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I hear the electricity fade
The room is lit with the TVs black haze
My body in your arms is no game
But now I'm all you want to play
part two of my previous poem Prioritize
I don't know
What we are
We are friends
But we love
Not each other
we love it
It's the fun
It's the moment
Action filled flame
Fueled by desire
Not quite passion
Moreso adolescent impulses
Adrenaline running around
We are living
Not really loving
Using the words
With empty meaning
Backed by actions
With casual intentions
I don't know
What we are
Though I know
We aren't in
The middle of
Three little words
we aren't in love
Time is fleeting
as the spring river runoff
that gushes out to sea

A heart trickles out
a moment,
minute by minute,
in a timeless ink drop;
unmeasurable expanse
     immured in spilled ink ―
   manifest in the lexicon of poetry

For only purged words
cannot quench this thirst
that is loneliness;
it's a hunger that gnaws
like an unsatisfiable ache ―
a starving emptiness
all hearts
do one day taste

Left in the sight
of doubt
and eyes that fail
to believe what they see
lain fallow in the silent
indifference

Lost in a lingering void
unburied all around,
bespoken out loud
alone in plain sight
a feigned understanding;
reticent letters shape
reluctant words
to hold forth
enunciated breathe

The only words
that still echo unstilted ―
uttered  words
indelibly felt
from lips once sweet
as daybreak dew
    upon musing tongue ―
tasting the only
voiceless truth
that ever broke my heart

a vanishing wave
that moved an ocean
   deeply ...


Jesse Stillwater ... 06 6 2018
Notes:   unstilted:  Adj. - flowing naturally and continuously

Thank you for listening to my 2 cents ...
of one thing
i am sure
and that is
that i am
unsure of
myself
and it’s funny
how i can’t
sleep but my
chest closes its
eyes and hums
with a heartbeat
that is unsure of
itself, too.
i try to morph
into a body
i don’t feel
belongs to me
just so i can
fit somewhere
fit in somewhere
and i tell so
many stories
about the
universe, it
forever feels
like i am trying
to remain lost.
i am unsure
of myself;
connecting the
moles on my
skin as if they
will spell out
something bigger
so i can feel
like i matter,
at least for
a little while.
i sleep beside
myself, stare at
a reflection
so unfamiliar
i couldn’t even
identify it in
a crowd of
strangers, but
i am trying.
and one day
i’m sure i’ll
be sure
of myself but
until then,
i’ll morph into
someone i can
be proud of
and hope that
the universe
sends me back
to myself.
The brilliant boy
He's in this limbo
Almost living
Completely dying.
It's all so poetic really.
Killing everyone
everything for something;
for the love you
desperately think you can get back
Even though you are the cause
of every single thing
that has happened
of everything that you have lost.
You made the decisions that
Got you here
Now it’s war
Mayhem
Fighting everyone around you
but truthfully fighting yourself.

"It's always been his job to fix this."

That’s what you convince yourself
Your job to make things right
You believe that murdering it all
will end it.

He thinks it’ll take him
completely back
to the beginning.
It won’t
You can’t
You are so far gone
You’re killing yourself
Brilliant.
I wrote this about a boy I use to know. He always believed he was responsible for making everything better, even if he was making it worse. Strubborn, he would never walk away. He’d **** himself and everyone around him to make a point. Any point at all.
Falling for a liar
I keep asking myself why?
You said my wall was the problem
My wall built to the sky

You didn't realize
what you had done
Every time that you came by
You put my hand on the gun

Step by step I went
Just building that wall higher
Brick by brick it grew
Falling for liar

That's exactly what it'll do
itll make you feel so numb
Realizing nothing you said was true
How could I be so dumb

So high no one could see the top
Looking down from my sky scraper
I couldn't figure out how to stop
Walls and walls built with newspaper  

Here I can see you from a far
I can predict who's trouble
Some say I'm too close to the stars
Far away from your dirt and rubble

Blinded by the light
Nowhere near the ground
All your pretty words
Couldn’t ******* back down

My shelter from the storm
Here I know what's true
Miles and miles from your lies
My clarity is nowhere near you.
The back door is unlocked so you can make yourself at home around noon

My parents are out and my friends don't need to know about you

It will just be me and you and exactly whatever you want to do

Grab me hold me kiss me throw me have me love me, see the night through

It's half past noon

Just me and you
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