Moving
     everyone's        cars in
the morning

before work

is       always

a                                


                     ­       struggle .

From the minute I awake
To the minute I lie to sleep
I am working for my future
A future for more than me
My future kids and future love
My money will linger when I'm above
So my nights of stress and no sleep
Will prove I was a great mother week after week.

What do you do when you've had
the "awe inspiring" love at first sight-
and had it blown up?
Why does trying to love again
feel like settling?

There's something magical about the night time
and the way in which the roads clear
in the same way that your mind does

you'd think that would make things easier;
that the complete eery silence would bring peace of mind
with no one else awake to witness the movement
- or seemingly lack of -
on the earth
making you feel special, significant; as though this planet was designed and created especially with you in mind
and you are the only habitant

as though you share a secret with the universe,
an inside joke with the moon
and a bond with the stars

but that's what makes your harrowing thoughts all that much louder

there's no busy bustle of shoppers in a rush to waste their money
on materialistic items
that will decompose  upon the arrival of their death
as quickly as their corpses will
or employees hurrying in order to attend a 9-5 shift that they despise
in order to attain the funds to purchase said items

no businesses or traders
just the constellations in the sky and shrubbery rooted deeply
growing within the cracks of the paving
as though it's natures way of communicating via the universe
gloating, "ha! man can't take everything from me!"

A man who grasps
only a beer
never to warm up his hand for
a lady.
He performs his aloofness to her
as she learns from his cold
tone.
Let him hate,
let him hate.

She calls and calls him for days.
He puts no effort to ever pick up.
She tries so hard to grasp attention
from his wandering eyes.
She doesn't yet know to
let him hate,
let him hate.

Men who are crass,
men who are despicable,
men who are self-absorbed
put in time for them.
Holding every problem between him and
a woman.

Women feel so hard
they bleed when they are hurt.
The blood she sheds from her hands
that never interlocked.
There is a time when women need to
let go.

She shall still feel,
she can't take no for a reply.
It is hard when she learns to just
let him hate,
let him hate.

it's cold all the time
now and it's even
colder when i'm all
alone but i'm working
on warming up and
i'm working on
getting close and i'm
working on fixing
myself

Some people say I work too hard

I agree

I work too hard trying to keep my head above water
I work too hard trying to impress other people
I work too hard trying to suppress my emotions
I work too hard trying to 'stay strong' in the face of ridicule
I work too hard trying to keep my teachers happy

And honestly

I work too hard trying to act like I don't

Look behind you,
What you may see may disturb you.

What you once were
isn't what you are now.

It's not the physical appearance; the way you dress
Not the tone of your voice,
the change in your character –
But the difference in your demeanor

You've developed from a carefree soul
to a figure you never imagine yourself being

The lines on your face,
developed from years of hardship;
days in which you endured, prevailed
fell back down, got back up again

Weeks in which you worked day to day,
Just to make ends meet. Months in which
You struggled to keep up on your feet.

Your past self imagined the world would be cold and dark.

In every way, you see it's worth it.

Worth each waking morning.

This may not be what you wished for
When you were younger...

...It's all a part of living life.

We eat, we drink, we live, we die.
Pay our debts to survive.

We have to live through hardships,
To make it throughout life.

When we come here
We come here to dream,
To live wealthy seaside fantasies
Until it's time to leave.
We hang our hats by the door,
And exchange our dreams for reality
Holding dearly to our memories
To keep us working, endlessly
Until our next retreat.