1d Toby
Zan Balmore

It's as if
holy
work
is always
in progress

By design,
lifeless,
birth
is always
in progress

By design, the petals of glass
shatter in champagne, it's
By design, the empty glass
leaves open air for

for crystal black.

It's as if
life grows
great
with divide
by design

I inhale.
You breathe
out.
Done fighting.
Wind up dead.

By design, our lungs sputter black
past accomplishments, it's
By design, we embalm the dreams
we see as meaning, we

keep them.

we keep them.

End.

See you around, space cowboy.
Toby 4d

We spent so many hours, and nights, pushing against each other.
Going back and forth to be with each other.
It wasn't until we stepped back and looked at the situation as a whole.
We can try to fix each tiny part.
It doesn't help if the foundation is cracked.
The love was there, and it always has been.
The compatibility was missing.
Like they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again expecting different results.
If I had a choice to do it again or not, I still would.
I found a great love in my life.
Just not the love of my life.
A great best friend who knows all my secrets and still loves me for me.
Not all relationships work but if not for 3 years of struggling, I would have never found my life mate, shield sister.
And now, I move forward and see where I'm guided.
I know I will never fight alone.

  4d Toby
Zan Balmore

Every word you've
ever heard
is a lie,
cum
to
find
out

Didn't you know
there is no
eye to eye?
with
you,
your
self

Some dark part of you confidently starts those fires.

Desire and I go way back, close, I've groped their inky caves.
Resist desire's lurid scope, so sure, precisely how you're made.

Some dark part of you longs to grope, to crawl your fucking veins.

  6d Toby
Zan Balmore

You were awake
when I entered,

you're
           telling
                      me
                            now
­you've been asleep
                                 this
                                       whole
                                                  time?

Pe­rfect -- because I have, too

Now, you can release me,
                                             I'll
                                                 release
                                                         ­    you

  6d Toby
Zan Balmore

Basically
I'm the
disease

your
poor heart
could not

pump,
process,
or purify

the
tasteless
something
in the water

waste drains
exit into your water

Put you in duress,
the deviant disaster,
the master depravity,
the agender fuck toy,
smiling sodomite

offered only carnal
distress for your innocence,
trash for your
sacred naivete


(but I'm not wrong . am i // am i .)

grind grind grind grind grind
rust rust rust
  7d Toby
Zan Balmore

I heard
the first sound of silence
since I fed their secret string
in secret to the old maw
calmly promising
deliverance
in exchange for
cohesion
by way of
senseless adherence.

While I was calm --
While I was calm
Silence saliently sailed
from me

They set their course to the distant edge,
so far, the flat Earth
anxiously appeared
very real, certainly sang
and said

"Should you continue raising white flags
I shall continue blending until you lose
the volume and you never hear me."

For the first time since the last time,
I rode the shallows
through the violet night
on trembling shadows
in low light,
in low light
in silence

I shot a signal flare from my breast,
wide to receive the worst
solitary reflection

Ready to be quiet, invite
my vibes to drive in
disparate directions

Inspired by Ashlee Hoffman's "Note to Self"
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2033003/note-to-self/
https://hellopoetry.com/ashleelayne/

Written in complete silence.

Crushing silence.
Once you lose it, you may think it will never again invite you to its stage.
Once you're back against the gate with the world's weight bearing,
Once it's yours again, oh, the excitement, oh,
the unbearable pain.
  7d Toby
Zan Balmore

Absolute nightmare
Turn into sweet dreams
Took a turn for the worst too
Many times
(In a row)

Absolute nightmare
Plant parting lips please
Let me go,
Let me go, now

Seen the saccharine
Seen the maudlin
What is it like
to want the balance
in between?
Let me tell you:

It is obscene

What is
the difference
between us?
I'd say
it's a full sea
at least

Whether of stars, whether of water, whether of concrete
I know I won't reach you

You won't be reached
You won't be reached

You won't be reached
You're gone

Absolute nightmare
Plant you parting kiss
and let me go.
and let me go.

Palm Trees and Concrete Mix V2
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