I fell in love with the pain of missing you

            and the torture of your smile

embedded inside of my thoughts


Copy Right 2020
©PoeticPat

Waterfalls of emotions, rushing into destruction
Prolonged feelings of love and ire eruptions
Disoriented impassion flows through the air without restraint
Without gravity
Fixed my lips to force sound but I can’t
His cell phone breaks the silence, the loud noise of his dying battery
Skin on skin, sitting so close yet feeling so far
My heart reaches for yours, yours for mines but they never seem to bond
Secrets from the past presents the truth for the present
So many thoughts are running through my mind, still my lips have not to depart yet
My eyes closes slowly, my heart drops landing right beneath my feet
My mind is racing, thoughts are flying, I begin to realize that this is were the ending of us meets
The NOISE.
It feels as if my ears are going to explode
I try to protect them but right through my fingers the loudness pours
My silent cries, my fainted screams
I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE !
My palms are sweating. My heart is racing. My tears are beginning to fill.
I glance at his beautiful brown eyes, and the thoughts of his secrets forces them to spill.
Not ONE word was said as we sat next to one another. Sound of his breath is all I hear
Space? Didn’t exist between us there was no room for it there
All seats were filled, BUT one will be empty as I watch him leave the room.
Never knew Silence could be so LOUD, especially when It’s talking to you.



                             Copy Right 2013
                                    ©Patty Ann

Emotions running wild at full momentum, the inability to stop this force is straining me
My conscious is constantly blaming me
All the screams and darkness that’s in this world are aimed at me
I halt with my hands up in full surrender
He carries the hurt from the past love, he’s the true offender
With no doubt
The thief who stole my love then snuck out
His hands were full, he stole everything that I had
Our future has died so now, he is facing my past
I’d given all my love away, how could I be so foolish?
He received all my love, then threw it away, how could anyone do this?
How could someone tell you they love you then disappear so fast without leaving a trace
How could someone sing they love you, but you can see all the lies written upon their face
Yet you pretend that its all kosher but you see it in his beautiful eyes
You don’t wanna face the ugly truth, so you feed into those beautiful lies
The pain is too overbearing so I attempt to run and hide
But theres nowhere to go when the walls closes in, and all I’m doing wasting is time
So Im stuck in this dark lonely place
I’m imprisoned next to these lost souls with blood all on their face
Blood all in their eyes, they reach for me, I try to fight them but I can’t move
And my pride wont let me cry, and It wont allow me to lose
They pull me into this black hole, with muggy mist and shattered bones
This can’t be hell, because I know that God have my soul.
I try to fight them off but they are too strong
My mind is getting weak and body can’t go on
Then he awakes me and I’m out of my dark horrendous dream
He holds me and brings me into his light
Where everything is so beautiful and seen
So I feel in love with him, he was my knight in shinning armor
He rescued me from my terrors and brought me out those horrors
I loved him with all of me, not leaving a split second out
I can’t blame him he’s not the theif here, so I’m calling love out
Love can steal someone’s life, I see it everyday
I’ve committed no crime here yet I still have to pay
I did everything I was suppose to
I never abandoned you even when I was told to
Yet you pushed me aside
All those tears I cried
Stain my shirts, my sheets, my pillows, they’re bleached
From the hurt and pain that’s was held hostage inside of me
And I freed those tears from their shackles and let them run free
I freed myself from my shackles now I have a chance to run free
Run away from ME, I’m the one who I’ve been fighting all these years
I’m the one who didn’t allow my self to love because of all my fears
So I began to runn sooo freee and I‘m running so free I feel so free…..I pause and look back and realize that Something’s got a hold of me
It shouts at me
“Where do you think your going, haven’t I been all you had”
“Now your gonna leave me behind, because of this guy that you think you have”
“You Can’t just up and vanish from me, lets not forget sweetie I'm your PAST”
“Whenever you look back, you’ll always see me, ha! you wont last”
“So your giving me up. All because of this LOVE”
“ Your gonna leave me for that, after he took all your trust”
“Go right ahead, LOVE is gonna hurt you anyway, you think this guy will be here for everything BUT trust me I’m here to stay”
“You can leave me, go right ahead but I bet you be back”
“Because soon as that guy abandon you you’ll realize that I’m all you have”
Sincerely, Your Past



                              Copy Right 2013
                                    ©Patty Ann

there's a peace of mind
I'm on a journey for
scavaging and hunting for
what belongs to me
my sanity
I can't let you have
my love
and turn it into profanity
a curse
a joke
my deep passion soaking into your hands
as I watch you carelessly play in the dirt
here it comes
the hurt
races against joy
but insanity has come to steal the race
and the crowd makes the noise
I feel so out of place
I fell so deep into you, I no longer felt the light
then my skin became cold
following my emotions, or lack there of
my soul began to decipher
what feeds and what destroys

I am now waiting for my mind to fall in line
to find peace
my thoughts to find ease
finding a way to re-write our history
your name rings the very bell that controls my tears
when I close my eyes
I see yours
I repaint your lips and each word spoke
I hate you
then I love you
you watch me entangle with my emotions
you feed my despair
you stir my commotion
I feed you your energy that you allow to be stole
I fed you half of me
there's no way I can be whole
playing this game
your poker face is so perfect
and unphased
while I'm on this trip to neverland
a journey alone I never planned.

I need a peace of mind
a peace of mind I'll give you
you were my sickness
I need to heal you
disinfect the wounds you caused
the ulcers of false hope
the emptiness,
you wasted my time
you misplaced my crown
a blue river I have cried
its time for my smile to return now
....because even if you say it's not over
I know I won't die

Copy Right 2020 ©

I's don' really know much
only how to cook and clean
fa ma marster's and they chillun
they tries to teach me to read
i's neva liked the white folks edumucation
so I's just stay in the field
spend time with the sun
until the moon comes
and take me on away
das my's only time to heal
from the scars they puts on my skin
from the scars they puts in my mind
from the scars they puts on my family
my brothers and nem
I's wonder all the time
will we ever be free?
I's think of it everyday
cant wait for it to be
Mama always worked in the kitchen
but she has her fav spot
next to the chimney she a sit
listen to the white folks talk
I's pray all the time she ont get caught
one day she heard sumn
mussa been real good
Is seen her smiling
as Jesus himself gon an got mama a new dress
but I's know ha smile na
tha day she sats in a corner listnin'
she hurds them finely' say we's free
we's free
but marster wouldnt let us go
she herd' em tell mistus
he wont let us free till me make sommo'
for thems to eat
but mama hops out that chimey corner
jumps to her feet
I's herd' ha yelling
"I's free I's free'
"then she runs to the field 'gainst marster's will
and tol' all the other slaves n they quit work"
I's seen all the hoes and rakes falls to the dirt
dat nite ma slip out the house
like a banana was at da do'
she hids' in the ditch
I's get snuck out my bed
next I's in mamas arms
I's look at mama's tied' feet
running so fast
to chase her freedom
I's hear shots from *****
dem dogs barking n growlin'
Lord please keep mama safe
and the Lord hears ma prayas'
cause' that nite
afta alls the yelling cryin' n sweating
me and mama
we finely gits away



Copy Right 2020
©PoeticPat

Sad to say
Hope wasn't enough,
there was a thousand words battling in her mind
but her tongue remained numb
Deep into the late night hours
She hugs her pillows
and paint them wet
Realizing her existence in this world is inane and all her ways are complexed
Yet,
She was forged this way
An unbalanced scale of life
She was forced to stay
Agony of her loneliness brought penetrating pain
She cried even through the sunshine
Lived depressed during the rain
Whips from life's battles instilled on her frame
Perfectly tattooed on her skin
Innocence robbed from her before the age of ten
Those hands exploring her body never got approved
Scars and words of abuse was all she was accustomed to
From minds of the ones she loved
Grew extreme curious
Too see what lies inside of a woman for deliverance
Nights she cried tears that refuse to come
Glands denying the tears and sufferings that attempted to form
Rejected
The torture and sorrow in the glass of her reflection
Taught her venom which she perpetually spat at the girl in the mirror
Her thoughts was her MRSA, constantly eating her away
Rug burns implanted on her knees from all the nights that she prayed
Her life felt more painful than being engulfed into flames
Disgust boiled in the bottom of her stomach, just from hearing her name
No one* understood her pain
No one even knew
Of all the dirt and infidelity her poor soul was drug through
Knives met her hands
Many nights she felt tempted but was too weak to stand
She'd rather fall
Full possession of her extremities but,
She rather crawl
into a deep dark cave
Than to reside in this World and become its slave
She was just a little girl
Dwelling in purity
A lost wandering soul
No form of security
For those who are believers and have even only a mustard seed of faith
Please
Pretty please
Remember her in your hearts
When you go to God and pray



                             Copy Right 2013
                                    ©Patty Ann

you feel my despair*
your fingers quench the loneliness

you don't flinch at the touch
I know you've felt it before

fighting the battle
of worth and contentment

love and war

reality and fantasy
my mind paints pictures
and shows movies
that has never touched a screen

yet, I still cannot see
the moral of your story

the focal of the point
its blurry and faint

but the script is still there

the film is still rolling
and the same movie plays

in my mind the same scene
constantly, over again

me yearning for you
needing more of you
hopelessly feening
restlessly dreaming

tossing and turning
in this imaginary love
you aided in me creating

its so warm
and deep
and wet

drenching me completely
in this
mythical story

that you could possibly

no actually

literally

maybe

you could quite love me..

          Fin


Copy Right 2020
©PoeticPat

with no words

with no sound

with no hands

with no hesitation

with no hate

with no force

                                  *he makes me write poetry

I see The Most High in you
                                          yo demons hate that. . .

Last night I feel in love
and when I woke up
I was covered in you.

I dont know if it is the clouds in my head or the souls in my bed

or the tainted pleasures

instead

of pouring
I rather blaze

In place of worry
I rather praise

and pray

that we all find our way

on this cold ground
with this frozen breeze

I don't have parents or

or a grandma to pray for me

so lately my ruthlessness has generously been on display for me
to be able to stand for Him and for myself.

will all the man who will fail me, please stand up.

you will be escorted out of my life.