Why am I the outcast
Who was I to know
That everybody tires
Of the ones who love them most
Why am I being punished
What did I do wrong
Why do you have to push me away
When I've tried so hard for so long
Why can't I give up on you
When your already so far gone
I've secluded myself, I have no one
And you said you want me to move on
Why am I the one
With the broken heart
Why is your life
Being ruined
Why won't family talk to me
Why am i turned away
No one in this world wants love from me
No one has ever stayed
Why have I been outcasted
Why have I been pushed away
Why can't somebody love me
Why can they not stay
Is everyone a liar?
Is everyone like you?
Or is it me that's the tragedy
Why do they hate me more than you

No
You cant have my tears
Not this time

I'm tired of crying
About the same ****
I'm tired
Tired

You cant have them
Not this time
No

I will keep them

For something worth crying over

Watch her stand alone
As they beat her to the ground
As they force her head under
As they force her to drown

Watch her stand alone
Watch her crumble, fall apart
Watch her climb her way back up
Fingers bleeding and covered in scars

Watch her stand alone
Watch her struggle to breathe as broken bones force their way into her lungs and the blood in her eyes makes it harder to see

Watch her stand alone as on lookers point and stare at her disfigured face and her shattered soul-like-grace that's changed her into someone she's never wanted to be

Watch her stand alone
As years of torture claim their place upon the only heart she's ever known sitting slightly to the right of where its home should be

Watch her stand alone
Then watch her rebuild and grow
Watch her turn into a beautiful fighter who's smile burns brighter than any you have ever known

Watch her stand alone

My soul it is too gentle
It makes me feel the pain
That it feels when it cant sleep
And its driving me insane
My soul it is too weak
To continue day to day
to keep pretending i'm happy
to keep pretending i'm ok

Her soul is prettier than the stars in the sky
Yet you still think it's ok to make her cry
What did she ever do to you?
Look at what you've put her through

She's crumbling like aging stone
Yet you decide to not come home
Again and again you play tricks on her mind
Making her think you're there, but leaving her behind

Her heart is prettier than the dark ocean water
But the tide is just as strong, maybe stronger
The longer your gone, the longer she's alone
The sooner her ocean will be as dry as a bone

Her mind is as beautiful as a sunset through the trees
Pink and purple sky and warm scented breeze
She is everything that means "safe and love"
Yet you put her on a cliff and give her a shove

You think she doesnt know, but she does
You think she's still at home, well she was
Now she's physically there, but her minds disappeared
Lost in the stars wishing she wasn't scared

She wants her soul to be prettier than the stars in the sky
Too bad you never look up there to compare
Your eyes are set on your other highs
So you've never really seen her soul bared

I hide it so good baby
I hide it so well
You'll never know babe
I'm going through hell

It's not the first time
First time that I'll die
All on the inside
Not the first time I've cried

It's not the last time
I'm saying good
bye
It's not the last time
Last time that I lie

Just want you to know
Babe, I've got to go
I say it so easy
But you don't even know

I hide it so good baby
I hide it so well
It's not the first time
I've escaped from hell

She's resilient
Brilliant
Strong
Brave
She's determined
Observant
Knows just what
To say
She's Courageous
Outrageous
Tenacious
Extreme
She's astounding
Resounding
Abounding
Undreamed
She's exciting
Inspiring
Inviting
Insightful
She's striking
Like lightening
Brightening
Delightful

I wish she could see what I see
As I look in the mirror and she looks back at me

Angel's singing
Brought me here
Amongst my dreams
Replaced my fears
The more I search
The less I find
I'm scared that I've
Been left behind

Angel's singing
brought me here
To my knees
My life, so clear
But when they stopped
The haze remained
And so
And so
Did the pain

Angel's singing
brought me here
The place where I
beg to hear
The voices again
And it's been years
Since I have heard
With my own ears
The Angels sing
The Angels sing

Just one time
Just once more
Would give me the strength
I've been waiting for
Please don't tell me
It was all in my head
I want to know just what they said

Angel's sing me to sleep
Angel's sing me to sleep

It's always in the background

Can you hear it?

"It's part of life"

The heaviness that's always pulling you slowly back

Not allowing your smile to reach your eyes

Making you drift off from time to time

Can you feel it?

Weighing you down?

Letting you sink slowly lower?

Until you reach the bottom

And it all comes out

Full force

Then afterwards you feel lighter

But the smile still doesnt reach your eyes

Because it's still there
In the back of your mind

A never ending cycle

And if it had a color
It would be

vantablack

Seemingly impossible to

Quit

       Staring

At

    
It never leaves

"Its part of life"


Then how do you get rid of it?

You dont

There are better dreams in memories

         Than memories in dreams

Pretty eyes,
What are you doing
Pretty eyes
Please dont cry
Your heart may not be made of gold
You'll still get wrinkles when your old
But your eyes will always show your soul
And that's what makes you beautiful

Pretty eyes
Theres nothing to be afraid of
Pretty eyes
I can see just what your made of
Pretty eyes
Your hiding in the corner
And I've never felt as warm as I do now

Pretty eyes
They glimmer and they sparkle
You've never been called remarkable
But you'll see
Just how strong you can be

Pretty eyes
What are you doing
Pretty eyes
Please dont cry
Your heart may not be made of gold
You'll still get wrinkles when you're old
But no ones perfect
Your pretty eyes reflect your soul
And that's what makes you beautiful

Pretty eyes
Dont look down

It doesn't matter what I do
I was made to worship you
Kiss the ground that's held your feet
Fight for you, never retreat
Hold you up when you are down
Give you breath before you drown
But I am not perfect
I can't do it all
No matter what I do
You make me feel small

Some of us only have the moon to talk with
Some of us only have the stars
Some only have the leaves on the trees
Some only have their hearts

Some of us are so lonely
That we cry ourselves to sleep
Just to wake up and try again to make friends
To be looked at like we're creeps

Everyone has been lonely once
I have been lonely too
I feel somedays my heart might stop
When no one cares what I'm going through

I'm not tough enough to keep things in
I'm not smart enough to understand
I was born the black sheep in a white sheep world
Not good enough for their demands

I dont want just the moon and the stars
Now I feel kind of greedy
I dont want the leaves or just my heart
But I also dont want to seem needy

Your silence is the way you tell me
You don't really care
The way you say you'll be there
When your never really there
They way your eyes look through me
Like I'm not here at all
The way you've let me go
The way you've let me fall
How you never hear me
When I'm about to lose it all
Even when I'm screaming
Even when I have to crawl
They way your shoulder moves away
When you said that I could lean
The way your words are either
Too gentle or too mean
The way you say you hate your life
But only next to me
The way you say you understand
But never really see
The way you think I'll let you down
Isn't really fair
Your silence is the way you tell me
You don't really care

You saved me yesterday
When the rolling clouds were dark

The wind, like a hurricane,
Was whipping through my heart

It was beating just as loud as the thunder over head
All i felt was dread

The ground shook with emotion
While i tried to hold it in

But my mind felt like exploding from the pain that i was in

Then you, stranger, walked on by
And took me by surprise

Grabbed my hand, pulled me up,  looked into my eyes

All you said was 'hi'
And i felt that could breathe

My heart, though it stayed racing
Stopped pounding in my sleep

Angry clouds above me
Started to evaporate

The walls that surrounded me
Began to dissipate

And though the world was shining
Once again renewed

I couldn't take my eyes off of the beauty that was you

Missing you comes in waves
Tonight I'm drowning
I wish there were other ways
It's overwhelming

And if you were here again
I'd have to ask
Why I'm always stuck
Behind this mask
Did you ever have this problem too?
Is there something wrong with me, is it true?

If you were here again
I'd have to know
Where, after death, did you go?
Is it worth it, to be frightened, to be scared?
Is there something I can do to be prepared?

If you were here again
I'd want to know
If you were done with life, ready to go?
I wasnt done yet I wasn't ready
But i know that this will happen to everybody

And i miss the little things
That bring me here
The thoughts that make me happy
Bring me near
To the part of me that's  missing, the part that's you
Memories, so old, they feel new

My stomach twists in knots
At the very thought
Of you walking through my door
And I've thought of this before
But it never happens

Missing you comes in waves,
Tonight I'm drowning
It's hard to let go, its overwhelming

She's ashamed of how
When she cries
It burns her chest
and her eyes
It twists her soul
Entirely
A war upon her
Humanity
Knives in her lungs as she struggles to breathe
Words arent enough
And she's tries not to scream
Her head is a pounding mess of emotion
Her heart is the strongest
Beats are explosions
She feels smaller than any word can make her
Everyone's expectations are greater
She's ashamed of how when she cries
She feels like the world wants her to die
And she doesnt understand her worth
Or why she's even on this Earth
She's ashamed
Of how much it hurts when she cries
Because it makes everyone envy the pain in her eyes

Hello broken person,

Are you empty just like me?

Do you feel so much it hurts enough

To bring you to your knees?

Are you confused or frustrated

Over why you can never be

Someone who can find the time

To unsee what we have seen?

Hello broken person,

I am empty, and just like you

I have fought a thousand battles

And somehow made my way through

It hasn't gotten easier

I dont think it ever will

They say that time is healing,

But only time can tell

Hello broken person,

Are you empty just like me?

Have you had enough? Do you feel numb?

Are you sure you can even breathe?

Does it feel like exsanguination,

But it's coming from your heart?

Do you feel a void so big

That its tearing you apart?

Have you heard of an antidote,

Some sort of remedy?

Something that will help us out

I'm tired of being empty

The bright summer sun warms my skin

instead of energy, it puts me to sleep

Gone are the days, id run and play

And the joy i wish i could keep
  
  The smell in the air is nostalgic

Of a memory just out of reach

Not sure if its real or i dreamt it

But its of one i can no longer see
  
  Is the laughter from my past a real sound?

Or something id wished i had heard?

Memories fade so much with time

And recalling them seems so absurd

   You havent been here for a while

These memories keep coming in waves

Feeling so lost yet familiar

Something i cant get back or replace

Like the weight of the world on her shoulders
She's become too determined to drop

She's been waiting around for years now
Hoping that time would just stop

Looking up at the dark starry sky
She wonders if one will just fall

So she can wish for some sort of miracle
So she no longer has to crawl

She's never been that lucky though
She's never left her mind

She's stuck there for eternity
Where the light left her behind


Like the weight of the world on her shoulders, she's become too determined to drop

My brain was wired differently
My heart is that way too
It doesnt make me stupid,
But I'm easily confused
Is that why I cant make a friend?
Because of the way that I was born?
Everyone loves roses
Maybe I'm the thorn
The eyesore
The ugly duckling
The ******

The loser


Different

I hate the way you left me here
All alone, no one left
No one here to care enough
To ask if I'm ok.

My family said I was grieving wrong

Too much

Too strong

I'm sorry,

my heart

Hurts

It hurts

IT HURTS!

                          It hurts...

I'm so empty

And jealous of the fact
That you could leave
The depression
And turmoil
Behind you

I dont understand
Where your soul has gone
Or why the best ones leave so soon

I wasnt ready
To be left alone
Without you

I still hope
That you'll answer my texts
Just one more time
One more phone call
One more "I love you"

I'm begging


Why doesnt anyone help me
Please help me understand
What to do
Who to be
Without my dad

Shhh
I can hear you thinking
Screaming in your head
Wishing you were someone else
Wishing you were dead

Shhhhh
I can hear your heart pounding
Faster, harder than it should
I can see it in your eyes
How you feel misunderstood

Shhh
It'll be ok, I promise
No more tears, no more fears
But right now I need the silence
I cant think past my own bleeding ears

If I could find a way to say
"I love you" that you'll believe
I'd say it that way every day
Then maybe you will see
The way I see you, and believe me
It's not always a pretty sight
And that's ok, no ones perfect
So let me tell you it's alright
Because I see strength
Where you see weak and I'd love to let you know
That that, my friend, is how it works
When it's time for you to grow

If I could find a way to say
"I love you" and you'll hear me
I'd say it that way every day
Until you finally believe

It's an epidemic,

A widespread occurrence,

A pandemic plague,

A wide-range extensive

Infectious disease,

Called loneliness

I live a life of regrets

A life of constant no rest

A life that needs a drastic change

A life that seems so distant and strange

I live a life of regrets

I'd open my mouth and speak my mind

If it would even matter

The more I see, the less try

To hide the constant clatter

I live a life of regrets

It's too hard

It's too hard and I can't take it

I'm too weak

And I'm tired of trying to fake it

Help me now

Because I know that I won't make it

full moon bright

with sun reflected light

why cant i be like you

Life has made the smallest turn
It's big for me because the past still burns
Obsessive thoughts still flood my mind
Leaving me weary, gaurded, blind

When everything seems to be ok
There's always something that stands in the way
I don't want another shady observation
Another angry confrontation

So I sit back and let the world go by
Ignore what I hope is my troubled mind
Silently pleading my heart to watch it's step
Begging for it to never forget

You stole my heart

In the end, you gave it back destroyed

Maybe that's why I can't let go

Your still covered in it's blood

And it pulls me towards you

Too weak to carry on alone

The way I miss you
Makes it hard to breathe sometimes

The way I miss you
Makes it hard to breathe

The way I miss you
Makes it hard to see sometimes

Makes it hard to see
You've become a stranger to me

This is my lonely life
Where silence swallows up my voice
And traps my thoughts beneath its ice
This is my lonely life

This is my lonely life
I've left everything behind for this
Greatfully accepted this
Walked into a war for this
This is my lonely life

This is my lonely life
Where nothing matters anymore
No one cares what's in store
Where bitter words have become a bore
And I only seem to want more
This is my lonely life

The rain hits her face
Stings her skin
As her shoes hit the ground
Her head spins
Where she'll go no one knows
What they'll miss
She won't stop until she burns
And rain is mist
Let her go let her fly
Let her flee
Let her run from her fears
Let her see
As she screams to the wind
"Who am I?!"
She is brave not afraid
She's alive

She dug a grave
A giant hole
Condemned herself
And sold her soul
Slit her wrists
And bled her sins
This is where
The mercy ends
She peeled the mask
From off her face
But that's what held
The skin in place
She tried so hard
To cover up
The monster she felt
She had become

Sing a little off key
That's alright
Your song is still beautiful
I dont mind
As long as your happy
Sing away
I could get used to some off key
Everyday
So sing a little off key
That's alright
As long as your smile
Reaches your eyes
I'll listen to you
Sing til you turn blue
Dont you know it makes you

Beautiful

You sing a little off key
It's true
I'd love to sing a little off key
With you

I feel the world closing off again
I feel it
The walls are caving in again
I feel it
Emotions are draining
But they aren't worth saving
I'm feeling so alone again
I feel it


I wake up in a panic
Alone
I can't breathe when I'm the only one home
Where is my peace
Where is my strength
It's gone when
I'm alone

I wake up in a panic
And your next to me
I can't breathe when I feel like I'm suffocating
I'm alone even when your talking to me
I have no strength to fight it
I feel it

It's cold hands grab my neck
And it squeezes
If I believed I would pray that Jesus
Would save me from the ice spreading down my spine
But instead I keep it trapped in my mind
And I feel it

I feel the world closing off again
I feel it
I know I'm the burden then
I feel it
I try not to let the walls cave in
But I'm weak and they aren't paper thin
I feel it
Emotions are draining
But they aren't worth saving
I feel it
I feel it
I feel it

I dont want to let go
But I must
I dont want to say goodbye
But it's just
What if I'm holding you back
From the light
What if I'm the reason
You've given up your fight
What if you stay
And never know
What it's like to be free
To let go
I dont want to be the one that holds on
I have to learn to live with you gone

I wish I were a praying man
But life has taught me not to be
I'd pray for a way to understand
I'd pray for a way to help me see

I wish I were a praying man
Then I'd have some belief
Life is hard life is bitter
I'd pray for some relief

I wish I were a praying man
I'd pray for smaller things too
If any of my prayers were answered
Then I know I'd pray for you

I wish I were a praying man
I've tried but it's a sunken land
With empty hearts and souls on fire
Theres only so much to desire

I wish I were a praying man

I'm always looking forward
To a day that won't exist
Where I can face my demons
Where I can shake my fists
I'd fight for what I'm dying for
Instead of dying to be sick
A day that's better than the last
A day that I can pick
I'm always looking forward
To a day that won't  exist
A day where I can show my pride
A day better than this
And I always get my hopes up
Just to feel the weight of fake
Hopes and dreams and memories
Waiting just to take
My love and breath away from me
There has to be a day
Where I can live it happily
And not have to walk away
Yet my days consist of
Heavy fog and mist
Because I'm waiting for a day
That will never exist

Tall grasses brush against fingertips
Her skirt sways in the breeze
Little flowers surround her
A light scent that cant be febrezed
A warmth that sinks into her skin
And eases her troubled heart
A feeling she cant put with a memory
A bittersweet work of art
It makes her feel like a child again
And shes no longer made of stone
A smile plays gently on her lips
It feels so much like home

The sun is out right now
But I dont care to see it
I'd rather stay in bed
And never freaking leave it
Hide under the blanket
Where the world is just as small
As I feel outside, so I dont wanna go out at all

Trapped in your own mind
You lost your soul
And you knew it from the start
That youd never gain control
The chains around your wrists
Held you high upon the wall
Blinded by this sight
That made you think you had it all
Pushed away from the reality
Of knowing your all alone
No one out there sees you
A bird that's never flown
You never leave the cage your in
Never knock down the walls you've built
But I see you crying in them
And drowning in your guilt

She's not happy
And everyone's reply
Is either "get the **** over it" or "neither am I"

She's just not happy
And she doesnt know why
She's bitter and angry
And broken inside

And she spends more time
thinking
Of how life could be
If the weight on shoulders
were lifted
And she was free

Than actually trying
to break free from the shell
She'd rather dream about heaven
Than save herself from hell

She's just not happy
She just cant be
She's tried and failed
To make everyone see

Everyone watches
Everyone moves on
Everyone blames her
Everyone thinks it's a con

Because they aren't like her
Constantly looking through glass
They have a sense of time
She doesnt know how much has passed

She's just not happy
And everyone attacks her
Spreads lies and rumors
That are believed faster

Than her struggling for help
How can that be?
That everyone believes the bad
Why cant they see?

Maybe they'll notice
One day if she's brave
If she finally gives up
On what life she's made

Maybe they'll say
"well I guess it was true"
It would be to late by then To walk in her shoes

She's just not happy
And she wants to believe
That life could be different
If she could finally breathe

It's a different kind of lonely
That brings you to your knees
That makes you shake and quiver
That makes your tears run free
It's a different kind of lonely
That cracks your ribs wide open
So that the world can see inside
And run from what's been broken
It's a different kind of lonely
And you'll be judged because you are
A different kind of person
Who cant hide your ugly scars
It's a different kind of lonely
With a different kind of fear
A different genetic make- up
You see a different type of clear
No one else can see it
How the world is really made
It's a different kind of lonely
        And that is why
           They are so
               Afraid