Piercing eyes
pale white gowns,

furrowed brow's
big bright crowns,

horizontal smiles
across floor to ceiling paintings
limp of emotion,

distraught in sepia
color at rest,

mildew in the teeth
callous on the tongue,
nails in the feet
dragging dead weight,

wrapped in burlap
tied in loose ribbon,

clammy cold hands
only for the given,
dilated.

red in the face
angry with a fist
distraught in the heart,
spliced across the wrist.

Withered through these relinquished lips,
softly lays an embellished, embroidered, carcass.
Torn across flesh-like soil
caressing gently into this impermeable being,
you're only human.

So allowing in the presence of indigenous, oblique thoughts
slanting into the belly
never feeling so bare
the hunger deprives.
The nails of your eyes piercing into the forefront of mush you call a brain,
feeling the earth distinctively tremble with each step you chase closer to the ledge

Clutching onto the white knuckle breast
your hands pounding at your fingertips
its electric running through your veins
feeling it at the core
so helplessly, lost.

Your throat knots into one-thousand splinters
splicing relentlessly between your core
the wedge of your mortal body becomes noticeable to your soul
detaching,
jumping.

Slithering one step closer,
pull the rope
you leap
you rot

one more inch closer,
you can feel it
separating your surroundings from comfort ability
picking up between each breath
shaking at your own wake.

there you have it
at the brim of the edge
you've push yourself this close
whats one last jump out of this skin?

I've been recollecting myself
like mirrors in passing portraits I am only what I see,
The edges into the mast consumption,
I am only, What I be.

Elasticity on curled lips
gently curdling upon a crooked smile
deviant,
irrelevant,
exuded into the inevitable finesse of ones self righteousness,
conceded.

Bead down
sweating across the lips of another,
exuberant, enthralled friction of skin,
her and I,
the Devil,
Let me in.

Billowed down onto natures bust
a face full of dirt
a mouth full of maggots
corpsing coercion onto frantic plates
slopping up the juicy details
derailing off the tracks
into a new train of nature,
saving only what comes of value
yet, you don't save yourselves.

Lucrative hands slithering softly by
ready to steal your life with just a touch
how much are you worth?
Unfortunately, nothing.

Gleaming upon ashed cigarettes
the smoke of your calloused lips burning against the back of my throat like hot coals
breathing you into my lungs had never felt so relaxing and painful at the same time
Like magma across your tongue
you swallow me whole
exhaling the negative of what you left over
I am distilled, like water quenching your prudent impurity.

Flicked as if something of disposal
that's when you lay your eyes upon my flesh
Foaming at the mouth in my carnaged disarray
deadened in your pupil
I see my reflection.

Sinking your needles grip into my veins
I feel the ***** of your despair flowing in my blood platelets
Multiplying seeds of hatred in my DNA
This is who I am.

Engulfed in you
serene to your touch
getting colder at the moment
the warmth of your embrace coddles me like a mothers hold
I am helpless.

Warm honey is the color of your eyes
yet, your taste is heroine
nothing like I've ever sunk into
you've shaken me to the core
sweet and deadly
and on the floor.

Soft hands idling quietly by
snatching remnants of credibility
its cloak opaque to reflection
you grasp its hand,
like a double-edged sword
you hold on tight
wisping away into the night
never to be seen again.

The walls are dark and the smell is repugnant
death on its tongue
Decay in the teeth.
Smiling back as if a fun-house of mirrors
dubious, distorted, distraught
you hold on.

Cradling the noose like a new mother to its child
you gawk, admire, and dream
Of a darkness to bring you closer to the ledge.
Gently pushing formidable bounds
released to self-indulgence
you're alone.

As the world around you lights up only by screens
and reacts only by the ping of self-admiration.
A ghost among the blinded
walking slowly by as everything is in full speed.
Stuck in a repetitive loneliness
damnation of socialization
pity. pity. pity.

Pulling onto the strings of darkness
puppeting along madness
mastering hell as its vibrant and claw full of disappointment
you sit on the outside of the world
watching it comfortable in its cage.

Marks smudge your face,
Your *****,
filthy mouth,
what  do you proclaim?

What do you see?
When your eyes are blackened out from the dirt of your knees,
Slither and snake through your hands decayed bones,
We had a crown but now a thousand thrones.

Reach out your webs and reel me in,
Lend me your ear and fill me in,
What it's like to greedy, deceitful, and sturdy,
To have such a pretty face and still be so  *****.

And without you I'd be blue,
Dead in the face staring onto You,
With your eyes so pale deeper than my soul,
You are the one,
my embodied whole.

Kissing my lips across the crevass of your wings,
I'd tell you my secrets if only you could keep it,
Flowing down into sequenced eyes,
The arms that have held you i truly despise.

Many of times I've died alone,
But you make this interminable coffin feel like a home.
Down inside the silk of your skin,
You're my happiness,
You're my sin.

Cascading down in that intoxicating grin,
The devil in You,
Let. Me. In.

You are my nature,
Pure and Devine,
Into your heart I, intwine.
Flowing down into your fragile wings,
Who knew the color of my life with  would be a pale quiet queen.

And if she were my world,
she'd be right in the center,
between the soil,
where our skin would suffice a splinter,
I tried to call death but heaven already sent her.
Her stinging euphoria exhilarates my touch,
her body against mine has never felt so cold,
I've never felt a lifeless hold,
until I looked into her shimmered, crevassed eye's.

Not until she embraced my souls walls,
I listened to her indigenous call,
now I'm trapped in her concrete noose,
and I wouldn't wanna hold on any tighter to her recluse,
her voices music is my only muse.


I'm coiled up, tattered, and blue.
Now tell me,
where the **** are you?
a corpse has never been my reluctant seal,
but sometimes disgust brings the prettiest of deals.

Edging down these thick gray slabs,
the inebriating smell of your stench takes hold and grabs,
down my jaw-line,
her favorite feature,
and around my neck paperless and thin,
then tightened at the top,
She was holding the lever the second before I dropped.

Now I subdue into this henchman's knot,
fading into her chaos I decay,
death and I will go far away,
where the luminous meadows enrich our souls,
and my body forever in her rotting lifeless hold,
we'll float away onto burning coals,
'cause life ain't nothin' but gold when you've got a noose around your neck,
and nothin' to hold.

Dear sister,
I know its been a while since we've last heard word of one another,
but can you blame me?
Don't shame me for you are all I've had,
Don't roll that bowl for you are not the same.
When I say I miss you it's honest and true,
put down lady crystal,
she's intended for doom.

Sister can you hear me?
At least a reply?
when you left on that plane did you even hesitate to say goodbye?
without you where will I be?
You said one gram was enough,
but you stayed up all that night huff after huff.
You cleaned and folded all of our stuff,
I thought you were lying,
but you falsified my bluff.

Sister,
put down lady crystal,
for you are slowly dying.
As I type this poem and hold back the tears,
you walk the streets of california,
in all I have feared.

I'd find you in a coffin being shipped back to me,
I just want you happy,
is that too guilty of a plea?
Just because it got cheaper doesn't mean more for me.
It's all you do,
you are skin and bones,
you are not "beefin" it,
you are anorexic and cold.

Come back home,
for mothers arms are open.

Sister of mine,
Identical features of I,
What will it take you to come back home,
put down the ****,
you are not alone.

Contempress,
Red mouthed darkness,
You weave your webs and spit out death,
Serum of poison lies in between your chest,
I cannot reach in for that coffin lies my rest.
I spread your ashes across my skin,
Black out my eyes and begin to fall,
Across my eyelids I feel you crawl,
In my head,
Inside my brain,
The serum of you,
A sweet taste of pain.
A widow of you,
The shadows across the weave,
Pull out your infecting vangs,
Leave all to grieve.
A widow of you beautiful and divine.
You, yourself, are on an hour glass of time.
Oh crimson red!
Her hourglass of dread!
You cannot pray upon the living dead,
The soulless walkers in which you crawl right inside.
With you red widow,
You divide,
Heaven or Hell where will you reside?
Vain in you I abide!
When will this web go?
Time is the enemy,
Young or Old,
Beauty is forever,
Externally resting in our soul.

:As If I Died:

Lets capture this moment that ruptures from the spring of your mouth,
all is never north for it turns back and heads south,
It's been a while in silence,
Engaging a war of shrugs among rioted violence,
In-between bars rusted rebelled deadly thoughts,
Captured in this swelling cage I rot.
As if I died I subdue; shamelessly and recklessly into you,
I just want an “I’m proud of you”
I pick the stitch upon this heart I chew,
it weaves in and out blood spurting out this chest,
leave me in this coffin I eternally rest.
Silence is the biggest war to inflict on yourself,
not a cut, burn, bullet, or medication could be the worse,
fore they numb us before we burst.
Silence is them keen of all,
it ***** with you on the best of days,
leaving happiness in a dreadful haze,
no one notices anything among this room,
the way the paintings spin and zoom,
the nurse with the lazy frown handing out pills she’s always upside down.
The man yelling for help in his loose blue gown portraying a fiend of dope he found,
upon the silent unheeding ground.
Spinning inside this mind of doom; all to all it begins to consume,
the inanimate object you’ve become will end soon.
As if I died I wouldn’t of lied or said, “I’m fine”
because “that’s another problem that we don’t need”
but, the only problem was lovelorn of I,
the crazy things I do is to catch your eye,
life-threatening always in a bind,
I wouldn’t be in this coffin of my dreadful mind.
I’m sorry dear family for I am not the best,
I eat, smoke, work, drink and rest,
and I just wish for once split second I was your best.
It’d be so pure and elegant to have your approval,
I don’t want it to be expressed through money or showered upon gifts,
I know I **** up but I put that below me,
I just wish instead of hanging things over my head you’d actually get to know me.
So, As if I died I’ll stay silent,
forget me if you want it’s easy to do,
because I’m the black sheep of this “family” you grew.

Tied together the strings were snatched,
a witch of which her heart detached,
the locket on her sleeve yet broken in despair,
love is true; always rare.

Love is a lie,
nor fair,
a cut this knife deep into my skin,
say a prayer I bleed and then begin,
I pray to god forgive thy sin on a sinners thought,
the decay from your words in my lungs as they rot.

I die another day and wake anew,
fresh on my breath the name of who,
who is distraught to keep the wisdom of words,
this knot in my stomach it churns and churns,
******* behemoth burn, burn, burn!

I die another day and awake to anew,
dead room doubt I held my breath then blew,
I sought another perk yet hiking up your skirt,
I crawl a blade up serine within,
inevitable and diabolic,
blood boiling up enraging and oncotic!

Harlots are one to come and blame,
no walk,
no talk;
you live in shame,
just another breath left from my tongue,
another puncture wound left in my lung.

Try to be somber yet releasing that clinching sound,
up around her head peering through the clouds,
she'll call into command central listening to your voice yet apprehensible.
but to you I'm still invisible.

So call to ground and land your tired feet in the dirt,
either way you're going to get hurt,
you'll always end up with the lipstick on your collar,
a tare in your fine silk skirt,
but, either way you're going to be a bother.

Give her the longitude and latitude of where I will be,
she'll stretch around her arms and swim out to sea,
to push my bobbing head down into the drowning mass,
you yourself knew it wouldn't last.

Set out the sails call and search,
drop the anchor and set into sea,
call onto the cracken her heart angry distinguished and exhausted,
in the soil under the sea is a chest with a heart,
whatever we had,
we lost it.

You dive down deep in this ocean of a reluctant bind,
as for me the anchor I proceed to subside and reside onto you,
in everything you do.

I'll kiss your face to smile onto you,
I'll wave when the night calls and come back up when you set sail,
cause darling without you this world would be hell.

So call to ground and land your tired feet in the dirt,
either way you're going to get hurt,
you'll always end up with the lipstick on your collar,
a tare in your fine silk skirt,
but, either way you're going to be a bother.

I feel this coming over like a storm again,
kicking, clawing, lashing out for reign,
endure to ensure the leisure's of pain,
through the wheat your voice so distant of grain,
over the heart and through the veins,
discover the righteousness of the truly insane.

What worked that got me in is something I cannot fathom to begin,
the spill from the canvas of your body,
the crunch of the morrow through to sought thee!
Leave me in this field of disbelief,
Leave me be!
Darling, sweet darling throw me out to the sea!
I don't want to be, you see?

The arrows from the heart have now shot me,
they've begin to dig deep down to distraught me,
My mind fought me,
the dealers bought me with a sweet gasly fume,
month after month cascading down in doom,
leave me to whither down in a bitter craving crazed loon.

Society has me tangled in this web,
what's right from wrong,
what should be said,
across the seas who's blood we shed,
but, sooner or later we'll all be dead.

-Tammy Cusick

Emotions are what base the weak from the strong,
To follow your gut from right and wrong.
Emotions set you and me far apart,
fear deep down separating at the start.

Emotions are said to be related through the heart,
but in the head is where they're pieced together,
aching thoughts left to whether,
taking your chances doing what's for YOUR better?

Emotions slice us, dice us and eat us whole,
it only determines who's going to fill that hole,
Who's going to be the 'other half' your sacred soul.
See emotions can be passed, forged, devoured, and restored,
But first things first they cannot be ignored.
So follow me and ignore those pains,
the aching from your chest leading to your brain,
that desire to love is just hell sent from heaven above.

-Tammy Cusick

Never rely on anyone to pick you up,
because you'll only fall in the end.
Don't trust in anyone,
They'll only play pretend.
Love isn't love,
And this isn't a game.
But you're the one pushing me away,
Who's to blame?
No one really wins this time,
The red is on your hands now, not mine.
So stop the crying,
You're nothing but lying, deceiving, mischievous, & unheeding.
I've swallowed my faults and choked on the shame.
You're mouths too full.
You're all the same.

You fill you're lungs with air you can't breathe,
You say words you cannot mean,
As fall fades and turns into spring,
Remember you're only thing,
The only thing i can think of in the spring,
Remember darling you're my everything,
The snow melts and the petals bloom,
Into something beautiful like you in june,
The firworks spark and the trees begin to grow,
Remmeber you're mine,
Here to stay and not to go,
Think of me when the wind blows,
The colors spark and begin to show,
Think of all the adventures we had to show,
Think of me and let the wind go,
Remember the petals fall,
And colors fade,
Journys end,
And winter has captivated spring,
Just remember you're a wonderful thing,
You're the petals to my fall and my spring,
Darling you're forever my wonderful thing.

-Tammy Cusick

Sparrow and Cage


In this world so cold a quiet voice is harshly faint;
a blissful soul is screaming in rage,
dying painfully like a bird locked in his cage.

Rusty bars through air we see,
crack open the cage inside what’s left of him you see,
beating cold between his wings, feathers...lovely feathers of what he used to be,
raging down the sparrow of his cry,
out of his nest when will he die?

Frightened and scared,
he is fully bewared,
Free at last!
Free alas!
Time has come; time has passed,
**** the beast, **** him fast
beating crimson through his heart at last.

The head of a bull the body of a man,
slay him down do what you can!

Solitary confinement refinement,
village of cowards you don’t know what dying meant,
a respectable man and his son quickly sent,
Deep down into the depths of walls,
Imprisoned forever,
they will rise to fall.

Icarus and Daedlus escape fast,
feathers of wax, candles flaming free;
Icarus his son was lost at sea.
**** this village burn down the towers,
this king beheaded destroy their power!

Sentence of death lurking closer,
he feels the electric coarse through his veins,
a thousand memories blistering his pains,
a yearning sparrow wanting outside his cage,
die down my bird and rest your rage,
the afterlife is your new endeavored page.

Haunt this prison through the shadows you deceive,
find your calling and heaven you shall receive.

-Tammy Cusick

Prevailing Walls

Hearts of silver words of gold,
over and over your stories are told,
liar; liar, they’re getting old!
I seal your words and sew your smiles,
put it down darling on my skin you file.

Blood runs black,
but remember this, darling, the weak always come back,
the shallow always floods deep,
and the angry will so and so cry a lonely weep.

Everyone has problems but a few we all hide,
protecting brick walls in this solitary mind,
burying our encased hollow pride,
Within the lonely depths of this embodied mind.

So, lay down this body back to sleep,
put a record on track and repeat,
Blissful music the beats reveal,
Absconding harlot the details prevail,
I’ll see you, sinner, in the depths of hell!
Two for two,
one for all!

You’ve lived in luxury behind a thin wall,
cascading down in wallpaper flesh,
smoke behind the mirrors; bottles of lies,
medicine cabinet of issues we cry.

Blinded down looking up for glory,
behind every broken person lies a true story,
restore your faith and free your soul,
only god can make you whole.

-Tammy Cusick