Sep 2 Toby
Zan Balmore

Laze on the couch, sideways,
watching ants attack waed on the gift box
top, Magic, worst thing to teach kids
with addictive tendencies, those who fill
holes with things they hope won't deteriorate
in time after all of the money they paid
Bills stack, get paid, too, but the space left
is huge, too gaping for the remaining
messed up bunch of tight, clinched presidents
Never thought Washington bought ice cream
and got fat, or thought that Jackson dug green,
pipe cleaned, choked on weed til oxygen be
came an old means, but here I slink, giving them
to family, so I can recede comfortably on
an old futon with broke dreams, with full sink,
two XLs, to be honest, it feels too real,
feels too deep, feels like I best hold home
and blow dro, sleep to the X-bone beep.

yeah yeah yeah

but if I were healthy, I doubt I'd be writing.
  Sep 2 Toby
Zan Balmore

Oh
No
You
Don't

Won't
Need
Your
Drink

I'm just fine
I spend the long nights
In an intimate dance
Touching myself
Comparatively,
You're not interesting

How
Dare
You
Buy

How
Dare
You
Scheme

What about me?
What about me?

Fresh
  Sep 2 Toby
Zan Balmore

Am I just not quite my self?
Should I reach out?
Ask for help?
Well, all the others have

ALREADY BEAT ME THERE

Am I just too reclusive?
Should I reach out?
Ask for help?
Sounds fucking amazing,
honestly, but

YOU CAN'T ASK SOMEONE TO CARE

now can you?

The saying goes, if you don't feel old,
you're not old.

Me, I don't feel anything explosively,
aging fast.

The last time I remember as rapturous,
I was dumb.

Pushed up against the locker.
Never been kissed, since then
I've kissed and kissed and lips
have never been as plump.

The last time I remember excitedly,
I was dumb.

I was fifteen,
was sixteen,
then dead.

I was young, dumb,
now numb and wasted.

Just wasted.

it's not their fault.
i wasted myself.

shout out to afi's decemberunderground

easily their worst album

<3

but what a year
  Sep 2 Toby
Jo Schmo

She feeds off my dedication
and
Lives off my Love.
Don't dare tell her how I feel
because that becomes a Power.
It is nolonger my choice to her.
She grabs ahold and hikes it above her head-
Taunting me;
Teasing me;
Daring me.
I reach for it-
Yelling;
Screaming;
Threatening.
Maddened with the authority I gave her.
Strickened with the will to ignore
but
Unable to adhere.

Sooo...
My eyes water
and
My tongue swells.
My mind dictates
but
My body lays ignorant to its wisdoms.
I know what I can do.
I know what I should do.
I know what I would do-
If only I didn't ...
Love her.

"You ain't goin nowhere," she says.

I want to scream, "Oooh yes the fuck I am!"
But
My head just dips in that "youre so right" kind of way
and
The Vulture struts away- Proud.

  Sep 2 Toby
Zan Balmore

Everyone dies, yes I do know this.
Have you noticed?

I smoke cigarettes.
I inject my sugar.
I neglect myself.

Everyone dies, yes I do know this.

I know your pain,
I FUCKING SHARE IT.

I know your kind.
I know all too well.

I know your kind.
"Why don't I ask for help?"

You see,
help is
plenty
easy
to find
when
you
look
like
you.

You see,
I'm no
fetish.

I'm fine with that,
it's just, I can't get no
get no
get no
get no

I can't get no, get no

Why would I want my fingers over the flame?
Why would I bother calling out your name,
when I'll burn either way?

Can't get no (insert noun)

fuck you.

you know who you are.

you know i seldom go for hurt,

but you're a fucking bitch.
  Sep 2 Toby
Zan Balmore

Bodies belong
in the cold, cold ground
Bodies belong
in the heat of flame
Bodies belong
wrapped with me

Tight, and pressing
recent death to flesh.

...

blank
  Aug 16 Toby
Zan Balmore

I couldn't help notice in my devotion
to your pink lips, sweet breath,
from your deep depths, the impending
kiss that follows the free spit
of a wordsmith tastes more unpleasant
since you quit calling a noose
a noose, gave the blind spot presence.

wut?
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