Hold tight to hope's embrace,
   wait...

I've heard this line before.

   This corridor I've walked along before,
I walk along once more.

Breathlessly tracing my fingertips along the walls as I stroll through the halls,
  
   Feel the infinitesimal imperfections,
akin to the ones in my mind.

Mind the gap.

Ahead here,
   is a dead end.

the point I cannot see past.

what,
What is behind my wall?

~Robert van Lingen

My face blue
I race through
A misplaced zoo
Where disgrace grew
Into a mistake stew
Like the River Styx
Where people mix
Into a wall of bricks
That makes me sick

They steal my serenity
But when I look ahead of me
I see that I'll need them
To experience freedom
So I amass suitors
But I don't see them as sons or daughters
I see them as polluters
I see them as pirates and marauders

They see love as a doorway
To their own complacency
In order to see me more days
They take away my agency
Instead of aiding me
They start grading me
No longer elating me
They start deflating me

I shoot a missile
Of dismissal
Into the barricade
Of the bed I made
And keep sailing on
By flailing on
The floor
Begging for more

More people
More walls
Another sequel
Another fall
I have erected a maze
Where I've elected to graze
Deflecting their gaze
To enjoy wandering days

I experience happiness
Without their craftiness
But I begin to get lonely
My mouth starts foaming
I search to find ramparts
That can't part
Where landsharks
Eat the parked

Stuck searching
Perpetually perching
On the ledge
Of the wedge
Between myself and others
Looking for cover
I built protective walls
That became too tall

I feel a sadness within me
Tears forming within my eyes
Brimming with a glistening look
As my mind begins to pry

Concealed within the walls of my heart
The Barricade which guards my soul
Carved into each and every stone
The things that make me whole

Broken pieces which have fallen apart
Crumbling and breaking
Though cold and Black is the outer appearance
The Other side isn't worth forsaking

Inner side is painted with colour
Vibrant, Alluring so wonderful and clear
Through beautiful are the artworks laid  out
Its what's hidden within them that makes them so dear

Not everything of my heart is beautiful and clean
A great deal more of its dark and corrupt
Stirring with anger raging within my soul
Its what stands behind that which causes it to erupt

Within the volts of doors
And walls built to the skies
Its right at the center
The lonely girl cries

Locked beneath it all
Covered in chains
I keep her caged in there
She must b restrained

Otherwise my mind would run wild
Fueled purely by emotion
Running everything I've built
In a desperate plea of devotion

The outer world isn't something
I want her to see
As its not as beautiful
As the picture books make it out to be

So deep within me
She sits and she cries
Waiting for the day
Where she finally can die

Never trust anyone,
best advice I've ever been given.
But do I listen?
I know I can't trust a soul
but yet around I go,
letting people break down my walls
when they have no intention of helping me
build it back up
if it ever comes crashing down.

I can feel the bricks I let you pick
away from my shield
tumble down
around me now.
It takes my breath away,
with each stone that hits me
bruising my already battered heart.

Now, I am under rubble
stuck under my own broken walls
I built to protect myself
from men like you.

And here I know,
I have to start over.
Am I able to build my wall high enough
to keep out the next one who tries to steal my heart
& heal myself from all the wounds
I've caused myself from letting the wrong ones in?

I’m spiraling and sprawling out
The ugly parts revealed
Like a hermit crab
who’s had his shell taken

Hyperventilating and staring at opaque ceilings listening to the walls
They speak and when they do they whisper of me
They laugh at their corners and close in on me

They grip with brick hands
Face the floor
He feels what I feel
I will merge with him so they will be right
Let them walk all over me
Until I can no longer feel