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Evi Dent Halo Sep 2017
Whenever I was a kid:
I tried to make my fantasies real;
By displacing truth-
And changing it's will.

I found peace in knowing I was out of bounds,
And I couldn't be stolen away by sounds,
And I made my own world and forgot the rest.
And I said to get out of my face,
And forget Colosseum tests.

I found solace in kindness abroad,
Not to me, but in others- I saw.
And I made my world despite the smog;-
And: "..the tedium in the waves.."- wrote the captain in his log.

(Inhuman fog.)

Wasn't it amazing-
That everything broken was complete and sealed?
Out of the screen we pulled- and we all felt it feel real.
And I made it a fantasy, not just another walk away event you see?

But.. It was the most important thing..
To me. Why wouldn't it be?
Because in my world it was real,
It's heart I cradled, and it I created.
I crafted what I wanted real.

And I sobbed as it met demise,
It's croak of death- spun out crumpled on the table-
COUGH-  on its side.
It lived a wonderful life.

We were happy for some time.
Big shadows-
High-rises.
Yes.
We were happy for some time.

(It was painful as you grew,)
And even though cradled-
Creeping shadows crept through,
And set a concrete course
A finalized divorce- between you and rock-a-bye.

In the end:
Watch a tedium in the camera flare
Dragon flare;
Black-to-black beginning
Black ascending
Smoke descending-
Apathy:
"The pit."

The middle seeing the most change
Still changing everyday-
To be a normal same.
My world was eaten alive
It's funny how overuse-
Turns the mind a nice color puce.

The comfort is in the conductive metal
White, red- yellow,
Stay back Jack
I've been made an unfriendly fellow.
If you see the hurt, tell it I said hello.
FINV "Childhood Stint." v6 (9/14/16-9/22/17)
Nathan Raux Jun 2017
First I said it wrong,
Ending up with such a bad day,
Everything's confusing, weird, never alluring
Love is weird,
Such a bother, it is
Blood spills, not just for life
And not just for death
Dearly it became,
My relative's dismay,
Array, towards yander,
Nothing is never the same,
Feels, Bad, Man.
Lady Feb 2017
Like layers of clothing you strip my emotions away
Until I am naked and I have nothing to say
For a moment I shudder; afraid of all I lack
Then turn as you lay a blanket of love across my back.
A lifetime of searching
Generations lost
Sometimes I feel like
We're all searching for something
Even those of us
That seem to have it all
Retracing our steps, backtracking
Looking under the bed and
On top of every counter

Painstaking,
Day in, day out
A memory forgotten
A lost note found
A cigarette to jog my mind
Wait I know,
Better check last year's trousers
I always leave something
In last year's trousers...

There's nothing quite like
Finding what you were searching for
There's also nothing quite like
Losing sleep at night
Wondering what it is that you are
Searching for in the first place
Asking yourself
"When I find it, will it make me happy?"
Startling, the thought that maybe
Happiness is what we're searching for
Every single one of us
Even those of us that kiss it goodnight
Or dress it in the morning
And greet it with supper in the evening


The search goes on...
POSSIBLE Feb 2016
A festering toad, happening upon his friend the owl, began upon an uttering. A sort of delirious asking. "Why are people so afraid of death?" With this owl content and basking in the moonlight, they did speak upon the truth of the matter;

"Because when you're dead you're dead see?," the owl remarked so haphazardly.

"But what point is there in that statement," the frog stuttered in with a knowing kind of sinful grin;
"After death, could we not begin to fly with the stars, or at least just pretend that we are orbiting Mars?"

The owl simply replied, "Remember toad, while it is I who pierces the veil, it is you who must lead the spirit parade through it’s transformation."

The toad croaked a sigh at the owl, blinking its ever seeing eyes at his brother-in-arms in feigning return,remarking that “these must truly be times of madness for a mad toad to lead the way….

A shriek! "THEY ARE THOUGH, the rest of the animals forget, basic reality is made up of nothingness, so cheer up, we are all basically nothing, but agile enough to get by don’t cha know!," the owl looks to the moon in its sort of quick jerking way as if seeing some truth inked in it’s light.

"Agile?" the toad cups the question with his consciousness…."Agile enough to derive strength from above and to cater to love through the rough when we tumble hard and it feels so tough... But you know owl, there's life and blood to this stuff so we best start emitting light through  agape sans the gruff.

The toad started repeating a mantra towards the Crystalline reflective lake due south, the direction of healing, transformation, and death:

"the essence of your mind is intrinsically pure, the pure doesn’t mean a non-***** story...pure means clear….void. No eyes, no ears, no mouth, no heart, no I, no problem."

The owl began to speak a slow sort of lullaby in response to the mantra; “Luckily consciousness is like a mirror that needs to constantly be polished.”

The reflective lake of all things replied: “But in truth, there is no mirror. Thus, if you are living in nothingness and if there is no mirror, how can you be contaminated?

This is the most incredible nothing life has been privy to experience, for this nothingness is like the nothingness of space….which contains the whole universe, and out of this void comes everything and you are it. The fear of nothingness….IT plagues those we know, because it has been ignored .

“NOTHINGNESS,” they say, “HEAVEN PRESERVE US OF THAT!“

At the appointed time Agnosia and with the approval of the moonlights shine, the foggy cloud of unknowing descended upon the lake, the toad, and the owl, who all began to speak to chorus in such sweet unison:

“That which is the knower or the known cannot be an object of its own knowledge, Fire does not burn itself. If you put something there on the divine platform, you stop short of knowing and you stop short of glowing.  Following the flowing senses of truth;  Don't stop until you can rejoice in the I that isn’t.”

Everything went quiet in the forest and on the lake, as the obtuse fog displaced itself. The forgetting had become complete.
epilepsy
Morgan Floyd Oct 2015
I've been told that i'm not fixable
That when I smile it's not believable
The human race is so unpleasable
I'm not sure what to do...
Brian T Baker Sep 2015
Not an entirely reliable structure
No years of cultivated security
But I can tuck my life neatly inside
Almost any opportunity.

Waited for years.
I made my move
Two backpacks
And one suitcase

Surreal is all
I’ve felt so far
Aside from lost
In love and why.

Ask yourself a question
Without immediately
Volunteering the answer.

If you know enough to ask
Then you should know
That you don’t really know.
Seattle, WA.  It's about time I stay honest and unsure of myself.
mk Aug 2015
I.
if you'd never told me you loved me
i wouldn't be lying awake at 3:03am wishing you were besides me
i wouldn't see lovers together & burn flames of envy
the pangs of missing you wouldn't cause me to skip meals
i wouldn't spend all my time wanting to hurry back home & so that i could talk to you
i wouldn't worry all the time about how you were doing without me
my body would not crave your touch
my heart would not slowly fade away
my mind would not constantly be haunted by the memories of us
if you'd never told me you loved me


II.
if you'd never told me you loved me
i would be lying awake at 3:03am wondering how i could get you to love me despite all my numerous flaws
i would see lovers together & my frail heart would crash & burn knowing we'd never be together
i would skip meals over meals, filling my stomach with the "what ifs"
i would spend all my time wanting to talk to you, even though you weren't mine
i would worry all the time about how you were doing without me when i was fading away without you
my body would crave your touch
my heart would slowly fade away
my mind would constantly be haunted by the the thought of me & you never becoming an "us"
if you'd never told me you loved me


III.
if you'd never told me you loved me
i wouldn't have been able to stay up till 3:03am and later giggling on the phone with you hoping my laughter wouldn't wake the whole house
i wouldn't see lovers together & know that i had my very own back at home
i wouldn't be skipping meals just because of the butterlies in my stomach everytime i'd think of you
i wouldn't be able to spend all my time talking to you, being with you, making memories with you
i wouldn't be able to pick up the phone & call you whenever i worried about you
my body wouldn't have been able to feel your touch
my heart would never have felt so much pure love
my mind would never be able to keep itself occupied in the wondrous memories of us
if you'd never told me you loved me


-
*if you'd never told me you loved me,
i would still die loving you.
there is good & bad in everything,
but to die not knowing you felt the same way
well, that would be death of the worst kind

i guess what i'm trying to say is,
thank you for telling me you love me
three possible outcomes of the same scenario; each worse than the other.
// say a prayer but let the good times roll //
Kody dibble Feb 2015
"Remember how the naked soul
Comes to language and at once knows
Loss and distance and believing"

Note excerpt: W.S Merwin

Finally free to converge and confess,
The Love I digress to take or leave,
In my own way and form I think,
For today was lost sadly to a planet,
Eating trecherous meals,
Lonely nights awake fighting,
Illicit mentions,

Forms of being so lost to idea's and
Trusts so real it will cost everything,
Ideas and decisions left untraceable

For I am a cold thought of you,
Before you were as I was
Lost and afraid


We may come to love knowledge our knowledge more than the thing known

Theologia Germanica

From C.S Lewis Weight of Glory
Love light peace
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