"buzzfeed" poems
You're going to die
But there's a list of the 30 best cat selfies on buzzfeed
Something is going on in Ukraine, or is it Venezuela?
But it's ok...
Sherlock is back on
And you haven't finished Game of Thrones yet
God is a twisted sadist if he exists at all
But you have some notifications on Facebook
Don't think,
Just pick up the phone and play Flappy Bird
Let the feelies get to those thoughts that creep in
The revolution wasn't televised
It was tweeted
And its auto-tune remix went viral the next day
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 7:06 PM UTC
TikTok comps
Russian bots
Makeup tutorials
"I'm not like other girls"
Trolls and incels
BuzzFeed articles
Gay fan fiction
Many a pun
Demonetization
Censorship
People hiring hitmen
Buy some hair clips
Twitter ramblings
Anti-vaxxers
Flat earthers
And a partridge in a pear tree
Aug 2, 2020
Aug 2, 2020 at 8:52 PM UTC
Most of us are poor
when it comes
to the currency
of retweets.
We are unworthy,
at the bottom
of the Twitter feed,
Swimming in a stream
littered with what is trending.
Rafting whitewater
every time BuzzFeed tweets:
*Follow
the bouncing lamb
Vine account
immediately.*
Bots multiply:
I want a #lamb
and we're
drowning.
CHOO CHOO!
It’s moving.
QUICK. JUMP ON,
the steamboat
of salacious content
is
LEAVING.
I say:
Let's fight the current;
Stop being
slaves to click-bait;
Start a revolution with
140 characters.
@KarlMarx
Topple the Verified Twitter users.
Aug 29, 2014
Aug 29, 2014 at 12:50 AM UTC
if big brother
is watching,
he should write
a think-piece
about human
sexuality for
buzzfeed.
//
big brother
has seen
a rip-roaring
raucous circus
of butts and the
unruly objects
we place
inside.
Dec 30, 2014
Dec 30, 2014 at 11:44 PM UTC
You made me wait for 45 minutes at a Banh Mi shop as the afternoon sun
morphed into a ceiling of darkness. I read a story on Buzzfeed
about break ups and relationship rocky as the road my car sat on.
The gas station was lit up like a theme park, but no one arrived,
and soon I believed you'd been taken, or you'd forgotten about me.
The cicadas started chirping and the humidity in the air cooled down,
and when I was about to turn over the engine, your black Honda scuttled into the parking space covered in puddles. As though, you knew
you could survive on any terrain, whether rough, or wet, smooth, or dry.
We talked briefly, small chit-chat, nothing worth mentioning.
I had already devoured a double-cheese burger and some fries,
but I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to ruin your appetite.
You touched my bicep, told me to flex. I did as I was told, like an old dog, wanting to please its master. My muscle hurt after your fingers drew away, as though my skin showed a wound, something ugly and worn.
I tried to smile, but inside I was drowning in false ****** expressions, and shortcut body language. We went inside, shuffling to the L-shape line, you picking up Mochi Ice-cream from the freezer, and me just happy to be in your presence. You said, you missed me and I knew you mean it too.
I said, you don't know how good it is to see you. You nodded and put your head on the nape of my shoulder. Closing your eyes momentarily, I touched your hip and held on for dear life. Because all around us, war battered young and old in countries stricken by fear and poverty. Gifs and Memes provided us with distractions, as you showed me the trailer to a new rom-com. They're just like us, you said.
You're right, I said. I gave you back the phone, before the trailer ended.
May 18, 2016
May 18, 2016 at 2:08 AM UTC
BuzzFeed, Twitter, Facebook, & Hello Poetry
Hockey games, Cross Country stats, & Big Gulps
45 computer screens, 8 light fixtures, Google Earth, & stock board
Squeaking and stomping, should I close the door?
Hard to hear what's under the mustache from back here
Candy, gold fish, green tea, raisins, ****** pretzels,
& I should've brought a Cadbury creme egg
There's a ******* screen in front of my face...
Lots of scrolling, so distracting
That knuckle crack was really loud, oops.
He says be realistic aka don't think you'll get your dream
Oh yes, I will -- I laugh inside
I'm not like you.
My nail biting is loud and it's gotten bad this semester
So bad that teachers think I'm raising my hand to speak
I shake my head, no, rosy cheeks, hot face, let me just eat my nails please.
I don't know what I'd do without my parents because they know everything about surviving...
& Tumblr too
Why are you putting your footprint on a school computer?
I remember when we wanted to live in this area because we loved our families so much -- sacrifice for school systems, families, and safety blankets
The skin on my nose, it burns from tissue overdose
Thank god for Vaseline - feels good on the surface
What's it like to have a student loan?
What the hell are these yellow stains on my sweatshirt -- looks like pollen
My house is for sale
"You tell me life isn't that hard"
"Will you stand above me? Look my way, never love me?"
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 8:32 PM UTC
Someone died on Facebook today
Their Mom updated their status with this whole
Long thing about love and light and hope and stuff
I knew the guy a few times but not a majority of times
If you know what I mean
But now when I check my newsfeed he isn't there
Or his mom's thing he posted isn't there
He's been pushed towards the bottom by a bunch of buzzfeed articles
There's this great Woody Allen bit about death coming for
The wrong person
It's probably not an original Woody Allen idea
But I've always thought Woody Allen was a genius
And I guess I'm willing to admit that genius is a pretty subjective term
But I guess What I'm Trying To Say is that
For a guy who thinks about death so much and about how
It seems to pick on whoever happens by
Woody Allen has made it pretty far
And I'm gonna remember him as a genius anyway
And I know some other people
Are gonna too
But this guy on Facebook is just gonna get pushed to the bottom
Of a bunch of different news feeds
And I know he knew he was dying
And had to think about it all the time
And pushed it to the bottom of his own self
So that he could get through his last days
With a smile and a good morning and really firm handshake (from what I remember)
And no one not even me is gonna call him a genius
And if I wasn't writing this now I probably wouldn't
Ever think about him and his aggressively charming face after a few months time
Dec 28, 2013
Dec 28, 2013 at 4:08 AM UTC
I was the spitting image
of a buzzfeed article titled-
"how to tell if you're in an
emotionally abusive relationship."
But it took me years
to stumble upon it.
Three years to realize
the words you spoke to me
were rotting inside my ears
until everything else I heard
was void of life.
I didn't listen to my mom when she told me-
or my friends when they tried to paint out a picture
hoping that because you are an artist
seeing it that what would make more sense.
It never did.
Someone doesn't have to hit you
to abuse you.
Repeat this.
You drank-
texted away my love for you
and gave yours away to an ex.
Everyday I feel like it's my fault.
You made it feel like
the alcohol running through your blood
and hiding behind your eyes
was a good excuse.
It wasn't, still isn't.
But I stayed.
Every moment with you
felt like a point I was trying to prove.
Like I was trying to eradicate
the images of the words you said to her
out of my mind.
I wanted to be the winner
in a fight I wasn't even sure
was worth all the ******* scars.
There were actual scars,
self-inflicted across my thighs
because worthy was not something you made me feel.
But you never noticed
and I liked it that way.
Every conversation made my bones ache.
But the good days,
the ones where I felt worthy
were the reason why
one year turned to two
and then almost three.
But my eyes became clear
before we could hit that milestone.
You told me you didn't try-
told me you could've tried harder.
Well it shouldn't take so much ******* effort
I shouldn't feel like so much ******* work.
When I told you change needed to be had
in order to hold me, you agreed.
You never thought I would leave-
even if your hands stayed stagnate
and everything else just rotted away.
You assumed my heart was too big
and my love was too much to leave you.
But now you're the one who is broken
now you're the one who knows how it felt
when you left me last,
and how it felt
every single day with you after.
Then the clarity came,
well-dressed and with a crooked smile.
Saw the way it was supposed to be.
Felt something I wasn't supposed to
for someone you threatened to end.
The violent tendencies
you spoke to me were the last straw.
Your bones are aching with resentment
and I never wanted to be the ever after
the morning after
or the excuse after.
So I'm staying your before,
your never again.
Left you in the morning
and you never saw it coming.
Left you in the morning
and since then I've never stopped running.
Left you in the morning
and I'm not ever looking back.
Jul 25, 2016
Jul 25, 2016 at 2:43 PM UTC
Taking a sip of that bitter coffee,
Tiring my eyes with a sleepless night, again;
My mind running circles, setting its path ablaze with thoughts,
Listening to sappy love songs that don't really matter;
Another midnight awake for me.
Lyrics greet me as if they'd expect me to listen;
Then get distracted by my drunk father's sleeptalking;
Hear the dripping of the faucet, seemingly making a rhythm;
Making a song up for my non-lover, then get lost in thought, again;
Yet, another midnight awake for me.
Occasionally, I'd think of that person and smile like a ****
Then burst out crying for a love that can never be real;
Then watch BuzzFeed for someone-knows-what reason,
Then laugh and cry like an idiot, yet again;
Conjuring myself a midnight wake.
I'd rather not get bored with the latter,
I'd not have much to do;
"*How 'bout sleeping already, *******
I could try that, in all honesty,
But closing my eyes makes me more and more awake.
I would like to write this longer if I had the patience,
But I'm fed up googling words that sound fancy but talk the ordinary;
I guess this is it for me.
Another midnight awake,
Another day to cringe again.
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 12:37 PM UTC
Buzzfeed. I love Buzzfeed. I love gossip. Buzzfeed is important gossip. Buzzfeed seems to be becoming more accessible to the D/HH community. I can watch it with accurate, in sync captions. It’s great. But for some reason, I can’t hear the video and read the captions at the same time. Puzzling. To me, you’re saying either I hear, or don’t hear. Either/or, your topics are all in the gray, yet I can only be deaf or hearing you say?
I’m in between, your words I need to see, the sounds I need to feel, the residual hearing gives me a taste of the message you want to convey to me.
Thank you technology for granting me access. Thank you humanity for blurring my view. Thank you Youtube for “speech-to-text” captions. It’s a work in progress that seems to work 0% of the time. Smart t.v.s and their hi def and their apps and music. It's so smart that the moment the HDMI cord marks the moment of completion, they never considered the hi def to to be as important as the captions are to the deaf. Sharp, pixelated images has nothing to do with the ability to hear. So Im sitting here, watching my smart tv without the captions wondering if they will ever understand the difference
Deaf and dumb. You’re either/or. Like the reason you didn’t understand can’t be attributed to the lack of paying attention. What’s wrong with you, you deaf or dumb? It's an oft-uttered phrase. Its a subliminal stereotype that bites me. The fact that it's in the same line as dumb, you gotta put let us know what you mean. You’re so deep in your conversation, like we’re not stuck in the dark ages. You didn’t mean that, yet it faze me. Everybody’s fighting back stereotypes, mine just happen to be a “melting ***
You’re so pretty for a black girl,
You’re so pretty for a deaf girl.
You’re so smart for a girl,
you run so fast for a girl.
You talk so good for a deaf girl,
you talk so white for for a black girl.
Yeah, I heard you. Inaudible. Selective hearing has its perks.
I’m offended that you’re offended by my lack of attention. Of my rudeness. Oh you’re doing me a favor? Sorry, I didn’t hear you. Whisper in my ear when I ask you to repeat----hello, Deaf here?
Yell to make up for my understanding----louder doesn’t mean clearer. Even talking to me in the dark, don’t even try that. You’re blocking my sensory input.
Second-guessing:
-did my phone go off?
-did someone call my name? It’s too risky finding out, continues walking
-is my music too loud? Yes, no, maybe so? Yea? No music then
-home alone: what sound is that? My breathing, the wind, someone opening the door in the basement, never-mind that, I can’t hear it anyways.
-Is mom mad yelling or am I dreaming her voice...
-ice cream truck. Nuff Said
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 10:13 PM UTC
Malignant gangrenous political cancer
corrupts, festers, and poisons United States,
thus opposition cannot wait,
especially since Gospel in accordance
with feeble minded Donald Trump
implemented wrought ugly trait,
particularly obliteration, sans progressive
human rights legislation
more or less pronounced positive
in every L ionized Nittany or cotton bowl state
and ratiocination inherent within
mine Democrat oriented mind doth rate
this forty fifth president (defect)
with sawdust packing
his noodle oven egotistical pate
trophy wife (spouse number three),
a Slovenia mate
donning "I don't care anymore"
t-shirt rousing media firestorm of late
essentially silently corroborating,
fostering, and illuminating hate
mutely bolstering the Trump anthem,
viz make America great
again, which pathless,
pithless, and pointless aim
roars like an earsplitting runaway freight
train oblivious of wailing soul asylum,
that no era meets said criteria
backtracking time machine before
rightful indigenous occupants of this land
got decimated as one after another
exploiter did inundate
(comprising a multitude
of indigenous variety of village people
indignantly subjected to Genocide,
when first "discoverer"
of new land didst promulgate
activation wrought deliberate sealed fate
vis a vis capitulation, demolition,
and extirpation, cuz
a scathing rebuke aye attest,
those murderers didst equate
worthlessness of
so called "Indians" on 1492 date,
and still remnants of storied tribes,
now attempt to create
historical documentation operate
ting with limited resources to adjudicate.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Food methinks doth buzzfeed drumbeat agog
at pyrotechnics July 4th, 2018 shared as blog
posts, a falsehood prevails which dog
gone “FAKE” brewed watered down grog
posits that the majority of Colonialists stay hog
tied to strict task masters, and mainly the scant
upperclass experienced autonomy,
no matter the under class didst futilely rant
and rave with the occasional
uprisings over time did grant
minimal appeasement to stifle violent kant!
Jul 4, 2018
Jul 4, 2018 at 1:00 AM UTC
"In 10 years you won't remember his name" chirps the 30 yr old self help ******* who thinks he is smarter than everyone born 1989
"In three months you won't remember her voice" blabs the inane buzzfeed writer, fresh out of college and master of that subtle tone of superiority
**** you, I'm not living in three months from now, it's today and her voice rings in my ears, her face is burned into my eye lids and her name may taste bitter on my tongue but I still know the ******* taste
Stop telling people to not live in their momentary emotions, don't tell my sister to not be heartbroken, his name hurts her now and she deserves to feel that pain
Don't live in the imaginary painless future, live in the wonderful, terrible, awe inspiring now
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 9:43 PM UTC
I'm trying to find my home in this world.
The place where I belong,
because this 11 by 16 room isn't
quite doing it for me.
And when I travel five and a half hours
back to the place where I grew up.
Still nothing.
But little did I know home was not just a place.
It is an event, a feeling
that can only be described with a smile on my face
as I finish Buzzfeed quizzes in the RA's office
on a Thursday night.
It is writing poetry in the early hours of the day
when my creativity is heightened and
I speak in my "poetry voice" loud enough
for my neighbor to come knocking.
It is that no-named familiar face who
always smiles at you every day at 8:37
when you cross paths,
because he knows
Monday mornings make me meditate ******
and a smile can ease that pain.
Home is a hug from a friend
that needs no words to be exchanged,
just a tight squeeze and
an unspoken pinky promise to
never let go.
It is Taco Bell on a Friday night
until they lock the doors
as you loiter and nibble at
nachos and a small drink
split between four people.
Home is the only meal my mother
knows how to make well,
but still burns it.
It is acceptance when you
trust someone with your
deepest darkest secrets
and they still couldn't stop loving you.
It is a phone call from the person
you needed to talk to the most.
Most importantly home is
a feeling that everything is going to be alright
no matter how bad life seems to get.
Mar 28, 2014
Mar 28, 2014 at 11:11 AM UTC
munching on blueberry poptarts
watching buzzfeed videos
putting off writing
about you and
your book
which
i made it through ten pages
before i started to cry
and i felt your pain
all around me
like a suffocating blanket
and i felt like i did when
i overdosed
last year
well
kind of like that
my teeth were chattering
they still are
my heart was beating
really **** fast
and i was sweating and shaking
the birds under my skin were trying to
fly south
for warmer climates
i cried for you
for debra
for rayni
for all the people that are gone
way too soon
without a goodbye
and the footprints that your family
have left on my heart
are a mile deep in
every direction
i have cracks pointing in all the
cardinal directions
but none of them can find her
and bring her home
and i am truly sorry
and yes i know that you should never
start a sentence with and
but that is the word that my brain
my addled mind
so often gets stuck on
and and and
i am sorry
ty my aunt’s doggy
he came and kept me company
swinging back and forth
out in the hammock
cursing the bright morning
sun that assaulted me eyes
drying my tears on my cheeks
like little salty crystals
ty would come over every few minutes
in the hour or so that it took me to
finish your book
and he would nudge up against me for pets
i got dirt from his coat on some of the pages
now there are parts of both of us
intermingled with your intense pain
reading your book made me want to
put on pants
and get my life in order
but the hammock and the breeze
so cool and cold after so many days of heat
kept me rooted
lounging
smothered in a pain that is not my own
your book made me want to pray
go the whole nine yards and get down
on my knees
but all i do
when i pray
is yell at the sky
and swear loudly for all the injustices
in this ****** world
there are bruises and scratches
self inflicted in my sleep
littered about my arms
but i don’t count this as self harm
because there was no cruel intent
behind it
and after reading your book
i know that you know what it feels like
to take it out on yourself
and that scares me
because i’ve always thought of you
as a pillar of strength
but i guess that growing up
is watching your heroes turn human
but i know what it feels like
to take out the pain and hurt and blame
on your self
it’s what i did for four **** years
but it is not your fault
it is not your fault
and i know that i’m just a dumb kid
but i know
in my heart of hearts
that it is not your fault
it is not your fault
Jul 2, 2015
Jul 2, 2015 at 11:32 AM UTC
well, **** me, it's like being awake
for about a week... minding a *******
ONION!
dos' doss
a'tt even qualify?!
the fuck's the rest?
a **** all peel?
come 'oney, 'ome sanctimony?
your crew?!
'ucking scouse: your m'ah-f'ah
a bitch-schoot...
your mam'aha complete ****
so y'eer mam'ah a ****
good to
know...
no i know what
to **** in public!
fucking wanker industry 'abric!
you don't get
away with slav
playing
out the **** blondine boy!
yo, *******
rat racing ********
riddle a ********
attempt at a 'ackney pristine!
piece of doit!
ever e'ten
raw onions in liver'poi
and not at eton *******
whimp-e-mister?!
m'ah
nye-i-ever...
maroccon delight!
god to love the arab incubators!
little people do
such marvels!
clean windows...
take out of garbage... talk ****
a society like
a ******* mirage!
and am i the one to fear death?
can't see it coming,
meaning:
can it come much sooner?!
white boy a shrimp feeding
factory...
sometimes the odd
toiling shed, and tool...
you ever manage to see
a cow being towed into
A SLAUGHTERHOUSE?!
no?
you haven't exactly been
born... have you?
you know what's funny...
gypsy prostitutes...
they're not sure whether to
associate with romanians
or bulgarians...
can't tell the difference...
but i have one clue
incission: blyat' suka!
pizdetz!
these women are certainly not
either romanian, nor bulgarian...
but they know
one word equivalent of using
bulgar...
jebać pizde!
in cyrillic...
becauase arabic tongue
translates back into an orthodox of
the fathom of body?
nice to know...
that a bowtie isn't tied
according to such grimace of:
expectancy...
or anticipating
a welcome drought...
to later attire donning a tuxedo...
but that is but a half,
and hardly a future...
and what truth is,
history regurgitates as
nought... with the nought
being a tomorrow...
and the subsequence
of history,
being a far removed yesterday...
and yesterday,
being a history,
with a tomorrow
that simply can't exist!
as neither did dinosaurs...
with crocodiles...
but then:
again...
who among arab minds this
to be more concerning,
than the perfect eyebrows of
an arab woman driving
a car....
and whatever buzzfeed
ushers out from its *******
Jun 24, 2018
Jun 24, 2018 at 10:43 PM UTC
My Starhub Cyber Protect
Has decided that the Starhub site
Isn't safe. I guess this effect
Was unintended (right??)
But then again, it must be
Doing a great job for people like me;
Unable to
Watch YouTube, do
A Buzzfeed
Quiz, satisfy the need
To scroll on Reddit.
Is it
Just me, or is
This
Just all too
Familiar? Surely you
Know what I mean...
"This site has been blocked" flashing on-screen.
It's just the irony here
That makes it bigger than it appears.
Dec 13, 2024
Dec 13, 2024 at 8:38 AM UTC
here comes the buzz
here comes the feed
don't bother with facts
there's really no need
if you're looking for stories
to sensationalize
if you need entertainment
just fill it with lies
and where we are going
is anyone's guess
as we fill in the byline
with anonymous
saying we heard it from sources
we can not confirm
but it still is our hope
you believe every word
though you may have your doubts
about what you just read
we've still placed that thought
inside of your head
Jan 13, 2017
Jan 13, 2017 at 8:38 AM UTC
Most of my Lix spittle existence
found me figuratively
(primarily academically) adrift,
and malfunctioning blinker
analogous to a boat with
out an ankh (caws
away) aimlessly bobbing -
and drowning akin
to a besotted drinker
just out of rest to be
rescued by Mister Rinker
sea ming lee without
any hook, line and sinker
despite being gifted with
an above average thinker
from without, where two
myopic ocular
orbs did winker.
All thru academia
just barely passing grades
metaphorically
suffered from anemia,
and at my nadir,
thy prepubescent psyche
plummeted lovely bones
into grave state,
sans anorexia minus bulimia
mental health also linkedin
shot thru through with
healthy dose of dysthymia
cap (tinned em man hint mettle)
kept awake with insomnia
peppering cerebral
cortex with monomania
buzzfeed ding somnambulant
zombified condition
with a burning
desire toward pyromania
nsync with unmanageable
raging (red dee
and bull lush) testosterone
spawning satyromania
the above particularly
accentuated, and cresting
with accursed
triskaidekaphobia
most agonizing, when
orbitz around Earth
demarcated ten plus
on a Friday the thirteenth,
hence death be not proud
sought after utopia
pleading, longing, and hooping
if I Willoughby
able to sprinkle
cremated ashes across Xenia.
Oct 22, 2018
Oct 22, 2018 at 11:36 AM UTC
The Missus Prepared Her Trademark Tortilla Pizza
Hmm...yum...after a hard
days night of reading Hebrew,
though I do not know a word,
nonetheless taking leftist to right
correspondence course tubby guru
hoop fully coaxing posthumous fame and glory
detailing mundane epistles about this Matthew,
yours truly indulged in delicious comestible eschew
wing noncombustible vegetarian ingredients,
asper supp pur ream culinary
innovative eats, she whipped up anew
(similar how mine late mum did construe
tasty dishes to buzzfeed famished motley crew),
anyway thee wife comprised something new
microwaved cooked, (the stove off limits),
yet savory extemporaneous hodgepodge
usually delightful originating predicated on Jew
whoosh heritage, sans unpredictable menu
within fount tin head,
where earlier this evening she drew
forth, the above titled nonpareil zesty
substantial adequately satiating
me tummy, which uttered
(rather incoherently) halloo
since supercalifragilous expialidocious impossible
mission to verbalize
with full mouth, relishing anew
analogous when just a whippersnapper,
viz teenage mutant ninja turtle lapping stew
wickedly bubbling cauldron warming Inuits igloo
thawing this adventure seeker,
when a mere hatchling shew
wing fearlessness, I unwittingly got shell lacked
(became nearly homeless) sent askew
enroute rescued courtesy Mister Magoo
aforesaid Eskimos he knew
nursed me back to health
shaman donned as a "FAKE" kangaroo
accompanied by apprentice
trumpeting on Taj Mahal miniature didgeridoo,
which nostalgic "FAKE" memory
spouse poked das man
i.e., dozing papa awake asking review,
regarding Tortilla Pizza comprising:
whole wheat tortilla, dairy free vegan cheese
organic mild salsa
meatless crumbles
cubed eggplant.
May 15, 2019
May 15, 2019 at 2:25 AM UTC