I try to get a grip of time
But I keep making love to a man that will never be mine
I caress more than his mouth
And he moans without doubt
Timely shadows of ecstatic instruments hit the wall
Until the clock strikes the end of it all..
  
Tobacco candies between my burnt lips
As he brush my many napes with his fingertips
Probably thinking about that girl he has deceived  
And just before he leaves
I Stifle the tears that i'll never be the queen on his deck
And he leans forward to give me a peck
     And nothing more
     After all, as he once said; i'm just his *****...

-fir.m

I feel as if I'm becoming a *****.
As if my body is no longer the temple feminists and my mother claim it to be.
I just feel my body isn't my own.

I meet men every day.
Once I searched but now I let them find me.
It's not like they sit long enough to hear my words.
To hear how educated I am and how I'm pretty cool to be around.
Nah, all they want is my womanhood
And I, being weak for words and a pretty face,
Let them have it.

"That ***. ****, that ***."
Is that my redeeming factor?
"Those eyes, ****"
Is that the only thing about me, clothed, that interests you?
"****, them moves"
Boy if how I work in the bedroom is all you seek I need you to keep moving.

Because I'm sick of being the ***** of my friends

I had a conversation not long ago that most of my male friends wanna "hit that hard"
I gotta say, for a second I was flattered.
After being called ugly since I was young, being wanted in any way is flattering to me
Call me pretty and I'm yours.
Call me **** and I'll show you.

****
Reading my own words have instilled in me a will to stop but
The fact is that I won't
This destruction of my psychosis is simply the beginning, and certainly unbecoming
Of a girl like me,
I'd call myself a woman but that would disgrace the ones who work hard and love harder.

Nah, I'm done sneaking out of my house to hit it and quit it.
I'm done lurking in shadows for love.
The simple fact is that I don't know where this derailed train of self destruction will lead me but I have my one way ticket
Might as well find out, right?

I spend my nights scrubbing my skin raw to rid myself of the filth your hands left on my hips. I cannot cleanse my body of the places your lips caressed. I cannot turn back time and erase every moment of pleasure that ultimately changed the way people view me. When they look at me they should see who I am not who has put their hands on me. I am not a lesser being because I have been touched. I refuse to sit back and be labeled as a impure while you get praised for the same action. I refuse to succumb to sexist values. I will not tolerate being treated this way. The shame you and others have put on me ends here.

I reach
       arms stretched
welcoming them into my bed.

Lips on skin
        I taste and touch
eagerly spreading long legs.

Our body's collide
    Show me my worth
what do I know of my value?

I need so much...
    emotional pushed away
only physical as they enter me.

Rough and wanted
skin set fire
     I like it when it hurts.

Release granted
they always stare the same
    wide eyes on my face.

Hush your pretty mouth
they always say before they go
      kissing swollen lips.

Just another indent
another man to call me beautiful
    another mark on a once pure soul.

Pain echoed
Drained my soul raw
Burrow deep
inside and crawl

Inferno drenched
Wretched smell
Into the cavern
Down the well

Covered in vane
Temptation is lust
***** little *****
No one trust

Misled youth
Grown up sour
Pass the liquor
One more hour

White powder line
Bills in a roll
Down toward the mirror
Snort up the nose

Damnation has followed
My every step
Meet my maker
I have never met

The circulation has been constricted,
Painful memories indented,
I'm just a mooring of ******,
Carrying a shipment of resentment,
My organic piston is done repenting,
My aorta's done it's sifting,
But now I'm down and out,
I'm not worthy of remembering,
The makeup is addicting,
The flesh of my rose is lifting,
And now I've lost my pedals,
Down a river woefully drifting,
There's a thong around my heart,
Tightly squeezing,
The juice of my love,
Now I'm a loveless human being,

Y e s   o f f i c e r   I   c a n   r e c a l l  
l a s t   n i g h t   I   s a w   M i s s   K e l l y .
S h e   w a v e d   t o   m e   f r o m ,  
i n t e r i o r   o f   f i n e   c a r r i a g e .
I n s i d e   s h e   s u p p e d   o n   w i n e  
a n d   f e d   o n   l u s c i o u s   g r a p e .
a n d   t h e   m o n e y   s h e   w a s   p a s s e d ,  
d i d   n o t   d i s p a r a g e .

B u t   s h e   p a s t   m e   v e r y   q u i c k l y  
a n d   f u l l y   d r u n k   w a s   I .
I   f i n d   i t   h a r d   t o  
r e m e m b e r   a n y   m o r e .  
B u t   t h e   o w n e r   w a s   a   m a n   o f   w o r t h ,  
f o r   h i s   c o a c h m a n   w a s   w e l l   c l a d -
a n d   t h e r e   w a s   a   g o l d   i n s i g n i a ,  
p r i n t e d   o n   t h e   c a r r i a g e   d o o r .

M y   f i n a l   r e c o l l e c t i o n ,  
w a s   t h e   s m i l i n g   f a c e   o f   s h e .
I   d o   b e l i e v e   s h e   t h o u g h t  
t h a t   s h e   h a d   m a d e   a   d e c e n t   s c o r e .
B u t   t h e   t h o u g h t   o f   h e r   t r a n s p o r t e d  
t o   h e r   d e a t h   b e f o r e   m y   e y e s .
I   a m   o f   m i n d   t o   c h a n g e   m y   w a y s  
a n d   n o   l o n g e r   s h a l l   I   w h o r e .

T h i s   w a y   o f   l i f e   i t   s e e m s  
h a s   o f t e n   p u t   u s   g i r l s   a t   r i s k ,
I t   h a s   a l w a y s   b e e n   t h i s   w a y
f o r   a   l a d y   o f   t h e   n i g h t .
B u t   o n   s e e i n g   M a r y   K e l l y  
c u t   u p   a n d   l e f t   f o r   a l l   t o   s e e
h a s   m a d e   m e   w a n t   t o   l e a v e  
m y   L o n d o n   a n d   t a k e   f l i g h t .

I   a m   s o r r y   t h a t   I   h e l p   y o u   n o t  
w i t h   w h a t   I   r e c o l l e c t -
f o r   I   p r a y   y o u   c a t c h   t h i s   f e l l o w  
a n d   h a n g   h i m   u p o n   h i g h .
B u t   I   t r e a d   t h i s   p l a c e   n o   l o n g e r ,  
i t ? s   n o t   w o r t h   i t   n o w   I   s e e .
S o   a l l   t h a t   I   h a v e   l e f t   t o   s a y ,  
d e a r   P o l i c e m a n   i s   g o o d b y e .

I f   y o u   n e e d   t o   s p e a k   a g a i n   t o   m e ,  
h e r e   i s   m y   n e w   a d d r e s s .
I   w i l l   n e v e r   m o r e   s e e   L o n d o n   t o w n ,  
n o t   e v e n   a s   a   t r i p p e r .
F o r   I   k n o w   t h a t   M a r y   K e l l y ,  
c o u l d   o f   e a s i l y   b e e n   m e -
w h o   h a d   f a l l e n   t o   t h e   b e a s t ,  
c a l l e d   ? J a c k   t h e   R i p p e r .