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I've never done much more than ask
If you were sculpted from glass

I have asked if you're cracking
I have asked if you're chipped
Knowing that scratch was from where you tripped

Words are all I have
Words are all that I can use
That's why that question is what I always abuse

Are you okay?
Are you alright?
I wish I could be by your side this night

I don't have much left to give
I was dropped myself
The shattered mug that fell from the shelf

I cannot relate
My tears are not the same
I do not know how to remove your pain

You were intent on fixing me
You can't repair damage so archaic
That's why I'm now a beautiful mosaic

My shattered pieces were picked up
And smooth glass from the sea
That's why my mosaic is a different me

I have been broken and that's fine, but
You can't go on faking
Now that you're so close to breaking

I cannot mend you either
It could not be done with my mug
There's only so much to be done with a hug

I wish I could do more
I offer you only my words
My love is more pricey and ultimately hurts

So that's why I've never done more than ask
If you're okay to be made from glass
The one I care for is hurting and I'm to scared to withdraw because he might crumble. It's difficult to say if I'm holding onto him for him or for me and I don't want to let him break more because of me.
I have the heart of a racehorse
The second you are near.
You make me turn bright red
I slow my breathing out of fear.
My heartbeat is so loud
I don't want you to hear.

You affect me.
I feel like I've done an 100m dash.
Those brown eyes,
Smoulder like coals amongst ash.
They set fire to my soul,
I've never wanted to do something so brash...

Cold hands.
Warm heart.
A quiet word in my ear,
You make speaking an art.
After hours with you,
I can't bear to be apart.

I was stupid...
I pulled away.
It was for good reason and yet,
I will always hate the day
When I realised that
I am shattered clay.

I took such solace in simply
Sleeping on your shoulder.
You chased away nightmares
As my dreams grew colder.
I've never been more grateful
For my own knight-in-shining-armour.

But I can't let you mend me.
It isn't how I was made.
I don't know God's Plan,
All I know is that I can't fade.
It is not my time to leave this Earth
And make the soul trade.

It is a strange thing to realise too late
That you love someone.
You can't control it.
You got caught up in the fun.
Before you know it, time flies by
And you only know when it's done.

I've come to know
That I cannot just come up with a rhyme
To make this all feel better.
We were together for such a short time,
And yet, all I saw was a future together.
Thinking about this should be a crime.

I let you go,
A huge mistake.
And every time I remember,
My heart might just break
And I won't feel this again.
I know it isn't fake.

The more I remember
How things were,
The more I cry .
I thought I was so sure.
I miss you already...
You are my cure.

That isn't a good thing
Is that why I'm in pain?
I shouldn't have let you fix me
It was supposed to be my gain
But now you've gone and done it
That's why I'm standing in this rain.
I have a bad habit of making horrible decisions
this is what i've become
time has no meaning for me anymore
not enough hours in the day
and it's all your fault
you started the chain reaction
i am lucky to have a night without dreams
i blame you for my scarred soul
that would flicker like a candle in a breeze
in the wake of another bad dream

stemming from my broken heart
i am terrified to sleep
i want you to wake up crying like me
just to understand what you did to me
i'd like to see you do it
get your heart obliterated
but you've spread so many false feelings
i doubt that you have a heart to obliterate

that's all changing now
one single message
that's all it takes for me to smile
for the particles of my heart to solidify
and beat faster once more
that one single message
full of care, and true worry
for my sanity
for the darkening circles under my eyes
for me
i'm not so scared to sleep anymore

he rubs my knee while I snore
wakes me when i whimper or cry
his fingers drawing circles on my palm
make goosebumps explode over my skin
for once, i have pleasant dreams
hardly appropriate considering how
his kisses take me to another plane
those brown eyes make me weak
he's more than you could ever be
a gentleman
someone i can trust with my heart
and with my dreams

he's willing to wait for me
keep me safe
make me smile
i can't remember the last time I felt
let alone comfort from a boy's hug
i could sleep right there
on his shoulder
without a single care

but then

the odd night comes around
i finally get to sleep at a time
that's considered reasonable
you creep back into my dreams
to rip my heart out all over again
this time, i imagine him there
warm arms circle my waist
cold hands hold mine
my dreams melt away as my eyes focus
the dark makes it hard but
white eyelashes flutter on his face
as he tugs me closer
and smiles to himself
when i curl into him and close my eyes.
my fingers are leaden
my hands are sore
i never would have thought before
that you'd bring me so low
that there'd be no room to grow

my nails have been chewed to stubs
my stomach sinks to my feet
i finally admit defeat
you broke my heart
i wish I can go back to the start
and not press send or call you back
prevent each and every panic attack

my brain tells me no
and my heart aches for you
but you never believed it would be us two
you chose another
caused cracks to form under my skin
i never should have let you in

i crumpled like paper
my skin white as snow
now i know i was right to let you go
i never held on
i just released
you've left some pages of my life creased

it burned to breathe
my lungs were on fire
you dug my heart out with dull wire
it took so long to beat again
i wondered if i could take this pain
so all i could do was try to break the chains

things have begun to change
another came along
i have a new tune to my song
why are these things always so scary?
it means i'll never stop being wary
time for me to be brave

he has to pick up my broken shards
scattered here and there
i wasn't sure if he would care
once things went wrong
it seems that we belong
i wouldn't have read that in the cards

i'm only scared he cuts himself
trying to fix me
and he no longer will want the key
that stops me pulling back
that keeps me on track
because i am not worth it
This was written when I was closest to my lowest of lows and I edited it when things got better. I edited it again as things grew worse, but they've finally begun to level out. Sad thing is, some insecurities apparently never die...
Damp auburn leaves cling to my shoes.
A wind whistles through the wood,
Making a whirlwind of the waterfall's spray
And leaves flutter to the ground.
Cold sunlight filters through the trees,
Casting a soft green light over all
And now you are the only thing my eyes focus on.

Shaking hands clutch at my camera;
I want to capture the beauty of nature
Now that I can see everything.
Winter's shadow no longer has a hold over me.
I can see so much.
The way the cacti grows so intricately,
The way the tree root grew through rock.
And yet,
Looking through my camera roll,
All I find
Is photograph after photograph
Of you admiring the world.

It's not fair
How the sunlight hits your white eyelashes
And how your blonde hair barely fluttered in the wind.
It gives me butterflies when I look into your brown eyes
Just through the photograph that you never knew I took.
You were watching me,
Thinking that I wasn't watching you.
How could I not?

And those brown eyes
The colour of loam
The kind that is always warm
That is always soft
I stand in the garden with my feet buried in that soil.
When you want to kiss me
Then your eyes go dark
As if it has just rained on that loamy ground.
Petrichor is my new favourite smell.

My body reacted whenever your skin brushed mine.
When you grabbed my elbow to support me.
I thought I might fall
And not because I tripped,
But because you turn my insides to jelly
Just at your touch.
It's too late to catch me...
I'm already falling,
Falling for you.

It makes my cheeks burn when I remember,
When I remember how you kissed me
And what you reduced me to.
A stuttering firetruck with sweaty palms,
But I find some comfort
In the fact that I can make your heart beat faster
Just by being near you.
It scares me, that I could have any hold over you.
I didn't believe that I could have done that at all,
And here I am, lying on your chest,
Listening to your heart beat.
It doesn't lie.

You melted the ice that encased my heart
Like a warm summer sun.
Your cold hands brought warmth to my bones.
I've never experienced heat like this,
It's making me want more than I should.
I am terrified to get too close to you,
You might burn me.
I have never met someone so careful with matches
You don't let them burn your fingers or mine.
I feel different with you,
And it looks like for the better.

I've never felt so alive
So on fire
Electricity courses through me
When your lips brush mine.
I feel a static crackle around us
And it snaps and coils.
The energy dissipates.
I have to pull away,
I feel like I've gone too far too fast.
I've been burned
And I still crave more heat.

My hands have gone cold
Yours feel warmer
You have a part of me now
To keep you warm, come Winter.
I left nothing for myself.
Now I'm a dry Autumn leaf
That fluttered to the ground
Only to be crushed underfoot.
I can't put my finger on it
Even though I've distanced myself
Like the Winter from the Summer
I'm still so drawn to you,
Drawn to your warmth.
Is it that I'm cold
Or that I know I'll never come so close to Summer again?
an erratic story for my erratic love
you spilled coffee all over my heart
making it beat faster
at the sound of your name
it burned
i did not complain
it gave me energy to get through
the day

your mug was so hot
the coffee scalding my tongue
now i cannot taste anything else
you burned your way to my stomach
which bubbles like boiling water
at the thought of your smile
and it leaves me to wonder
if my coffee is too

coffee rings
all over my desk
all over my heart
the coasters from my brain are unused
you left a coffee ring on my desk
while i waited for you to call me back
the caffeine
the only thing keeping my tearful eyes open

my teeth are stained brown
because of my addiction
and so is my soul
the energy you gave me
never lasted long enough
the caffeine crash
whenever you forgot to reply
for days

you started off as bitter
and difficult to swallow
i never thought that
one day
i would be so addicted to you
all my friends are telling me
about the new brand
it would leave a better taste in my mouth
and its foam is a

i never considered it
you decided that
i was not your cup of tea
and you switched
to the tall glass of
it was then that i realised that
your ***** mugs would stain my desk
because i'm not strong enough
to wash them clean and forget
your smell

but the time has come
to try something
maybe the new brand of coffee
will never burn me
or make my eyes water
but you kept my body going for
so long
and now i'm not sure why i was ever addicted
to you

— The End —