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The Black Beast Sep 2019
I can feel it rising up
I can feel it becoming a part of me
A waking morning thought
And a soothing night's dream.

Too easily do I end up here
This clifftop peak of potential joy
Too simply do I jump without harness
And too simply do I fall without hope.

All it takes is a smile
A good laugh and a set of *******
Then I'm drawn in  like a dead fish
In the proverbial toilet bowl

It's funny how often I jump
How often I convince myself of reciprocation
But the truth is I'm ugly
Ugly in sight, in conversation and in company

I have a quick wit but a slow start
Silence is a majority in my life
So I choose this time to stop
To walk away before humiliation

She is beautiful, funny, happy
I'm quiet, slow and stiff
She lives with fairies in the clouds
I live with worms in the dirt

So I shall stay here and live
Avoid public announcements and actions
Avoid the weening possibility of joy
For the reality of loneliness

At least here I'm safe
The Black Beast Sep 2019
Let Cupid leave me be today
Aim not for me, but far away
Unfog my heart or hit her too
Release me from this state of blue

You know not of the pain you make
Nor of the dreams of joy you take
Presenting the thought of a happy end
And then I awake at the wall of 'friend'

Redraw your bow, you little ****
**** me now and finish it
Enjoy your fame and all your pride
Remiss of all the tears I've cried
The Black Beast Feb 2019
She's the white to my black
The fun to my gloom
The beauty to my roughness
The redemption to my doom

She's the day to my night
The horse to my cart
The answer to my question
And the key to my heart

She's what I wish I had
And who I wish to be
But as clear as all our differences
She's not the girl for me

She's my antonym
And I'm drawn to her glee
But since she's my opposite
She can't be drawn to me
The Black Beast Nov 2018
I met an old man years ago
He came knocking on my door
Something seemed familiar
As if I'd seen him once before

A crescent scar upon his nose
And something hidden in his eye
He clawed my face as he collapsed
And held his chest with a deep sigh

In pain and shock I froze until
He spoke in a riddled tongue
"I am you when you were old
And you are me when I was young"

Forty years have passed but now
I fear what comes today
I guess I'll just start knocking
But I know just what I'll say
The Black Beast Nov 2018
I cannot place my finger on it
I cannot yet speak the truth
Instead I'll lay the baseline to it
And explain the concept of my youth

As a little boy, fear lead supreme
It held me back from achieving my goal
But now fear is my go-to scheme
By accepting this I gain control

Fear used to make me fight or run
I'd be volatile yet full of drive
But now I channel this loaded gun
And use it to help me survive

This energy comes and sharpens my view
I can focus completely on the task to be done
But before the use of fear sounds new
Let's return to where i begun

Fear, energy, focus and speed
The four main traits of my fixation
Have lead to illness, stress and ****
Because the word is ...
My skills in fear manipulation, energy creation, focus direction and speed acquisition have taken me through battles of stress induced Epilepsy, Crohn's disease and Asperger's syndrome (Autism). Its a shame these skills are too respected in the civilized world
  Jul 2018 The Black Beast
He doesn't burn photographs
He doesn't join therapy sessions
He doesn't smoke too many cigarettes
Nor he drown himself into alcohol
He scratches his wounds daily
And never let them heal
He doesn't try to get rid of the pain
Instead he let it grow on him
He waters the seed of sorrow with his tears
He feeds it with the manure of old memories
He takes it to sleep with him
And nurtures it in himself
Till the moment when every single drop of his blood gets replaced by this pain
Until his fragile heart can bear no more
And his soul starts overflowing with emotions
That's when he dip his pen into this pain
And empty his heart on a piece of paper
He bares his soul for us to feel
He creates poetry that the world would cherish for centuries to come
That's how true poetry comes into existence
The Black Beast Feb 2018
I was sure that she'd reject me
And that gave rise to fear
But anything that's worth a fight
Will make those nerves appear

A week passed by and day by day
My courage slowly grew
And this is where I messaged her
With a link for her to view

A sonnet, cheesy, but well planned
With a message to supply
That I believed something could work
And I thought it worth a try

An hour passed, and then a night
And then, so flew the day
I guess there's comfort knowing that
I was sure it'd go this way
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