Love does not look like the time when he let the words die in my throat, because he believed he was right.
Nor does it look like when he screamed at me hoarse,
because my heart was heavy, and my mind was racing all night.
Love is not when he broke a promise he made to someone else to kiss me.
Love is not when I was dying, and the ghost of someone else’s memory haunted him more.

Love is not, as my therapist says, setting myself on fire to keep them warm

On days under the sun, as well as the coldest, and most heartless of the storms.

I never fully understood the meaning of the  word “mourn” until this year -
To truly feel the loss of another concentrated in its purest form.

I never believed when others would say
“I miss you more, in  each and every day” or
“There’s not an hour goes by, without a thought of you on my mind”
As if Loss is an unforgotten constant in the trails of the trivial,
We are only human after all.

But I was naive, through and through.
Loss never leaves your side once you meet
Loss is a friend for life.
The kind that shows their face in the most unpredictable moments,
Who never fades away or falls out,
Becoming more aquatinted as we go through life.

Loss is selfish, wanting our undivided attention,
Expecting us to indulge in its deep dark thoughts with strong pretension.

Loss is harsh, not hiding nor sugarcoating any enemy attack,
Facing us with the reality of control and just how much we lack.

Loss is bitter, Loss is unkind
Loss is a thief, stealing our piece of mind.

Loss is jealous, Loss is sly.
Is it absent of Love,
Or has Love left it’s side?

You leave pavements ******
And graves dug but without bodies
Learning tricks of manipulation
You know how to wrap us around
The small of your finger
With bloodshot eyes and a mouth
Full of sweetened poison
You kiss girls and leave them hungry
Foolishly hoping that your touch
Just might heal them
You leave pavements cracked
So we are all left skipping  
Hoping to save your back
Isn't love unkindly blind?

Dreams do not sometimes come to help you recover.
So it is your health and wealth that sometimes suffer.
Anything I could do to help.
If I see a girl for who she is my heart will melt.

See what they do is bring the cute.
Turning their backs on you they hide in the same suit.
Then the pretty come when you are gone.
Anything to make an appeal for what I have to succumb.

What is new?
What is unique?
I am under people’s review.
Just as the girating elliptical orbiting oblique.

I am the one who suffers.
As the rain pours down in buckets.
This is just the another of life’s tragedies.
But, I am not vain personally.

This is a day to day grind.
In this, I want my eyes in your soul I find.
Pour more salt in my wounds to help beautiful and unkind.
This is why mankind suffers if you are the one I reach and find.

elephants stomping on my head
laugh as they draw blood
fragmented ideals scatter in the wind
as trampled dreams mix with dust

cemented in 'supposed to'
hiding behind other people's 'shoulds'
jackhammer disappointment
crushes bones with broken boundaries

play me a song
to make it look pretty
and I'll pretend to dance
with you in foggy yesterday's

karaoke soundtracks
to a stranger's tears
that leave the heart blind
tripping acid just to see in forgotten colors

breathing bacteria
from the soles of shoes
wiped on my forehead
as they said, 'hello'

a mosaic of skull puzzles
grouted in the remnants of the ****
left behind as everyone
just walks away

shadows smell clean in dark corners
where colors are left to die
in clouds of expectation
leaving truth buried in the ruble

...of who they thought I was