Sunkissed freckles like creek pebbles
Resting on my shoulder, sunlight filtering onto my skin from your cheeks.
I am envious of every ghost that gets to tuck you in and knows what makes you tick tick tick tick tick
12:30
Quit knocking on every fold of my brain, they're not much different, they're all graffitied with your name, if I can feel your hand anywhere close to me.
Every creak of this old door has my head turning to find you,
Find you in the soft dumb center of this earth and my mind and my fingernails.
My hands, my hands, my hands, what are they holding?
Empty, are you so empty that you're going to fill your life with dead rock n rollers?
(Let me be the something that lifts the dirt from your teeth and the spoiled milk from your boiling blood.)

Today I awoke

One day
You wake up
Winter has frozen over
Cold and white
Beautiful and untouched

The next it's all
Mud and rain
No sun
Keeps you down

Two three days go by
The sound of birds
Green grass
Budding trees

The weather here
It's killer

everything is arbitrary. we novelists survive on chance encounters and sad books. I move like a stray cat between library bookshelves and keep my head down. no I am not a poet by choice. no I don't like being one. I don't like bleeding. it hurts and so does writing sometimes. sometimes writing hurts less than usual. fate is still pale and thin and twisty, like the tentative whorls of a mushroom's root system. I'm still like a stray cat, nosing around libraries and parks. I'm still hungry. this book still doesn't make sense. I don't feel like I learned much. mostly I feel tired, like the tiredness is pulling down into the pillow. maybe I should sleep. maybe I shouldn't.

You make me insane
Like maybe I should blow my brains
Maybe I'm not okaye
But I know
Someday I'll make through the day
With no tears pouring from my eyes
Or feeling like I want to die
You make me sane
Like everything will be okaye
But I knowill
Someday this will all fade away
With no more laughs
Soon it will all just be my past
You make what I wish not
But what I know not of
Cause this feeling is odd
This feeling is all at a loss
To what pain is caused
And the love it brought
You make me insanely sane
If that's such a thing?  
I know not of
Cause these words
These words don't go
& are nothing but scrambles from my mind
Showing what you've left me with
To piece together
what's left of the broken
It's all a mess
Maybe soon
I'll have it pieced perfectly together

The brittle air of night freezes my lungs to solid ice,
I am left with just a gasp of air to hold on to.
I can feel my brain crystallize into thin ice sickles
the numbness forms an impenetrable shell.
I wait silently in darkness for the warmth to return
and free me from my cold pressed shackles.

I don't know how to save you.
I don't know where to start.
All I know is I can't even save myself,
can't chase away my own demons.

You want me to be your savior.
I wanted to be yours too.
But as I tried to put together your pieces,
my heart shattered even more.

As I made you whole,
you made me empty.
So I don't know how to save you.
Don't know where to start.
I gotta save myself first.
Piece by puzzle piece
I'm the more broken one now.

But as I turned to you
for you to be my savior,
you took one glance at my scrambled heart
and turned away,
one hand already reaching for another's soul
for her to heal your heart,
just as I've always done.

Roller
          co
            as
              t
              ­ e
                 r
                      
                    f                   ­             
                        a                      
   ­                           s                
                                     t            
orslowitdoesntseemtomatter

                         N
                      W
  U               O
     P        D
          &
                                We hit the
{}{}{}{}{G}{}{R}{}{O}{}{U}{}{N}{}{D}{­}{}{}{

But never seem to *sh\at\ter