Dear Rapist, you have took so much from me.
You took my will to live.
You took my pride.
You took my faith in humanity.
You took my virginity at the age of 13.
You took my innocences.
You took my safty.
Dear Rapist, you have destroyed me.
You destroyed my life.
You ruined who I was then.
Dear Rapist, you have made me live in fear.
I suffer from PTSD because of you.
I suffer from depression.
I suffer from anxiety.
Dear Rapist, I trusted you and you used that against me.
Goodbye my rapist I hope you enjoy rotting in that cell for what you have done to me.

By: Ash Von Stein

I have been raped over 5 times in my life. When I was 13 was the first one when it happened. That man was the only one that got what he deserved. The rest are still free because there wasnt enough evidence to put them away. I have lived my life in fear because of these people. I blamed myself every day. After five years I am finally coming to terms with what has happened to me.

Fire.
A flame that burns in all of us.
This burning feeling in our hearts that consume us in warmth.
Our fire burns like a wild forest fire once born.
As years past people come into our lives and dump water onto our fire.
Slowly putting it out.
Some people's fire burns out quicker in life.
Other's keeps burning till the very end.
My fire is nothing but a candle light.
One more drop of water it will be out.
The warmth in my heart will die.
The fire will be nothing but a memory.
He tries to light my candle.
But I can't trust another person.
His fire is dying as well.
The water has coldened his heart.
I will use the little fire in my heart to get him going.
My fire is not important.
He is my life.
His fire.
His life.
Is my main concern.
Fire.
A flame that burns in all of us.
This burning feeling in our hearts that consume us in warmth.

This is a work in progress. It still needs editing and all that. But i like it.

"Love" By: Anna Akhamtova

Любовь

То змейкой, свернувшись клубком,
У самого сердца колдует,
То целые дни голубком
На белом окошке воркует,

То в инее ярком блеснёт,
Почудится в дреме левкоя...
Но верно и тайно ведёт
От радости и от покоя.

Умеет так сладко рыдать
В молитве тоскующей скрипки,
И страшно её угадать
В ещё незнакомой улыбке.

(Translation)

Love

First, as a serpent, it’ll cast its spell
Next to your heart, curled up.
Then, it’ll come as a dove, as well,
Cooing for days, nonstop.

In the frost, it’ll show itself curtly,
Or in the drowsing field of carnations…
To escort you covertly and firmly
Away from all rest and elation.

In the prayer of a violin yearning,
So sweetly, it’ll sob for a while,
And how frightening it is to discern it
In a yet unfamiliar smile.

Translated by: Andrey Kneller

I do not own this writing nor do I claim to own this writing. This is a poem from another one of my favorite Russian poets if you haven't guessed her name is Anna Akhamtova. I did not translate this poem into English so sorry if the translation is off. But I love how she used her words to show how love is. Sorry that I keep saying the name of the original author but I just don't want to take credit for something that isn't mine.

Depression Hot Line:
1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hot Line:
1-800-273-8255

Life Line:
1-800-273-8255

Sexuality Support:
1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hot Line:
1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault:
1-800-656-4673

Grief Support:
1-650-321-5272

Runaway:
1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-400

Exhale: After Abotion Hot Line/ProVoice:
1-866-439-4253

I know I have posted this before but I will keep reposting this every few months to help people who might need these. You are not weak if you need these.

To those who have depression you know that it fills our minds with dark thoughts of our past, present, and future.
It makes us second guess why we are still alive.
It takes a strong iron grip on our chest and makes us struggle to get out of bed in the morning and makes us choke on words like "I am fine." Or "Don't worry I will be okay in time."
It twists the positive words we hear to form negitive thoughts of self-doubt and self-loathing.
It makes us want to hurt ourselves till we can't hear the words of hatred anymore.
It consumes our souls that were once bright and cheerful and turns them into darkness and sorrow.

To those who do not have depression do not understand why we can't just be happy.
They don't understand that every day is a battle of life and death.
They do not understand the effort it takes to get out of bed in the morning and to face another day.

To those who do not know that the words they say hurt us.
We take your words seriously.
When you tell us "Go kill yourself." We actually want to.

To those who don't know that they just forced a peer of theirs in the closet when you said, "If I saw a gay I would beat them up." It makes it harder for them to accept who they are.

To those who don't understand why people with eating disorders hate themselves enought to starve themself or make themselves sick after they eat.
It is more then trying to be thin.
It is the cure to all our problems if we just don't eat this week.
Or we eat and make ourself sick.

To those who don't understand social anxiety.
Loud noises scare us.
Large groups of people freak us out.
Talking to new people makes us worry.
Socializing is difficult and doesn't come easy for like the rest of you.

To those who don't understand why we stay in that abusive relationship.
We feel like they will change.
They said they loved us.
They apologized and said it will never happen again.
They threatened to hurt themselves or us if we left.
They make us feel special at times.

To those who understand everything that was writen above and that has been through any of these things.
Please know this.
You are strong.
You are important.
You are beautiful/handsome/perfect.
You are a fighter.
You are a winner.
You are loved.
You are cared for.
You are amazing.

This is a very rough draft of a poem I am writing. If you have any edits or suggestion please comment them. I need some feed back on how to make this flow better and make it sound neater.

“You gotta fake it till make it.”

To be honest I hate this quote.
It is telling people that it is okay to pretend that they don’t have a problem.
It is telling people that they can’t make it on their own without pretending to be someone who they aren’t.
This quote is saying to hide what is going on until things get better.

So to the person in the abusive relationship.
Just pretend that your partner isn’t beating the shit out of you every night.
Or they aren’t degrading you into self loathing.
Or that they aren’t destroying your mental state with threatening that they will kill themselves or you if you leave.

So to the kid suffering from depression just hide those cuts on your wrist and paste on a happy face until you actually feel happy.

So to the kid suffering from an eating disorder just don’t look into a mirror until you feel like you can actually love yourself.

This quote is saying that we need to forget our problems and not talk about them because it might make the people around us uncomfortable.
Or that it isn’t okay to have the problems that we have.
This quote is degrading and sending a horrible message.
This quote is basically saying what was said about the abusive relationship, mental illness, and eating disorders.

Some background on why I wrote this. I strongly hate the quote "Fake it till you make it." on anything along those lines. I gave off a few reasons why I hate it. But on the abusive relationship, the self-harming kid, and the kid dealing with an eating disorder. If you know or you are one or more of these people in that situation. I beg of you DO NOT fake it till you make it. Please contact someone you trust and ask for help. You are strong. You don't need to be in that abusive relationship. You are stronger now then what happened to make you have those scars on your body. And you are beautiful/handsome and I hope one day you will be able to believe it it will take time to believe it. Thank you to those who read all the way to the end of this. Have a great day and remember. I may not know you but I care about you. I am always here if you need someone to talk to or to point you to a hotline if you need it.

Я вас любил: любовь еще, быть может,
В душе моей угасла не совсем;
Но пусть она вас больше не тревожит;
Я не хочу печалить вас ничем.
Я вас любил безмолвно, безнадежно,
То робостью, то ревностью томим;
Я вас любил так искренно, так нежно,
Как дай вам Бог любимой быть другим.

(Translation)

I loved you: and perhaps this flame
Has not gone out completely in my soul;
No longer shall it ever cause you pain;
I do not want to sadden you at all.
I loved you frantically, without reserve,
At times too jealous, and at times too shy,
I pray to God you get what you deserve -
Another man with love as true as mine.

I do not own this writing. Nor do I claim to own this writing. This is by one of my favorite Russian Poets. It was writtwn in 1829 by Alexander Pushkin. A well known Russian poet. I love his work and wanted to share it.
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