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Hot chocolates

My day was so chill until I got home and turned on the news
Death, death, politics, sports, death.

It made me realise how lucky I really am
To live in a safe home, with friends, familys, food and no war

For that I'm grateful.

Cudi, Miller, My skrillex killer.
My only tune is dreamin high,
I'm just sober it's a lie, Got my tack my only tune,
iss ok be home in june,
see my boo so soon no doom,
Its a relapse she my trigga I collapse  wit out my *****.
has the tips we seen the trips.
Keep ya real don't give ya lips,
         Your'e friend that blow your'e friend the ***,
don't lose your'e pride don't lose that glow,
I'd feal the blame.
My heart the shame., Restart the button and earn the "name"

I'm sorry hailey, Leavin nd diseven
                      Gettin lost nd takin cost,
Ya boo jesse Mckush
       for  my  sister  hailey   *haglund

Theres this guy named David Bojay.. hes like one of my closetest friends.. not many people know his story or what he has gone through but he opened up to me and told me everything.. i didnt know how to react or what to say.. everything he told me , you would never think he would go through because of how chill, funny, polite he is.. Once he told me , i worried about him and i thought differently about him because he was a great friend and i didnt want anything to happen to him..

if only you guys knew how great this guy is , you would understand why im writing this.. me and him have gone through practically the same ****.. hes like my twin but come from different familys.. honestly consider him my brother. i try not to stay to distant from him but lately weve been busy and weve been really distant.. his story is my story.. god brought us together for a reason , maybe he is the one that is leading back to the right path because before i was ****** up in the mind and i was a trouble maker.. lately ive been chilling with him and lately ive just been quiet and acting better.. all thanks to my bestfriend David Bojay.

She's a woman of integrity,
She recognises her beauty,
And her specialty.
Knowing she's not perfect,
She reflects before she can react,
She may not be every mans desire,
But that doesn't matter because its not something to require,
Love and total attention from one is enough,
Lots of times she laughs,
At times she even bluffs,
When life gets rough,
She gets tough,
She's a survivor,
Her familys reviver.
She's a woman,
A woman of integrity.

salt offerings to the wounds of pride
difference between dark of doom
and the engine of simple summer eve

night sustains but
but doom is the door to the
great beyond and the fates fair or foul
that awaits each of us

a voice echoes along the path
to all the heavens ever proposed by mans thought
that voice speaks of years
spins a tale of labors
whispers songs of longing
quietly shouts story's of horror

reserve your strengths friend
for the battle yet to come
hush your unquiet mind
and lay your head down to rest
soon enough blades shall stir to war
soon enough widows shall gather their children to
graveside rememberence of fallen fathers

as trailing edge of summer day
slips into the past
the depth and majesty of summer night unfolds
crickets and the sounds of feasting familys
warm breeze in the tall grass
the sand of a beach on your fingertips
simple joys in our world and of our lives
are the counterbalance the
the dark things in our world

"Unlovable" is harsh,
But love is scarce,
When you live in this world of mine

People judge your hope,
But you can only cope,
Because it started from the beginning of time

They see what they hate,
And peace is too late,
For it begins another war

Humans beg and cry,
And on the streets they die,
And yet, we ask for more

We tend to be sick and wrong,
But in our minds we stand strong,
Alone against the world

Because of our hate,
And of the lives we take,
We wouldn't feel love if we could

So around and 'round,
We're beat to the ground,
In this circle of blood and gore

By our familys and friends,
And anyone with hands,
Until we shout, "No more"

We're pushed to the limit
Until we take the ticket
For a train to get out of town

But the only place to go,
And of this we know,
Is to be those six feet down

Red ribbons  around the streetlights.
  The lights from the commadore theather
are a reflection of the past.
Coblestone streets the historic district across the water
buildings are lit  haunting  shadows over the water.

Once  a year closed streets seem to travle back in time.
Roasted penuts  street corner preformers.
Familys togather homeless on benches not all is beautiful and bright.

Sweet city so cold and gritty.
Christmas lights like neon signs call to my jaded soul.
Horse and carrige ride down by the water.
New lovers getting lost in the moment an season.

I sit apon the steps of the old church share a bottle with
My new best friend  smells of the city echo back to another time.
Lights and sounds reflect a holiday on highstreet.
Hands held  togther  when  in another  life it seems you
were mine.

Cold are the streets  carols fill this night.
If only more than once a year.
We could embrase this spirt.
Then trap it for one peaceful day.

The traffic apon  Highstreet  is  is slowing
The festival crowd is fading.
The bottle of christmas cheer is almost gone
so along with the I must  be going.

Familys ******* can ya hear em?
Uncle larry's probaly gonna puke dont get near him.
I kinda ****** up sight.
Someone get Bobby Joe outthe street cause ya know he aint bright.

Christmas kinda blows around here.
So toss me a bottle and crack a beer.
Hey did anyone know how the tree caught fire?
No sweetie uncle Stan  isnt a down on his luck actor.
He's really a drug dealer and habitual liar.

Is egg nog supposed to have chunks.
No baby it's  not cool that your 13 on facebook asking
for pic's of shirtless hunks.

Great it's time to sit down to dinner
Yes sure is great Father O Malley showed up.
Who better to chasethe boys and drink up the whiskey
screaming at the hat rack it's a sinner.


Um it's hard to make snow Angels  on the concrete.
No your son isnt spoiled.
He's just wearing more than i make month with his
seven thousand dollar sneakers on his feet.

Grandma it's kiss  under the mistletoe   no  tongue.
Ya think grandpa would have slowed on the cigs after getting put in the iron lung.

Great a blizzard has snowed us all in. yippie im bunking  with Little Tommy tinkles  thats the way the holiday goes.
I think freezing to death doesnt sound so bad.
Lord how Christmas blows.

We were sleeping in our sleeping bags
as a noise like a finger snap
did wake us and break
our dreams into shreds
and someone did shout:
"This is the night the heater went out!"
And no time was wasted, it was a riot in fact
everybody was leaving
not leaving the place intact
the curtains blackened
and there were screams and tears and hours of horrors
all inside seconds
and apocalyptic schemes were suspected in every can
of canned beans
there were prophets and saviors falling from the ceiling
2 for every human being
shouting madly:
"The heater needs healing!"
But no one was listening
because the terror was whisteling
and walking very casually
with his hands in his pockets
ripping the copper wires
out of every socket
there were trains of doom
at the station
and a man with a silver harpoon did ask for your ticket
and if you didn't have one,the handcuffs clicked
and clacked and out-clocked
the time that made sense
There were houses in flames
and extended familys were just moving in
and the undead were asking the living:
"Where have you been,
i was worried sick,
now go ahead and die,
i want you at home before sundown kid!"
the tv's were glaring and swearing
"******* humanity, look what we found!
it is, yes, a heater and god the almighty, it went out!"
and evil thoughts went through your head
like swarms of bats
that flap their wings blindely
bounce of the walls
and fall
like leaves fall in fall
and only this one lonely boy, kept dribbling his basketball
in the schools abandoned gymnastic hall
getting his kicks from the imagened ghost cheerleader chicks
who were dumb, dead and gone
like weak old twiggs on a tree
when a heavy wind blows on
And the lions escaped from the local zoo
and were keen to know
what it would be like, to drink coffe from your cup
and take a bath inside your bathtub
and take your girlfriend to latest movie about cleopatra
in the next drive-in theatre
and the skip of a heartbeat was the longest unit to measure
and your in the mist of mystery lost love
was a grain of sand and even lesser
and you couldn't prove gravity
with the fall of an apple
it would float right up, explode
into razorblades that would settle
into the boiling water inside of your kettle
and the shocking shopping malls
were selling shock-collars and chopping knifes
and socks for the afterlife
And under your homes paranoid roof
you found goofs doing spoofs to proof
how bad you could rhyme
and they would always leave but never in time
the icecapes were melting like a single raindrop in hell
so that the turtles would jump right out of their shell
and fly like cannonballs that are as fast as no one could tell
and the bees were humming but only bluenotes
taking the honey and also your money
thinking it's funny
the highways were lowdown
and the deepsea was wadeable
and your one and only favorite thrill
would knock you right back and make you ill
your favorite song would disappear
in the cracks of your ceiling
and would leave you with only one feeling
none feeling
and your favorite word in your favorite sentence
of you favorite book
would jump right of your hook
ending up in the water
getting cought by a trout
that would finally end up inside a whales mouth
"why bother" you say to yourself, but you feel like a ghost
"why bother" you say
and those two words bother you the most
it was the heat of the moment
the beat of a fear that is still unexplained
that made the heater a mountain
of all that you dread
in your head, hands and heart
and now we shall part...

12:07 am

this is my first time writing since may. i dont really know what to write about. ive written about pain, ive written about guilt, ***, abuse, drugs. it seems thats all there is to be wrote about. i could write about love, but **** it thats so cliche and trust me ive tried it once and it turned out rotten.

i think this is a very bad time in my life. it feels as if rock bottom is one hill away. (lost all my friends, lost familys respect,cutting, getting fat(startingtostarve), snorting percs). ive thought ive been at rock bottom so many times. but every time i thought it, i realized theres more to come. (every overdose i exposed to mom)

but this time i think im farther down than that. im to the point that i realize dying is a bad option, but i can feel, as the seconds go by, it seems like the best. i know i thought about dying before, but never in this sense. ive never thought of it as a real option, ive always thought "yes, i will take these pills, but they will not **** me. i will get help after they see im suffering"

honestly, i dont want to overdose and end up back in the hospital. its a bore, a endless circle of routine. (take the pills, confess, hospital, pumped with fluids, drink the charcol, talk to doctors, pack my bags, long drive, 1 week stay)

but i dont want to die either. im terrifed of whats after death. (heaven/hell?, rot in the ground? come back a bear?) (worst scenario: stay on earth as a ghost, watch my loved ones suffer)

and i do realize there are people that love me, not many, but enough. and for some ****** up reason thats not stopping me from my selfishness. its not convincing me to let my darkness out.

im so confused about life and about who we are and what were suppoused to do and how everything ended up the way it did. im thinking too much nonsense, not thinking enough commonsense.

anyways, i guess ill keep living for now (probably keep cutting, keep snorting pills, and keep starving) and pray (towho???)that things get better

Do you write poetry to get it all out
Or to hide it?
Do you  write because  you  want to scream
And shout, or because you cant hide it?

I write when  im lonely
When the demons inside me get roudy
When the drugs  come a'howlin
And my familys looking over  me,
Frowning

I write  when the slits on my wrists  look like the telephone  lines i should be calling
But instead of screaming i just end up scrawling
All my pathetic  overstated  woes
Right here

So  facilitate  me, you strangers
Love this post.  Even though i hate it
Youve no idea the dangers im in
Trying to stay  away from that whole bottle of gin
In the corner

Facilitate  my anxieties
Show me your  all just sheep
Flocking  to  litterature like the  bowls of soup attract the meak

Im not a person here.
None of you really care
Are you even self aware
Do you know That even though its poetry
Theres a person  there?

The thought of you almost makes me cry ,knowing I might not ever see you again , the thought of loseing you to someone else , not knowing what is gonna happen in the future, going back to memories just to be happy because none are being made, holding you in my arms untill I fall asleep, kissing your sweet lips everytime I had the chance , just seeing your face puts a smile on my face, the thought of you driveing away for the last time ..... heart breaking, knowing you won't find better dosent help the situation of you in my thoughts, familys and school causeing us to be appart, my dreams leave me lonley in the mornings because you are gone, the thought of my first love drifting into the western sunset while I sit her on the darkside of the moon trying to find insperation to cross to the otherside is like a rough rollacoster ride, the thought of you makes me feel nanny differnt ways .....

head spinning, it hurts like it shouldn't that i think what i couldnt when things were begining and you were winning me over, wouldnt it be nice if we could toss the dice and mimic the devices that left us on our knees, fast forward to the ever elusive striaghtforward tease ive become, not in your absense, but from things left undone, words left unsaid hide behind nostolgia that eats away and craves attention in my head, growing with every shared breath in your bed, you think i'm talking about *** and the haunting ghosts of longing thats causing my stalling, preventing the steps i might take in softening the brown eyed mourning, little white lies storming off my mouth because i would hate for you know i love you, not because i ****** you, because i know your dad drives a red truck and survives with you deprived from his life , because i know your mom shoots up in cheers to disputes in your familys broken roots, because everytime i see you i forget everything.

You ***** a little girl.
And I saw you as a good dad
And my familys ****** up
I feel so crazy as I look up
To the sky, and through applications
I have to find a place for her
To live, as cancer steels her life
Her big personality, as finalizing choke out of me
What I am suppose to say
And as people I care come crawling out from
Dark, I park myself in the one ray of light
Fighting to stay the person that I am
Uncle you are a tweeker, But I love you
But you steel from my dyeing grandmother
I WILL ******* KICK YOU
Right in the teeth so you wont smile at me anymore
I will die
When they burn down that old house
I will die
When she lets cancer take away everything
I will die
When I don’t know what to say and its to late ill die
Frustration  overtakes me, someone save me
Im failing. No one will help an old lady out for real?
Whats the deal. What kind of world do I live in
And rewind. He touched a little girl
My grandmas is soon to be homeless
Because they will take
What made my childhood
And my uncle finds everything
He can take and runs away
And I stand alone
Trying to find her a home
And fathers day is on the way
But I don’t know what to give him
Maybe a letter that says
Thanks for growing up
Once I didn’t need a dad
And at the end
I'm still mad
Happy please find me
Please find me
*so lost, I cant even find the right buttons, right words... ****** poem, ****** home.

i live in a sufficatin hell seeing every one **** up.
there is only pure anger for what we have be came
we are only macheins that have rules to be slaved by the government.
we dye we cry we suffer our lives end with just a single button

I live in darkness with no light.
I live in this hell seeing society become a threat.
i live in  hell seeing innecent people dye from people who attck there life.
i just watch the world turn seeing nothing but insent blood shed that has lost the most import people who can heal the mistakes

i live in my own hell seeing every day blood shed taking familys to death.


i have words to say but seeing your own friend get taken out by warfare (WHAT THE ****) i live in my own hell seeing just **** rip apart people


i live in this world that has no boundries no limits no nothing. just blood shed with no regert

i live in this world  full of danger i always have to keep my sences up to be awaerar of the next move


i live in a world of hell where there is nothing to stop by boundries just blood shed

my own living hell is everyday trying just to survive as time goes on

I thank you everyday before I rest my head for fighting
for our country.
If anything were to happen to either of you I'll never forget
you.
I love you the both of you very much.
I'm always thinking about you.
Sometimes I cry with tears of joy because I got to meet you
before you left for this war.
Your familys and I want you both home safe and unharmed.
I also understand that not everyone makes it home from war
but all I have to say is I have faith in you and I know you will come home.
All I can really ask for are letters to let me know that you are doing well and to never lie to me if somethings wrong or you need something I want to know.
Be safe and Fight hard
My Fighting Angels <3

One bullet, one god dam bullet, this cant be
Happening to me..  These little jackets more
Precious than that which was converted by all
But now worthless only good for wiping my ****.

Why would they take them that way, its not
Fair, they never hurt anyone. I cant believe
I had to do that.... Their skin it just descended
Just like taking your coat off "O' GOD...

It was so quick, why was I not with them, I
Would be at peace, but I had to do it for them..
For me to survive "No for them, I cant do this;
One little jacket to end it all, peace in moments, bliss.

What was that? I cant let them, cant believe I'm using
A ******* water pistol but this would be so much
Fun if it wasn't for this, got to get height, learnt that
Their  fast, "Hi **** come here often, nice smile,

A push of a button, Dam the batteries died, me to
If I cant, always carry a spare. I douse the chatter
In accelerant and then like a candle they blaze in
A moments glory, "I swear I see peace in their eyes,

Fumes are a little to strong need to wear the mask next
Time, I fumble and collapse on the filthy floor.
Knock, knock,
Who's there?  Wake up if you wanna survive,

I hear chattering as I focus on my surroundings,
Got eat something cant do that again. I should have
Covered this place before doing this, blind surroundings
Mean a hasty death, learning as I go along.

What's the smell, its an odour of burning. Crap it
Wasn't dead it crawled. I lean out of a window and
See flames licking at the outside of the building.
There moving higher clambering away from death.

I can feel the heat from below, the halls lined with
Wisps of corrosive smoke. like rats they ascend over
Each other, not caring as long as they are in front of
That colour that charring heat that grasps on to all.

I run but my lungs are burning is that the smoke or am
I badly out of shape. Stair after stair I ascend just hopeful
And glad that non have found this place my legs are
Stumbling, like lead weights I lift each one repetitively.

I think of just sitting on this step, so many feet have passed
On these now dull and silent, echoes of floors below as I
Hear then now flooding this place so many eager movements
None thinking of the other as over the railing like rain they fall.

New momentum has me up stepping two at a time, I burst
Through the door, I see the edge and run, just as I thought
Old wooden planks grasp at either ledge. I hear there need,
So I quicken the pace, step after step till I traverse across.

I see them flood through the opening where minutes before
I stood, they see me running at full pace. I smile give them
A polite wave with my index finger and just as one lunges
Across I kick the planks and it descends then still again.

I sit on the edge watching their frustration, teeth chattering
But in unison. It cant be like a form of language? is that
Even possible. Then silence, awkward black eyes stare focused
Just on me. Then they start to jump leaping to certain demise.

But as I watch then swan dive some grapple to the side laughter
Turns to concern and I stamp on bloodied hands, They have no
Skin but where that loss others things grew. Nails were more
Hardened like jagged steel they latch on to the brick work...

I swear that one that was able to get across even though no lips
Was smiling in arrogance its muscles lifted teeth chattering and
I understood its clicking "one of us, "one of us, what the
Hell is going on how did I understand that thing?

Exhausted I search for a place to hide as screams heard not
So many now, I find homes abandoned, a door left ajar.
"Blood so much blood, I look upstairs and find a loft with
A ladder. I poke a head through slowly no chattering and rest.

Nightmares ensue as I dream of what I left behind, my wife
My daughter it just felt like taking off a coat. They were just
Muscle teeth chattered I locked the doors "I ran, I ran,
"I so sorry, I  awaken to chattering how did they find me.

Pain gripped me, but their close no time to think, I just climb
Out the loft window. I look down no others around, I hear the
Sound it speaks to me "We mean harm, I'm startled and
I fall, my last thoughts are  "I will see you both soon,

But death didn't wait, as I ascended I landed on claws,
I ignore that moment and run, I feel the breeze upon
Myself, I feel so relaxed burdens, fear, anger have all
But faded from my view. I see them like fearful statues still.

I call out to them fear not freedom from this existence is
Within your grasp. But what was heard by those stunned
In perpetual fear was but chattering, I do not realize it yet
I will not till I carve upon their flesh that I am what is feared.

I gain pace, hungering to teach them the error of the flesh,
To teach them this is but a better way. No hatred but a
Yearning to teach them the freedom of this existence.
We are evolution, we are a higher conciseness.

No need for mortal entanglements, no need for possessions
Freedom to roam. Flesh was a prison that is expelled, freedom
From those traits that burdened me. I killed my brothers,
Sisters but no regret they passed wilfully enlightening me.

Passing a shop window I see my new form, I am not horrified,
Neither repulsed. Freedom from form as I sense those that are
To be apart of us, but there are those who are neither of freedom
Or form for those there is only the consumption of old flesh.

The others they run, but not relaxing that it is but a matter of
Time till they dispose of that aged form no longer suited to
This new word. I hear talking, voices unmistakable that of my
Wife and daughter, not departed as I thought, i speak to them.


.. / .-.. --- ...- . / -.-- --- ..- / .. / .- .-.. .-- .- -.-- ... / .-- .. .-.. .-.. --..-- / -- -.-- / ..-. .- -- .. .-.. -.-- / -- -.-- / - .... --- ..- --. .... - ... / - --- --. . - .... . .-. / .- --. .- .. -.

( Loosely translated)
I love you I always will, my family my thoughts together again.

They claws so gently, caressing  each others features. They look for
Others so near to the change, so in need of a familys help. I took off
My contempt and it was like I had  just slipped off my coat.

The rough texture of your palms Lingers on my fingertips.
Your enchanting laugh rings in my ears.
You were my protecter.
My hero.
It was far to soon for u to Hang up your cape.
5 longs years spiral out of control in a matter of days.
Feeling Your smile fading in my eyes hour by hour. I begged for your life.
But god turned his back on my selfish pleas.
I am told it all happens for a reason, But I can find no reasoning in a father being torn from his family far before his time.
Cancer doesn't rip apart familys for a reason.
Daughters arnt ment to watch there father slip away for a reason.
I would have sold my soul for one last hug, To hear your voice agian.
My father stolen from me by The venom that corsed in his veins.
Life is to fickle to appreciate. But I sware if I could have had one last phone call I could renue my lust to live. I could step out of this seemingly endless revolving door.
With you gone the house is Hallow.
We are Hallow.
You left us frightfully stumbling through a mirror maze.
You were the light to guide me home. But I am left a shell of a daughter craving for one more minute Of life in you.
I see You in my dreams, A moment of comfort in your presence that leaves me bitter an hurt when I wake.
I write to you everyday knowing there just words lost in the wind.
You sculpted me into a broken masterpiece and left me unfinished.
Left a hole in me that can never seem to be filled.
Well u laid in the hospital bed with the cold cloth i had placed on your head i felt as tho i was a young child agian longing to crawl up in your lap an have you tell me everytging was going to be ok.
My tears seem Dried  an i cant kick start my heart.
The lights on life dimmed by your absence.
Everywhere i turn i see you.
Raw an open, I miss you So much words could not descride.
Please.
Please.
Come home daddy

it is the little things
that consume me...
the daily minutea
that others miss...
or deem discardable.
it is these.....
small moments
i am drawn to..
that.. i focus on......
as the big picture sails by
piccolo thoughts
and lilliputian dreams...
.... engage me.
encouraging me to ..
flights of fancy....  
expansive in expression...
....snatches of conversation
half finished gestures.....
are bread and butter
.... sustaining me.
...tiny bits of tree twiglet,
when they grow...
what stories could they tell.
a christmas stamp stuck to the
cement pavement...
i would hate to pay
the postage on sending that package.
always...and always
in the back of my mind....
the sea....
full of teeming....
tiny floaty things for me...
to inadeaquately... describe
and love... i write love  well....
then there are....
.... the familys forgotten moments
...gathered by my quill
we..... as poets... are life's truest horder's .....inscribing life on sky and tree.....
we see and hold....
....and feel and scry.
the minikens... of all .....mankind
with little.. splot, spotches..? of inkspots ..joined to form a line.
of words to open hearts...
..and free encumbered mind

even with her sitting next to me
even with the radio blaring
with the tv whispering
nothing ever makes this home
my parents house a hell hole even for the devil
made me crazy
drove so many to depression
its a chronic outbreak
catch quicker than aids
its never the same every time i come here
so why do i return
why do i stay
maybe i can reach out to even my father
that its time to set this hell house on fire
let the kerosene erupt the boards into ashes
let the screams of our familys curse
die in an echo of black smoke
in hell with nowhere to run
i wonder how long this house will continue
to destroy my family further

Since you came, our fields
don't look the same.
You broke us down and
changed our ways.
We were once beautiful
filled with lots of green
and the calm blue of the sea.
You destroyed familys and dreams
and our hope simply disappeared.
María, ******* hurricane,
my little island is not the same.
My heart aches and screams
to see how it once were.
Beacuse we were once beautiful
and then you came.

In the passenger seat 5 minutes from heavenly green
I ain't watin till I get home
Brought the grinder and the papers ima roll a cone
Space cruze on a road heavily used by 5O
Who cares I need smoke
Can't think without hit so i wake up and spark it
I keep it lit till my eyes lose focus and i pass out
Inhale life, hold in pain, blow out a different mind state
One that is'nt so insane

You wanna meet a real stoner?
That smokes on the daily,
Goes to work to make money for a bag!
Stays in a mind state thats kinda hazy,
Come my way baby, I stay towards the north west.
In a mountain valley where good **** comes with no request
We don't play that midgrade, only carry the best strains.
And the best thang is everybody in town smokes down
So come to my town find a place to sit down
Brace yourself this high grade gone put you down.
Idaho is every state's joke and really we don't care
The smaller the population is  the More **** the born and raised gem state familys can blaze  




I don't need oxygen, I just need THC!!
I keep a pipe or a joint close to me.
Police only think I'm high when I'm outta ****.
My teachers tellin me to leave cuz I need to smoke
I can only see, when I'm in a cloud of smoke
I blaze when I'm broke. cuz homies got me an they know I'll always get em back fat
So no day is a clear day, blowin clouds out our mouths is how we stay
Always way too blazed, can't pass the bowl, can't wait till the high takes hold,
Puff puff pass this blunt of gold to every stoner young or old

                     ZtickZ-

(floss so hard i hit my familys line of grief)
(floss so hard i hit the family line of grief)
(floss so hard i hit my family's line of invisible grief)
(floss so hard i hit my family's invisible line of grief)

write your name on a piece of paper now your familys gone
...... tupac

death without cause is injustice
so trust is lost with life in injustice
and life with in injustice is a survival tactic
so the rats become the numb
to morals
feeding from misery
like blood seeping from the wound
and still the lord became the monster that would bare
the sins of the wicked
but dare not speak of jesus for blood becomes currency and nobodies safe

3 months old little Paddle began to change
His fluffy yellow feathers rearranged
His new feathers silvery brown exchanged

A little taller in stature, neck now long
Mrs. Fiddle and Mr. Faddle waddle doddle
Little paddle, full of **** and vinegar
full throttle singing a song

One fine day his family got larger, they say
Mrs. Toodles, and Mr. Doodles and their
3 triplets aunt, uncle cousins, arrived today
Doodle , Caboodle, and Scoodle  Triplets
The girls walking  and talking  liplets

The triplets Doodle, Caboodle,Scoodle and little Paddle scurry flurry off to play
Mrs Fittle, Mr Faddle, Mrs Tootle, Mr. Doodle  between them not much to say
Frazzled and dazzled, caring for their offspring each day

The geese parents getting older
The Young gaggle of geese growing bolder
As the weather grew colder?

The familys stay away from the flock
Each day time takes away the ever changing clock
Both parents know one thing fear the dock

The first snippet and tip it good weather
No longer needing those thick feathers like a sweater
The sweet smell of flowers, hang in the air, lilac, and Heather

It’s time to learn how to Fly
The gaggle of geese begin to nervously cry
Trying to lift off the ground their parents
Not a sound, cautiously, look around
Keep trying, encourage, parent geese flying
Take a run for the sky lift off high battle cry

The exquisite excitement is in the air
Feathers to and fro flailing everywhere
The triplets hover lovers without a care
Little paddles Svelte feathers show a tare
Slowly draft drifted Earth bound
A shaky *** slump, defeated down

Mrs. Fittle, and Mr. Faddle right behind
Little paddle’s battle to stay in the air
Incidence grew in intensity with Care

The truth his feathers were just not ready
Sadly madly he wanted to soar not steady
His wings too small it was not his time
The hardest lesson is being left behind

Little paddle’s glorious day will come
He will gleefully glide, in the big blue sky
With Mrs. fiddle and Mr. Faddle closely by

Everything in life is temporary
it all ends, but the problem is when things end somthing new begins and you just have to deal with all these beginnings and endings
Everything is temporary
Sadness, love, life, passion, friendships, homes, familys, joy day, night, sleep, awake
It all ends
And you just watch it end over and over again and you have to deal with it
Theres one thing that dosent have an end but still begins and thats death.
It begins but never ends thats why everyone craves it or fears it so dearly
I can think of a million things that never begin but always end
But deaths the one thing that begins without an end.
What brings all these beginings and endings in a cycle only stopped by death?
The three norns
The future is an end, look forward and a million things have already ended
Time brings all ends
And beings bring beginnings, beings desperately build things up hoping not to have ot smashed down by time, but it always happenes, a cycle
The past are things that are to end and the present is things that are ending
The cycle is boring
And sad
It just means your stuck
Theres only one end
That lastts forever and thats death
No happiness without sadness yet there seems to be sadness without happiness all the time
death wont leave me
death dosent forget about you
death dosent leave its forever, past a point of no return
thats beuty
in a universe full of cycles
the only true beuty is an end
Yet objects dont end
When i die my body will decay and go into another cycle
But i will be over
I will be dead
thats whats so beautiful about the anomaly of life
Things cycle forever, never to end
But beings get to end
I truly pity things without being
They cycle forever
No end for them
but the strangetys of the infinantes gave us being!!!
and thats what separate beings from everything else
We die
We get the beautiful gift of an end

Making the most of life is pointless when most ends
if i make the most of a friendship its still gonna end
Everythings temporary and thats never ending
What making the most gives you is only an end that makes you look back and wish things lasted forever?
Pure unfiltered nostalgia
Pain
Regret
Regret of letting it end
Knowing you could have done something to stop it from ending
Regret of not saying more
Not doing the things you where scared to do
but now its over and theres no way to do anything because everythings temporary
Except death
Death lasts forever
An end without an end

With open arms I wait for you.
Let us undo what we went through.
In two different worlds we are now.
But we must try no matter how.

A family so precious they deserve us both.
With hard work and trust will come growth.
But its not my decision alone to make.
Lets give us a try for our familys sake.

I have never doubted my love for you.
Something I am certain that you knew.
Marriage is hard work not always fun.
Lets not quit and call this done.

A vow I took and those words I meant.
My sins of the past I do repent.
I am not perfect that I confess.
Can we repair this god awful mess?


A. Emmi 03/11/18

I’m afraid to say it I’m afraid to pray it I’m afraid to breathe it into existence what if that’s what this is what if that’s what we’re doing we’re just learning how to pray from the time we were little babes till the time we’ve grown up all the way teaching ourself the same things teaching our friends and familys our upbringing reteach reteach redo redo it’s all a circle in my mind boo