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Nigel Lloyd May 2015
Thin and crispy, round and flat
A staple of the proletariat
Two for a tenner
It makes you wonder
And delivered to your door on the back of a Honda.
Alan S Bailey Feb 27
To the tune of Five For Fighting's "100 Years to Live"

From "Frogs For Fighting"
Kermit Sings:

I'm just a simple green Muppet,
Good old friends with Scooter and Fuzzy,
And I'm small and skinny,
A quiet frog that's on the roam.

Animal's clearing out the whole fridge,
There's a Muppet chef inside the kitchen,
Making gibberish sounds,
Boiling a goose or baking rolls.

Piggy I'm alright with you,
No other Muppet pig will do,
MRS. PIGGY-there's never a wish better than this,
When you've got a hundred Muppet Tears TO GIVE...

I'm searching stars at the moment,
Still the frog-I'm just in love with a pig,
Dream of a connection,
A constellation for a sign,

Count goes "AH AH AH" when counting,
Cookie Monster's nomming on the cookies,
Snuffleupagus sounds like he just might have a cold...

But Piggy I'm alright with you,
You've got much might-no one can kick **** quite like you...

But piggy I'm OK with you,
MRS. PIGGY-there's never a wish better than this,
When you've got a hundred Muppet Tears TO GIVE...

Through a small Muppet's eyes
Can tell you no lies,
Bunson's Lab-a surprise,
Madness, havoc explode,
Beaker's running to hide,
We're moving on...

I'm feeling light at the moment,
Small as can be-the sky-all I view,
And I'm just reeling,
High up in the clouds-a message in blue,  
...Mrs. Piggy I'm alright with you,
You're black belt in Karate and Kung Fu,
Super Grover's on his way,
Every Muppet has their dog day...

Wooohooo-oohoohoo
Wooohooo-oohoohoo
Wooohooo-oohoohoo-ooh­oohoo

Piggy I'm alright with you,
There's no other Muppet pig like you,
MRS. PIGGY, there's never a wish-better than this...

When you've got a hundred Muppet Tears TO GIVE...
Sang to the tune of 100 Years to Live by Five For Fighting.

Frog's For Fighting, 100 Muppet Tears To Give.


"Well, no KIDDING Mrs. PIGGING!"
Sara Kellie Jul 2018
You're trouble, you're toil.
Yes, trouble and toil.
With you I think I'll bring to the boil.
A pinch of salt and a teaspoon of oil
but not too much, your taste it'll spoil.

I'll take off your beard.
To eat that would be weird.
But gristle that makes your knees
into crackling . . .
. . . oh yes please.

With mint sauce on each cheek,
two kebabs that are seekh.
Not keen on the chin
so I hope you don't mind,
that goes straight in the bin.

Chop, chew, swallow and digest.
Can you guess which part
of you I like best?
It's your nose that I grate
all around the edge of my plate
and because I've asked "Please"
that you try not to sneeze.
It makes a much better garnish
than parmesan cheese.

Savoury poetry by Kaydee.
I'm just messing now.
Sara Kellie Dec 2018
Every time I pull it off
it goes off in my face.
It's in my eye and
on my lips,
I look a right disgrace.
My ***** though
she loves it so
I do it all the time
and if I feed her
from a tin
I'd feel it was a crime
because she just loves
those sachets
that I can't pull open
without getting
covered in
gravy
flavoured
splashes.

Poetry by Kaydee
What
were
you
thinking!!
em Jun 2015
You're my storm cloud disguised as sunshine
but your masquerade never stops the rain.
Laughs like lightning flashing across your face
sharp and dangerous, followed by the thunder of
my ignorance, cluing you in on how far your lies
stretch into my desperation to be wanted.

Lightning.
Thunder.
Oh I never thought
I was that funny
Your electric strings
Pull the punch lines out of my mouth.
Thunder.
The lightning's best friend.

Thunder.
You must really like me
You must have told your friends about me too.
Because that cackles coming out of their
throats when I tell a joke sound just like
the storm, the zigzags of fire that tear through the clouds.
telling me how funny I am, how much they love having me around.
How you need me.
Time for my response… its my job right?
Thunder.

Thunder.

Why is it now that the way you curl your lips
when I make my jokes
looking
less
and less
like a smile?
Your friends know that shape
and they know how to make their lips look the same way.
Is it some contagious thing that they all have, and disease
passed around the room every time that lightning escapes.
But they all think I am funny
It must just be a friend thing…
I should learn how to do it too.
Thunder.

Thunder.

Streaming pixels
Blurry faces of “friends”
it must have been a mistake
The love me
next time,
I’ll make sure to clear it up with them
why wouldn't they want me to attend?
Thunder.

Thunder.


Glances like knives
Darting through the air like flies
and infestation of insects that
carry messages that
I don’t understand.
But they do.
Like a major league team
catch after catch
never missing those eyes that
seem a little bit darker
and a little bit colder.
Passing the ball around the bases
returning the favor.
Why can’t I grip ball that seems to bind
them all together
leaving trails of
text messages
and parties
that I was not invited to
this ball that seems to always
keep me on the outfield.
And how come everytime that ball goes
around
and
around….
its feels like
a punch to the stomach
never ceasing to knock me
down
and
leave me
breathless.


This must be what friendship feels like…
Thunder.


Is it?
because I look around
these hallways
where I always walk to fast
trying to keep up
yet I am always
one
step
behind.
I see that
these other girls
walk in straight lines
arms joined so that no one
falls
too
far behind
yet I’m always walking in
dizzy circles
wondering when they will
turn around to see if I am
still following,
still standing,
still funny.

Thunder, the lightning's best friend…
but that is never who I was to you.
another spoken word that I preformed today and will preform on wendsday in front of a larger audience, my entire grade oh goodness.
this poem although open to interpretation does have some format that means something. So the lighting represents laughter and the thunder kinda represents be being clueless to the people laughing AT me not with me. That's at least how I mean it to be understood, but If you see it another way that that's cool too :)
I sat with a cat in my lap.
This cat is having a nap.
I wish she'd get off me,
I have to go ***.
This cat in my lap should ****.

This kitty is itty & bitty.
She jumped up to where I was sitting.
She needs to get down,
I'm wearing a frown.
My bladder is making me giddy.

So here I sit like a twit.
My lap must be made of catnip.
My need is so great
But she just won't vacate.
This cat in my lap should get.
The cat's name was Mystery, by the way.

© 2011  J.J.W. Coyle
calcium Oct 2018
I’m no poet
But I sure sound like one
From my grammar to
the misused punctuation
I can express
What I feel
From my mind
To white paper
The paper is my canvas
my mind is the paint
the pen is my brush
and the reader,
The Art critic.
Go ahead,
critique me
but just like a painting
I don’t plan on changing it
What you see
is what you get

I’m no poet after all
Mygreatestescape Dec 2016
No one
laughs at God,

not at war,
not in hospitals,
No one
laughs at
God
when
they've
got nothing
left to keep,
No one laughs
at God
even when
death comes
to reap,

But everyone laughs
at God,
at bars
and in clubs,
and in living
rooms of
Christians,
when jokes
and wine
are spilled
together,

And at
get togethers
and
dinner parties
and in movies,
where everyone
laughs
together,

No one laughs at
Jews,
not in their faces,
because then
they're racist,
Not during history
month,
Not
when reading
evidence
and proof,

But everyone
laughs
at Jews,
when the economy
collapses,
when someone
wears
a ******
themed Halloween
costume,
when
breaking an
awkward silence,
when blaming
others,
everyone laughs
with their
mouths open,

No one laughs
at war,
not when children
are
falling down
like flies,
Not when
others
dare not bat
an eye,
Not when
blood
feeds
nature
more than rain,

But everyone laughs at
war,
when
the teachers not
looking,
when little
Muslim
kids are being
murdered,
When
looking for
someone else
to blame,
around dinner
tables
and brunches,
together
they laugh
at
unfathomable pain,

No one laughs
at egalitarianism,
not when
your
friend's
daughter
was *****
in her dorm
room,
not when
girls
are killed for their
gender,
not when
education
is a restricted
property
with a
no-girl
policy,

But they
laugh,
when
making ****
jokes,
because its
just for fun,
isn't it?
when
boys
will be
boys
is an excuse
for each
practice
and outcome,
when
expletive
words are
all they have
in their dictionary
to describe
her
and her
mother,

It's all so funny,
two faced
in our ignorance,
laughing
at each other's
expense,
monstrous and
cruel,
killing humanity
with our
hands.
Doesn't anyone ever get tired of hating each other?
Poor Mr Ketchup felt a bit under the weather today, his head hurt so bad and Oh dear he really felt so
ill. Suddenly he began sneezing so loudly a tissue he sneezed again. Haggis said  “I'd better get you back to bed, before you sneeze any more of these nasty germs all over the place."



Mr Ketchup wasn't too pleased at Haggis’s comment in fact he thought to himself he just wants to get rid of me. “Ah well if that's the way he wants it.”


Mr Ketchup slid quietly back into bed and pulled over his moth eaten sheets.
"Are you still in the huff with me shouted Haggis,"
"I suppose not”,  replied Mr Ketchup...
"Would you like me to make you a hot water bottle then?"
"Okay he moaned" ah tissue he sneezed again.
Quickly he trotted down the stairs to make him a hot water bottle.
Just then Neeps arrived with Mr Ketchup's bottle of lemonade and his favourite comic called the Beano. That put a big smile on his face, suddenly he felt a little bit better. Well he certainly looked brighter
" Glad to see you perking up a bit” said Neeps
Perhaps in a little while we should head off
"I better get my skates on” interrupted Neeps.
“I really need to get going, to catch my bus to Yellow Market.
It’s a long way and the shops will be closing soon.”
“Bye bye for now” sighed Mr Ketchup .....
“is there anything else”
" No” answered Mr Ketchup “nothing"
"Well I will visit you in the morning about 10 o clock
please leave the spare key underneath the brown mat okay"
“Okay” he muttered.....
Mr Ketchup's cheery mood began to wear off very quickly
I think that Mr Ketchup rather liked his friends running after
him fetching and carrying everything for him just because he
had caught a nasty cold
Mr Ketchup had fooled all his friends
as he pulled out his sneezing powder from under his bed
Mr Ketchup had the last laugh
What do you think about that reader?








© 2016 ROSALIND
" " MR KETCHUP WAS UP TO HIS TRICKS AGAIN TO FOOL HIS FRIENDS " "
Melissa Taylor Jan 2015
Where did all the colour come
from in the world?"She ask's her dad.
(presuming that because Tv was in
black and white once,
that the world was too.)
Jack Jenkins Sep 2017
I think of how good you're going to taste
feeling your heat reach my lips
waiting for you
to stir you up
get you really ******* hot
waiting to fill you all the way to the brim
just add a little cream
to the sugar already in you
& when your fluids hit my mouth
slide down my throat
I know I'm awake and alive
with my morning coffee
//On humor//
What better way to start a morning? ;)
Rushil Dec 2018
I want to save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
because she tells me it is my destiny,
and it is all in the email she sent me.

I want to save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
because she possesses many Riches,
and she has promised me all of them.

I want to save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
from her wretched uncle,
who will steal her wealth and lock her away.

I would save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
but she only needs my Government ID,
Bank Account and Social Security.
Steve May 2016
A Merry Widow I used to know
Went on a trip to Tokyo
She liked the idea of little men
And wrote down notes in a bright red pen
She made a list of all their charms
The colour of their skin and their short fat arms
She liked the way their eyes inclined
She loved raw fish and the way they dined
But what she put at the top of her list
Was the thing she found most hard to resist
Being over six feet tall
She loved the fact that they were small
She could pick them up two at a time
And hang them from the washing line
She liked to spread them over her knees
And hear them squeal in Japanese
But one night after drinking a few
She bit off more than she could chew
She rang for service and do you know
They sent her up a sumo
He swung her round above his head
Then laid her out on the bed
I c'can't breath she coughed and spluttered
You're c'crushing me was all she uttered
That's n'not what I ordered she weakly said
But it was time for her to s'squeal instead
*(After that she was going to cry
Cos next in line was a Samurai.)
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