lead to a fork where we're forced to
Split for an unknown period of time and
Test out whether we could outlast time
As if we were doing time for a crime of loving one another
And sacrificing on a dime for the sublime feeling of love and trust

You are like ivy creeping and embedding yourself in spirals around my limbs

Poison slowly creeping into my very flesh, my very being

What is it about you that makes my lungs heave with distaste

You are a wolf in sheepskin

Your soul a grotesque knarly fungus, toxins settling around you like a shield
But your exterior a brilliantly bright red

You invite others in, only to realise your glowing, vibrant colours have been forged from using and discarding others
******* those around you dry
Forcing yourself into every little crevice

I hate growing next to you, stealing all my light, all my nutrients, all my life

And I bet when you no longer require my prescence you will give absolutely no second thought to tearing me limb from torso to feed that rabid wolf inside you

I bet it's lonely on that 'moral' high ground you keep telling me about, looking down at the rest of my humble flock

I bet one day you will realise you are actually growing on top of an ants hill, not a mighty moral mountain

Enjoy your own company, since you're clearly too good for anyone else's
Since you would rather poison everything around you

Everyone hates poison ivy

KG

I turn and stare into a mirror.
My reflection is never clear.
Because when I look into that frame,
The room behind me looks the same.

No prescence of my face within its glass.
Never once, have I seen myself, this will never pass.
I wonder what I have done,
To deserve this punishment.

Am I even alive?
Or am I a ghost?
Never to speak to the one I love the most.

I stare down at my fingers.
Searching for a transparency that lingers.
But I see nothing.
Am I even something?

Perhaps a speck of dust,
Full of lust,
Never to let any of it free.
What was I born to be?
I feel as if, everyone knows but, me.

Crystalline tears
that never really fall
They hide, shimmering silver, just behind her lids.

He sees his reflection,
multiplied in iridescent triangles
But she denies the sorrow, not quite hidden,  not really gone.

She breathes him in,
denies all fears and tears,
She just keeps whispering fractured reassurances.

When he’s away from her,
he sees the poem she left behind
Now he’s scared, he’s terrfied, he’s afraid for her crumbling mind.

And she lies alone
inside a home that’s much to cold
She wishes for his prescence, just a single glimpse.

He waits for her,
wonders if she’ll ever call,
A black and empty screen haunts his fitful dreams as he dozes off.

She wishes she could call
but unwilling Fates refuse to remove the wall
And she lies alone and tries so hard not to cry

Alone, he sits
with tear-and-blood-stained melodies in his ears
He floats on the rythmns and wonders if she can stay strong.

A flashing blade
keeps invading her mind,
but she shakes it away, screams at it to go away, she can’t give in.

He’s counting down
every single second that remains
Until he can finally hold her again, finally wipe away her tears.

She’s fighting so hard,
using every weapon and shield she can
To stop the demons from tarnishing her heart and soul beyond recognition.

They both lie alone,
they both wonder about the other,
as she hides her tears and he hides his fears.

From your body
Seeps forth that ancient sorrow
a melancholy radiance
carrying a mystic prescence

I reach out, my fingers seek to meet
The rock, which has been met
by so many, for great eons
Since you were braught here

Standing stone, you have seen
So many ages pass, since those misty days
in the sepia of time
and you shall see so many more

I cannot invision your lifespan
it is distilled in my head
into the slow beating of a drum
and chorus of eternal voices

I hear your song.

The night sky glows an ephemeral silver,
Stars gazing upon me as I slumber.
Their beauty is immeasurable,
None striving to out do,
But rather coexisting in Beauty.

The Moon's light shines,
Gently enhancing the sky.
Graceful and clean,
It brings peace to my soul.
The brightest silver,
Never dull nor faded.

Alas, the sun rises,
Its radience masking the others.
Yet they are not gone,
Merely resting
'Til they grace us all
With their prescence
Once again.

In the quiet and still, nature came before us.
In pursuit of the thrill, nature came before us.
From the journey with the wave, nature came before us.
From the cross to the grave, nature came before us.

On a warm summer's night, nature came before us.
In expedition's of flight, nature came before us.
Under leagues of the seas, nature came before us.
To sacrificing tree's, nature came before us.
In a fiery blaze, nature came before us.
At the end of all days, nature comes before us.

(and then she spoke)

"Free me" she says, in the faintest tone
"I have offered myself, and my throne.
You've taken all I have, and still what I have not
My meek  and meager son, your mother left forgot."
The song of the redeemed is playing ins your head
A chance to save our mother, a rescue from the dead.
Set her will aflame, her prescence brought about,
Absence is, (just) things left without.
Faith is (just) believing, absent of all doubt.

See her as she walks,
Even The manner in which she talks.
She walks boldy with confidence.
She walks awoken with consciousness.
She walks with her head held high as she looks upon Her Father in the heavenly sky.
As she walks by they get one glance into her eyes.
Something that is so unexplainable that they can't began to Identify.
Something that they cant seem to recognize
Its something thats catches them by surprise.
No man can touch the flourishing fruit her of tree.
Its something in her that even a blind man can see.
How is it that she walks and smiles with such glee?
She walks humbly and gracefully.
She walks shamelessly and Courageously.
For She walks Daily faithfully and gratefully with the Almighty.
It happened the day He waited for her so patiently
She came to him on her bending knee to taste The greatness of thee.
His prescence became so contagious
That In her life she made many of changes.
She sought his face Tenaciously
Now In her heart is his place of residency.
Thats why when she walks its as if shes floating so heavenly.
You are seeing the Glowing of Her fathers Spirit overflowing from her majestically.