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John Mar 2013
Hi, I'm Jackie. I am 18 years old and I'm a senior at Brennan Burton High School in Frederickson, New York. Frederickson is the suburban wasteland that you've doubtlessly seen and read about in countless movies, TV shows and books concerned with life in these mind-numbingly dull pockets of land. If you can even call it "life", that is. However, I find that the aforementioned depictions of the people and happenings in towns like mine are, more often than not, completely wrong. It makes me wonder if the people writing these shows and films have ever taken the initiative to actually venture out of their modest little apartments in SoHo to see for themselves what an actual suburbia feels like. But, I digress... Sort of. The purpose of my story is to try to prove to you that what you think about suburbia is probably all wrong, or mostly wrong.
     Now, where to begin?
     OK. I live in a two-story house that was built in the wake of World War II. It was one of those houses that government built for the soldiers who were returning from the war to live happy and prosperous lives in with their smiling families. That was a long time ago though, and now it seems like most of the houses in my town are occupied by single mothers, single fathers or familial units that include a step-mother or step-father. And my family is no different, being made up of my father, Henry (everyone calls him Hank) and my little brother Huxley. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer only a few months after Huxley was born. They did everyting they could for her, but the cancer was advanced and she passed away only a few months after her initial diganosis. I loved my mother. She was a strong woman, she went to college, got a well paying job and gave birth to two kids. Sounds like a busy life, especially when you take into account that she was only 38 when she died.
     Thinking about her too much kind of shifts me into slow-mo, so I'm moving on. I love my dad, too. He's had a hard life. He grew up in a hard part of the city and had to drop out of school to start working at around 14 or 15. Not too long after he started working to help his family out, his father disappeared. Supposedly, my grandfather was involved with some sketchy people and, without a doubt, probably was involved in some sketchy dealings. Anyway, after he disappeared, my father was forced to work 18 hour days, 7 days a week. My grandmother was an alcoholic and a pill popper before my grandfather disappeared, and afterward it only got worse. One day when my father got home from work, he found his mother drowning in her own ***** on the kitchen floor. He rushed her to hospital, but it was too late. And to top it all off, when he got home, floating in the inch deep puke, he found her suicide note. That's when my father decided to pack his bags and move out of the city. Soon, he found work in an autobody shop and started saving money. Not long after that, his boss introduced him to his daughter who was around the same age. His boss's daughter turned out to be my mom.
     Sorry if all this background is annoying, but I figure if you want to read my story, you might as well know my parents' stories too. After all, if there were no them, then there would be no me. But yeah, my father. He's a good guy. Always quick to make light of any situation. You'll never catch him bringing the emotional air of a situation down. That;s just not how he operates, and now that I think about it, I can see why. If he had made a habit of that, he no doubt would've ended up like his mother. I'm very appreciative of him and everything that he does, I just wish I got around to tell him that more often.
     Then there's my brother Huxley. He's 9 years old, in the 4th grade and was named after Aldous Huxley, the author of Brave New World, my mother's favorite book. The name is eerily fitting too, almost as if his being named after a famous author was a foreshadowing of sorts. While his best friends are playing the latest PlayStation game, Huxley is devouring a novel. Basically, if you put it in front of him, he'll ****** it up and be quoting it the next time you see him. He's a smart kid, a really smart kid and I couldn't be prouder as an older sister, especially these days, when the only ting kids read are text messages and Facebook statuses. Whenever I go to the library to finish schoolwork, I always try to pick something up for him. The last one I got him was Carrie by Stephen King, one of my favorite authors. After he finished it though, he told me he'd much rather me bring him home another Nicholas Sparks book. I can't say you would ever hear those words coming out of my mouth, but I admire the kid's openness. I picked him up The Choice a few days ago, and when I checked in on him that night his smile was never brighter. He quickly kissed my cheek and told me he only had a few chapters left so I had to leave him be. All in all, he's quiet, shy and sensitive and I love him for that.
The unfinished first chapter to a short I'm writing that very well could turn out to be my first real attempt at a television pilot. Be gentle, it is unfinished and I've yet to even read through it yet, so yeah. Raw, unedited and unfinished. Let me know what you think. Thanks.
William Robinson Feb 2016
When I was young.
I would take things personally
I would become sad.
But one day.
I said **** that
It stuck around.

I said **** it,  **** that and **** all your stupid ****
**** the past and **** the bad things up in the ***
**** everything what a way to live.
But now I am happy and I've run out of ***** to give.
**** notes
horandement Mar 2016
You think I left, tears in my eyes
When I just needed fresh air
To keep my nerves quiet, my soul pure

People like you need a heart,
Can't feel humanity streaming in their veins
And now I am the prisonner of your words

Oh little princess ! Don't you think it's time to throw your plastic crown away ?
And see what you have destroyed all around you

Selfish mind, ***** words blind you
Everyone around got hurt
Everything but your mean smile

Eyes full of admiration, eyes full of hate
You pretend to speak true words
When everyting you have done was being nasty


Because honesty is NOT a synonym of disrespect.
Les Zehm Jul 2013
stood on the bow of my boat, drifting,
sifting thru my thoughts,
as if the heaviest n most precious ones
would show and the smile would be non stop.
Maybe i thought their worth was increasing,
later to find out what i wanted was not just as pleasing,
but everyting around me was the reason I'm breathing,
the birds an the bees and the sun that is seating,
the dirt and the trees and the animals that are feeding.
born with a blood that is gold when I'm bleeding,
life's priceless till we're lifeless,
until then I'm just being.
David Crow Feb 2019
Sense of self-worth is something,
yet I don't know who I am
supposed to be,
Say something I could understand
and promise me to leave
me alone,
I don't understand why I have
no money and I am obsessed
with an image of someone
that I can never be,
I really want to write the
things I could never say and
I am affraid to say what I
want to write,
This is out of my dictionary
and the right words never
come and I lose the meaning
of it all,
I am an imitator and a
parrot,
my feelings frustrate me to no
end and precisely everyting
bothers me, to be honest,
what do I need to do when
I smile and grin at the
same time?
Something is horribly wrong
with me and I cannot make
sense of my surroundings,
this... this is what I
wanted to do! Yeah!! Oh, and
ontop of that, I'm somehow
consuming more than I
could chew;
there is nothing wrong with
me in a way and I
care about what happens when
I die,
Yes, I'm angry all the time
and it all starts from one simple
word that I did not understand
and it goes out to show that
I'm scared to be alone and
I do want to say so to someone
who cares,
life itself confuses me so there's
no point to even trying,
I lie and scream all the
time for no reason except when
I want to say something .. then
I keep quiet,
my mind is way too confusing
for people to understand so
there's no point in even trying
to speak,
the end is where I begin and
in the void I shall end!
Roses are red
Violets are red
that tree looks red
my face looks red!!
Shoot!!
Everyting looks red!!!
                                      -*Cyclops(Member of the X-Men)
Sethnicity Nov 2016
Standing in this sphere
I seek communion with the Stars
Heat and dust for hidden answers
I wonder wonder where they are?

Bursting into gates I dawn my robe like a heavyweight
Wandering thru the distance I am guided by the Wake
skim the outer rim clouds dissolve revolve or scatter
but I'm focus on the mission I'm surfing streams of gray matter
burn to shine walk the line define gravity : the Force
untethered in this universe My vision on the course

I fast devoid of sun or moon
comet of the galaxy I'm bound to Windu
I am Master of the unseen epoch
I foreshadow the battle whether it  
yet be not   true
You know like Yoda, I do

I'm staring/speaking into the nebular
what will birth from this mother nurse?
As I transverse like silver surf
 Don't act like I can't create Heaven on Earth

I'm meditating on the cellular
my midichlorian ***** is buzzing like a church!

No alms needed I'm lighter when lit unified with this (galactic ****)
light sight like solo omni verse
Re
Y
Me
So far not tea grow VOTE
The dark side outta Ben is Bern it's my turn speaking truth into these chicken boot tweens in Twitterverse
PLUCK A FEATHER
And make an ill quill
Letter!
A retweet beat writer
Faux Father but a real goal setter
Hope ya feel better
OR
A
Curse
I DON'T NEED A LIGHT BEAM!
Less is more like an invisible burst
I could cuttlefish but I'd rather soar
With everyting I've learned!
I am more than hate is worth

No matter measure of endeavor
light speed hyper space ever nearer to the source

I

Inhale Trees Exhale breeze Interstellar
Squeezed
Me out
A Feat at first
Then
knees bows spout nose and cranium
If i didnt know better id say my bones marrow vibranium
One bout won!
The night win some but they just lost one!
If i couldn't make words then i guess I'd just hum! I was born with this voice and this voice has sung
I was born with this force and with this force I run into
Entwined and unleashed all is bound to the Force
"All is absorbed and destroyed in the Breath Mindfulness is the only choice we have to make"
Alyssa Gilera Oct 2018
When I hoped for someone better
I never imagined I would get so much more
A friend who can lighten up my world in so many ways
and a girl who I'd never get tired of, even if everyday

Call it silly, call me early
But I've grown to like you a lot, really
this might be foolish of what I feel
but everyting 'bout you is beauty

Those eyes, that smile, and your personality
everything adds up, making me happy
I might not say it everytime
but your presence is ever so sublime

The feels when I'm near you
the thoughts when I'm without you
sounds crazy? sounds insane?
just like me staring in the pouring rain

How mad cute you are even when I'm just looking at you
and even when you're staring into the blue
how I'd love to call you mine
but the sad truth you ain't never gonna be, this time

It was clear as the day
even though you haven't even say
we're never gonna have something
but what I wanted is in you, every single thing

And I'd never get the chance to be that someone
I'd never get the chance to call you my girl
I'd never get the chance to hold you once more
'cause I'll never have that chance that I would be the one you would fall for

Wish someone would treasure you the way I do
and take care and love you true
'cause it should always be that
loving you without what ifs and no buts

But I'll be here for you always, no matter what
I'm never gonna leave you, the truth is that
I'll always be that one friend
you can rely on until the end
Styles Jun 2014
Some dim witz, try and talk slick; I'll flip the linquistics on these limp biscuits, like it’s No body’s Business, for instance; these lyrics throw bricks at ******, that write lyrics like bones and sticks; you barely hear it, and nothing sticks. So I will put it like this; my pen dragging is a lyrical assist of my mind management that coexists with an untapped abyss capable of slick rap antics, with acrobatics, sick enough to spit dope **** to a fiend and crack addicts; the flow problematic; semi-automatic with the flips, and a-wrist-to-go craft it; now your verbal way; above average. I’m on a roll; way a head of the class *****. My Style switch like a buy chic; trying Bi ****, and she 5'6 six with some nice ****, kissing a ginger, same height, both wearing tights- I like it. Funny how things *** together; Good-night. Its not over; I'd like-to get it started, get it right. You like the way I write, you should see me when I am right. Now, drunk off wine coolers and sprite; and my buds' light; so everyting is gonna to be aright. Prepared for one hell of a fight; writers block, get's a hook, then a right; then in the  a.m. I am, out for the night. my word play, ******* with my sight- translation, I will be so tired in the morning, the morning will be my night.
Trevor Lee Boyd Jun 2010
Writing in a notebook every single death I've had
Doesn't seem too bad on first glance
Just wait, this night'll never end

Smear me up a wall
Undo every single thought I have
Wish I could take my eyes out of my head
And see all thie things I've done
All the songs I've never written
My arms close to my chest
My heart in my throat
Everyting's out of place, isn't it the best?

We're running on a full tank of gas with nowhere to go
We're driving in cricles to make it look like we went somewhere
Seeing the same old thing back adn forth
Thinking time'll change this
Boy, were we wrong

Once more before tomorrow
We're on the edge holding on
This life has our hands and is ready to let go
No more last words for us
Going a million miles an hour in neutral
All they see is a person going nowhere
What they don't see (Oh, what they don't see)
We've been to the darkside of the moon and back
(Yeah, we've got this) We've got no obligation to you
We've seen God, one day, one single moment
(Forgiveness behind the flowers)

We've left ourselves here because
Because, because, because, because
We can
Expecting a high fallutin answer?
Well, sorry to disappoint
We've plotted our path here, why?
We can, we can, we can!
Because we can!

Writing in a notebook every single death I've had
Doesn't seem too bad on first glance
Just wait, this night'll never end
Writing in a notebook every single life I've lost
Doesn't it seem funny how're they're gone?
They never were that long
(Never really meant anything)
They never were that good
(Never really could)

Come on, gods have knelt at our feet
We've done our crime, we've done our time
Just wait, you'll see
Just you wait, we'll see to it
That you're not left behind
I write sometimes.
I read sometimes.
The day is going to be well.
But I feel I am always broken in many unspoken words.
Many poems were written.
Many feelings were poured in many cups of the day I spent too much.
They said, you are overthinking to yourself.
They said, you let more anxiety fill your brain.
I said, maybe this is the last time I will do.
Maybe I will forget the past and hope everyting is going to be fast.
I write sometimes.
I read sometimes.
Everyday I get I always heal myself.
Maybe I was born.
Again.
And again.
And maybe,
I will die everyday too.
Indonesia, 18th April 2021
Arif Aditya Abyan Nugroho
JCabanilla Feb 2018
"I'm fine"
"It's okay"
"I'm good"
and flash a smile

Nonsense!
I'm not fine, don't you see?
It's not okay, understand it please.
I'm not good, I can't find peace.

Get the rope!
No, pick the knife!
Choose the poison!
thoughts roaming around my insane brain.

I'm tired,
I'm lost,
I'm lonely,
I feel nothing.

I'm stuck,
I'm suicidal,
I'm choosing,
Live or sleep?

I got the rope,
put it high in the living room,
thinking if I should do it,
but I changed my mind.

I picked the knife,
pointed it on my heart,
thinking if I should stab it.
but then I put it down.

I chose the poison,
put it on a glass,
thinking if I should drink it,
but I tossed it in the garbage.

I looked in the mirror,
with my big brown fluffy eyes,
tired of crying,
wish on dying.

School,
Projects,
Paper works,
And stress.

Tears are falling in line,
ready to flow,
ready to crawl,
ready to fall.

I made my way in the bathroom,
locked up the door and got up in the tub,
I closed my eyes and started mesmerizing everything,
Started to think those darned times to welcome myself in darkness.

before I fall asleep
I said, "goodbye for nothing"
as I closed my eyes, I felt the water enter my body,
tears are on my eyes and I drowned myself while smiling.
Words by: Jc
Sometimes life is so unfair.
g Sep 2010
she was summer’s breeze. calm and cool to the touch. her heart reminded me of winter. cold, frozen and fragile. even with just one touch she made me feel like spring. where love begins to grow. but my soul feels like fall. in the midst of everything i lose my leaves. i would give anything to feel her place the spring in my heart, year after year. she doesn’t understand that to me she is a goddess. she can take my love and give it back. she is the person who throws my thought off track. she is beautiful. she is ecstasy. even in her sadness i still adore her. even when she pushes me away i want her more. she’s everyting in my eyes.
Emm Apr 2016
7 years and I still think of you
7 years and I still think of the memories
our memories that smell of dust of the past 7 years
still uneasy to forget the trail of dark cloud on my bright clear sky
it's not the lost of you that I'm trying to forget
but maybe it's the lost of me
you, the subconcious thief
of my sanity, pride, and sense of self
you made me question everyting I thought I knew
everything I thought I learned
you make me question...

7 years time flew by in the limbo
7 years as fresh as yesterday
as fresh as these clean washed sheets but not me
as I still smell of you
of the dust from the last 7 years
Hxney Bunny Sep 2017
You said my tears didn't taste salty
and I wanted to say
that was because I was drowning
all of our memories down my face.

But you know, that's not something
that can fit in a mouth,
I couldn't imagine my tongue
pronouncing those words,
there is no sound for those thoughts.

That's something you can read in a
note on a table, in a public toilet wall,
and it sound tragically beautiful
and maybe you'd take a picture
and post it in your social media
sharing the story of some strangers.

Althought it's totally different
when you feel those tears
falling down in rivers, in columns
of sweets memories and happy days,
but I couldn't say that
it would make everyting harder.

And now we're looking at each other
and inside of me there's a lagoon
of the things that couldn't be said
and the memories that couldn't be sweet,
I realize I'm really sunken in my own narrative.
Max Feb 2019
I'd do everything for you,
I'd give my life.

I want everything for you,
I want you to be happy.

I like everyting about you,
I like that you're mine.

I have to say,

I love you.

Now, later and forever.
I'm in love I guess.
Semihten5 Jun 2017
empty streets
do you know to slience

difficult questions
the diagnostic unresponsiveness

cheap ways
try to sneak

into the abyss
look a little

a bitter song
listen all day

in the heavy rain
it get wet so

everyting gains
each experience
Haruharu Sep 2018
My grumpy face doesn't stop him from kicking my *** on Street Fighter.

My illogical arguments makes him laugh, he even use them against me.

He laughs at me like I'm an irrational child.

He rolls his eyes at my singing and dancing in the kitchen.

When I refuse to be quiet, he sighs and moans.

Yet,
he holds my hand through movies that scare me.

He tries to keep me warm though he's sweating.

He values my opinion even though he doesn't agree.

He holds me tight, even when he's mad at me.

He cries while laughing at me.

He gives me everyting, even when I don't deserve it.

He is my partner and best friend.

If this isn't love, I don't know what is
Carel Prinsloo May 2019
History teaches you everyting
you need to know.
About today, tomorrow,
and the future..
In stillness everyting
awaits in warm and untold
peace how storms unfold.
A bazaar has been setup.
A carnival rages.

Bodies, innocence.
Souls, dignity.
Laws, customs.
Love, hate.

Everything is being bought.
Everyting is being sold.

Even though we are mere beggars,
we must pitch our tents somewhere else.
Somewhere far from this accursed place.
Tim Jan 2021
Wasted and wounded, I still adhere to wishing to be some new state
This country made his compatriots buried in the mud
This county slived hopeless ones until they broke into crumbles
This street has no vision,
It’s useless to bond each shambles together, rife with unrecognizable blood stains and toils
No one can creep into the dragon’s nest and see the deflective meanings on his unsharpened teeth anymore
I’ll die here against my will, and I’ll stock myself in a pine box
And collectors gonna collect me someday, so I’m not here to judge

Everyting’s primal, all the pride’s esteemed
My gun sleeps like a hunter’s, my pleasure gets lost
My deeds are tangled, time lays in a deathbed
My loved ones are ghosts, slaying themselves and wearing skins
I’m an antique sculpture that stands still in an antique pose
I got punched by so many weathers that keep changing still
Amongst so many individuals that think they have a style of their own, I made my stand
I’m broke down like a fortune globe but yet not broke in pieces
And collectors gonna collect me someday, I know I’m not ready

I have not to call someone that I think I scarsely know
“That’s not the real news” would be said,                                 “These not the real words”
Plenty things wouldn’t be dawned on if they’re not forgotten
Swear to god I’d know they’re true but they were stigmatized by the realities and brokenness
I’d know it’s fine to get involved in something I feel that I don’t know
Now the best I can is the worst they can’t, the tapsters got stiffed, too many thing’s wrong
And the first break of day turned to be the last spark of ray, I can’t even tell myself that the day’s done
******* collectors gonna collect me someday
I’m pretty sure

The sheriff eats his last supper, he’s going downsouth
He missed his target for 28 times, 24 times he lost attention
Neighbour mumbles :”frankly dear, I don’t care”, now I think he’s freed of wrong tries and right mistakes
Now he thinks he tries his last wrong chance to leave his girl hung on a crucifix, he knows she won’t die
Some details changed about the things fellow citizens talk about, they miss the closures for the each drag-to-death breath, they miss the infinity
They miss the times they would never know they’ll go astray
I’m blinded and I’m bored, far away from the grave-of-soul shores
Collectors gonna collect me someday, and I don’t give a ****

Fies, lo and beholds, invitations to a brought-down loneliness by a downtown girl
Fies, honking mouths and screaming seats
These streets got a lotta work to do with late-night loudmouths
They tuckle and thumb the gaps on the after-rain grounds under the scrapped magazine papers
Over the jacuzzi of draining blackness, under the trees, under the vast, they seek pubs and jobs
As a fact of no matter, I don’t sleep better compared to two days ago
My bed’s not cold yet, blackmen still arresting the quiet ones of bad-aftermathed jigglers at the blue ridge
Oh, baby, somebody’s gonna collect me someday
I don’t care
andTilly Dec 2020
and that is how I found
my finding out is missing
I am only searching
without having found

and that is how I came
to coming out with ease, too
from the start I came true
with my coming being wane

and that is how I lost
all that’s not worth losing
lost in thought I’m choosing
to lose all that counts and costs

and that is where I am
being all I ever was
nothing I am, to be cross
with everyting I never tend to be
©2020 andtilly.com

— The End —