Beyond a beginingless beginning.
It was but was not any "god" or "goddess".
It was but was not "deva" or "devi".
It was but was not "angel" or "demon".
It was but was not a metaphysical being of any kind.
It was but had not any name nor could it be named.
It was but had not any face nor likeness.
It was but had not any body not corporeal form.
It was but had not gender nor ***.
It was but was not incarnate or disincarnate.
It was but was not existent nor non existent.
It was but could not be described by any words in any way.
It was but had not depth nor height nor breadth nor volume.
It was but could not be measured in any way.
It was but could not be imagined.
It was but had not materiality of any kind.
It was but had not immateriality in any way.
It was but had not space nor lack of space.
It was but had not direction nor lack of direction.
It was but had not nothingness.
It was but had not somethingness.
It was but had not anythingness.
It was but had not beingness.
It was but had not light nor dark.
It was but had not wetness or dryness.
It was but was not nowhere.
It was but had not somewhere.
It was but had not anywhere.
It was and then it manifested the nature of its essence
and became the endless Universe and all that was in the Universe.
All that was incarnate.
All that was disincarnate.
All that was physical and metaphysical.
All that was existing and non existing.
And still it was.
It manifested itself in ignorance of its own nature as the Isness of the Universe,in order to participate in the existence it had created from its own nature on an equal and fair level with humanity.
It gave of itself by incarnating a small piece of its own nature into all human bodies,both male and female ,equally but different,at conception and then it made them all ignorant of their beginings as it made itself ignorant of its own beginings.
And then it set these Isness incarnated in human bodies the riddle of the existence that had arisen from its manifestation as the Universe and all that was in it.
It posed these three questions to Humanity and itself.
1--What am I?.
2--Why am I here?.
3--When I know what I am then what is my purpose.
The Isness of the Universe set each individual Isness incarnated in a human body the task of realising its own nature,which was a part of the nature of the Isness of the Universe, so that each individual Isness could then show the Isness of the Universe its own nature incarnated in a human body,female or male equally of any skin colour,dancing the dance of life,singing the song of life..
The principle governing our joint action on creating the Universe and all it contains,especially Humanity,was that before you can reach the heights of Existence you must  go through the depths of Existence.
And oh boy are we going through the depths playing these Mind games?.

www.beyondenlightenment.co.uk

I've changed since then.
I've grown up, to learn from my mistakes.
I can't bare to keep it from you.
That pain I can not take.

The drugs and pleasure were not what I needed,
I moved on to think I had succeeded.
But I had pain inside, because I was not whole.
I did not speak the truth and words were not spoken.

Though it may have seemed fine, it wasn't.
I could not hide it anymore.
No lie or secret was worth the pain I felt.
I had to let you know.

I'm sorry I lied.
I'm sorry I failed.
But I know I can be forgiven.
For its what gods intentions would have felt.

So this, readers and friends
Is where it began
I don't know where it ends
But let's look back again

A fourteen year old is writing
In a hospital room
Far her right in bright lighting
Is great-grandma, who'll die soon

She has few memories of her
As she wonders about home
Nonni keeps asking mother
Not to leave the girls alone

Now we're back in the hospital
On some Pennsylvanian hill
Thirty five family members in total
Nonni's more than ill

Christmas day, and we're at a friend's house
When we hear that final call
A week later, I'm at a funeral, sounding like a mouse
For someone I nearly didn't know at all

Looking back, that was the start
Of most of my questions
On society, religion, art
What the rules really ment

I found a taste for the books
That mom didn't like
I expanded my looks
Gained interest in the night

I started growing apart
From those I once knew
With secrets in my heart
My friends were my closest few

I learned more about a family
That I once thought typical
And (mostly) solved my belifs
On the meaning of "it all"

I look back on the before
As though regarding a cat
It's cute innocence I adore
I find it hard to believe I was that

I still have that Christmas blanket
A snow leopard, her last gift
For a woman I saw maybe four or five times, it
Still has a nice warmth to it

So sometimes I dream of a mint hospital wall
And think back to the start of it all

I fear that it isnt long enough.
and i cant describe
it sinks
Like a carrot in gravy
Straight emptiness.
Existence begins and we float
characters in a bowl
thick goop holds it together
with no end.

I draw on a place,
That is within me,
twisting and turning,
Vast crevices abound,
An emptiness exist here,
Like deep caverns,
echoing aloneness,
I search for meaning inside me,
I search for meaning outside as well,
Purpose, I suppose, is what I make of it,
Hell too.

ABSENCE, hear thou my protestation
    Against thy strength,
    Distance, and length;
Do what thou canst for alteration:
  For hearts of truest mettle         
  Absence doth join, and Time doth settle*


While she sits in her chair
vaguely following the conversation
she also drifts away in time and inclination
to care for the important things we discuss
in many ways she is beyond those cares
her decision has been made
and we but sound and fury
isee she is now more complete
and composed than of recent days
for her there is hope in the path she takes

i cannot begrudge her the choice she has made
as she said her age and medical disposition
means she is already walking that road.

but as daughters do I peer forward even now
and feel the lack of her grace in daily events
Even today as we make plans, her abscence
whilst still being here is a vast gap of darkness
that we all avoid with plattitudes and brightness

In our private hearts we do rail against the
happenstance injustice that befalls the matriarch
we struggle with the alteration to the long march home
we come together to watch as we fall apart in small
and large measures...

In our minds we pledge the best,
in our hearts we pray for speed
We know she has forever etched
herself into our bones and being
but we quietly sorrow at her growing
absence...apart from her memories
and leavingd


 *His mind hath found
    Affection’s ground
Beyond time, place, and all mortality.         
  To hearts that cannot vary
  Absence is present.

Endings are hard
There is no truth to them
Always more to be seen or said
How clich'e

Beginnings are easier
But still they sprang from somewhere
I hope for the best of beginnings
Because the best soil comes from well churned dirt

Every single thing has a beginning
Ecah consonant starts with a single star
Every matter  pulps from atoms
Each dream errupts from a single hope
Just like that
You grow with the beginning
From the first cry
Your first smile
The little frown of your yawn
Gazing the dream like nights
Thinking of the mystical feelings
Everything has a start
And so do you.
It palpalates into your demons
It creates your angels
It beats your heart
It aches your muscles
It dwells on your liberty
It suffocates your laughter
It  propounds your ecasty
It needs you
It helps you
It eats you
It parasites you.
Thing is
You let it.

The twisted reality is that bones break. People literally break and you dont always get better. Lives end, stories end, and people rarely get new beginings. The twisted reality is that none of what you thought as a kid was true. Not everyone can be president, and you cant be who you want to be. The twisted reality is that there are monsters in some little girls rooms, and thier moms cant make them go away. The twisted reality is that nightmares only end when you do, you dont get to wake up and think everything is fine. The twisted reality is that your parents lie to you. Not everyone is beautiful, not everyone is talented, and not everyone can be special. The twisted reality is that someone in your current school will become a 'villian' before thier life is over. The twisted reality is that we are all villians. Doing horrible things for what we think is right. The twisted reality is that most people will ignore what i am saying. Live in the lie. The twisted reality is people die thinking everything is fine.

They reach behind me in the storm
Oil rains from the sky
The wild are set loose to rain
Bringing wrath and leashing pain

The veins on my arms tighten
Waiting for the skies to lighten
The fear is gone lost on the brave
Waiting for the victory they crave

The light at the end of the tunnel
Fire twigs and matches bundle
Duck your head and harden your heart
Do my will and do your part

The earth is uncertain of which side its on
The skies are empty and the sun is gone
The clouds tremble and they hide
Waiting for the tide

Mount your steed and say your prayers
Deep into the earth many rocky layers
The core or heart of our home
The death of many to atone

The blood that was shed in this place
The world rid of every trace
Scrolls with words
Wings on birds

The things you trust and remember
The light to bring and darkness sever

I wish I could hold your heart in my hands and promise you that everything's going to be alright but my hands haven't seen "alright" since I was young enough to hope and dream that my dad would stop worshiping some God he'll  never meet and start worshiping his own flesh and blood, and I could fall in love with your eyes but that would mean staying and the windows have been showing my name in fogged glass for years, your body could be my home but I've been kicked out of every place I've called my home since I was 10 years old and I'm not sure i can handle another eviction notice written in my own blood. I could fall in love with you but you have to promise not to expect something you will never receive. I could promise you forever but forever has a tendency of running away before I can explain why I won't make a promise to someone who hasn't bolted the doors shut.

Life  is merely
a series
of before and afters
      begininngs and endings,
    
Sometimes we
are a fortune's king,
    weilding the key
to open
or close doors.

Other times,
our control is lost
and a line is drawn
    by the sword of a skillful hand
marking
         a change of heart
or opportunity.

Inevitably, death bows
to the governing power of Chronus
    holding time in his hands
  
But in between
the before and afters,
and the beginnings and endings
are moments.

   defining
turning
    quiet
stolen
of no return

Moments

The rhythmic newborn baby's cry,
    goodbyes that cast a shadow,
songs filled with Heaven's joy?
kisses that taste of forever,
      breezes that dance with the angels
   or quarrels armed with poison.
  
Moments

Some left with arms reaching
      for they were missed.
 a hesitant heart refusing love
words left unspoken
     time not taken
forgiveness held captive

Looking back
at memories held,
    moments have brought
light and darkness
but the missed moments
    have left the deepest scars
marking opportunity's lost.

So, I try to remember
  that in between
the before and afters,
   and the beginings and endings,
are moments,
    and I shall
adorn them in jewels
and embrace them in peace
lest them not be missed
for soon,
   they too shall pass.

The night was right it ended wrong
Heard something that hit a nerve be strong
No more self destruction cope with the pain
Good memories drown out not much to gain
Trusting the wrong want to believe it ends right
You can leave won't be around forever
Eventually say whatever find the confidence to start over
Not settling for less all I want is the best
I'm not perfect but want to be close to doing so
Lots of personal growth seeking closure
Hurting find the power within to forgive
I don't want to give up sometime you have to move on
Tears of relief and new beginings just believe
Don't blame yourself its not you
Sometimes lies are mistaken for the truth

This wonderous light shone us bright
amongst the stars ahead be right
over the hill for all its glory
oh wonderous light

beating bright a beacons night
lighting us the way
a path to follow
a place to see

Oh wonderous light that shone us bright
a sign for all yet few did plight
a joyous day for all to follow
a day for praise ..love and sorrow

shineth light in all your glory
live enriched for all
beating heart now on this earth
crying out ..

Oh wonderous light that shone us bright
a new way on this world
this time for past and new beginings
a glory to this world

I need to hear from you.
I just might die.
Cuz babe,
Im in love with you.
I need to hug you so tight
Cuz babe
Im in love with you.
I need you like the earth needs the moon
Baby,
I love everything about you.
You talk so sweet and
I cant stop thinking about you.
You are fresh beginings
Spurring the heat
The coolness
All combined.
Im in love with you.
I really am.
You are everything.
I know you are insecure
But baby
You are perfection
And i mean it.
I know you want to be adored
And baby
I adore you more than my life.
You are my best friend
You are my lover
You are my all.
Some day
I want to marry you.
Have a family
And be so happy.
My Queen,
Tell me
Are you just as in love?
Cuz babe
*im in love with you

Happy Birthday William
Happy Birthday son
an age of new beginings
and age of nearly man

a time for being grown up
but time to be a child
a laugh that no one gets no more
an age where you so can

a time for showing strength
yet gently goes the way
a time for cake and candles
a time for shaves and spray

an age where dad is kewl sometimes
an age where he is not
a mum that calls you in from out
a cry of whats the time ....

an age of girls now in your life
that you so want in quiet
time to man up now my son
a time... go break the cycle

time to spread your shoulders .... stand up proud and tall
time to take a view on life like never had before
time to make your peace..... enjoy the freinds you have
time to grab the future and take it by the hand

Happy Birthday William
Happy Birthday son

laugh! smile!
so easy it would seem

believe! have hope! and just let it be!
we cant show that side not now not me

let go of the hatred and anger for sure,
Id give no less than a bird would
to soar

this cant be your life it consists of no meaning
no dreams to escape in
no future worth leaning

fly away from the known
allow the queen to her thrown
for this is your life
and you paint it your own

sing songs of beginings,
dance a dance with no ending
live the life youve imagined
its your dreams tht are depending.

Beyond these thick and earthy browns
Past the muted greens and river dams
Lies the skin forewarn of many few
Holds the chatter far past due.

Here they lay in beds of tears
Made from the anguish of their peers
Not one heart, the beats are mere
How can they breathe when no-one can hear.

Incantations spoken, memories cried
Why do they act like someone has died?
No-one has passed, No-one is dead
She must have a poor, false, clouded head.

If we are the people that live when we die
How can we live if we all survive?
How can we speak when our enemies fall?
When the truth is unveiled, salvage us all.

To win and to victor are two different things.
Whats winning when winners live through the slings?
Whats being a victor when victors always fall?
It's a concept when enemies are made of us all.

Every body buried is another body burned.
Every body buried is a lesson not learnt.
A lesson taught from the beginings of time
And a lesson ignored past the world's decline.

Don't shrug your shoulders, don't join in the cheer
These people they murdered, slaughtered and feared.
They ruined the lives of innocent new
Innocent old and the revered few.

Spilling blood in revenge or prevention of cause
Still stains your hands with that guilty remorse.
So don't be fooled by the excuses they make
Slaughter is laughter with and S and a take.

-By Anisah Mariah

i go to the river's bend.
today,
i want my water contained.
today,
the sea too big, too wide.
today,
i need to see the other side.
today,
i watch the water flow,
from small aquifer beginings,
to great worlds sweepings.
today,
i watch and see the cycle
of life....
drift on by.....

The change in air -
Marking the new beginings
as the summer sun
starts weaving its cocoon
and weather morphs
its nastiness to Charm

#Winters

we knew it was there
that smile that love
of the air
she hid it all from view
but we all knew ..time would do

a smile so far away
a talent wasted...day after day
but a fight was there we see .
a smile carried
for love set her free

as time took its toll
the fight fought through hell
thus lovers swelled
but we know there is time
for futures fortune
and love so yet untold

as flowers come into bloom
she would follow
predicted va ...voom
so hold ya breath once more
as new beginings come through your door

Colours that are breaking out of what I said
Bright and loud, overwhelming my head

How very novel
How very trite

I'm shipped to and fro
Sent like a package to places unheard

I'm the featured set
I'm overworked

Summer and Fall are both new beginings to better endings
Things I have yet to want

Walk away and say;
"Hold on, hold on"

We have resorted to the flicker of a screen, the buzz of a hand held device. All this pales in comparison to the roar and rush of a river cascading across the earth. Crashing truth upon the rocks, that cement the foundation for our life blood to flow. We must turn the focus within to express without what the pools of our humble beginings signified from the start. Union.

I love the way you love me
The way you hold me.
Your body like silk
Soft to the touch.
your touch like angel kisses
Each sigh like messeges sent from heaven.
The way you look into my eyes
Such power.
I love the way you wrap your body on mine.
I love the way you feel each of my muscles,
Feeling every detail,
Every vein
I love the way you have your way with me
And with each ******
A storm of happy emotions
And new beginings come to life.
The way you have your way with me
Unlike anything else.
So splended.
I love the way you cuddle me,
You care so deeply
so genuinely
Make me feel like a king
To the point where i sing.
You are worth everything.
I give you my all
And you take it
And beg
For more

when  did  you  stop  being  cheerful
why are your hands soaked with tears
where are your ends and your beginings
don't let yourself drown within sillly fears