And there goes the woman
who dares to live
on her own way
It's not so different than I could
possibly think but
I do not know if
she's gonna stay or leave
for real
tho I already kissed her
goodbye
I've suffered because of
her &
I've suffered because I cannot
control what's inside me
that wants to touch her &
feel her everlasting warmth
but I was wrong
everyone of us has
our own way
to go &
no other soul
in this world
can state otherwise
when this very old &  wise
truth
doesn't even fit
in our bare mortal hands.

There's this kind of sadness
that holds a grip on you &
just won't ever leave
I wish I could be more
but the more I think about it,
the less I become &
it hurts inside
because i know,
i do know
that it will never have an end
unless i bring it
to myself.

It takes more than self loathing
to live the way i do.

I'm willing to get hurt
but be aware that i'm probably gonna hurt you more.

I love the way you cry but
i hate the way you smile
because there's no way
i can get into your mind &
a smile like that
comes out
spontaneously.

That kind of people
who brings a storm into
your mind
as if the everlasting rain
wasn't enough already.

Hurt me
the way I do &
you'll be pleased to see
how lovely
it can be.

Writing makes you vulnerable
because you're opening your heart out
and letting yourself
explode into words
and when someone reads it
they may get hurt
but the one who hurt the most
is you
because now they know
and now you know
that you can become a fragile
piece of glass
in their hands
or maybe,
just maybe
a strong piece of human being
who allows himself
to let it all go away
with sharp & sad
words
ready to harm anyone
who's willing to,
even if it's yourself.

We know we're broken
shattered in tiny pieces
but you also know that
i want to steal you &
all your pieces &
make you feel
whole
because if you don't feel that way
be aware that's how i feel
around you
even if my tiny shattered pieces
are way too lost
into the space
or in someone else's life
or in someone else's heart
or maybe even inside
myself
but i can't be so sure about that
because even if i was
what excuse would i have
to say
that i'm no longer &
may never be able to see
that human being
who i'm supposed to be?

You're a sad soul, blue eyes
so am i
but don't drag me with you
to the pit of lies where
you live
I may have loved you
but I can't anymore.

Hit me harder
smash my head against the concrete
kick my stomach
and tell me you loved me once
and that's how it feels
to love me deeply.

I wish I could steal
your burden &
make it mine
but how can I do it
if you seem to love
to have a burden
to carry around
with you?

I didn't even know you but
when you left
you stole a part of me
that will never be
rescued.

Stab me again
but now in my face
so I can see
the terrible mistake
I did
to let you in again
when I was fine
without you.

I don't wanna know about
your problems
deal with 'em & leave
so I can deal with mine
on my own
you left once
I don't need you
you don't need me
we don't need each other
anymore
don't fool yourself
i'm going away
and it's for the best.

I feel your thoughts
choking me
I don't need you here
get out of my head
get the **** out of my head
please
just leave me alone
please
leave.

You come & go
like I was a bridge
you can walk through
over & over
but i'm about to
fall down
and i'm dragging you
with me
whatever it takes.

I dreamt I looked in the mirror
I could see my backbones & I was so
happy
but a kind of sad happiness
because there's no true happiness
inside my
bare bones
but I felt alive
when I was actually
dying
and I feel like I could jump to the stars
and glow in the dark
but I couldn't barely crawl on my knees
I am so weak
Oh I'm so sorry
i can see those bones again
but now they're buried
six feet under
my skin
but they want to crawl back
with me
and I can't say no to them
I can't say no to myself
I can't say no
to these urges
in order to be able
to see what's underneath
my skin
I'm so sorry
I'm really sorry
but I can't say no
not yet.

I am a flower & you're a butterfly
tho you don't like them
you try to find the best in me
but I am dying &
you can't steal
my death
away.

Floating over dark waves  
can't seem to reach the shore
i might sink here
maybe then in the bottom of the dark sea
i can find an empty shell
and take that as my home
forever at the bottom
forever sinking.

Drain this blood
Out of me
Drain this pain
Out of my soul
Drain this body
Out of this world
So I can be in peace
& in pieces
Wandering through the
Worlds of the undead
& the sinners
Just let me out
So I can inhale
And exhale
The fresh air
Of the real death.

Haunted by
the ghost
of my own self
telling me
I don't deserve to live.

Come with me. Come. I'm waiting for you.

Once i told him i saw my
pencil case
moving by itself
as i wrote down
a poem
he said he couldnt believe
so i said: its not my problem, i do.
and he replied: actually, it is.
and oh,
i realized.
it is.

My tears are
reflecting in the
warmest pool of blood
ever poured out of my
veins.

Life should come
with an
(optional)
by its side.

My costume for this halloween-life
is a copy of my
former selves
all engaged in one
so it will be my disguise
and life wont laugh
at me
anymore.

This blood flowing
from my mouth
is my desire
to kiss you
good night
good morning
good evening
every single day,
bleeding
through my veins
because love
has never been a one way
course
but this
just seems to be
a lonely love
of a lonely
lover.

If i'm the ****** of your show
your fairty-tale
your life
your ****
allow me to
**** the assumptions
you've made of me
before you really knew me
though you never really did
but i'll do it anyway
because no matter what i've done
or what you've done
i'm the monster in this story
and when the monster comes in
no one survives.
and maybe,
not even
him.

These walls
are made of blood & pain in the inside
and i beg you
to please
let me
blend in.

I burn things so i can feel
the ashes vanishing away
as i blow them off
the ground
I burn people's photographs
so i can feel
their eyes dying just
like their memories
in my mind
yet they never do
I burn myself
so i can feel
the heat of the life
that i've never had the chance
to live at its fullest
because i was way too busy
burning my sadness away
yet it knows
how to come back to life &
fulfill my mind.

Falling down
a walking corpse
no sense at all
no sense in life
no sense in death
things should just vanish away
so you won't ask anything
anymore
for nothing
because nothing is real
as i am falling down
this river
of nothingness &
sinking into
the feeling of
despair
of having nothing else
to lose
but my dead flawed
skin
& ******
skinny bones.

It's kinda unfair
to scream in deaf ears
so it may hear it,
maybe
just as much
as you try to convince me
that life may be
suitable
for a person
just like me.

I have nothing left for this dreadful world
but an empty shell
that wishes for its self-destruction to come
as soon as it's possible
like someone to step over them &
crack it up in tiny little pieces that could never be put together again.
There's nothing left of me to give & give in
to someone else,
but this overwhelming emptiness
that destroy all my inner voices &
that shuts them up for all eternity.
I'm sorry you could never hear them again,
but i'm also pleased that
you'll never have to listen to
these destructive thoughts
any minute longer.

I like to destroy things with
an anger
that only comes up
when the thing i really wish to
destroy is
myself.

Soft souls
never carry a
burden
lighter than
a lifetime.

I tried to be nice
i swear i did
but things
such like you
silently screams down my ear
to *******
as hard as i can.

Punching myself
'till I get
bruised up &
scarring myself
'till I get
a brand new
skin.

I write my poetry
for you
with the blood
shedding
from your throat.
Is this love
good enough
now?

I pick at my scabs
thinking
that I am picking at
parts of you
inside me &
leaving them
& you
for good.

I’ll make you feel the heat of my blood,
but only when I feel yours
in my tongue.

I don't need your smile nor your help
cause I got my own back
when you were missing
and now that you're not
any longer,
i beg you
to just please,
forget me
soon.

It's easy to laugh & it's easy to
fake smiles and
how you're doing
on a daily basis
you just need to
add some lies inside your
head
and pretend you're living in there
but no one knows
what's like
in the middle of the night
when you find yourself
curling up in your bed & blankets
wishing for a kind soul
to suddenly appear
out of nowhere
and take you away from here
and never go back.

Some people are like drugs
and you can't get rid of them
as soon as you wish to
And then when you realize
you've got too much of them
you just overdose
and the doctors will never know
that the solution
forr this special od
is to break all your ribs
and pull your heart out
of its cage.

If i am about to open up my heart
to let it beat & bump
into my chest
then i'm about to let it flow
let it all flow
let the blood and thoughts and angst
just to set me free
of this excruciating pain
that is
to just let
my heart
alive.

I'm sorry that
all that's left of
me
is this what
you point & call
waste of space and breath
i'm sorry
that i couldn't
agree more
with you.

I let my mind give in
i know, i know
it's not a surprise for you
i see
but what did you expect
from a diseased & wicked mind
like me?

I look inside your eyes
we're burning
we're vanishing
away
'don't touch me please'
oh please  
just don't
ever touch me
again
like you've touched
me
once
i can't stand this pain
you see?
i can't stand this anguish
in my
heart
in my eyes
so we burn &
we vanish
just over and
over again.

I can slash a vein and
feel no pain
at all
but you
hurt me
only
by saying that
you have to
leave
and then you leave
me
bleeding
inside.

I can't touch you
when you're
far away
from me
though so near
inside
my
mind.

They always comes first
everything comes first
the meds, the doctors, the hospitals
the bleeding, the bruising, the fracturing
the screaming, the despersonalization
the doping, the doping, the doping,
and then me.
why me after all this
why not me before the first medication?
i wonder
and wonder
and wonder
and i've come to a conclusion
that i'm way too ******* selfish
you've got a life &
you need to care take of it
before you try to
call me & notify me
about your
doping
and
your life
and your
pain,
but through all
of this
all i feel
is the pain of waiting
too,
don't you see?
it's me, waiting for you
here.