So integral, this feeling
I can't make myself ignore it

The waves seep chill from off the wind
My thoughts, caught up in the current

I found the beauty in the lake
If only for a moment.

I ignored it for so long
But it's mine, just for a second

The calming wind over the lake
Caught in the skin of this horrid face

Scared and truly alone.

If I could only drift away...

i'm tired of
sounding like a
cliché
but probably even more
tired
of the fact that it's normal
to feel
what i feel
and to experience
what i have experienced

We are what we are
I am what I am

Nothing but a replica
Of imagined will
For all this effort
Scrapes don't fade
On porcelain skin

I am tired some days,
To hold it all inside,
To keep it all together.
'Cause how long do you think
Can it survive?
After a heart's being broken and shattered?

Sometimes I wish I could leave it all behind
Take away the power I've given people
To hurt me
And maybe then I can be free? 'Cause I've had it enough,
My insecurities **** me up,
Or maybe it's my fear of losing people
Is what I'm afraid of?

I know I ain't easy to love,
I know I'm complicated and ****** up.
But I wonder why do you still hold onto me,
Maybe 'cause you want to;
Or perhaps is it because,
I don't let go easy?

I hope someday I can get out of my misery;
Which I know in this world ain't easy.
I hope someday it won't be this hard,
And I can completely put down my guard.
Let my screams out;
And rest my tired heart.
//tired//
-Neha❤✨

I want to swallow myself whole
and feel this pain implode on itself.

I want to bite my flesh
and spit poison on the street.

I want to claw my face off
and look the way I feel: an old onion.

I want to die now
and take this weight off these tired feet.

Thinking is not doing,
Doing is doing,
And lately,
I have been thinking a lot,
And it gets in the way of doing,
Whenever I make myself do,
All I am missing is the rest,
And to stop, look, rest and think...

the fear
is suffocating
the anger
is motivating
the sadness
is paralyzing

what do you do
when you’ve been doing
your best
and it’s still
not enough?

what do you say
when you know you’re
beaten down
and nothing will
change their minds?

my eyes are tired
of being dry and puffy
my brain is tired of
feeling like cotton
nose is tired of stuffy
throat is tired of lumpy
but mostly i am
just tired

please
all i want
is silence
so complete
and still that
even the ringing
in my ears
quiets

just a little
bit of peace

to reestablish
a connection
from the crossed wires
between my ears

a warm
hazy feeling
beginning to
grow up through
my stomach and
sprout blooms
into my
chest cavity

i don’t want to
live on the run
anymore

on the run?
but all you do
is work and sleep

exactly
i’m on the run
from the rest
of my life

the only place i
feel at home anymore
is a little blue car with
his hand in mine

i’m safe there
we go places
that take me
away from it all

but i always have
to go and ruin it
don’t i?
muddy footprints
on the door
streaks on the window
balled up napkins
propelled by tears
and emotions
onto the floor

i don’t want to be
taken care of
i want to grow
unhindered
up the wall like
the ivy that climbs
fill the lawn of my life
with endless may violets

not the mat
in the floorboards
with trampled debris
of leaves and winter wet
under someone’s
cold feet

i am my own
worst critic
though not my
only critic

but i am the one
i must listen to
in the still after
i’ve locked the doors
i’m the one that
keeps myself from
complete
peace and quiet

i can understand
people and why
they might not
like me
but it’s harder
to understand
why i can’t
like myself

but please
oh please don’t
put me under
a public microscope
please don’t turn
the far side of this
counter into some
kind of fishbowl

because i swear
i am doing my best
but it’s hard and
i can’t handle the
feeling of being
watched

all i want is
peace and quiet
a house
that feels like home
to come back to
at the end of the day

and the only
vicious voice
i must fight
to be my own