She started doing exercises so she could be stretchy.
So she could be ****.

She started putting on makeup so she could be pretty.
So she could be perfect.

She started starving herself so she could be thinner.
So she could be a winner.

She started cutting so she could they'd all notice her.
So she'd with her demons concur.

She hang herself so she wasn't in the way.
So she didn't have to stay.

there are guys
in and out of my life 24/7
I fall in love so easily
please forgive me
I'm really not easy
I just want someone to need me
while you're at it, please me
I feel so easy

when I cry
I lie into a pit of this other world
where everyone's walls are down
and no one has any self respect

it's so easy to get trapped into
this second world of mine
and lose myself while I am trying to find me.

Recovery is painful
But my mother’s words are like daggers in my chest

Her dietary verses sound all too familiar
She looks at my body as if it were trash

We view my physique the same way, really
I’m either sick or complete flab

I feel myself slipping into old routine
(Although the scale says nothing different)

I feel her fingers rubbing against my wounds
During my daily weigh-in

It’s difficult to love the skin I’m in
When my mother frowns at a larger pair of pants

I did the math and realized I’m forty pounds above my lightest
I’m sure my mother wouldn’t care if I reached that weight again

Not even in the slightest

You call yourself a person but you're not a human
Can't put you on the same level as animals because they know better
It was monster versus angel-haired cub
Not now
She has the bite of a lioness and the pride of one too
You'll learn the meaning of "no"
When she drags you through the tall grass
Your life between her teeth
The other ones growling, hungry to rip your spine out if you really even  have one
Threw a one hundred dollar bill at her that night like her body was a commodity
Claws that will have you wishing you were already torn up
(b.n)

I've always been obsessed with bones

When i was only 10 years old i saw a beautiful woman with extremely skinny, long and straight legs.
I wanted to be like her.

As long as i can remember i've always looked at peoples collarbones.
My friends says i'm obsessed with bones.

"How many coins can you stack on your collarbones?
I can stack 23 on each.
Wanna see a picture?"

If you want to look skinnier,
push back your *** and lean a bit forward.
That way you'll appear to have a thigh gap.

When i get anxious,
i rub the places on my body where i can feel bones.
It calms me to know i still have them

If you want to lose weight.
Starving is a great idea.
Drink water to fill you up, and burn at least 800 calories a day.

When i feel sad, i hit myself.
I don't like cutting, not anymore.
Bruising is much better.
The bonier you are the faster you bruise.

Everyone relates to a skeleton.

i used to worry about my screen time
but that was before i had to worry about my scream time
then, screen time meant 'keep me clean time'
and now im left with no time.

you see - i keep telling myself its high time
that i stop dancing in this rhyme line
and start acting like its my time

that this life line
(that was actually a knife line)
is not something that i should want to see online.

I'm not sick, i don't have an eating disorder and i'm not getting "too thin"

It's not like i lose a lot of weight.. Maybe 3-4 pounds a week.
But then i gain it back and lose a little more the next time.

My demons laugh, everytime i resist a piece of food.
They're proud of me, cause i'm still standing. Even after being empty for so long.

I'm not sick, i don't have an eating disorder, and i'm not getting "too thin"
I'm becoming a better me

At least you're recovering they said
"At least you're better now"

Well.. If i'm better now.
Why do i write the same ****** poems as i did last year?
And why are they exactly tas depressing as the old ones?
Why do i wait for tears that won't roll?
And why do i listen to my playlist, that's filled with depressing songs about suicide?
And why do i weigh the same as i did a year ago?
Why do i think about razor blades and matches?

I'm not better now.
Actually i'm worse than before.
The only thing i'm good at is having nervous breakdowns and hurting myself.
But i keep lying to make you feel good, cause it makes you happy to know that i'm "better now"