A girl with a roar too big for her body
sharpens her ribs into points:
a trap for her tender, thunderous heart.

She’s been here too many times
before, counting seconds
until the inevitable,
the call to arms, the battle cry.

A summoning to the field soon to be
stained red, where grown men fall the hardest
and the survivors do not celebrate
because this is not victory.
There is no after-party.

You can’t fight with your foundations
and escape unscathed,
these wars take their toll in the end.
She’s lost her loved ones here before,
you see, and this is her returning to the crime scene,
taking a walk through memories half-faded.

She’s coming to terms with the blood
on her own hands,
one wound at a time, one heartache,
one less voice at the end of the telephone.

People like her know
the truth behind silent suffering,
feel the acid rising in their throat
and know how to stomach it.

Don’t pretend to know how this ends.
It’s different each time
and sometimes the strongest stumble,
caught off guard by an unfamiliar rhythm
in their lungs. Too easily choked.

Not everyone is as ready as she is,
unprepared with their soft
exposed, bared to the world, to the place
where it all ends.

She hopes they’ll make it
but it’s a free-for-all
and she’s made it this far.

This isn’t where she falls.

If the stars of your heart
are scattered, if your tongue
gets tangled up in all the things
you wish you could say, if
every breath comes from
lungs wrapped up too tight
in your pounding veins,
tell the world: I am the sky.
There is a light in my eyes
that could outshine the sun,
I carry the weight of the universe
in my spine, exhale the cosmos
from the gaps in my ribcage.
You know how tall you can
stand, even when storms rage
around your shoulders and the
ground shakes beneath your feet.
There is no limit to your
ability to feel, so embrace it.

I am afraid to love from what I have seen
true love seems like a dream
a fairy tale , fiction, a fantasy
afraid to broken so I become cynical
letting my guard down is difficult
refuse to be played like an instrument for someone else's amusement
all the victims of heartbreak will be my determent

You have spoken
Too many times
Only to shut them up
Each time, a little more
"It's your fault"
"Grow up, get stronger"
"Cut the drama"
"You attention-seeker"
Do you think, you're helping?
"I'm saying this, because I care"
One can see that you do, oh just how much you do
"Oh c'mon, it can't be all that bad!"
"I got out of it, so can you"
"You're NOT depressed, just sad"
"You're in depression"
"You need help"
"Go to a counselor"
"Get yourself checked"
"Learn to control your mind"
"Hush, don't talk about it. People will judge you."
"Sorry, you cannot get the job. Why don't you come back once you're in a better state?"
Help isn't help when the intention shows through
Which is clearly not to help
If you really care
If you're really human enough
Here's how to help
EMPOWER
Be humble
Reach out, but subtly
Do not victimize
Or tag a victim
Just be a friend
You'll help, their misery will end
Maybe not immediately
Hopefully, eventually
"You good?"
"I'm here if you need me"
"You're beautiful"
"I just want you to know, I care about you"
"Thank you"
"Sorry"
"I respect you"
"You'll find your way back, I have faith in you"
"You can do this, deep down, you know it too"
"You're awesome"
Smile
Laugh
Treat them like they're normal
Because they are
Just be sensitive...at least a bit
Because they're hurting
But fine, they'll be fine
They'll be more
You'll see
And smile when you do!

Do you like your world of fantasy?
Where you live in twisted lies?
Your words are woven a shield of art,
behind which, you believe you'll never die.

You cry for help behind your brambles,
where thorns ***** and wolves cry.
Do you realize you tended to them yourself, dear?
You sentenced yourself to die.

I freeze
My smile says, you got me again but inside, your words have gutted me,
Like walking into a room full of Simon Cowells,
And losing my voice
Yes, in fact
You took my voice from me
This game we play where we both bear our fangs for alpha-female in our sick, twisted trio
But the difference is this
I do not make the haughty stabs that you inflict upon others
Flicking your tongue like a silver blade, and I, your waiting victim,
Am here, readily awaiting your torture because I don't know how to make other friends
So I let the violence continue
Maybe my ex was right about you
Maybe you're the reason why if it weren't for my hemophobia, my wrists I would slice,
But pills suffice
My smile says, you got me again.

-E (c) 2017

Why can't you just be normal?
That doesn't make any sense.
You can't be serious. Your life really isn't that bad.
Okay, well what would you like me to do?
You don't need medication, the doctors are just trying to push it on you to make money.
Okay, well then I'll get counseling.
That costs money too, how are you going to pay for it?
They have free stuff at the college-
Only poor people go there, they won't actually care about talking to you.
Okay.

Why are you mad?
Why are you crying?
Why are you ruining dinner?
What the ****, Ella?
You're not your mom, Ella.
You're so ******* stupid, do you know that?
Huh, do you?
They're just trying to use you.

You're paying, and I'm taking you home.
You're ******* crazy, you know that?*

-E (c) 2017