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Ashley Mellinger Dec 2020
I love him more than I have ever loved anyone else.

I have loved a lot of people
I have a lot of love to give

But he—

He has my heart. He has all my love. I would give anything
/to have him right here, in my arms,
making me feel like I’m gonna be alright

But instead, I've got about 4000 miles
separating him from me.


Every ******* love song on the radio is about him.

Everywhere I look, I see people together.
They’re so happy;
Holding each other, kissing one another
Not even realizing how lucky they are.

All I want is him
I just want his company
His laughter filling my ears
His arms around my body
I just want him

Is that so ******* hard?
Why is that so ******* impossible?

It’s not ******* fair
this is rough, i know, but i had to get it out. he's so far away. i need him here.
Ashley Mellinger Jul 2020
Thank you for loving me.
For greeting me with a smile,
For encouraging me,
For picking me up when I fall down,
For forgiving my mistakes,
And reminding me I am not my faults.

Thank you for hearing me,
For listening,
For taking action,
For your careful word choice.

Thank you for reading me.
For listening to what I wasn’t saying.
For picking up but I wasn’t laying down.

Thank you for staying by my side.
For fighting for me,
For taking up a war you didn’t have to fight.

Thank you for teaching me.
For explaining so thoroughly,
For waiting so patiently,
For understanding my misspoken words,
For knowing me.

Thank you for taking the time to truly understand me.

Thank you for seeing me —
As a person,
As a gentle soul,
As an emotional teenager,
And not brushing me
Like you so easily could’ve.

Thank you for loving me
Even when it was hard.
Ashley Mellinger Jun 2020
Today we said goodbye for the last time.
After this, we’re off to better and greater things.

Your face glowed in the summer sun.
My heart melted on the hot blacktop.
I wanted to tell you how I felt —
my words
not the whispers
not rumors
that you must’ve heard in the hallways.

I wanted to show you all that I’ve been hiding
but when I started to speak, you said ‘goodbye.’
You wished me good luck
as we took a quick photo.

I’ve never seen you
look so beautiful.
I’ve never felt
so crushingly devastated.
Ashley Mellinger Oct 2019
I’m laying in bed,
clutching my pillow
wishing it was you.
I never realized how cold,
lonely,
sad
these blankets have always been.

I’m laying in bed,
eyes wide open,
unable to sleep.
I never realized how cold,
lonely,
sad
I am without you
Ashley Mellinger Oct 2019
it’s half past one
and I’m laying in bed
wide awake.
I’m thinking of you,
your smile,
your lips,
your bright eyes,
your love.

it’s half past seven
and you best be out of bed,
just barely awake.
I hope you’re thinking of me,
my smile,
my lips,
my bright eyes,
my love.

the ocean between us
breaks my heart
but you know I’d give
every piece to you
Ashley Mellinger Apr 2019
Life is not fair. You will face challenges and the world will try to knock you down. Stand strong.

2. You most valuable possession is your voice. Don’t let anyone steal it. Use it. Make yourself heard. Be proud.

3. You are so much more than your body. You are healthy. You are strong. You don’t need to be thin to be beautiful.

4. Love always wins. One day, you will meet the love of your life. Things will not be perfect, but they will be good. You will be joyful.

5. You are not your parents. You are not their mistakes. You don’t need to please their every expectation. You are not going to be perfect. But you are their daughter, and know that they did their best.

6. Intelligence is not ****. Confidence is not ****. Self-love is not ****. These are essential if you want to survive. Don’t do things to please men. Do things for yourself.

7. It is okay to be alone. As long as you are safe, you can enjoy things in your own company. Sometimes you need to focus on yourself.

8. Silence is golden. It gives you time to think. That is not always a bad thing. Learn the sound of your heart beating. It is keeping you alive.

9. Ignorance is not bliss. Educate yourself. Ask questions. Never stop learning. Keep wondering. Discover everything.

10. Not everyone will like you. Not everyone has to. Don’t change yourself to cater to other people. Do not listen to the lies they tell you. You are enough as yourself. You are perfectly okay.
If only I had who I am now as a role model when I was younger, I’d be so much better off. But I had to go through what I did to get to this point. For that, I am grateful.
Ashley Mellinger Mar 2019
Will the journey be long?
>>Yes, but you will survive.
Will it be difficult?
>>Yes, but you will win the war.

Who will help me along the way?
>>You will meet the friends you need.
Will they stay? Are they loyal?
>>The true ones never leave.

How long is it going to take?
>>Your whole life, my love.
And what if I have to rest?
>>Take all the time you need.
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