like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon
I raise my own tattered wings to the sky
cursing the inadequacies,
throwing away all doubts,
shedding my second skin of half-truths
thrown into my head
by words so keen on my own destruction.
by time that had stopped for three hundred days.
by a pen that seemed never ending,
inhibiting the thoughts within my head.

with a new smile in my eyes
I take a newfound strength in my arms,
lift up my wings
and bring myself into a new flight.

The leaves
were lime green -
it was a pretty colour

They swayed
and danced and talked
in the wind

Life was
beautiful for them
and because of that

it was beautiful for me

--- TRIGGER WARNING: themes related to ****** trauma ---


I'm sipping you sweet,
Sweetly.
Tangy, sugary, sappy tastes,
All dancing around my tongue
When you kiss me.
The straw is going to hit the bottom soon,
And croak as it scrapes the plastic.

How long is it gonna last?
How long is it gonna take
To find a new and fresh faced gal?
When I've grown boring and dull,
You'll think back
To when you asked if I'd be okay with a third person,
And I said no.
You'll shake your head,
Wondering how youthful passion passed so soon.
Who knew a life with the little trauma *****
Wouldn't always stay happy?

I want to do that for you,
I really do.
I want to give you freedom in love,
And the kind of affection
That you've been craving your entire life.
I can't though - my mind goes back every time.
It circles round and round,
Synapses resonating,
Until my occipital's eye rolls forward
To watch the memory reel yet again.

I'm folded under my loft bed's sheets,
Laying on my back,
And watching my thumbs type myself to my knees.
I'm scared,
But the desperation for affirmation is stronger.
So I do it, even though I don't want to.
I do it because they're telling me to.
I do it because even though I'm not there,
My body is physically responding.
It grieves the death of my innocence.

Performative bisexuality -
Kissing girls in front of men
Who don't give a **** about me.
This is what I associate
With two and one making three.
So that’s why I can’t do that for you.

Due to the aches in my skull,
I'm chaining your wrists to mine.
That's hardly fair though,
And I feel like I'm being cruel.
Seriously, why should you have to care?
Why should you have to care
About the time I was so lonely
That I fed myself to pigs?

Yet I know that you do care,
But I still feel guilty.
I still fear that our summer will eventually end.
We can only share one cup of this sugary stuff
For so long.
What will you drink
When it runs out?

Winter fell like a short man's thing—
Too fast and well for us to see:
A gold-ring'd tool that mends the bell
And sets the fall of snowflakes free:

And autumn drained its leaf too quick,
Its tepid branch gives one no fun:
And almost brown the eyes could trick
When stars themselves spill out no sun.

And spring had sprayed such bad delight
In flowers eyes cannot see well,
And plants and trees sit back uptight
While sneezes mark the seasons well:

Now summer's here in aftertaste,
In sweat of bosoms and bricks nigh:
And oozings out of all man's face
That roams this earth thereon by.

summer love
and your glacier eyes
grass stains
on silken skin
with the taste of july
staining our lips,
one look from you
and i'm on my knees
drunk on your kiss
each lie sweeter
than dandelion wine.

one hankers for summer's return
to again feel a warmer burn
the balmy touch shall so elate        
basking in the sun's genial sate

oh depart gelid winter song
you've tarried around far too long
come back one's most favoured mate
basking in the sun's genial sate

in time one's yearing shall subside
on a change to the season's tide  
one awaits until that choice date
basking in the sun's genial sate  

one hankers for summer's return
basking in the sun's genial sate

I laid in bed all day
I can't be here any longer
I wake up just to stare
At my face for a minute in the mirror

I'm travelling 'cross
The miles stretched across my face
And the marathon my fingers run
Across my expanding body

And in my dreams while i'm awake
I see this brown haired girl
Even though there is no face
I know that she is beauty and grace
And while i drive
I hold the hand
Of someone who does not exist
And taste the smell
Of somebody who only lives inside
The cracks of my brain

And maybe she is me
Cause i'm the only one
So far that could love myself
As much as I deserve
And I deserve more