This place, with its cold white walls and it's sterile gray speckled floors.
The nurses take my mouth that cusses far too often as a sign I'm on some kind of drugs, I guess. When I answer the question about what kind of medicine I take they look at me with questions in their eyes when I say "none."
I know that the bruises on my body look bad. I'm malnourished, okay. I don't have time to eat. Need more potassium. I don't shoot up ****** or snort pills. I just take ibuprofen like a normal person.
My head is spinning. But not like normal. Like it's taking me twenty minutes to write this ******* poem. I feel like passing out.
And the doctor will see you now, at the cost of 1,000 dollars to sit in this dumb bed.
I hate our healthcare system.
Why do hospitals feel so much like your trapped in their walls? And so little like they're actually out to help you.

empty bottles,
shattered glass,
blood lying on the floor,
What have we done?

slowely I open my eyes again,
The light is to bright,
What have we done?
I feel so sick.

There is old blood sticking on my bare skin
What have we done?
I can't remember,
My mind doesn't seem to work.

What have we done?
I grave for more,
I want to fill the emptiness in my heart,
Want once again feel your touch.

my mind is corrupted,
My heart is empty,
I tried to fill it with drugs and pain,
What have we done?

The floor need to be cleaned,
I need to get clean,
What have we done?
We were so despaired.

Our hearts were so empty,
What have we done?
we didn't see.
we didn't care.

What have we done?
filling our empty hearts with liquor and xtc,
like that could take away the loneliness,
we had in our broken hearts.

what have we done?
I ask myself as I see the bottles and the blood,
And your slowly cooling body lying next to me,
What have we done?

Here I was overthinking everything
It's a bit selfish of me really
I need to expand my mind
Think of others
What they're doing
What may be masking their thoughts right now
You won't fall in love with another girl over there
I've been reading my journal today of old times with you
The memories we shared
The conversations we had
How you'd protect me and make sure I was safe
Never let me sleep until I was alright again
Solve my problems for me
Help me
Give me a hand with even little silly things
Help me see the light
Show me that it's not as bad as it may seem
Show me that sometimes my perspective isn't the only perspective and help me to see through other people's eyes
You've helped me with everything
And I'm eternally grateful
The way you look at me
The way you hug me
The way you've held my hand
The way you put your arms around me to keep me safe
I'm silly for ever forgetting that
Re reading these memories
Brought tears to my eyes
Happy tears
Because I finally realised
My mind is being silly
It's because I miss you
I overthink these things
Your extremely busy
And I forgot that
Good luck for your competition in an hour
You'll do great
Can't wait to see you again soon
And have a safe trip on Tuesday
Much love
:) x

Through hands a mess of particles
sliding and caressing towards it's origin.
what is the point of this…

In the vast expanse of desert.
A cold breeze leaves the mind withered.
The heart is left hollow, serene.

Alone the black seemed all consuming.
In time it envelops like satin sheets.
Oblivion turned comforting.

But this wasteland is but a mirage.
Beyond the brink is a skewed wall of glass.
Beyond the glass is a pulsing organism.
An anomaly in itself reveling in chaos.
Bringing in colors of light and shadow.
What would happen if it is let through?
Wild and exotic creatures could frolic
Vegetation can bring color to the atmosphere.

But would this hide away the Abyss?

Is this desert the reflection of death?
or is this just an illusion made by this glass?
it’s all so confusing behind these walls.

…unnecessary actions to partake in.
the particles have been gone for some time now.
maybe I’ll buy some pizza tonight.

she looked at me with those big wide innocent eyes..again,
i cried,
im crying!
she doesn't care..
what a *****..
she doesn't ******* care!
i'm falling hard..
again.
im falling for her..
again.
i'm breaking to pieces..again.
im dying again for her.

I am a dog, I am naked and alone.
I'm not the only one.
This is it, my expensive 11 square feet
I like to call my empty home.
I guess there's something to be said
For this "stupid dog" who will never *EVER
Get to "see anyone" real but might just get
The lucky joy of being ******!

You don't understand
The way I think

When I'm with you
I seem to shrink

I don't think you get
The way I feel

Your hate eats me up
Like some kind of meal

And when we hang out
I'm so afraid

That your new victim
Will be my name

"You're stupid," you said
Straight to my heart

So when I see you
I fall apart

So just be gentle
With my broke heart

Not that it matters
You make it fall apart.

As I sit here & look back
I should've walked out that door
Instead I stayed & slowly began to crack
In reality I need & deserve more
Month after month, hour after hour
It was my heart I let you devour
As you swept me off my feet
It didn't feel like a game
You fooled me being so sweet
My heart took the blow & you're to blame
I made such a huge mistake
I wonder if this was a devious plan
To see how long I'd stay & all the ******* I'd take
You were good at pretending to give a ****
I'll give credit when credit is due
You managed to pollute my head with fake love, I had no clue
I'm glad it finally ended
A relationship not worth repair
& over time my heart has mended
You're not even a friend, but you don't care
SO THIS IS TO YOU:
We are definitely, definitely THROUGH!