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"approximation" poems
Is there an order? In there an approximation of pi circling our first awkward flirtations? Does a dragon curve lurk hidden as I caress the curvature of your spine? Where does Euclidean geometry fit in to the first time our lips met? Does the Pythagorean theorem detail our most intimate love making? A quadratic formula for the shameful discarding of punched in picture frames? Is there a golden ratio that best expresses hurried apologies and frantic entanglements between our sheets? I know for certain there was a simple subtraction on the day your tears added up everything and finally said goodbye. Some would say there is order in this chaos disguised as order disguised as chaos Continually debating pattern recognition or butterfly effects But I’d like to think We were more subtle than that
0
May 1, 2014
May 1, 2014 at 6:00 PM UTC
Simple Mathematics
Only a moment ago stood a father Keys in his hands to a truck that lost its driver To a bad decision and a bottle of beer Sitting in a dark room is a bed That will no longer hold a body Down the hall a mother breaks Feeling the loss of a last breath As if it were her own punctured lungs Hitting the steering wheel As water floods the engine Two men stand at her doorstep One refusing to look her in the eyes The other apologizing for his words That should never be said For the labeling of childless parents Before this moment a boy sat Posed as a man on the edge of a bar stool Consuming his death wish through his lips An apology engraved in the fold of his throat Giving an approximation to his silence
0
Nov 2, 2014
Nov 2, 2014 at 1:15 PM UTC
Childless Parents
The shoes of a dead man For you to walk And his blade For you to **** Every page vanished And every memory But not the paper upon which it was written And the dust Under which it was hidden Traces of direction Windblown A new future Waiting for ripples to die To see the reflection And the form That must be overcome In the eyes of others To determine need Though not enough In the eyes of others To speak Or live in silence To write Or to think For who would listen Or learn From a man wearing a dead man’s shoes? Because they are not wearing them Only you The blasphemy of discarding his past But saving his presence Is only for you to know The willful generation The one that learns from the past But lives for the future While others Ignore the past And die before they say amen But not the man walking in a dead man’s shoes Inside a book Inside another book Choosing the prophecy That fits his needs But not the worlds Because they wouldn’t understand Even if it was written in their language Nobody can understand Except the man walking in a dead man’s shoes He knows death And every word is life So he reads And prays And does not bring who he is Because he is not the book He is only the man walking in a dead man’s shoes He cannot hear anything Or see color Only the desperation that fills the void Between men And their confusion That he is unafraid And able to walk between people Without explanation Or justification Because they wouldn’t understand Nobody can understand Except the man walking in a dead man’s shoes So don’t ask Don’t ask You do not know how to ask Or what to do with wisdom They are just words Words that amaze you But cannot change you Because to you they are words To him they only describe An approximation A sketch Of smoke From a fire That you cannot see Or feel Not like him Because you are not a man wearing a dead man’s shoes It is much worse than you think Because you won’t confront it You are insensitive Dehumanized The only ones worth living must believe as you do Thoughts are life to you Certain thoughts Thoughts that may be right or may be wrong Thoughts that cannot be described by one man the same as another But thoughts that he will not speak Because he is walking in a dead man’s shoes Without the blade For he does not come to you by the sword For separation is only by choice His alone Without bloodshed Without the desire of what you have For he is not a thief He will live without it He will never take it For his interest is not in what you have But in what he can earn And what is provided As it is given by the world As it is described In the prophecy That best fits his needs Because he is a man walking in a dead man’s shoes
0
Jan 31, 2015
Jan 31, 2015 at 3:54 PM UTC
Dead Man's Shoes
The shoes of a dead man For you to walk And his blade For you to **** Every page vanished And every memory But not the paper upon which it was written And the dust Under which it was hidden Traces of direction Windblown A new future Waiting for ripples to die To see the reflection And the form That must be overcome In the eyes of others To determine need Though not enough In the eyes of others To speak Or live in silence To write Or to think For who would listen Or learn From a man wearing a dead man’s shoes? Because they are not wearing them Only you The blasphemy of discarding his past But saving his presence Is only for you to know The willful generation The one that learns from the past But lives for the future While others Ignore the past And die before they say amen But not the man walking in a dead man’s shoes Inside a book Inside another book Choosing the prophecy That fits his needs But not the worlds Because they wouldn’t understand Even if it was written in their language Nobody can understand Except the man walking in a dead man’s shoes He knows death And every word is life So he reads And prays And does not bring who he is Because he is not the book He is only the man walking in a dead man’s shoes He cannot hear anything Or see color Only the desperation that fills the void Between men And their confusion That he is unafraid And able to walk between people Without explanation Or justification Because they wouldn’t understand Nobody can understand Except the man walking in a dead man’s shoes So don’t ask Don’t ask You do not know how to ask Or what to do with wisdom They are just words Words that amaze you But cannot change you Because to you they are words To him they only describe An approximation A sketch Of smoke From a fire That you cannot see Or feel Not like him Because you are not a man wearing a dead man’s shoes It is much worse than you think Because you won’t confront it You are insensitive Dehumanized The only ones worth living must believe as you do Thoughts are life to you Certain thoughts Thoughts that may be right or may be wrong Thoughts that cannot be described by one man the same as another But thoughts that he will not speak Because he is walking in a dead man’s shoes Without the blade For he does not come to you by the sword For separation is only by choice His alone Without bloodshed Without the desire of what you have For he is not a thief He will live without it He will never take it For his interest is not in what you have But in what he can earn And what is provided As it is given by the world As it is described In the prophecy That best fits his needs Because he is a man walking in a dead man’s shoes
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112
Drinking a Guinness Extra, an empty gesture, Beset truly by the words of Joyce, I am sick of the turning from text To annotation. I wish only to read A text as it was meant, With the knowledge not aside But present already in my blasted skull It's like the modern appreciation of Shakespeare —At best an approximation. The words that were Common, fallen out of usage. The words then invented, now commonplace. Thither and hither again I will look Tracking the details Researching the clever allusion Trying not to miss & missing anon what's right in front of me D.B. Guy
0
Nov 3, 2012
Nov 3, 2012 at 3:07 AM UTC
Interrupted Reading
check it out check it out chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic it's da state of this here disunion this here bangalore torpedo seeks yer minefields this here suffering hero n crows about strafes multitudes peripherally ****** blind prophets exclaim chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic it's nothing but beginning of beginning & z end of approximation time's sweet angry subluxation universal caving in on U & U chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic when was z last time U really loved i mean really really really loved ha i could only hold to z imagination z skeleton z allegory z myth 'cause everything slides & falls screams careens outta control chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic she brought in rrrrevolution.evolution.now is z caustic effervescence of her wit eroding my sandy castle of deceit? ha and repeat ha chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic forgive-me-notes are written high on z forehead of my despair a cursive flowing interdiction malediction cruxifiction err-u-diction en-passant in each pyrotechnic moment when we don't see I-to-I on anything relevant to what we once hoped was us but we continue dance dance dance perseveration aberration indiscretion cha-cha-cha chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic she said *** is z engine of z world like engine like world like *** like like like could say no more oh it's tiresome to go on describing that chimeric uniting flesh-to-flesh-in-flesh eliding we all are guilty of do not end a line with a preposition such as that or a proposition such as this: given angle a prove that old triangle theorem two simultaneous loves don't make a right cherchez les angles les anglais la bon mot ya know chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic when i die please bury me upside down prone to z ground making dead love to earth ya kno while the centuries lie down next to me chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic chic! chic!
0
Jan 24, 2010
Jan 24, 2010 at 3:14 PM UTC
chick chicky boom chicky boom chic chic
check it out check it out chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic it's da state of this here disunion this here bangalore torpedo seeks yer minefields this here suffering hero n crows about strafes multitudes peripherally ****** blind prophets exclaim chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic it's nothing but beginning of beginning & z end of approximation time's sweet angry subluxation universal caving in on U & U chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic when was z last time U really loved i mean really really really loved ha i could only hold to z imagination z skeleton z allegory z myth 'cause everything slides & falls screams careens outta control chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic she brought in rrrrevolution.evolution.now is z caustic effervescence of her wit eroding my sandy castle of deceit? ha and repeat ha chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic forgive-me-notes are written high on z forehead of my despair a cursive flowing interdiction malediction cruxifiction err-u-diction en-passant in each pyrotechnic moment when we don't see I-to-I on anything relevant to what we once hoped was us but we continue dance dance dance perseveration aberration indiscretion cha-cha-cha chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic she said *** is z engine of z world like engine like world like *** like like like could say no more oh it's tiresome to go on describing that chimeric uniting flesh-to-flesh-in-flesh eliding we all are guilty of do not end a line with a preposition such as that or a proposition such as this: given angle a prove that old triangle theorem two simultaneous loves don't make a right cherchez les angles les anglais la bon mot ya know chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic when i die please bury me upside down prone to z ground making dead love to earth ya kno while the centuries lie down next to me chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic chic chicky boom chicky boom chic chic chic! chic!
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61
Communion of Soft Fingertips speak, modern world we are sketched in languages of digital bits, parity shading certainty with probabilities of truth giving us form and existence across distance, distilled to series of warm, invisible numbers frequencies divided step-wise, as Fourier found them in noise amalgamated as information heterodyned, left to be separated out, reordered by advanced statistical protocols that trace our borders with delicate, unseen fingertips   a description of new beings, relationships between them uncertain at first in the short trails of data they create but there eventually - by the law of large numbers or acts of successive approximation we'll find them revealed, like a pointilist painting or seemingly random collection of string whose elements are alone meaningless unless we step back to see an entirety of mass which we recognize immediately as true love and intimacy
0
Dec 1, 2011
Dec 1, 2011 at 8:57 AM UTC
Communion with Soft Fingertips
Through the miracle of meteorology, up high - little by little parts of me was made, without form within a clouds middle, and eventually, formed in unique designs, lighter than feathers, temperature and water work together to produce, a period of weather. When shapes, never repeated - but in approximation, begin to fall, as snow, feasibly forecasted, sometimes not so, down on to the surface below. And so as blanket laid, across town and countryside, fields and city mews, changing the familiar, smoothing contours, into new landscape views. The material soft, white glistening snow so miraculously delivered, at earliest opportunity is introduced to excited shouts, laughter, and shivers. Fittingly gathered by adult and children's hand, with the goal - to build a man. midst joyful sounds, travellers moans and snowball fights, the creators plan, By rolled ball pile and heaped snow I was born, created by many in several places, some small and really, lovingly made. Others large with various, curious, hats and faces. All - to stand appreciatively of of the makers time, to create me and proudly put on show. Winter feeds our lifetime span with cold wind, colder nights and, temperatures low, we stand as white statuary, where children play, soon - will come the expected day a thaw, will take our sustainability of cool, and so little by little I, and others go away, with saddened countenance creators watch as we bend, wither and slouch, stoically accepting this is, as is. Snowy days will return, snowmen too, I can vouch. It’s a happy sadness for snowman builders and snowmen too, who together wait in anticipation for fun and creativity, the joyful side of snowy weather. From a Snowman Michael C Crowder 23rd January 2019
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Jan 25, 2019
Jan 25, 2019 at 5:09 AM UTC
From A Snowman
Through the miracle of meteorology, up high - little by little parts of me was made, without form within a clouds middle, and eventually, formed in unique designs, lighter than feathers, temperature and water work together to produce, a period of weather. When shapes, never repeated - but in approximation, begin to fall, as snow, feasibly forecasted, sometimes not so, down on to the surface below. And so as blanket laid, across town and countryside, fields and city mews, changing the familiar, smoothing contours, into new landscape views. The material soft, white glistening snow so miraculously delivered, at earliest opportunity is introduced to excited shouts, laughter, and shivers. Fittingly gathered by adult and children's hand, with the goal - to build a man. midst joyful sounds, travellers moans and snowball fights, the creators plan, By rolled ball pile and heaped snow I was born, created by many in several places, some small and really, lovingly made. Others large with various, curious, hats and faces. All - to stand appreciatively of of the makers time, to create me and proudly put on show. Winter feeds our lifetime span with cold wind, colder nights and, temperatures low, we stand as white statuary, where children play, soon - will come the expected day a thaw, will take our sustainability of cool, and so little by little I, and others go away, with saddened countenance creators watch as we bend, wither and slouch, stoically accepting this is, as is. Snowy days will return, snowmen too, I can vouch. It’s a happy sadness for snowman builders and snowmen too, who together wait in anticipation for fun and creativity, the joyful side of snowy weather. From a Snowman Michael C Crowder 23rd January 2019
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24
A first exclamation Is it an approximation? Of my imagination Spoken determination We are all in delusion Sinking possibilities Acting on this activation A brain improvisation A flowing dedication Mounted city destination Lacking in co-operation Mounted evaluations Investing the cognition Is not the only direction? Embracing the investigation My convergence recruitment Not even words uncovers The layered entrenchment Sunken lost in introversion A day dream of absolution
0
Mar 13, 2016
Mar 13, 2016 at 12:31 PM UTC
Daydream of Absolution (Additional Spoken Audio)
shadows entangled so it happens the oppressor and the oppressed such an intimacy of pain terror and shame in the quietness of the right hand the left hand surrender to the cruelty of an exchange to be or not to be delusional this is a question reality just an approximation of a terrifying mystery without meaning a beat of a heart alone in the dark we have many songs but still little understanding about the growing shadow lurking in the bright light
0
Oct 16, 2023
Oct 16, 2023 at 2:45 PM UTC
entangled
1+1=2 It’s been proven, it’s always true. Let’s add some letters to represent the unknown. Now 1x+1y=2 Please explain how? This is a linear equation, When we rearrange its formation. Now let’s put it in standard notation. Ax+By+C=0 1x+1y-2=0 What does this mean? It’s an equation for a graph where the constant is always C. Now to find a slope for our graph, We must yet again rearrange to get y=mx+b; Where ‘m’ equals the slope that we need. 1x+1y-2=0 1y=-1x+2 m=-1 Lets not forget m is also rise over run! The rise equals ‘∆y’ and the run ‘∆x’. If you have 2 exact points you can also use them to find ‘m’. Now the average rate of change is much like the slope. It is derived from the same formula but now we must develop. Instead of simple digits we are presented graphical expressions. We must calculate the average rate of their alterations. A secant line would be helpful to move further. A secant line is a line from one point to another. By calculating the slope of this secant line, We will have the average rate of change between two periods of time. Can there be a rate for an exact time? Of course and that is called the instantaneous rate of change. Instead of a secant line we shall use a tangent. Up against the point it will give an approximation. The x values will be so close, It will create a limit of ‘x’ approaching 0. Don’t be quick to leave there is still more. The difference quotient is an expression, To find the slope of a secant line between two specifications. This expression is then used to find, The instantaneous rate of change or the average rate of change over a period of time. I don’t mean to scare you, But this is just the beginning of chapter 1.2.
0
Feb 18, 2013
Feb 18, 2013 at 11:35 PM UTC
The Rates of Slopes
1+1=2 It’s been proven, it’s always true. Let’s add some letters to represent the unknown. Now 1x+1y=2 Please explain how? This is a linear equation, When we rearrange its formation. Now let’s put it in standard notation. Ax+By+C=0 1x+1y-2=0 What does this mean? It’s an equation for a graph where the constant is always C. Now to find a slope for our graph, We must yet again rearrange to get y=mx+b; Where ‘m’ equals the slope that we need. 1x+1y-2=0 1y=-1x+2 m=-1 Lets not forget m is also rise over run! The rise equals ‘∆y’ and the run ‘∆x’. If you have 2 exact points you can also use them to find ‘m’. Now the average rate of change is much like the slope. It is derived from the same formula but now we must develop. Instead of simple digits we are presented graphical expressions. We must calculate the average rate of their alterations. A secant line would be helpful to move further. A secant line is a line from one point to another. By calculating the slope of this secant line, We will have the average rate of change between two periods of time. Can there be a rate for an exact time? Of course and that is called the instantaneous rate of change. Instead of a secant line we shall use a tangent. Up against the point it will give an approximation. The x values will be so close, It will create a limit of ‘x’ approaching 0. Don’t be quick to leave there is still more. The difference quotient is an expression, To find the slope of a secant line between two specifications. This expression is then used to find, The instantaneous rate of change or the average rate of change over a period of time. I don’t mean to scare you, But this is just the beginning of chapter 1.2.
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42
Asleep in his cot. Or so I thought. I hear his restlessness (No sleep for the rest of us) I lie and wait for the inevitable, His teething has been terrible. He's about to start crying. But the restlessness ends: Silence is eerie when it is unexpected. My tired brain seizes its chance, Shutting my eyes on my behalf, Forcing my body to relax, Filing away my anxious thoughts, But, no! Just as sleep takes hold, My door creeps open. There stands my son, Or at least an approximation of him: Doorway silhouettes are unnerving. Then, a dragging realisation: My son is just nine months old. He cannot climb, He cannot walk, He cannot even stand. The sleeping process reversing, Adrenaline begins coursing, The small figure approaching: Staring and with spittle drooling. I choose flight over fight, Need to know my son is alright - That he is not this thing of the night - But the child-thing chooses fight, Chases me, grabs me and bites. It will not let go, Its claws dig in, Its breath stinking: My son is my dying thought...
0
Nov 26, 2018
Nov 26, 2018 at 3:44 PM UTC
Sleeping Son
I wasn't expecting your B or your C game, certainly not your J or K or any other letters in the alphabet, really, except that one at the beginning: looks like a pyramid with a perch, isosceles triangle with bottom arisen, traffic cone alerting to awesome ahead, space shuttle tip to aerospace action, an upside down V with a chin rest, upward-pointing pencil tip, 2D teepee with a loft... or your best approximation.
0
Jun 21, 2017
Jun 21, 2017 at 10:05 PM UTC
our expectations cuddle in the hearth
Are you happy? someone asked me of late at just the right moment I hesitated What exactly is happiness? Not wealth or fame It is not to be found in dopamine or dancing through life Not godliness ascetiscism or contentment But it surely feels like an approximation of a certain moment of bliss that even now I cannot fully apprehend AH 2018
0
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018 at 12:46 AM UTC
Happiness
This feels Like the color, Purple. My tiny dancer Shock blonde And cinnamon sugar Watching Saturday morning cartoons Curled up in bed. The grey daze before dawn. Like goose down and Razor blades I’m enthralled. Captured Raptured Rising from the dead Of long, wrong dreams Inside my head. Could this be? Could this be? Could this be? Love? Or just a Weak approximation of. ‘Cause the world seems to stop Whenever she’s near And everything becomes Perfectly clear. I perfectly understand that I Can’t get enough Of my Fingers in her hair. I can’t get enough Of her Artificial air. Yes, this feels, Like the color, Purple Like goose down And razor blades.
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Dec 21, 2010
Dec 21, 2010 at 9:21 AM UTC
Goose Down and Razor Blades
A friend told me she didn't want to see anyone Maybe that was an approximation, but maybe it was only a glorified exaggeration, and really she just didn't want to see me-- because I know she is not home right now; yet her mother and stepfather and her dogs are. So whom instead of me is she seeing? and who instead of me is so loved?
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Mar 16, 2012
Mar 16, 2012 at 9:32 PM UTC
It May Hurt
It coasts on the dips and dives along smooth muscle, contracting pushing, friction absent and lubrication self-perpetuating. She called it a spiral, but I don't see it that way. It is funny how the little things -- orange and purple and white petals strings of words together like beads white-bordered photographs in sepia -- are bigger than they should be and shrinking into the smallest spaces ubiquitous and permeating reproducing on and onward pulling. How do you determine the area of a feeling how you wipe it down like auto wax all the crevices like jelly in the webbing between your fingers all the misplaced metaphor and you're assuming I know what you're talking about you're assuming I care. I see them there in the bright lights. I want to be with them. I want to be a part of nothing. I want something to be a part of me. The circle is the mockingest of shapes daring the others to find its edges a noose for the mathematician relying on impossible for truth discovery the approximation to determine strength or mass or density. A curve is inherently incorrect and creates problems for the navigators who trust cohesion and consistency who trust each other in cohesion and constant and consistent standard creation who challenge the borders of the world and braid together the loose ends cruising on new planes. I watched the wing fall into the water into the lake, that's a lake, right? It feels like it goes on forever. Loud noise. Open eyes. Dart right and right. Grab. Hold. Release. Quiet. In chalk on the floor, I drew one of those shapes. I crawled inside of it, curled up into it. I closed my eyes tight and held my knees together.
0
Aug 29, 2013
Aug 29, 2013 at 12:19 PM UTC
The Hows
It coasts on the dips and dives along smooth muscle, contracting pushing, friction absent and lubrication self-perpetuating. She called it a spiral, but I don't see it that way. It is funny how the little things -- orange and purple and white petals strings of words together like beads white-bordered photographs in sepia -- are bigger than they should be and shrinking into the smallest spaces ubiquitous and permeating reproducing on and onward pulling. How do you determine the area of a feeling how you wipe it down like auto wax all the crevices like jelly in the webbing between your fingers all the misplaced metaphor and you're assuming I know what you're talking about you're assuming I care. I see them there in the bright lights. I want to be with them. I want to be a part of nothing. I want something to be a part of me. The circle is the mockingest of shapes daring the others to find its edges a noose for the mathematician relying on impossible for truth discovery the approximation to determine strength or mass or density. A curve is inherently incorrect and creates problems for the navigators who trust cohesion and consistency who trust each other in cohesion and constant and consistent standard creation who challenge the borders of the world and braid together the loose ends cruising on new planes. I watched the wing fall into the water into the lake, that's a lake, right? It feels like it goes on forever. Loud noise. Open eyes. Dart right and right. Grab. Hold. Release. Quiet. In chalk on the floor, I drew one of those shapes. I crawled inside of it, curled up into it. I closed my eyes tight and held my knees together.
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50
Cigarette smoke made Your mouth taste like ash so I dug deeper into your throat to find an Approximation of honesty, caked in filth and motherhood. You would bow down before the wrong masters and yet consider yourself mine... And a good master protects his pet, respects his pet, Listens to his pet. Do not approach me with apologies that are late and I will not approach with the same.
0
Nov 12, 2020
Nov 12, 2020 at 1:32 PM UTC
Honesty to Ashes
A systematic endeavor, fevered by a passion. Each problem, an expedition, an exaction Of effort, time and will In the search for knowledge - an unimaginable thrill Newton’s discovery, my continuation: Formulaic substance for every situation. Seeking an answer, no approximation; Making up for lackluster information. We derive and we discover One approach to solve another Number lines, number theory, Partial fractions and Taylor Series’. Natural patterns give inspiration To new problem sets and exhortation Of genius minds globally impressed Continuously working, forgetting rest. Limited by time, we take shortcuts Setting functions is a must. e, theta, sigma, pi delta, lambda, (m)u and phi. Theorems and laws aid in the discovery Of problems unsolved, answers a mystery. New methods used almost “unpredictably” As thought by leighmen, to scientists quite reasonably. Forgetting what was once thought Simply observing what is taught. The applications of arithmetic Endless, when you sit with it. From counting up a child’s toys To describing the bounds of ellipsoids. A vital piece of money supply It gives us reason for color of the sky. Stretching our minds to surmise infinity Hoping not to lose our sanity Consciously peering into the depths of life Our battle for survival, an endless strife
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Feb 24, 2016
Feb 24, 2016 at 2:15 PM UTC
Calculus
You answered with a synapse Startling my resolve with unrest As I felt the change in the make-up of our ties To each other. We'd built our nest With texts and forgotten half-smiles - Layered them with shadows unkempt Leaking from our darkest sides. It was an approximation to love, an attempt By unwilling donors with unhurt prides, To win the privilege of touch Without losing sight of the lines. Gossip didn't bother us much We'd focus instead on the sighs, Beats for our particular choreography. But you've cut short our supply With this silence, and now, awkwardly, We fumble words, waiting for each other's turn. In synapses like these, I ask myself what are we When the memory of your skin still burns And I miss your shadow on me.
0
Mar 1, 2015
Mar 1, 2015 at 5:38 PM UTC
Undefined
On your knees You will worship For a minute, an hour, a day Elixir of the Gods Closer to Heaven Yet farther away Facsimile, resemblance   Black and white dreams Closed eyes and prayer Torn between the emotions Of the emotionless Empty acts Repeated motions Experience or fantasy Wishes or desires Fear, excitement, and nerves On your knees You will worship And it will resemble truth For a minute, an hour, a day The taste of honesty in lies Will linger in the memory Of the approximation of Heaven
0
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 2:18 AM UTC
Genuflection
Cancer. A word no one wants to hear. Unless, of course you are talking about the astrological sign where it is said for you to be known for your loyalty, caring, and adapting qualities. Cancer. A word I never wanted to hear. It was August. My father and I had grown apart, once again. We could never agree on anything, it didn’t matter what it was. Gay rights, politics, the existence of God, these were only some of the topics we argued about, constantly. I remember saying things like, “I hate you!” and “I wish you were out of my life forever.” “I hope you die.” I hope you die. Four simple words. Horrible words. Words I only said once out of anger. Add never between you and die and you completely change the meaning. Later on, I would wish that I had added the never. I was listening to the song “I’m Gonna Love You Through It” at full volume trying to block out my mother and fathers fight. Only now do I see the irony. My parents left the room. I listened as hard as I possibly could only to make out the words, Malignant Lymphoma. My world would completely change that August. They say that when someone is diagnosed with cancer, everyone around them is as well. I never understood that, it wasn’t me that was dying, until I saw him come home from his first cancer treatment. He was exhausted, my father, the man of steel could barely stand. My life became morphed into the what ifs. What if he doesn’t make it? What if I lose my dad? My life became mutated into a twisted picture as I tried to find every answer in text books and statistics. 18,990 people die from this cancer every year. My dad always joked he would never make it to see 51…he was 49. My mom broke down, often, gasping in air as if she would never breathe in again. As if, she had forgotten how. I stopped breathing. I had no estimation or approximation of when I would breathe in again. Malignant Lymphoma. Cancer. Dying. Those three words were all that I could think about. I wanted to escape. I wanted to pretend like I was clueless. They say that ignorance is bliss. I think that was about the time I stopped believing in God. That night, as I tried to bring myself to pray, the words got stuck in my throat. I couldn’t understand why. Soon, treatment began, was unsuccessful, and now the cancer is spreading. . That’s the thing about lymphoma. It doesn’t go away.
0
Jun 24, 2014
Jun 24, 2014 at 10:39 AM UTC
Cancer
Cancer. A word no one wants to hear. Unless, of course you are talking about the astrological sign where it is said for you to be known for your loyalty, caring, and adapting qualities. Cancer. A word I never wanted to hear. It was August. My father and I had grown apart, once again. We could never agree on anything, it didn’t matter what it was. Gay rights, politics, the existence of God, these were only some of the topics we argued about, constantly. I remember saying things like, “I hate you!” and “I wish you were out of my life forever.” “I hope you die.” I hope you die. Four simple words. Horrible words. Words I only said once out of anger. Add never between you and die and you completely change the meaning. Later on, I would wish that I had added the never. I was listening to the song “I’m Gonna Love You Through It” at full volume trying to block out my mother and fathers fight. Only now do I see the irony. My parents left the room. I listened as hard as I possibly could only to make out the words, Malignant Lymphoma. My world would completely change that August. They say that when someone is diagnosed with cancer, everyone around them is as well. I never understood that, it wasn’t me that was dying, until I saw him come home from his first cancer treatment. He was exhausted, my father, the man of steel could barely stand. My life became morphed into the what ifs. What if he doesn’t make it? What if I lose my dad? My life became mutated into a twisted picture as I tried to find every answer in text books and statistics. 18,990 people die from this cancer every year. My dad always joked he would never make it to see 51…he was 49. My mom broke down, often, gasping in air as if she would never breathe in again. As if, she had forgotten how. I stopped breathing. I had no estimation or approximation of when I would breathe in again. Malignant Lymphoma. Cancer. Dying. Those three words were all that I could think about. I wanted to escape. I wanted to pretend like I was clueless. They say that ignorance is bliss. I think that was about the time I stopped believing in God. That night, as I tried to bring myself to pray, the words got stuck in my throat. I couldn’t understand why. Soon, treatment began, was unsuccessful, and now the cancer is spreading. . That’s the thing about lymphoma. It doesn’t go away.
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Instead of being born you were given an approximation, a number, and a grand lock in a world made of half truths and the whole a great salt ocean that you will not tread When you finally reach the surface choking and gasping on salt water you may realize your fatal error and the god of wind won't fill your sails he won't even grace your cheek with a loving breeze of a hand In death you may find no peace only the absence of a body drifting in a bitter daylight halved and hollow hearted all forms of life seek the simplest existence nothing
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Oct 2, 2013
Oct 2, 2013 at 2:23 PM UTC
Simplest existence
I would trust a word, only when I could go beyond it's crusty outer shell, fleshy girth, as well and feel the heart pulsating, making red blood coursing through the veins speaking earnest truth as heart beats, what makes all words other than this one redundant, for that moment in time, stops my heart with wonder,happiness grief or ebullience or many a other shades when I intimately knows that word.
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Jun 5, 2017
Jun 5, 2017 at 7:16 AM UTC
Truth beyond the approximation of meaning
Have you ever pretended a guy was interesting? Have you slow danced and let him sniff you up close? It gives you somewhere to go, if you decide to. Or given a little kiss—nothing slutty in that. You know, a 'person' isn’t a good kisser - it takes two. I’m not talking about me, of course. There’s a two-way interrogation going on complete with our own internal narratives —we reenact it’s rituals in the strangest places Like quiet libraries or the lerch and spin of a dance club we process by analogy and approximation and it works until it doesn’t, like cold water poured into a glass. Then we settle back into the dull rhythms of study I’m not talking about me, of course. . . Songs for this: This Girl's In Love (Live At HMH) by Trijntje Oosterhuis The Men of Your Dreams by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince
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Jan 6, 2025
Jan 6, 2025 at 9:00 PM UTC
a dance