Fingers trace

the crescent moon coffee stain
on the otherwise white napkin.

Nothing left
between us now
but donut crumbs.

sometimes i wish i could find you
like this—
seated alone in a place where you find
some sort of solitude from
the flashing lights
the loud sounds and
the brushing of shoulders with people
who you may never see again;
it’s always like this.
it seems to be fast paced and wild,
wonderful and lonely in the way you live.
so perhaps if i came across you seated this way,
in a table by the window with a cup of hot chocolate,
you would offer me a seat
and i would watch the sunlight kiss your face
and i would offer you a room in my heart,
tell you “come here, be with me,
tell me how your day went
and how you are feeling.”
and perhaps we’d share our favorite songs
and this moment of ours would feel like one
meant for the silver screen,
but it would be ours,
tucked away from the noise and the ordinary.
and perhaps i’ll be able to know you the way i wish i could:
talking over cups of hot chocolate like good old friends.
i’ll show you my world
and you’ll show me mine,
no matter how different they seem to be.

His voice is a smooth velvety depth
Full and rich deepness like rushing blood
It calls to mind summer sweetnesses
Like ice cream, the kind you only find on a boardwalk by the tumbling waves
Like basking in soft sunlight on skin,
Cool water in your best friend’s pool
If only there couldn’t be too much of a thing,
If only depths could be infinite in safety
Because I know I wouldn’t be the first to drown
I wouldn’t be the first to fall for sunshine and get burned,
Not the second to feel home in rich depth and forget who I was before,
Not the third person to say I could tread water up to my neck and find I couldn’t.
1-15-18

Sometimes
Under the moonlight, I sit and have
"No idea what I'm doing now"..."'Cause I'm
Stuck in the Sunshine Riptide"*
Holding onto that feeling,
"I love you so much it's just like oxygen."
No one else gets me as much as you do;
Each day is a new day and I want to be with you.

Ready; 3, 2, 1... "You came in like a wave when
I was feeling alright; You are my truest feeling yet."
"Petulant but irreverent,
Take all your possibilities and take away the limits."
"I do the best with what I have,"
Do what you love and love what you do.
Everyday, I love you more!

Love is when you get goosebumps thinking about him,
If he needed, you would sacrifice a limb,
You would do anything you could to save his life,
Even if that means ending your own with a gun or a knife.

Love is the pain that leaves you lying breathless on the floor,
Incapacitated by heartache you cannot ignore,
He chose a different door, a better path, than the one you're on,
It's the reason you can't let go even after he's gone.

Love is the lowest low, and it is the highest high,
It enables us to see there is beauty in goodbye,
It's something you can feel yet impossible to hold,
Love knows no boundaries, it consumes the young and the old.

Love is a key able to open every lock,
The only tool that can stop the hands of life's clock,
Love is the only thing I have seen that works this way;
How much you have depends on how much you give away.

It’s been three years
But your birthday is still programmed into my calendar
And even now I have to fight back the urge
To text you and say
Happy Birthday
and
I hope you’ve been doing good
and
How are your family?
It’s been a while, are you still you?
- I wonder why you’ve been avoiding me for so long -
If there is a crime I could have committed that I forgot but you never will,
And I don’t want to be friends again:
We are both too far adrift from the familiar shore that had bonded us in the first place,
But it goes against my nature to leave this stone unturned,
and I have seen you turn your nose up, turn tail on sight of me,
Like I am a disease you could catch just by saying hello,
As if you have never been part of my life before,
And I am baffled every time just the same as I was the first day you decided we were both finished with the other,
But somehow,
through it all I have kept a reminder of you in my calendar,
Three years later, worlds apart,
Even now I type out the message,
Imagine pressing send,
Knowing full well that you wouldn’t respond - if you read it in the first place,
So I don’t.
I delete every word and send them out into the universe;
Tonight, this one is for you.
Happy Birthday, G, and many happy returns.