A blessing in disguise
A breath of fresh brittle *** dry *** ****** air
It's like refreshing to know of hope
...to know that you're gonna be ok in the long run
But you don't know my mind
..it won't **** the ******* hell up
It's telling me to just think about every single problem in my life...
All I see is wrong because of that
All I see are people judging me
White people staring at me from the cars, in the hallways
....I begin to believe what they see
A criminal...
And ....
I'm gonna make something outta this little mess
...I read this thing on twitter
Where it was like you get so caught up in your mess and you continue to make more mess
And when it's all said and done you look back and feel hopeless as **** because ur mess is ******* huge
...if that makes sense
But I'm sick and tired of npbeimg sick and tired
...I'm tired of the same ******* story every day
...this is my new beggining

Mommy screams to much
and daddy's so quiet you'd swear he wasn't there
My brothers where are they?
my razor blade I can't find it
These mental scars I can't hide it!

stitches tape and glue
mabey that will connect the two
peices back together

cause just talking wont help me out
thats all im asking for
but noone can hear me
when I seclude myself to my room

swallow them down choke them up
im to much of a chicken **** to try
so why doesn't everyone else just die

told me it'd be better if I jumped off a bridge
had a pine box bed to roll around in
what if i really did
would you feel guilty
would you feel triumphent?
cause your pushing me farther
and farther to jumping.

The mountains are silent
serene
solid in their poise.
Birds laugh in the branches
over those living each day
spirits borrowed
at the prelude to all creation.

Take heart,
love will hold us together
uprooting discontent from the soil of our dreams,
a diligent gardener
devoted to maintaining all
which is beautiful,
all that is ugly
yet magnificent.

And

We with tangled souls
are deemed the unlucky ones,
who've arrived at the revelation
of our own insignifcance
in the greater scheme.
This unknown plan
(This is but the beggining)
(a cosmic comedy).

In the afterbirth of your re-emergence
You are cleansed and pure
but this is not the cause
of this unending cycle.
Hope exists inside you
a lighthouse of levity
no force can deconstruct.
It is part of your humanity,
much in the same way
you are a part of me
and
I
You.

The new beggining when you start to roam
to rise through the clouds away from home
The new beggining when you arrive here
a brand new life away from there
We are born each from our mother womb
Or infact in this our ancient tomb?
Everything is not relayed by how it seems
What do you want? be it desire or dreams
Follow your dreams then, before you are old
To inspire in life, let your stories be told
The blessed sun by day bathes us in light
Though the moon doesn't always bring us night
There are many lessons to learn, many to give
So open your hearts to freedom, start to live!

Tear after tear showered down from her eyes
Wishing at that moment she could've flied
Words ran through the air attacking her
People of all ages laughed at her

Sometimes the world gets so unbearable
Trying to survive, trying to be lovable
If you try to be yourself you get rejected
You have to be another person to be accepted
Fake a smile, fake a life, live a lie
People will love you, will cherish your every smile
Being true means you're weak
Being you means you're a freak

She laid down on the ground crying
Alone in this world she was sighing
People walked past her ignoring her tears
Laughed at her, forgetting the she feels
Not because she's different she's not human
She's just a person trying to be a true one
She was living her life according to what she given
Knowing that in the end she had to give in

People are all clones of each other
They all look alike it makes you wonder
Where are all the true people gone?
Is shallowness and materialism a must now?
Her image was not accepted in the society
She had to give in and lose wieght quickly
She couldn't bear the suffery she was going through
She wanted to be happy, wanted something new

At the beggining she cut down her food
She appauled dinner, everything was good
She lost a little weight after days
But that wasnt enough because nothing had changed
She cut down her food a little bit more
Sacrifices had to be made so she'll be adored
Everyday she'd way harself on the scale
Then she'd say "it's not enough, i look like a whale"
Everyone noticed how thin she was getting
But she didnt believe, she said they were lying
The pain inside was still living
Like a tree it was still growing
Made her believe that she was fat
And no matter what she'll always be like she always had
To become thinner she considered food her enemy
She stopped eating and considered exiercise her remedy
She became thinner and thinner everyday
Hoping that the sun will shine on her someday
Days, months and years passed away
In the hospital she lies today
The doctor says there's a big chance she's dying
The little pupils in her eyes go drowning
Everything went wrong when she went further
When all she wanted was to live happier
Unfortunately, happiness didnt make it's way through
Because the tree of pain had already grew
It's covered her sight with it's shadow
She couldnt see the sunshine even if she tried to

People around her were still the same
And deep inside still lived the pain
Nothing could've changed her view of happiness
Unless she decided to erase the loneliness
Now her life is ending and for ever more
She's lost everything, she's lost it all....

Poetic,
Sometimes sympathetic
A villain,
Convicted fellon
Refined like nickel,
Under the sun Im silver
Knight in armour
A compassionate killer
Named the flower
Along with the children
Lover and Fighter
Not sure which is better
The speed demon, Saint Christopher
Now tell me whats it matter

x2 What's it mean to ye
Cause it makes no difference
Death's just a new beggining

Raised a hood rat
Low income's my haven
Mother's an angel
father's a Demon
Im just a product
Of the environment i live-in
I got a rough exterior
But my heart is golden
So whats the meaning
for all the cursing

x2 What's it mean to ye
It makes no difference
If i can find happiness

I slave to the grind
Money's the fruit of my harvest
A machine is my temple
And at work im an artist
Got tree's in one pocket
The sun's in the other
Combine them together
And inhale magical fire
Work and play
Not sure which is better
Need them both to survive
Now tell me what's it matter

x2 What's it mean to ye
Cause it makes no difference
It's my life, now let me live it

Tim Hecker
And crowds
A match made in heaven
Earphones in
I glide through the crowds
Each glitch becomes
The next person (a glitch in nature)
Each hush
Becomes a waft of permafrost air
And the rhythm blends in with a thousand feet and faces
Elements become
Hustlers
Bourgois ladies and their little dogs
Stern old men
A lost looking child
Or
Those two girls - restrained by mall security

People try to untangle my expression
I am euphoric
I am exalted
By my music video
Playing just for me
Here
Now

I'm beggining to like these people
I hope the music doesn't wear off

two souls aligning
other halves colliding

They say the stars rarely come out in New York
But have you been over it, while sitting in an airplane?
New Yawks a galaxy
A galactic city named atrocity
Urging people to find themselves, and learn about themselves
Narcissistic like astrology  

New York rushes me
And brushes me
OFF
New York is so inspiring
But yet
My thoughts are stuck in traffic
And trust me
We have writers on every block

*** holes
That mock

The tapping of your shoe
As you try and try to hush a crowd
Just so that you could get through

We got news anchors talking about how somebody got shot
and sometimes you feel your spirit beggining to rot
Because you can't stop
Imagining bullets
Shooting In every angle
Just dipping into your wakefullness like lullabies
Once in the heart
Twice in the eyes

And three in each ear
It's like **** what you think, feel, see and hear

But It's next year and your still here
In the city where the sound of an ambulance
Can be your alarm
and with a stranger you'll sit arm to arm

So come camp out in Brooklyn under the bridge because your heart will know exactly where those lost ideas now live

Come take the subway and study the map
It'll let you know where to go to get all your inspiration back

And if all fails head to the flea market somewhere sorta creepy downtown
And get yourself a muse
She'll show you around.

You
You made me feel what it is like,
to be hurt,
to be hurt so bad,
I thought that I was going to die,
You made me feel like I had been stabbed,
I felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach
Where you knew that there would be no hope,
no hope for recovery,
or for life.
And you enjoyed it
Enjoyed my pain,
and my suffering

You made me feel what it was like to long,
to long for peace,
to long to see any one but you,
yet long to see you everyday at the same time.

You made me feel what it was like to need,
to need to get away from you,
but also need to be with you.

You were like the sun,
warm and pleasent,
yet cold and out of reach,
I needed you to go on,
but you shined in my eyes blinding me,
blinding me to you motive,
to break my heart,

I was your icicle,
you melted me little my little in the beggining,
but then made me freeze up.

You were the bull,
and I was your matador
I evaded you for a while,
and then tired,
letting my guard down
and you hit me,
you hit me so har
I flew backwards
hitting the fans in the grand stands.
I was dazed for a while,
and then got angery,
I took revenge on you,
but you won again,
I was hurt,
and always will be.

Deisaster

Your soft and crooked hands performed your tragic miracles
Raced  away.    left the scene
Gave the magic of machines to  
the fools.
And looked the other way

God bless the rest of us with your ultra - violent rays
Take another rib from her and build a better slave

We could never see the path before us
but then for every step we took
We took one back the other way
Punished every son
'cause mom lead dad astray
Ignorance maybe bliss but a little knowledge is pain

My bitter noxious wanderings left you wanting/ needing control
Plowing up this wasteland
Waiting for the poison to dissolve
I laugh at your commands and let consequences be ******
I chose the lake of fire because your love i repremand

God bless the rest of us with your ultra-violent rays
Take the extra rib from her and build a better slave
Besides the only time we mind you is when we're laying in our grave
I tried to drink your water but copper is all i taste.

The leech prays to me I named and feed him this disease
You smoke my prayers and condemn my dreams
What's all this talk about being free?
Cut out my tongue for blasphemy

God bless the rest of us with your ultra-violent rays
Take a the extra rib from her and build a better slave
If heaven is full of zombies
Just leave me in my grave

God bless the rest of us with your ultra-violent rays
Take the ******* rib from her and build a better slave
We were cursed from the beggining and now all our ends are frayed
  God bless the rest of us with your ultra-violent ways

Chris Lafleur wrote a new note: dear future self



Dear future self, 
i am writing this as a reminder of the misery associated with drug abuse.

At this point in my life i am addicted to heroine and crystal ****. I own nothing and live for a fix thats broken me down to a point that i can no longer stand on my own two feet. everyone i love has given up on me, and most of them cant stand to be in my presence, without feeling sick to their stomach. but i dont care because im to numb to feel. my emotions have become artificial only brought on by drugs. i live in a pretend world where my choices have no consequences, and my smile is only a side effect thats brought on by smoking crystal ****. i work everyday yet i have no coins in my pockets. its a struggle to wake up in the morning and my priorities are out of order, so badly that my beautiful son has been taken from me cause they deem me a bad influence, an unfit parent who cannot take care of him. i miss him so much its sickening . I try not to think because my problems are overwhelming. and im to high to deal because society does not accept what they do not understand . i wear sunglasses to sleep since im to ashamed to be seen, cause my eyes tell a story that i cant share with the public. lost touch with reality and love is nothing more than a word that i relate to painful memories. I must be crazy since i self inflict this misery. this day to day life i lead is a sad existance.and excuses mean nothing ten years later. time has passed me by i wasted life on getting high. i dont respect who iv become or any of the people i surround myself with and my best friend is heroine. sleep has become a luxury and its beggining to show in my apperance . im not the person i used to be iv changed drastically some for the better but im far from normal, my mind is constantly growing but with what iv witnessed, iv come to realize im my own worst enemy.

These days of hardship bring forth the inner greatness of each individual as well as they stir up great evils among the borders of our society, her mom says no, and projects that word not only upon her self and the intruder to her daughter's life, but also on her daughter, which brings forth great toils in her family relations, fault is passed around, words unkind in nature are exposed between two feuding parties, and the world of two lovers is brought down upon their heads...and yet they stay strong, reassuring each other in a world where assurance is rare, rarer still, between two individuals blessed and cursed to be expelled from society only two find each other on the outskirts of life, and defend their love with the might of a thousand army's...this is devotion, true and pure, with not a second thought to spare, loyal to a fault, a loyalty that can not be broken by distance, time, or any third party demention that lies outside the reach of my own human capacity of intuition. She is as wise as the earth is old, as beautiful as the limits of perception may permit, she is an unsung hero in liberty, and the song of a hero in music as her voice shines through the light of a billion stars, and yet this self-graduated knowledge resides not in her heart, nor does it appear before her mind, but rather her humble state in reference to her angelicism conquors all sence of selfish desire in exchange for an understanding of what it feels to be truely happy, and in love, but her perfection will not go un-warranted in the minds of the many, for there is an individual in the world who aims to project the complexity of this lovely woman to the population of the society who cast her away in the beggining...his name is William, and he loves his beautiful angel more than the sum of the known intelligence in the universe could calculate or comprehend, he loves her as a bride, a soul mate, even a daughter at times, but most importantly, he loves her as the core component that leads his life away from a dark path...and into the light of true happiness, and for this, he is forever in her debt, I love you Annie

Friendship Over

It's been five years since we met our way
The time when we are still immature as they say
Having our bondings every saturday
Chatting,laughing,all we did was play

And as the days go on and on
You became one of my addiction
I made you as my inspiration
And started seeking more of your attention

But fate was quiet tricky
He made you so distant from me
Give you new friends to keep you busy
And i think to forget about us completely

Tnat's why when i turned nine
I entered choir with my friends in a line
And that's the time that i start
To see things that breaks my heart

But i'm still hoping that one day,
You 'll remember the memories of yesterday,
That there are other persons that also cares for you,
Who's ready to make you happy when you're blue

I need to say this stupid things to you my dear,
I hope you won't mind that you're the topic here
Coz ' i need to let go of this stupid feeling
Move on and start a journey to a new beggining

But i'm thankful that i met you along the road,
Became part of my crazy fantasy world
And i want to say that my world will be such a lonely place
Without the you here to put a smile on my face..

This short poem is for you please pay attention
So that you'll know my hidden intention
I just don't want my heart be broken,
By all the words that i left unspoken...

Come, my love,
Destroy me with your fire.
Put your arms around me
and break me.
I've known since the beggining
that you're that kind of girl that leaves desire.

Oh, but I want you...
but you belong to yourself.
I try to offer you the world
but I forget that you have your own.
I try to offer you my words
but you already know how to speak.
I ask you not to leave
but you belong to the world.
I tell you that I love you
and you say you have your own love.
So, darling
please tell me I'll be okay
because you own me in every possible way.

That bottle that we all turn to
Full at the beggining, empty at the end
The same way it makes us feel
Clear glass as it's all so simple
Yet the reasons we turn to it aren't
A friend in company and an enemy alone
As the bottle stands so do you
As it falls you fall with it

The gloominess of being
The look of a starring cat

Contemplating the dry flora
Of a fulminated summer

A savana of open windows
With the right solitude

A new place
Lagoon of vanity fireflies
Solar moons

Golden chants
Reflected beings
On mirror nights

Clairvoyance
Grounded antithesis

Alive uncertenties
Muttering winds
Past deaths

Light matter
Shapes the landscape
of a mother's body

Feline nights
wake up twillingts
transforming the tedious mornings
of the beggining of the soul's statue.

You see a guy like me
Will enjoy weather like this,
I will smile and see
And have a face filled with bliss

Music is my reality
All means much to I,
In fact its more peacefully
Than bells beggining to chime

When I think of this girl
I would imagine her in front of me,
Bright and shiny as a pearl,
And us smilling at eachother like a couple of dweebs

So much joy
Yet so much pain,
I'm just a young boy
That has a lot more to gain

A soul cast into societys drama
no comfort zone
no word from my mama
to lose a friend is darkness never ending
todays end nights beggining
to life's expirience this smile im lending
the only one i've got
now sorrow never ending
never to the point life's roads forever bending
countless broken hearts love never mending
to you friend this message im sending
in a dead zone notes forever pending
so sorrows my friend now lonliness never ending
me and sorrow friends forever
the worlds end our tomorrow
holding hands upon lifes sands sinking fast
looking up at the stary sky
its night so vast
on sorrows shoulders my burdens are cast
no matter our past
sorrow and I a friendship that'll last

At first when we began this fairy tale,
te sky was shining
the moon was bright
The darkness did not exist
It began so beautiful,
beautiful
Maybe its just a word
but it means so much to me
It means that a million others
It meant happiness
Joy and peace
It love, love, love
It meant so much more than just 3 vowels
It the first line of our haiku
The firt word that began this whole.
Now that words dissapeered and is lost in the mist of the darkness

I was never anything more than US
because since the beggining you knew the end
I thought I could surprise with another end
But you never gave me that chance
You picked that scene,
At first i rejected it because i expected more form you, but now i know that it did not matter because all i had was nothing in the3 middle of nowhere with you
I doesnt matter how much i loved, love or will keep loving you
Because a relashioship is not up to me
It is up to both of us
I dont know why it happend
But i do know you never cared
Maybe is your act of charity, or just a game,
But my heart was not your toy or that one things you could play with
You just wanted me to break up becasue u didnt know how to get rid of me
And yet i still love you, because aas much as it hurts, it is more painful that i fell for it! Completely.
I love you, but if you dont love me back, there is nothing that i can do!
And my friend told me "it was not meant to be" (Sedrick)

''I fell in love with the color of your eyes.''*
was he said in the beggining of July, later on that year I found out that he was actually colorblind.

was i just imagining it when you said you liked me?
and that you had no intentions of going anywhere.
did i make all of that up in my head?
i'm beggining to feel as though i did.

you said you were in it for the long haul
then,
two weeks later,
you crumble.

telling me that i can't be friends with my best friend...
if i want this to work,
and that wasn't about to happen.

so it ended just like that,
nothing more nothing less,
just a bad case of jealousy,
nothing more nothing less.

A faint "hello?"
I turned
"Yeah?"
"Im scared" even fainter
"Why?"
I stuttered
"This world is too dark"
"But you...youre in a closet"
His only words were,
"Exactly"
_____
This world we live in
The voices we often hear
Are nothing but occurances.
Nothing but odd happenings.
This world
Is out of controll
And we,
Have nobody to blame
but ourselves
Our rebellious nature.
We all have a clone in the closet
Scared of everything.
My clone
My other me
Resides there
Watching everything from the dark.
The world's evil is waiting
Like a shark
Hanging around to see the pain.
The world
Is over
...
It has been
Yet we continue to abide.
Corrupt
To the core.
A place where everyone thinks
Everybody's a *****.
We are outraged by the littlest things.
And
Im beggining to fall faint
Ive grown tired of this life.
Its used.
Generic.
I wish we could be something else entirely
Sounds great.
Because im just old me.
Abandoned, if you will.
Im just a poet
That just keeps noticing
Noticing
Noticing.
This...
Voice in the closet
is wiser than any one of us
Next time you hear them,
**take a listen

Darling,
Don't you worry about the bad nights you're beggining to have,
Or the out of the ordinary strange thoughts you are begging to know more about,
Don't stress over the extreme headaches you're worrying about.
Honey, don't Blame yourself for the slightly suicidal thoughts that cross your mind now and then.
Because love, I'm pretty sure every teen out there isn't "all there" anymore.
Were all going a little insane.

We are just savages given to chance
Killing long-term dreams for short term romance
I've tried to sleep, I count my sheep
But I can't stop watching the lowered moon and how it sweeps through the melted town in June
All the scars no matter how deep never have been able to stop my feet

To sit, to be, alone swmming in a sea of silence.
To hear the sound of anonymity.
To bask in the glory that is obscurity.  
To hear, to see, only that to which is important to me.
The noise of the world left behind.
The deafening drums of what we now call life.
The noise, it saturates the soul.
Thick black tar clogging the path to a peaceful mind.
This constant grind, rolling psychotically.
Crushing, breaking, smashing, snapping.
Untill the heart is left plastered on the concrete.  
A smear I  ignore, a pain i medicate, a hole I try to fill.
It runs deep this damage.
Like blue ink on white cloth it stains me.
Throbing as it flows down marring the senctaty of my soul.  
My pain is not physical, not the sharp jarring pain of a broken bone.
Not the naked exposed pain of an open wound leaking life to the indifferent air.
It is that of a, bruised heart,  a battered soul, a troubled mind.
Abstract in its nature.
Understanding a bygone feature.
It has no beggining and no end.
When it comes the pain is everywhere and nowhere.
All at once then not at all.
Numb and yet so intense.
But the water of silence.  
Washes me, and the tar, the ink, the pain the stink.
Run down my body, the sensation sweet and heavenly.
Honey of the mind, milk to nurture the soul.
It is only then that I am weightless, only then that I am truely whole.

It was a summer night.
When I walked into the apartment
I noticed a few groups of people
scattered all throughout the house
after a little party, slightly buzzed,
talking in different rooms,
two on couch, two on the balcony.
Friction of vast unseen worlds.
The windows were opened
night and air of house became one.
Soft, warm wind blew
from time to time
moving the white thin curtains
Frogs and birds sang in their realm
in the thick song of night
roots and branches
of people's minds
touching each other
(like animals)
They all have their
beggining in stem, though.
Different colours mix,
sounds, elements, metals.

I knew u weren't perfect 
but I thought u understood me
I know noone is perfect 
but I thought u didn't judge me
now all you've ever said is questioned
the one person that has been there from the beggining 
has turned into a stranger
worse,
my own personal traitor..

A fatal flaw that I once discovered
Was in the way I read books,
Instead of beggining at the first sentence
I always red the last first.
But what soon became clear, is that like boiling water,
Everything I do will never boil if the end is the only thing I see
Maybe it was this then the fatal flaw.
The fatal flaw of always seeing the end before embracing the beggining.

blank white page:
prompt that yoosh pomp thatchyoo do;
he'll stoop he'll stomp his frill till it's

shelved, docu'd
spelled out,
to the point of mellifluous flu.

his coy is beggining to cloy.
but it stirs still.

he wants the inside of his alonebones to atone
for the unimaginable thing he has to do.

hero that doesn't  
want to know
tragedy is real.

Love hungry
It's written on my skin
Desperate to get rid of every blank slate inside of myself
All these places I feel an absence of something I'm unsure of
Like I'm trying to soak it all up
Trying to absorb every last bit of anything I can
Your touch on my skin
I don't know why I'm beggining to think that was the best place to begin
Again I'm trying to suffocate my soul
I'm trying to let it morph and melt and turn into something else because maybe it's never really even been there
I don't want to feel me
I feel my chest weighing heavy and I wish it was because someone else's was on top of it
But it isn't and all these thoughts keep making my body so much heavier
Stacking itself up on top of my bones
They seem so strong but after all this time they are cracking
I know that no one can take this from me
That all the skin and eyes and hands and words and poison won't undo all the things that I have let saturate me
They won't change them into anything else
Even if you paint over something, what was there before will always show when the paint begins to peel but I never even get to the point of letting it dry and falling in love changes my colors but it's all just stacking up and mixing into itself and all I am is ******* messy beyond a previous point
I should have stopped
All it's done has turned me black and heavy
I've been mixing all these colors because I don't understand what moderation is and I don't know why I won't stop trying to cover everything in a different color to be something other than what I am and what I'm not
I have become a bit of it all but I'm beginning to think that nothing can ever make me whole
Not having someone love me through their entire soul, not even that will make me whole
It's just wasting time waiting for the downpour and it won't even bring me a fresh page but something even harder for me to grasp
My lack of understanding is never ending and I'm still screaming at the sky for not having a silver lining or at least one that I could ever find and it's too **** difficult to just make up my mind
All I can say to myself now is I'm sorry, I tried