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Fox Friend Dec 2017
The blessings in my life
are overwhelming
when I really think about them,
but for some reason
each morning
feels heavier than the one before.

Why can't I just be happy?

My heart wanders
away with this thought
until the relentless waves
of pain and heavy sadness
carry it back to its place.

I cry -
not because I am lacking anything,
but because I cannot count
all of my lucky stars
(for they are far too numerous),
and yet,
I am still not happy.
Abby Jo Dec 2017
Every day, every week, every month that passes by we drift farther away from our old normal
The new normal starts to settle and make itself at home
It's over stayed it's unwelcomed arrival.
I ask it politely to leave but His plans dive deeper in and slowly washes over all of mine.
The pain tastes salty as it pours out of my heart
His will be done, not mine
With the wake of the morning, the sun shining in so bright, it forces me to rise, my thoughts flooding right back as soon as I open my eyes
"When will this feel like ages ago", that song plays over for the 30th time. Hoping one day I'll sing along and not cry
The coffee tastes darker, the wind feels cooler, the view where I seek to find Him
The seasons are changing but I'm not ready, each outlet refuses to shine
Abby Jo Dec 2017
I hope you’re happy
You’ve made a mess out of me
As I lie here empty
Cursing my memories for flooding in
This smile isn’t forced but it’s overstayed it’s welcome
Happiness is something I’ve made up in my own way
Real happiness won’t be found here.
I’m far too damaged.
I’m beyond repair
Why do I even try?  
There’s nothing left to me.
Faux happiness bursts
through my internal seams. The
truth will be revealed.
Better days are coming.
Andrew Saromines Nov 2017
I wake up tired of the sounds and sights and feelings of me
And being is a chore and believing is weak
In the face of my hate for the reflection I see
Not a single thing with which to agree
And that's fine
And this is sad
And I hurt
Quietly
But I scream behind this screen
With letters filled with grief
At least the writings good
Or so I'd like to think
A lie that I could take something so horrid
And give it a pretty face
Could just be ****
I'll sink with this ship
I'll learn my place
Quietly
So I hope the water is warm when it fills my lungs
And I hope I don't bother when I finally succumb
I'll do my best to leave how I lived
So don't break the streak of absentmindedness
While I cease to exist
Quietly
eve Nov 2017
What you give me is what I receive,
The feelings overloading and essentially controlling me are forcing the inner version of myself to ignore thee,
Block off anyone who interferes with my life in the smallest of ways.
Stress is enough,
I can no longer think straight.
Consistently titling to both ends of our path,
I thought the starting would lead us somewhere beyond the fan stays of great,
But I was kicked and left in the dust with the others,
The prophecy unveiled itself,
I was right since the beginning, but my witless gut remained oblivious to my emotionally unstable self and instead stayed behind with the real you.
I grew attached to you, thinking everything for once would finally accumulate into one enjoyable entirety,
But you shattered me both internally and externally,
Now all I can focus on is how to fix these pieces back together.
Before I loose touch upon myself once more,
I ask anyone for forgiveness, begging on my knees for all to please.
I wish to give the little portion of my purity and happiness to you, now, am I considered the wrong and careless one?
Or are you, the heartless form of me?
“I know you, you're nothing but a sad boy.”
growingpains Nov 2017
He looked at me with disgust
I was surprised he had the guts
But in the midst of my tears
I was struck with a sudden realization, a question had appeared
Was he disgust with me become of who I am?
Because of the way I carry myself?
Or was he disgusted with the creation that was his?
Was he disgusted to think that I had a little bit of him, that we shared similar mannerisms?
Jellyfish Nov 2017
I end up stopping again with an empty and long sigh.
Julia Mae Oct 2017
-
i do not make you happy
any longer
it is in your face
it is laced within your words that you speak to me
it is within your weary eyes that now look at me with such remorse and hurt
i no longer am
a source of your happiness
the realization of which
kills me slowly
but surely
i must go
because i can show you and tell you
how much i love you
yet it will never reach you
and i am so terribly sorry
for becoming a source of pain
but, i love you
and i, still do
so if you are free from me
you will bloom
into a happiness i could never obtain for you
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