"octobers" poems
I don’t remember exactly when Budberg died, it was either two years
ago or three.
The same with Chen. Whether last year or the one before.
Soon after our arrival, Budberg, gently pensive,
Said that in the beginning it is hard to get accustomed,
For here there is no spring or summer, no winter or fall.
“I kept dreaming of snow and birch forests.
Where so little changes you hardly notice how time goes by.
This is, you will see, a magic mountain.”
Budberg: a familiar name in my childhood.
They were prominent in our region,
This Russian family, descendants of German Balts.
I read none of his works, too specialized.
And Chen, I have heard, was an exquisite poet,
Which I must take on faith, for he wrote in Chinese.
Sultry Octobers, cool Julys, trees blossom in February.
Here the nuptial flight of hummingbirds does not forecast spring.
Only the faithful maple sheds its leaves every year.
For no reason, its ancestors simply learned it that way.
I sensed Budberg was right and I rebelled.
So I won’t have power, won’t save the world?
Fame will pass me by, no tiara, no crown?
Did I then train myself, myself the Unique,
To compose stanzas for gulls and sea haze,
To listen to the foghorns blaring down below?
Until it passed. What passed? Life.
Now I am not ashamed of my defeat.
One murky island with its barking seals
Or a parched desert is enough
To make us say: yes, oui, si.
'Even asleep we partake in the becoming of the world.”
Endurance comes only from enduring.
With a flick of the wrist I fashioned an invisible rope,
And climbed it and it held me.
What a procession! Quelles délices!
What caps and hooded gowns!
Most respected Professor Budberg,
Most distinguished Professor Chen,
Wrong Honorable Professor Milosz
Who wrote poems in some unheard-of tongue.
Who will count them anyway. And here sunlight.
So that the flames of their tall candles fade.
And how many generations of hummingbirds keep them company
As they walk on. Across the magic mountain.
And the fog from the ocean is cool, for once again it is July.
3.1k
darling, loving me is falling apart with octobers and kissing your poems goodbye. it is watching autumns unfold while slipping into the tracks of a freight train. i will kiss your skin, all chapped lips and sweetened cigarettes, my hands on your neck, as if feeling the walls of an athenian ruin. i will be every distinctive silhouette in a film, every line in a song, every secret spilling gracelessly off your lips before you catch yourself. i will set you on fire and you will burn; all wide-eyed and irises made of the storm, beneath my feather light touches.
i have a proclivity for breaking hearts and you will find yourself neck-deep in whirl of heartbreaks and headlights — all moonstruck and confused. i will break you — destroy you, bit by bit, in the most elaborate, exquisite way, that you will know one thing, darling —
chaos has a tendency to look beautiful.
Oct 11, 2019
Oct 11, 2019 at 10:52 AM UTC
Some days I feel it slither within me,
a sickness, a serpent, it writhes to be free
some days I feel like a dark cloud,
like a shroud upon this world
like the wind that whirls around your shoulders on a cold octobers day,
like the smell of fresh decay,
some days I have to say I that I feel I've gone astray from the path
and taken it upon myself to release some sort of wrath,
to take vengeance upon society for turning a monster like me
loose in the world to play,
I feel like I need to administer some sinister
right away, straight into my bloodstream,
I need a full dose of dream within a dream,
nightmare scenes,
I have been known to say that I often,
feel like sleeping in a coffin,
and that sometimes I feel sublimely surreal
and inhuman like a demon born of a dying fire,
Voracious and with no desire
But to bleed dry everyone I find
If I feel it eases my so called "troubled mind"
Oh, I can't say that I don't
yearn for blood and souls,
some days
But mainly I'm just angry enough to take it out on me
you see,
it's such a trip to be,
the hero and the villain of your own story,
no guts? then it's just not gory enough,
so I gotta get tough, cause it's an army of darkness I'm standing up against,
and I'm lacking the proper chainsaw limbs for defense
and I could use at least one shotgun,
so I guess I can stand and fight,
go kicking and screaming into that good night,
or I can run,
************ run!
Dec 16, 2012
Dec 16, 2012 at 7:50 PM UTC
West bound
kroooaaooo kroooaaooo!
I stand at the door of an old Santa Fe car, snow falls silent, dusting everything in visual sense, the better January air bites my cheeks ,as two hundred tons of steel push through the night.
kroooaaooo kroooaaooo!
One by one. The orange glow slumbering towns, passes by
A Hudson rambles ,down the blacktop towards the crossings
kroooaaooo kroooaaooo!
I retrieve my zippo ,and light my cigar and melancholy ,takes over
The sun peeks over the horizon ,reflecting like a billion diamonds nestled in the snowy Fields.
kroooaaooo kroooaaooo!
I daydream of a diner with black coffee, cold marble counters eggs and bacon.
I daydream of a cheap room ,with a soft bed to rest my aching mind
A gleeful sleep.
kroooaaooo kroooaaooo!
The whistle blows Kroooaaooo ,leaving the sole evidence that we were there we push down the steel trail ,into the pale dawn with Miles.
Kroooaaooo!
Miles and miles with no sleep,
I miss Octobers copper air, Old honest me,
I seek to find.
A full October moon,
A warm wind,
autumn leaves,
The sound of silence ,in All its distractions.
kroooaaooo!
Jul 25, 2018
Jul 25, 2018 at 7:45 PM UTC
What time is it?
We should be fine,
on time in Nashville.
Muted colors and eyes
heavy, wander in
blind monotone, sing
to waving adolescents.
The light turns orange
with age before brightening
morning sky, the flood
on the tarmac transitions
to scattered blue as seconds
creep closer to the dawn.
Arched window voice in
rolling fields with fences
cry out like grass seed sneezes
from rainy Octobers and Julys.
Apr 20, 2014
Apr 20, 2014 at 2:38 PM UTC
It is in Septembers, Octobers, and Novembers
That Autumn dresses up,
Adorned in warm, golden tones of color,
And waltzes with her prince, The Fall Wind.
But when the clock strikes twelve,
Winter comes along with her December and January Winds,
Snatching up Autumn’s bright apparel
And clothing her in nothing but somber tatters.
Autumn keeps quiet, until the first rays
Of Spring’s long awaited sunshine
Touches the depths of Winter’s dark dungeon.
Autumn is showered with Spring’s rain,
And is coaxed into fashioning a new dress
With the same warm, golden tones of color,
But, this time, in a different pattern.
It is Summer’s sunshine, now, that assists Autumn,
With an occasional July thunderstorm to help form the new dress.
August passes by to give his opinion, and Autumn is finally ready.
For it is in Septembers, Octobers, and Novembers
That Autumn dresses up,
Adorned in warm, golden tones of color,
to waltz with her prince, The Fall Wind.
Sep 27, 2016
Sep 27, 2016 at 10:53 PM UTC
She didn't want spring,
she wanted autumn.
She wanted
the butterscotch leaves
snuggling the curbs
and porky pumpkins
with fire for a heart.
She wanted autumn
even when underground,
where seasons are unseen
except in the snow
sprinkled in a man's hair,
or heard, a sneeze and a sniffle
into a flimsy tissue.
She wanted autumn back,
like a first kiss over again,
like a childhood memory
flipped to the front of her mind
to stay there,
a vicious, intense red.
But she was stuck in spring,
writing about Octobers,
what happened back then,
how it opened like a flower,
and whether come next year
the season will breathe
orange again.
Feb 2, 2014
Feb 2, 2014 at 4:55 PM UTC
Her voice it reaches into me,
hooks me like a desperate fish.
She's singing songs of Ireland,
such a saucy creamy dish.
Seafood chowder by the sea,
a sense of you, a sense of me.
All the things we're gonna see,
everything we're gonna be
Out the window, rolling waves,
rolling round upon the floor.
Her mind is like a hidden cave,
leaves me craving, wanting more.
The wind, the rain,
our twisted brains.
The way she moves,
the way she sways.
Lost within Octobers days.
Lost with every word we say.
Nov 1, 2014
Nov 1, 2014 at 9:15 PM UTC
i write from the 1st of october. i write from cold air and turning seasons. from hazy days and lazy days and 'maybe things will be okay's. i write from stale bread and cold tea cause id made it at half past three, and the wind is blowing.
and i want to wear my dads big old fairisle jumper because somehow, it always smells of him. and the wind is blowing.
i write from the 1st of october. i write from endless evenings and too many cigarettes and a craving for my mothers supermarket box wine. i write from tired eyes and floaty songs and i write because im feeling fine. and time is passing before my eyes and it makes me feel uneasy because these are the years i want to remember. the 1st of octobers and 6th of februraries and 27th of mays. and all the other days.
i write from the 1st of october. i write from awful poetry and laddered tights and dreams about boys that got lost in the city. in more ways than one.
i write from the 1st of october, and the wind is blowing.
Oct 1, 2016
Oct 1, 2016 at 7:35 PM UTC
Come October they would rise again ,
steal through hidden doorways .
Putrescent then they take their form ,
in liminal space they have their birth .
☆
Every year they come for their meat ,
driven by some unknown clock.
In twenty-eight days they become manifest ,
their grey bony fingers unlock .
☆
A gallery of faded portraits ,
mark Octobers that have gone before ,
gaze longingly out of picture frames ,
behold the living on which they feed .
☆
It gets darker now once more I tell you ,
it shan't be very long ,
till October casts it's deadened pall ,
and then their sickly will be done .
Sep 24, 2024
Sep 24, 2024 at 8:52 PM UTC
I try to not frequent places where you existed.
On the days when there are parallel universes,
When Octobers are permanent,
When every night seems near fatal,
When the emptiness in our silence
mocked the leaves we trailed through,
Sundays are far off and foreign.
And as far as I know,
there is still an
“I”
that dwells with
“You.”
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 11:21 PM UTC
Around the coals we gather to warm are tired souls
Brothers singing of all life's woes
And dear old sawyer and his lady go on their way
Towards the west and memory lane.
I bid adieu to these travelers and the heated night
One day we will find peace in our drunken blight
To the poet and their thoughtful muse
To the guitarist and their twanging tune
To the smoker with a hazy mind
And the couple rekindled in Octobers fire.
Oct 25, 2013
Oct 25, 2013 at 3:39 AM UTC
She is so orange!
Her skin is pale,
And her hair is an off-white blonde,
But she...
Oh man, is she orange.
I smell the falling leaves through her smile,
And I can feel the carving tools sawing through pumpkin rinds,
Drawing Autumn sketches,
Doing what artists will do at this point in the year,
As If they were my own hands.
She will shout from the rooftops
With her yellow words
About her seasonal excitement,
Ending each proclamation with red exclamation marks.
She will shower me in plans
For Octobers and Novembers to come.
Walking me through festivals and unmade memories
With each new idea.
She is orange,
And for the next few months
Orange is my favorite colour.
Oct 23, 2018
Oct 23, 2018 at 8:21 AM UTC
My refrain is sung with refrain, because one
Who was accustomed to customs at airports and ports
Was to deport, and depart from my home
And my heart tomorrow
To borrow time and leave me
Rhyming why's and lies and sighs
Just to get by, by falling back on moving forward.
Her sentence sealed my sentence
"It's never enough to be home
Without ever being home"
Her point pierced home.
So with all I had left she left,
To be seasoned by seasons
And return turned into what I understood
Might not love me, mightily.
But Mays and and Octobers don't last,
And at last, what passed became past.
And may have brought me closure, and her closer.
Spring sprang a surprise on me.
On a windy road on a windy day
April, June summer may or may not have been.
When like a flower I like she appeared.
Daisies dazed me with brighter brights
And the sky's blue hues were new hues of blues.
Because cause belittles the little bees and the birds.
Who get by trusting the skies and flowers.
And while I was wondering of hope wandering in misery.
She solved her mystery in Him and me.
Oct 23, 2014
Oct 23, 2014 at 5:02 AM UTC
One day I will run out of tears
hopefully one day foolish me
sometime soon I will kick that bucket
and cry my way to heaven of maybe hell
whatever I so don't care
silly me foolish me
Bitten far too many times
like a star struck teenager
I go head over heels mode
and break my own heart
yet whatever happens
I'll be foolish me
In this most happy of Octobers
I will sing sweet straight from the heart
and when it rains
I will dance naked
looking to the heavens
oh wild foolish me
I have an insane appetite
an urge so bad to write
I think I'm getting better
but, hey do I really care
I'm poetry's *****
oh cool, foolish me
By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris
Dec 18, 2013
Dec 18, 2013 at 3:31 AM UTC
Darkness falls upon Octobers eve
I walk in the shadows of madness, my mind dragging behind me
in the congealed pools of blood, I can't move my arms but to rock them back and forth.
A nocturnal beast clawing at insects like an infectious disease,
wading through the corpses, stumbling on rodent gnawed bones,
"creep" playing over and over in my head where my mind once resided like a broken record player.
Bumping my head into liquid walls, hugging myself and giggling,
"where have all the trees gone"
Thick wire enforced glass plates. peering eyes playing peek-a-boo
like a boxer dancing the ring with no arms,
I just saw my brain fly by with Angel wing attached, the devil himself
in pursuit holding a pitchfork.
I see a purple worm coming up through the cement floor,
he's wearing a sign..it reads "eat me I'm what's for dinner"
Buckles digging into my back like alien fingers retrieving samples
of madness gathered into a little vile marked madness.
a black widow spider hanging in the ceiling corner snickering...
"you're next"
I see Ted Bundy. he's leaned up in the corner, Bald. his head fried to a crisp, **** Electric chairs.
"What Ted? no...it's my worm"
~Singing~
I could whittle away the hours...stop and smell the flowers...if I only had a brain...
Blood drops drip one at a time onto my cheek...from where?
I have no arms...no mirror..where does it come from?
I remember the sound of a high speed drill and the stench of burning bone like at a dentist office.
My god...a lobotomy, they have taken my mind...little do they know...it's been gone a long time...
as a matter of fact...it's flying around here somewhere being chased by the devil....
Sep 25, 2014
Sep 25, 2014 at 1:20 AM UTC
Oh splendid red and golden leaves of autumn
you cling onto branches till the end of your lives
then one by one you fall to the ground
With the kiss of Octobers gentle winds.
For you are the fruits of summers burdens
as nuts and berries are your labours lost
gathered by the fauna of your forest realm
Then to fall in your millions in morning frost.
Beautiful crimson and gold tinted carpets
do you make as your last gestured farewell
then soon you will become no more
As you turn to peat on woodland floors.
By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris
Nov 17, 2013
Nov 17, 2013 at 5:17 PM UTC
Why are you so distant from the earth
i can't reach you anymore
and pull you in close to me
oh ohhh oh
snowing on the hearts of love
were did it all go
those shivers
of octobers fall
oh oh ohhh
slipped away
like the rain
off my tanned skin
Gone
like the summers ray
never did i
feel so alive
oh oh ooo
driving down the night
smiling like the moon
thought i was better
but am just rushing time
gotta sit back
and see the worlds fumes
pass on by
oh boy
Dec 2, 2013
Dec 2, 2013 at 8:48 PM UTC
It took Octobers chill to send you back through my bones. What a strangely pleasing gesture, it seems all of time is just simply stuck in different places.
Oct 15, 2015
Oct 15, 2015 at 1:00 PM UTC
The sweet autumn that orange Octobers bring,
faint smell of gold
leaves crisping under
the slight thread of sneakers.
Cold breaths mingling
under the same yellow stars,
and when your eyes have captured mine,
they are forced to surrender.
Blink quickly and look away, sweet smile
playing on the corner of your lips.
(Written at age 18 one night, upon arriving home after walking in the woods with my first bf)
Sep 3, 2014
Sep 3, 2014 at 3:34 PM UTC
As the night draws curtains earlier each day
it' the way of October, Octobers way
the domain of dreams become more vivid
by mirror and candle see you're image
The magical winds
whisper in bare trees
mid October dreams then later,
ends with invites from the dead
The cold and biting rain
the vast unruly sea
passions of Octobers dreams
let October call, and Winter be
By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris
Oct 27, 2013
Oct 27, 2013 at 11:14 PM UTC
Many years I have painted pictures with Scarlet
she is my closest friend
she that lives up in that manor house
the one on Byre Hill
On Sundays we paint on the moors
in stormy weather we stay indoors
she smiles like sunshine heaven sent
I cherish the time that with her is spent
Her hair shines with Octobers hues
shades of gold and crimson
and I honoured to know her
blessed with her company to be in
By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris
Sep 23, 2013
Sep 23, 2013 at 2:12 PM UTC