You thought you'd left the days of make believe behind by the time you were nine.
And yet, years later, here you are
making yourself believe you'll be okay
so you can make your baby believe the same.
Somewhere along the way,
we seem to correlate imagination
with maturity.
But what if it has less to do with growing up and more to do with surviving?
What if it's a defense mechanism?

Then, at the abyss,

a flame shoots up from us, licked --


by the total fire.

Dear death,
I have dropped the rope
I have crossed the road
I am at the other side
Where I see life,
As I have always known
With struggles although
But I won't break.
I'll live and thrive
Until my body is weak
And my soul you seek
Till then,

With love and light,
I choose life again

the goal was to survive.
but the dream was to live.
I was ready to give it my all.
I just had to stay alive.
then, one day, my whole world came crashing down.
first, I lost someone I loved.
then, I lost myself.
cutting through my grief,
the demons in my head suggested I was better off dead.
but another voice said "you know that's not true."
that's when I remembered.
she always told me
"the goal is to survive but the dream is to live."
I was ready to give up.
but if it means I can keep her dream alive,
I will live. I will survive.