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abi Aug 2018
I want this be heard
It’s so much more than just a word
Or punctuation,
It’s a clarification.

For people who lost hope,
Were searching for rope.
People whose best friends
Were blades that could have been the end.

Searching for purpose starts
With a beating heart,
And for every heartbeat through the pain,
That’s a heartbeat that you gain.

Stay alive, it’s worth it, I promise.
Stay alive for me.
Stay alive for yourself.
Just stay alive.

;
Go
Please let me leave,
I'm ready to go
Into the vast wilderness
Of life undone
By my own frail hands
I watch my story
In monochrome
Radiating in my head
Like radio waves
Playing a funeral song,
A melancholy melody
Written in a language
Only I can speak
This is a poem about having suicidal urges and tendencies. I've lived with mental illness for a very long time, and suicide has affected myself, and many people close to me, so it is an issue that is very close to my heart.
IamThatGirl May 2018
after 14 years of bullying and abuse,
mentally ill she seeks a thrill,
she seeks validation from anyone in this wide nation,
she just wanted some good attention,
to relief some of that tension,
she just wanted a friend,
but her autism made it hard to comprehend.

It started out so innocent,
she could not see his intent,
he moved in slow and calm,
he had her in the palm of his hand,

they finally met and behind all of the distress
she felt like he ment well
then it all turned around and became hell

he wasn´t  who he said he was,
and the girl ran out of all her luck,
forcing her into submission,
he could do whatever he wanted,
bewitching - her with charm and kind words,
that innocent girl turned against the world,

the depression got worse,
and in the end she just wanted to purge,
she wanted it gone,
her family, her school the world,
she was alone,
nobody to her support,

and as the days grew old,
she made another attempt on her life,
she succeeded,

that´s how I wish It would have ended sometimes
but I kept going,
I held my head high,
I am not that innocent anymore,
and my soul is forever sore,

I´m still fighting my demons every day,
and I will for the rest of my life,
until I finally hit the hay.
just kinda of a summery of how I became a victim of **** for the first time at the age of 14. I don´t even remember how maybe times it has happend since that first time. But thankfully I´m away from all of that now.
IamThatGirl May 2018
My life would be so much better, if you just dropped dead,
because staring into your eyes makes me see red,
for all that you have done,
and all the hurt that you have caused,
you would think the beating would be the worst,
but its always the words that hit the hardest,
and its not like I had a helping father,

living in a middle class house,
driving in a middle class car,
my mother sat the bar,
and she raised it up too far,

so everything was to look perfect,
I was supposed to smile,
I was supposed to make it worth it,
I was supposed to be perfect,

so what happens next,
Its not like I passed all her test,
I passed none,
i was to much and she was too strong,

I still feel her beatings on my face,
but that´s not what ended me up in this place,
because her words hit the hardest,
she said she regretted the adoption,
and with every second the words always hit harder,

because I tried my very best to be perfect,
but with insomnia, ADHD, Asperger and more,
it was like glass shattered beneath my feet with each step,
and all I ever wanted was to be like the rest.
IamThatGirl May 2018
I did it good, I did it all,
I tried my best and I threw that ball,
I went to school, I did my job,
I worked my *** of even tho math was a flop,

I brush my teeth and I go to sleep,
but suddenly I´m wide awake,
nothing works not even counting sheep,
and I´m yet again loosing faith,

I can lay in bed for hours,
I realize that I have no real power,
so I shove a pill down my throat,
I´m ready for sleep I´m stoked

but all it does is make me dizzy,
and I´m getting cranky and pissy,
it has been like this a few days in a row,
and I want to get out of this deep dark hole,

suddenly I cant bring myself to school,
doing anything is a mess,
my bodys getting weaker,
and I´m collapsing underneath the stress,

I´m trying pill after pill but nothings working,
some makes me drunk,
others just makes me thirsty,

after hours of hours,
days and hot showers,
my memory is fading,
the room is once again shading,

I´m putting my my head on the bed,
lights go out,
and I´m finally at rest.
I´m a serious insomniac, and I am a really rare rare case because of my adhd, I have had insomnia since I was born. I was born with it. Sometimes it feels like I´m always awake, and I am also always alone
IamThatGirl Apr 2018
just breath, in and out
surround yourself with peace all around,
but when time stops and the instincts kick in,
that is when the horror story begins,
first I get cold and I feel so old,
then I get numb and feel like i´m suddenly dumb,
my mind turns to a cloud and all the sounds are so loud,
I start to shake violently like an earthquake,
remember to breath everyone always tells me,
but its hard when you loose all control,
and people telling you what to to gets so old,
panic setting in and there is really no words to describe the
stress i´m in.
either I ill finally calm down or I will collapse lifeless to the ground,
and what was the cause of all this horror?
I don´t know but I will wake up and go on like there is no tomorrow.
Im trying to gt in contact with the cause of my extream anxiety. And Im trying to word the feelings out to get a greater knowledge and hopefully work with it i therapy and make it a little better. My challenge to my next meeting is to be able to sit still in a chair without distracting myself for 20 seconds at the 20 second mark is usually when I start to hyperventilate. Wish me luck
Kimberley Feb 2018
every forty seconds
a family cries
friends mourn
people wonder why

every forty seconds
a life is lost
every forty seconds
someone has had enough

people want answers
" why didn't they ask for help? "
but they did,
the signs were there
but they were ignored
people don't care until it's too late

every forty seconds
lives are changed
destroyed forever
is there a note?
a reason why?

one death, EVERY FORTY SECONDS
statistical numbers are climbing
when will people realize this is a growing problem?

stop.
give a kind word
or two.
lend a hand
you may save life and lower the statistics.
every forty(40) seconds someone dies by suicide. let's help to make a change. reach out and help. we are our brothers and sisters keepers
Grace Spellman Jan 2018
please put the blade down, put the alcohol down, put the pills back in the bottle, put the rope back in the garage, put the belt back on the rack, put the gun back in the safe, and throw that note away. instead, pick up the phone and call someone you love, pick up the pen and paper and write how you feel, call 1-800-273-8255, cry it out, punch a pillow, go hug your parents. because let me tell you, as tempting as it is, death is not the answer. you may think you're doing everyone a favor; you may think everyone is better off, but honey that's just not true. your friends will search for you in everyone new they meet, they will search for a laugh that sounds like yours or a joke that sounds like one you would tell or a personality that even slightly resembles yours, in hopes to catch a glimpse of you. they will think of you during the day and will dream of you at night. they will think of every single thing you have ever said to them and wonder what they missed, what they could have done better and why things are as ****** up as they are. your mom will be completely broken. every piece of her heart will be scattered along, all over the place. your dad will shut down emotionally, wondering what more he could've taught you and wondering if he was really that bad of a father. please understand you will break more hearts than you think youd be saving. losing you will put clouds over peoples heads and bitterness and grief in their hearts. please, do not do it. do not take away the most precious thing you own. your life. please. you are worth so much more. someone out there loves you.
someone loves you. if you feel you cant talk to anybody PLEASE pm me on here. please please please please please.
rest in peace jd.
Grace Spellman Jan 2018
pulling up to the lot, walking up to the doors
every instinct in me is yelling, screaming for me not to go inside
right in the front of the room, is a picture of you
the person we all knew: a jokester, an easy going, happy person
or so we thought
your friends are all crying, you can see the heartbreak on their faces
and i dont really like crying in public, so i try to hold back
but the tears wont keep themselves contained; they demand to be let out
i meet your mom for the first time, and wow does she look just like you
i smile for her, try to suppress the true emotions im feeling for her
cause god knows how she must be feeling right now
i see you inside the casket, and my stomach drops as i remember the first time we talked, the last time we talked, and everything in between
i wonder if i missed a signal or a sign that couldve clued me in to how you were truly feeling inside
and before i know it, it's my turn to say goodbye for the last time
but i cant stay there long; i cant look at you too deeply because truthfully i dont see you. i see an empty shell, a clone, a fake of what is supposed to be you but simply isnt you.
we hug everyone goodbye
we tell each other to be safe and that we'll be in touch soon
and then we leave
and that is all.
suicide doesnt end the pain, simply spreads it. never be scared to reach out for help. someone loves you. rest in peace jd, we miss you.
Lily Oct 2017
The girl in the hallway,
You always assume she's alright,
Hides her face in the pillows,
She cries herself to sleep at night;

The boy on the track team,
He just won the team race,
You assume he's obviously happy,
But he wears a fake smile on his face;

You come home to see your sister,
Slipping away to her bedroom,
Doesn't speak a word,
You assume she is tired from the day,
Only little do you know,
Her twelve-year old self downs a hand-full of pills to take the pain away;

Torment surrounds you although you are unaware,
Chaos and rage flood through the streets,
Yet no one speaks up to seek prayer;

Your own family fell to infinite pieces,
When you believed your dad was just asleep;
Not knowing a part of him was sick deep inside,
Every night he went out to get high,
Seeking to escape his real life,
How would you ever know,
All you ever knew were his pretty white lies,
You always pictured him a happy man,
His hurt was exposed shortly after he died;

The world holds many secrets,
Most of which none want to know,
In a world full of lies,
How will you ever hear someone's true cries?
In a world full of lies,
Holds pounds of pain upon pain,
Holding you captive to death with nothing to gain.
In a world full of lies,
Mistrust becomes common,
Yet no ones cares to change the problem

Stuck in this with only ourselves to blame,
Revolving continuously in a world of lies,
People search for death to ease their pain,
No sprout of life comes from living this way

Look around and notice the need,
Silent screams for revival roar with plead,
Learn to extend a hand, or two;
You never know what a little kindness can do.

You could change tear drops to warm hearts,
Then watch deaths transform into new life;
The work of true love restores truth to the world,
For the world full of lies finally has no place to take hold.
Be aware of others and the way the act and live, lives are important and should not taken for granted. This writing is meant to put you in perspective of how even the people you are around every day, struggle to live and keep up with life, even if they hide the pain. Show kindness in every situation, it may be all someone has left to hold onto.
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