what have i become. .
what have you made of me, mother?
what have you sculpted, brother?

carved to perfection,
into an ivory soulless wreck,
a hopeless mess, high off morbidity and agony,

carved to perfection,
to attend to your lavish needs,
of a stripped youth,
hidden under a blood stained carpet floor,

and you do it so lovingly,
as i reach for air,
when you've buried me
six feet under.

this is it?
this is what we signed up for?
you told me I signed a contract on this hell I chose for myself,
you're telling me I came her willingly
an angel in disguise,
from another planet,
but I know better,
I know I was never an angel,
and don't want to be one either,
because angels do cry,
and angels do dream,
until
it all comes crashing,
because all along,
behind the veil of it all,
you already signed another contract with the devil,
and you wonder about all the uncertainty,
because there's no certainty
in black and white,
the only certainty
is grey in color

the guilt
the sin
the hatred within

thinking if we disguise our hair
in an obscure form of veil
they will conceal our madness

thinking if our skin prevails
after years of stacking knitwear
they will shred our sadness

then asking us why are we so vain?
why do we masquerade our emotions to keep us sane?
when all your attempts strives to conceal what’s underneath
underneath that cloth you call a veil
underneath that skin you use for sale

the morals
the virtues
the lies you preach

It is just another mask you wish to keep

the pain eventfully resides within
and there's no way out
there's no refugee
no escape
you have to live with your own tragedies
your own pain
scraping all the hope you
spent years to gain.

afraid to live,
afraid to sin,
afraid to drown
in a bottle of gin.

what is the point of breathing,
if you're going to suffocate on it anyway,

Do you ******* tears on her lips?

Because I can feel you,
in their hair, in their gaze, crawling up their skin

your essence, your fragrance,
your divine presence, its all there

as i breath,
inhaling your exhales,
i can feel your warm breath,
the way it carasses my skin,
so gently,
what a bliss,

i'm losing myself,
and i can't control it,
they made me,

i'm losing myself,
i can't contain it,
they made me,

i'm losing myself,
and soon,
i'll become
nothing but a body,
with no soul
just the one
they made.

i can feel you,
i can feel you running through my veins
intoxicating every blood cell in it
feeding me with pitiful lies
and cringing cries
making me drown into your self loathing wonderlust
because i thought you were,
i thought you were, life, to me ,
you made me breath fresh air,
every time i inhaled,
but soon, you became the reason
why i count my breaths and
hoping for the last breath
to come along,

In the eyes of love,
we tear each other a part
until all that is left of us,
everything they were attracted too from the jump.
is fragmented
scattered in different roads
and haunting our dreams

Is it supposed to be like this?
Is this love or suffering?

I knew I'm in-love with you when I realized that the way I feel about is unconditional, there's nothing that you can say or do that will rid me from these feelings,

and you're watching me there, asking yourself all of sorts of questions,
and it feels so much like rejection
and you know I don't take rejections well.

I'm yearning
for more
of your misery
to feed off,

salivating
to taste
your sorrows,

glorifying
your sinful scars,

crawling
to catch your soul
while
you brush it off
as you overdose.

falling for your warm voice,
as it washes me me away by its divineness,

catching my heartbeats,
while you utter the letters of my name,

I can see the waves,
 you fondly look for,
 in your mesmerising eyes,

I can smell the scent of agony,
that lingers thoroughly,
around your sacred being,

I can hear the little girl in you,
while you spend every instant,
trying to sink her in,

I can sense your everlasting cries,
as it crawls up against me,
awakening me from within,

but as helpless as i'll ever be,
i'll crumble myself to pieces,
in order to make you whole again

do you know how you live
when the worst has happened
you have no expectations,
no wants or needs,
you become confined in your own misery,
feeding off the scars you left scattered in your bathroom floor

your only viable option,
will be letting go,
your best option,
is
laying
six feet under.

living,
is not a matter of life or death,
having a soul,
inhaling,
no,
you see,
i passed away,
lost my soul,
along time ago,
but i can still inhale
my own bitterness,
i can still stand
right in the burning hellfire,
of my own despair,
i can still wait for the rainfall,
thinking it might wash away
my everlasting grave,
and all it did,
is turn me into dust,
even more,
i've held my ashes,
as i was casting away,
but my grave
has been dug too deep,
six
feet
under.

I'll trace your scars,
with my fingertips,

I'll lace the curves of your imperfections,
with my chapped lips,

I'll bury my nails,
in the flesh of your lethal spine,

I'll mold your broken heart,
until it becomes a piece of mine,

you dared to love my
self destructive self,

and i dared to,
kiss your morphine lips,
knowing that,
if i get a taste,
i'll never stop,
wanting more..

i could move alright,
but in a locked rotting hell,
i could breath alright,
but only toxic suffocating breaths,

gather all your imperfections
and sculpt them together
as it becomes
everything
i ever
wanted

rotten souls
burried cries
morbid smiles
living in agony
of a so called
better future
shaped as a
coffin
that traps your
last hope of
freedom